Aldous Huxley wrote something that interested me in Brave New World. "One of the principle functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies." I find this to be true. Its not a conscious idea, or anything, but sometimes I enjoy embarrassing a friend, or making them look stupid. I know that others do it to me too. When I think about it, I'm ashamed. I really don't want my friends to be hurt, why do I get such satisfaction out of it? Of course, I never want them to get hurt to a point at which people pity them, because then I'd be jealous. I'm a horrible human being.

Tonight I spent time with Marisa, Katie, Liz and Pat. We ended up stargazing (I spotted a satellite!) and talking. I was weirded out for a split second when Marisa and I shared similar stories of being caught by the police while at the park after hours with Jeff. But the stories weren't too similar anyway, and I'd rather forget both of them happening. Its odd to have watch people leave for school again. This summer I managed to become comfortable with certain friends, and soon they'll be gone. I never got to be part of that "leaving in the fall" thing either. I didn't go to school last fall, and this year, I'll be staying local. To tell you the truth, I don't think much about school. I'm not exactly sure when my first day is. I checked yesterday, but I've already forgotten. Either the 26th or 29th. My mind is elsewhere.

I've been excited about the DCFC concert, but as it turns out, I might see Jason Mraz next week, so something good is coming even sooner than October! I don't like having to look really far in the future for good news. Earlier this summer, I was pumped about late August, for obvious reason, but this past month I've had this knot in my stomach and I don't think its going to leave. Thats okay though.

There is one constant in my life, and that is me. I like myself now. In fact, I like myself more than anyone on this planet, save for Jeff Corwin, Penelope Cruz, and Jeff.... And I might be tied with Ayumi... No, I like myself a bit more than her. Don't get this confused with the list of people that are obviously better than me, because there are about a million on that one! There are also a million people that I would rather be than myself as well, at the top of that one: Jeff Corwin. But I enjoy the time spent only with myself, and I enjoy my thoughts, and my secrets. Now, truth be told, I would still probably commit suicide if something happened to my right hand. When I say "I like myself", I mean that I like myself with abilities that only my right hand can grant. Without them, I'm pretty much a lazy bitch with no point in life. True, no? Ewww, I hate when people call themselves bitches....

I can't wait to be done with (or quit) college. When I'm all grown up, I am not going to invest in a house (ever), and I will (hopefully) not have a car either. All of my money will go towards travel, and the expenses involved. I've planned much of it with my dads help. If anthropology works out, it will go a long way towards a future of travelling the world. If it all works out this way, I won't want kids, nor will I have sufficient funds for them. Marriage? I dunno.... If I had my choice, I would happily never fall in love again. Seriously. I know its not something I can chose, but if it were, I'd spend the rest of my life alone. I love being by myself. But if I do fall in love in the distant future, I'll probably get married because I have a really hard time trusting people without some sort of serious expressed commitment. And its all so complicated, I'd rather travel the world alone and devote my energy towards work. God, it would be the perfect life. And right now, it seems so attainable. Where do I go wrong? I always predict I'll be somewhere in the future, and when I get there, my life is the exact opposite.

Its been fun hanging out with Jessica and working on our movie. Went putt putt golfing with her family and their new foreign exchange student, Ivan. He's sweet. I suck at mini golf to the extreme. For our movie we went to East Lansing, at we met some interesting characters there. Fun stuff. A very nice (looking^_^) guy, Nate, was really interested in our movie, and asked to come to the showing. I think he thought we were MSU students, not an unreasonable guess. Jessica was funny, she was like, "I bet they all thought we were college students, we sure fooled them! They don't know we're just in high school." Ha. We're not in high school. And haven't been in quite some time.

Well, my computer broke (I'm using the family one) and it won't be back for a week or so. Piss on that.