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September 30 2002
Whatever words I say, I will always love you

I have recently formed this strange sort of "obsession" with a boy at my school. No, I do not have a crush on him, I'm not even interested in dating for a while. He's just very intriging and I enjoy observing him during class. It all started last week when I had this really long dream and he was in it, and in my dream he was so friendly and funny and smart. He's sorta been in all my dreams, but I hardly even know the guy. He seems very pensive and artistic, which is very much a plus, but I think he might be a football player and I do not respect the people that he hangs around. Hmmm.... Anyways, I wrote him a note today, a very strange anonymous note, and I asked him some "thinking" questions. I want to know if he is really smart. Prolly not. Most guys aren't. Most girls aren't either.

"Wowee wow wow!" Ah, funny memories! Well, it turns out that I can sorta read minds. I know what people are thinking about when they think that they're being real mysterious like. Fuck that. I've suddenly become all about honesty. Geez. Look who's talking. I've lied to every person that I've met, and I'm fake. But I can't take anymore more lying from others. Lying includes the with holding of important information, thoughts and feelings. Some say that I've been too honest lately, so here's your chance. If you wanna know what I really think of you, call (989) 224 4302. It may not last for long.

It sucks having one cat. It hasn't really sunk in yet. Maybe she'll come back. Yeah right. "I'll be glad ta see ya later." So much has changed, so many people have changed, and once again I have that fricken paranoia thing going on where I can't trust anyone. How could I? Ryan thinks everyone changes when they go to college. I thought about this. Alex changed, but I don't care because I think I like his college version more. Greg changed for the worst. I wonder how I'll change when I leave. Its kinda weird, because I don't think I have much of a stable character right now. Maybe I'll develop one when I throw my old life away. Maybe I'll start a totally new life and isolate myself with anything having to do with St. Johns. Somehow I doubt that I could be that cold, I might kinda miss some people.



listening to: "Lovesong" - The Cure