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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - at nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Please don't think that I'll continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no "secret exit" from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there, and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is: 1.) kiss me, 2.) THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it *fur*-niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because:
1. They eat less
2. They don't ask for money all the time
3. They're easier to train
4. They normally come when called
5. They never ask to drive the car
6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. They don't smoke or drink
8. They don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. They don't want to wear your clothes
10.They don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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Web site and design created by Cheryl (a.k.a. "Cinnaminn").
Originally created 12 May 2006 and updated as of 25 Oct. 2007.
Guestbook courtesy of HTML Gear. Some graphics courtesy of Lacefairy. 
