This is my story.
My name is Fay and I was a Police Officer for 9 years.
The remaining 3 years of my career,
I was subjected to bullying from my so called colleagues/friends.
I was good at my job, knew what I was doing and was studying for promotion.
The 'problem' being my immediate Line Manager and the Manager above him.
Both shared the view that there was no place for women
in the police force, except to make the tea and clean the desks.
To cut a 'very long story short' ... over a period of time,
I noticed a pattern of behaviour
developing towards me from these individuals and my colleagues.
My shifts would change at the drop of a hat,
I would be given remedial postings;
postings that colleagues of junior service would not even get.
I was belittled in front of colleagues and members of the public.
I would be on the receiving end of personal comments regarding my appearance;
I was one of the few police officers that retained her femininity.
Daily I would be pushed further and further out of the 'circle',
often working alone while others would be working together.
If you dared complain the response would be "can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen"/
"can't take a joke, shouldn't have joined the job".
I was subjected to jealous comments from the
female colleagues I worked with, whom stuck together.
At first one or two comments/behaviour you can handle, and I could give as well as I could get.
But after a while you do notice the pattern of behaviour and began to
note 'behaviour' on a daily basis.
Bare in mind this was near enough on a daily basis for the last 3 years.
I was excluded from 'social events',
that the female officers would openly arrange & talk about in the canteen to make sure I heard.
Slowly but surely, 'they' stole my confidence from me.
I had no belief in myself to even carry out the most basic of tasks.
I stopped studying, withdrew into myself and
just existed in the working environment.
I gave myself a post-mortem thinking...
'could it have been something I had said or done?'
Which was a straight NO!
The bullying 'click' were all part
and parcel with the line managers.
I went to the Personnel Department direct, and spoke to the resource manager at length.
I put my grievances/evidence
to him on paper - and the rest is history.
As a result of this, I was ostracised, point blank.
If anything, the complaining solidified my colleagues alliances towards each other,
which made life for me very difficult.
Bearing in mind these were people that I would have to call upon,
in work if I required 'Immediate Assistance' on the street.
I was told that if I did call
'they' would take a little while getting to me -
VICTIMISATION.
I did have witnesses to my treatment, but 'they' would not speak out,
in fear of being subjected to what I had been -
VICTIMISATION.
I went to my Dr's whom signed me off with stress.
A BIG TABOO sickness!
Stress went into depression and I went onto antidepressants.
I had to see a psychiatrist to 'ensure' my depression
had been caused by the atrocious treatment within the police
and not 'something' from my childhood!
What nerve!!
The result of this nightmare - I am now no longer a serving officer.
My career has in affect been taken from me.
Any ambition or drive I had died the moment I left the "service". But.....
I know as a result of my actions, 'certain' policies within that Police Force had to be changed.
I DO NOT for one moment regret
speaking out and am proud of the fact that I
did not 'roll over' and put up with the
intolerable behaviour, just to 'get on'.
The bottom line was my peers felt threatened by me.
I was a female in the force, with a tongue in her head.
I had retained my femininity in a male dominated profession,
and never conformed to what 'they' wanted me to be.
I had ambition and guts and was good at my job -
something my peers had a real problem with because they were lazy.
The female officers' were consumed with jealousy
of the way I looked and also felt threatened.
My parting shot from an 'extremely high ranking officer' said
that he could see this happening to me because I was a
"young, attractive female with balls".
Dictaphone springs to mind.
Bullies are weak, not clever.
They often 'pick' on the 'victim' when no-one else is there to witness the behaviour.
On the occasions I had a witness to the behaviour from the 'bullies',
they were part of the 'click' or were coerced into turning 'that blind eye'.
I am 100% happier now and stress has reduced by at least 80%!!
What I have experienced has not been easy. Has at times tested my sanity.
It has been exhausting, mentally and physically,
BUT I did it and I am still here.
I am a much stronger person and immensely wiser.
I take every day as it comes.
I am no longer on antidepressants but I'm taking sedation at night time to help me 'switch off'.
I have had such great support from my husband.
It has been difficult for him too, to witness 'all' of this.
It has tested our marriage, but that was one thing I would not let this awful experience achieve -
to allow it to break down our marriage.
He has been 'my rock', my strength and above all
he 'believed' in me when I lost all belief in myself.
Fay.
graphics by
Celtic Heart Creations
