“He’s completely convinced that it’s true love . . . He’s willing to lay down and die for her . . . She’s his world. Clem can’t comprehend that it’s a trick. Partly because of her, but also because he’s so desperately lonely. That’s what drew her to him . . . ”


A lamia: A kind of legendary female vampire, generally held to be stunningly attractive and highly dangerous to males and children. A lamia can also be used to refer to any female bloodsucker. According to one legend, lamia was the queen of Libya, whose children were slain by the goddess Hera and who, in revenge, thereafter roamed the world, sucking the blood of infants. Other traditions state that in the ancient world she was a species of demon, with the power to remove her eyes and a desire to entice men to their deaths, usually by devouring them in a most gruesome fashion. The lamiae (plural) were also called larvae and lemures, sometimes confused with the empusa and used by nannies to frighten unruly children. Horace wrote of a lamia in his Ars Poetica. The lamia has been the inspiration for female vampires throughout literary history, such as Keat’s “Lamia”, Whitley Strieber’s Miriam Blaylock in The Hunger, and J. N. Williamson’s series of novels featuring Lamia Zacharius.

The Lamiae are exclusively female, and it is believed that there are no more than between three and nine of them in existence. No one knows how they engender their race—for they do not feed on the mere blood of a mortal, but upon his very life-essence, and these mortals invariably perish or commit suicide. This has lead to speculation that they are truly immortal, and either unable or unwilling to beget progeny. Simply put, a Lamia will target a mortal and form a supernatural bond with this intended “lover.” Once the bond is sanctified by a marriage ritual, the mortal begins to die. The Lamia begins the process of slowly draining the life-force from her target—a process that may take up to decades. This unholy matrimony, while obviously ultimately destructive, grants a tremendous boon to her lover, for to be wed to a Lamia is to be in the permanent graces of a muse. From the bond with the Lamia springs forth a font of divine inspiration, a creative flow that floods the lover and causes him to produce poetry and prose that far exceeds his previous work. Another benefit to the lover, of course, is the rapturous act of feeding. Unlike other vampires, a Lamia loses only one blood point a week, so she needs to drink less often than her vampiric cousins. When she does feed, it is always with her mortal lover—and the act of feeding is erotically charged far beyond the sphere of any mortal sex. These twin addictions—the wellspring of inspiration and the dark bliss of sexual fusion—are enough to ensure that her lover will cleave to her scaled bosom . . . until death does him part.

Breaking a marriage with a Lamia is possible, but very difficult. Legend has it that there are only a precious few ways to sever the bond. The most common story is that of a magic fountain or well, located high in the Alps and kept well-hidden. Drinking from its waters will dissolve the marriage. Another story tells of a spear of white gold deep in the Amazon which can shatter the wedding ring. Other rumors exist on how to break the vow, most of them involving near-impossible acts or arcane artifacts. One of the Dead Sea Scrolls supposedly relates that a flower grows once every century, each time in a different part of the world. Plucking this flower will break the vow. Standing in the shadow of a virgin harlot cast against the Wailing Wall will also free a mortal from the Lamia, as will finding the right letter amongst all the books in the Library of Alexandria. Of course, there is always suicide.

A Lamia who is divorced, whether through magic or suicide, is forced to grieve as a spurned wife for seven times seven years, so one can see that the Lamia wish to keep the secrets of divorce well hidden. . . .


Cast of Characters:

Clem: post-Monkees era Mike clone
Morgan: Clem’s lamia ‘wife’
Tristan: Cin’s Micky clone husband
Nezi: post-Monkees Mike clone who is the Jedi-like abbot of the Zen temple
BB: 2001 Peter clone
Oogie: Nez/Gump clone from the ‘97 ABC special
Animal: Tarzan-ish Peter clone
Opal: Micky White clone
Hoss: Hoss Cartwright physician clone
Armando: Clem’s twin brother




*Clem’s cabin is dark and quiet*
NEZI: *pulls his long robes a little tighter around himself and climbs the porch, knocking on the door*
CLEM: *opens the door a crack after several minutes*
NEZI: Clem? Is everything all right?
CLEM: *voice flat and weary-sounding* Yeah.
NEZI: Are you sure?
CLEM: Yeah . . . *shuts the door*
NEZI: *blinks for a few moments, then moves to the window*
CLEM: *visibly naked in the dim light. Climbs into the bed beside Morgan. She immediately pulls him close and begins kissing him*
NEZI: *steps back, averting his eyes*
CLEM: *makes a low, almost pained sound, gripping the covers tightly*
NEZI: *swallows his discomfort and looks back in*
MORGAN: *still kissing him, her fingernails digging into his shoulders hard enough to draw blood. Clem’s chest heaves*
NEZI: Oh my . . .
CLEM: *slowly relaxes as she pulls away, wiping a thin trickle of blood from her lip*
NEZI: *frowns, hands tightening over his robes*
MORGAN: *looks up, meeting his gaze with pale blue eyes*
NEZI: *eyes widen in fright and he quickly ducks out of the way*
MORGAN: *gets up and goes outside, not bothering to dress*
NEZI: *is standing on the porch, calm and composed*
MORGAN: Enjoying yourself?
NEZI: No. Not very.
MORGAN: *steps closer* I’d not have taken you as a voyeur. You seem too innocent.
NEZI: *stays still* Normally I’m not. But when one of my friends goes missing inexplicably I would care to know what’s wrong.
MORGAN: Can’t a married couple have some time alone? *smiles at him*
NEZI: Can’t a married couple make love without injuring each other?
MORGAN: *laughs* Oh, he’s not injured. I’m sure if you asked him he’d tell you it was quite pleasurable . . . Unless you’d like to see for yourself?
NEZI: No, I wouldn’t. But I’m quite sure Clem will say whatever you want him to say . . . which is about ALL he’ll say these days.
MORGAN: He knows his place. He understands that I’m the one in charge here.
NEZI: He might be your husband but you do not OWN him.
MORGAN: That depends on who you ask.
NEZI: I need ask no one.
MORGAN: *moves closer* Really?
NEZI: Yes.
MORGAN: *puts her hands on his chest, caressing it*
NEZI: *shoves her firmly backward* Do not touch me. Please.
MORGAN: *eyes narrow* Oh?
NEZI: I am not under whatever spell you’ve placed on Clem.
MORGAN: *chuckles, pressing close again* Aren’t YOU lonely too?
NEZI: No. I have all the companionship I need. And besides, aren’t you married to Clem?
MORGAN: *smiles* You’re a Nesmith too . . . Same difference.
NEZI: *eyes narrow* Love means nothing to you, does it? You don’t love Clem, do you?
MORGAN: I never claimed I did . . . not even to HIM.
NEZI: What are you?
MORGAN: I’m me. That’s enough.
NEZI: *stares at her, slowly cocking his head to the side*
MORGAN: If you’re done with your little midnight spying mission . . . *turns to go back into the cabin*
NEZI: *pulls something from his cloak and a softly humming lavender beam hovers behind her*
MORGAN: *spins around, glaring* What is this!?
NEZI: Nice, isn’t it? I forget what Mich called it . . . a ‘lightsaber,’ I think, is the correct term.
MORGAN: *takes a step back* Well . . . take your saber and leave.
NEZI: *musing* Not without Clem. He’s coming with me.
MORGAN: NO.
NEZI: All things considered I don’t think you have a choice. He’s being coerced and abused and I’m not letting it continue. He’s my friend.
MORGAN: *glares hatefully at Nezi* Fine . . . take him—IF he wants to go with you.
NEZI: He’s coming even if I have to knock him out and carry him. *slips inside the cabin, never taking his eyes off of Morgan*
CLEM: *lies in the bed, breathing deep and heavy*
NEZI: Clem?
CLEM: *eyelids flutter open* Whu?
NEZI: Come on . . . I’m taking you out of here.
CLEM: Out? Why?
NEZI: It’s a long story. You’re in danger here. Please . . . come with me.
CLEM: *starts to sit up, but stops when he sees Morgan in the doorway*
NEZI: Come on. She won’t hurt you anymore.
CLEM: She don’t hurt me . . .
NEZI: Oh no? *points to the bloody scratches on his shoulders*
CLEM: *blinks dazedly at them*
NEZI: Something’s going on, and I have to get you away from HER.
MORGAN: Clem, darling . . . do you have to go in the middle of the night?
CLEM: No . . . *looks at Nezi, vaguely looking like he can’t place him*
NEZI: *shakes his head* Clem, I’m so sorry about this . . . hope you can forgive me. *turns the saber off and hits Clem firmly on the back of the head with it*
MORGAN: *snarls* This isn’t over . . . not in the least.
NEZI: *pulls Clem up and over his shoulders* Oh, no doubt. I don’t look forward to our next meeting. *heads for the door*
MORGAN: *under her breath* Only if you see me coming, priest.
NEZI: I may not have powers, witch, but I am no dummy. When you wish to fight I shall be ready.
MORGAN: *watches as he goes*
NEZI: *carries Clem to the temple, breathing harshly as he climbs the steps* BB? Oogie? Is anyone here?
BB: *looks up as Nezi enters and sets Clem down on the sofa* Whoa, what happened to him?
NEZI: It’s a long story, BB. Can you get me a cold cloth, please?
BB: Yeah, sure. *leaves*
CLEM: *moans, stirring*
NEZI: *sits next to Clem* Seems I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble on your behalf, my friend . . .
CLEM: Trouble . . . ?
NEZI: Your ‘wife’ doesn’t like me much, I’m afraid. Feeling’s mutual.
CLEM: *frowns tiredly* Morgan? What . . . don’tcha like?
NEZI: The fact that she doesn’t love you, she thinks she owns you . . . need I continue?
CLEM: Doesn’t . . . M’not followin’ . . . *shivers, teeth beginning to chatter*
NEZI: *grabs a blanket and wraps it around Clem* She doesn’t love you, Clem. She told me as much but I knew it when she . . . came on to me.
CLEM: B-But . . .
NEZI: But what? I know what I heard with my ears . . . and I’ll never forget the ice in her eyes when she said it.
CLEM: M’confused . . . *tightens the blanket around his thinner than normal body* An’cold . . . M’naked.
NEZI: That’s why I brought you here. You’re safe, we’ll get you some clothes and food, and I’ll do everything I can to get you un-confused.
CLEM: There’s gotta . . . be a mistake . . . *closes his eyes, shaking his head* Sh-She loves me . . . we’re m-married . . .
NEZI: Clem, I know this is hard, but . . . she doesn’t love you. And marriage is no guarantee that love will follow.
CLEM: *trembles, swallowing hard* I love her. I’d do anythin’ for her. She’s my soul-mate. You have to be wrong.
NEZI: Clem, you must think with your mind, not your heart.
CLEM: WHY? Is it so hard t’think someone could love me?
NEZI: No. But Morgan is not the one. If she loved you . . . truly loved you . . . then I would have seen it in her eyes. Even those who deny their love can’t banish it from their eyes. Clem, there wsn’t a trace of love or pity in her eyes. None.
CLEM: *turns away, still shaking* What were y’doin’ there anyway?
NEZI: Dakota came to see me today. He said that your horse came back to the stables by himself, and it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen you in some time. I wanted to make sure you were all right.
CLEM: Horse . . . ?
NEZI: Yes, your horse. Laredo.
CLEM: Oh, yeah . . . ‘Redo . . . I forgot for a sec.
NEZI: You see what I mean? You even forgot about your horse.
CLEM: *sighs* I don’t even know what day it is.
NEZI: Thursday.
CLEM: *looks at him* Already?
NEZI: Yes. Already.
CLEM: I . . . I remember . . . comin’ to the Library . . . to get some things from the pantry . . . and from Neztoon . . . And talkin’ to Cin and En . . . And I remember . . . *frowns* When was that?
NEZI: I have no idea. I don’t live at the Library any more.
CLEM: *hugs his arms around himself as his stomach growls loudly*
NEZI: How long has it been since you’ve eaten, Clem?
CLEM: I ate . . . We had roast the other night . . . I think . . . *frowns* Was . . . someone there?
NEZI: Possibly. Come on—I’ll fix you something to eat and then you’re going to rest.
CLEM: M’just tired . . . makes it hard to think.




CLEM: *presses his face to the window, looking out*
BB: *sitting on a chair in the doorway, flipping through a book* See anything interesting out there?
CLEM: No.
BB: Didn’t think so.
CLEM: *goes to the door and opens it*
BB: *stands up* Where you going, Clem?
CLEM: Home . . . to m’wife.
BB: I can’t let you go, Clem. It’s for your own good.
CLEM: *looks at him, his eyes not quite focused* I gotta go.
BB: No, Clem. You’re not leaving.
CLEM: You can’t stop me!
BB: Oh no? I think Nezi and Oogie and I are more than a match for you. And Animal’s here, too.
CLEM: *starts out the door*
BB: *leaps in front of him, blocking the door*
CLEM: *looks at him* Move.
BB: *sticks out his jaw stubbornly*
CLEM: *shoves him aside*
BB: Animal!
ANIMAL: *tackles Clem and wrestles him to the floor*
CLEM: Lemme . . . go!
ANIMAL: Bad! You stay!
CLEM: *tries to buck him off, but doesn’t have the strength*
ANIMAL: He still weak. He no fight good.
BB: We gotta put some locks on the doors around here . . . or else chain him to the floor . . .
CLEM: *tears stream down his face as he shivers* Lemme . . . *pant* Go . . . please . . .
NEZI: *from the doorway* Trust me, Clem . . . this is hurting us just as much as it is you. But if you go back you’ll be destroyed, and we can’t allow that.
CLEM: I need her . . .
NEZI: You think you do . . .
CLEM: She’s my WIFE! I love her . . .
BB: You know, Nezi . . . he is a grown man . . . we can’t just lock him up here.
NEZI: He’s being manipulated and controlled, BB. He loves her like an addict loves heroin. We’re here to detox him.
CLEM: *shakes* Please . . .
NEZI: Animal, do not let him off that floor. *looks up* Oogie, go and secure all the doors and windows from the outside. I don’t want anyone to be able to leave this building except by the front door, which will be guarded at all times.
CLEM: Nezi . . .
NEZI: Yes?
CLEM: Please . . .
NEZI: Animal, let him go. Keep ready, though.
CLEM: *slowly sits up, still panting for breath. Face pale*
NEZI: *goes over and helps him up*
CLEM: I feel . . . so bad . . .
NEZI: I know. But it won’t last forever, and you’ll be yourself again.
CLEM: *shakes his head* You don’t understand . . .
NEZI: Then enlighten me.
CLEM: We . . . love each other. I finally found someone to love me . . .
NEZI: Clem, what you found wasn’t love. Believe me—I’ve performed enough marriages to know what it looks like.
CLEM: *squeezes his eyes shut*
MORGAN: *outside, hair and clothes blowing in the wind* Clem!?
NEZI: *turns, instantly alert*
CLEM: *gazes out at her, smiling* Morgan . . .
BB: Shit. Nezi—it’s that chick!
NEZI: BB, Animal. Keep watch over Clem. I’m going out to confront the . . . ’woman.’
CLEM: Nezi . . . don’t . . .
NEZI: *pretends not to hear him as he steps outside, closing the door behind him*
MORGAN: *glares at him* Why are you holding him prisoner?
NEZI: He’s not a prisoner. He’s a sick man who needs to be detoxified. From you.
MORGAN: *growls* He’s my husband.
NEZI: Strange that you’re so concerned now—last night it you were willing to trade him off for me . . .
MORGAN: What’s it to you?
NEZI: He’s my friend, that’s what. I won’t see him destroyed.
MORGAN: He’s MINE.
NEZI: No he’s NOT. Clem belongs only to himself.
MORGAN: Not anymore . . .
NEZI: I won’t let you take him.
MORGAN: You can’t stop me. He’s already mine . . .
NEZI: *just stares* That’s what you think.
MORGAN: *smiles*
CLEM: *starts out again*
*BB and Animal quickly close ranks to stop him*
CLEM: Morgan . . .




CLEM: *sits by the window, staring out at Morgan as she walks back and forth outside*
NEZI: *sits in quiet meditation on the front porch, eyes serenely closed*
CLEM: *gets up once more, trying to go out the door*
ANIMAL: *moves closer* You no try, Clem. I stop you.
CLEM: *looks at him, eyes not quite sane* I’ll knock the shit outta you too . . .
ANIMAL: *stands up, puffing out his chest* Like Nev say—like see you try.
CLEM: *starts out the door*
ANIMAL: *slides in between and shoves Clem back, gently*
CLEM: *shoves Animal roughly aside, pushing through and out to the porch*
NEZI: *stands up quickly, blocking his path* Clem, get back IN there.
CLEM: NO! I need her!
NEZI: Do you need to DIE as well?
CLEM: Die . . . ? M’dyin’ without her . . .
NEZI: No you’re not. You go back to her and you’ll die in probably a very nasty and painful way. And then she’ll move on to her next conquest. She doesn’t care about you, Clem!
CLEM: She loves me . . .
NEZI: No she doesn’t.
CLEM: Why do you keep sayin’ that? She’s out there . . . waitin’ for me . . .
NEZI: Because she doesn’t want to give up her ‘toy,’ not because she loves you.
CLEM: *leans against the door* I love her.
NEZI: Not really. You love what you THINK she is . . . you love her because she’s MAKING you . . . and because your loneliness makes you susceptible.
CLEM: *slides down to a sitting position, staring at Morgan*
ANIMAL: Nezi, why you not let go? He want her.
NEZI: *sadly* I can’t, Animal. I can’t sacrifice a friend like that.
CLEM: *shudders*
NEZI: *paces slowly, his eyes flitting from Morgan to Clem and back again*
MORGAN: *holds her arms out to Clem*
CLEM: *stands back up, moving towards her*
NEZI: Animal! Get him back inside and lock the door!
ANIMAL: *grabs Clem and drags him back inside, slamming the door*
MORGAN: *screams in anger*
NEZI: *turns to face her*
MORGAN: You . . . I should rip you to pieces . . .
NEZI: I’m right here, Morgan. Try it.
MORGAN: *circles around the Temple*
NEZI: *follows her*
MORGAN: *whirls on him* You’re going to die.
NEZI: I am?
MORGAN: *rakes her nails across his chest, bringing blood*
NEZI: *cries out and staggers back, bringing his lightsaber up*
MORGAN: *leaps up onto the roof of the Temple, hissing down at him*
OOGIE: *sitting on the roof behind her; looks up from his sandwich* Hiya.
MORGAN: *looks at him in surprise*
OOGIE: How’d you jump so high?
MORGAN: I just can . . . *eyes him*
OOGIE: Okay. *takes another bite*
MORGAN: How did you get up here?
OOGIE: I climbed up. Nezi thinks I’m too old but I can do it.
MORGAN: You’re not old . . . you’re handsome.
OOGIE: I am?
MORGAN: Yes.
OOGIE: Thanks.
MORGAN: *sits beside him*
OOGIE: Who are you? I’ve never seen you here before . . .
MORGAN: I live in the woods . . .
OOGIE: Doesn’t it rain on you?
MORGAN: Sometimes . . . But it’s nice.
OOGIE: Clem lives in the woods.
MORGAN: Yes he does . . . or did . . . until Nezi brought him here.
OOGIE: So you’re the bad lady. You don’t look so bad.
MORGAN: I’m not. *smiles*
OOGIE: *giving her a long look* Yes you are.
MORGAN: *gazes at him, her blue eyes meeting his dark ones* Why do you say that?
OOGIE: I’m not a smart man . . . but I know what truth is.
MORGAN: Oh, really?
OOGIE: Yeah. *looks up* Hi, Nezi.
MORGAN: *turns to look* You again.
NEZI: Yeah, me. Oogie, get out of here.
OOGIE: *crawls to his feet and retreats*
MORGAN: Clem is mine.
NEZI: Not any more he’s not.
MORGAN: *holds up her hand, showing the matching silver ring* He’s my husband.
NEZI: Since I didn’t perform the marriage according to Long Title law you’re not.
MORGAN: According to MY law we ARE.
NEZI: You law has no authority here.
MORGAN: *laughs*
NEZI: If you want Clem back there’s four of us you’ll have to go through first.
MORGAN: And if he comes to me?
NEZI: Same deal—he’ll have to get through us first.
MORGAN: *growls*
NEZI: I won’t let you kill him. He’s my friend. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
MORGAN: Why do you think I wish to kill my husband?
NEZI: Because I know what you are.
MORGAN: He’s MINE!
NEZI: *raising his lightsaber* Then come and claim him, lamia.
MORGAN: He’ll die without me . . .
NEZI: Then he’ll die. But he’ll die free.
MORGAN: *leaps from the roof*
NEZI: *walks to the edge and slips over, hitting the floor below with a thump*
MORGAN: *heads for the front door*
NEZI: *makes a quick gesture and the bench by the door slams into her*
MORGAN: *lets out a cry of pain and surprise*
NEZI: Latent powers can come in handy, it seems.
MORGAN: *bares her teeth in anger, showing no fangs* I hate you.
NEZI: Thou woundest me deeply.
MORGAN: *laughs*
NEZI: *bows* Shall we continue, then?
MORGAN: *slaps him across the face*
NEZI: *takes the blow, then straightens, tonguing his bleeding lip*
MORGAN: *rakes her nails across his cheek, shrieking in anger*
NEZI: *grabs her hand and wrenches her around, throwing her to the floor*
MORGAN: *begins to shift, gaining wieght and leverage as she becomes more lion like*
NEZI: *backs away, holding his weapon with both hands*
MORGAN: *eyes him cautiously*
BB: *coming up the path with a bag of groceries* Hey, Nezi, I— *sees Morgan* Oh, SHIT.
MORGAN: *hisses at him*
BB: *trembles, nearly dropping the bag*
MORGAN: *leaps over Nezi, running into the woods*
BB: *stumbles backwards* Fuck!
CLEM: Morgan!
NEZI: *watches her go, then tucks the lightsaber away with a sigh*
CLEM: *struggles against Animal* Morgan! Come back!
NEZI: Animal, don’t you dare let him go!
CLEM: MORGAN!
BB: *comes onto the porch* What the hell was that all ab—Nezi, you’re bleeding!
NEZI: I know.
CLEM: Morgan . . .
NEZI: Did you get it, BB?
BB: *hands Nezi a hypospray* Yeah. There’s enough in there for about five doses. It’ll keep him calm for about six hours at a go.
CLEM: *tries to get loose again*
NEZI: *goes in, pressing the hypospray to Clem’s neck and triggering it*
CLEM: *relaxes in Animal’s arms*
ANIMAL: What you do?
NEZI: It’s a combination of sedative and anti-psychotic medication. It’ll calm him down so he can sleep and eat and so we don’t have to keep tackling him at the door. *touches his bloody shirt*
CLEM: Morgan . . . ? *sways*
NEZI: *tiredly* Animal, take him into the other room. Get him some food and drink—by then he’ll probably be ready to sleep, I hope . . .
CLEM: *listlessly goes with Animal*
BB: Come on, Nezi. Let’s get you cleaned up.
CLEM: *stares at his food*
ANIMAL: You eat. Please. Need eat.
CLEM: *shakes his head groggily*
ANIMAL: You no eat I MAKE eat.
CLEM: *stares at him*
ANIMAL: *takes a piece of bread and holds it up* Eat.
CLEM: N’hungry.
ANIMAL: You no eat for days. Least eat bread. Then I leave alone.
CLEM: *looks down at the plate again*
ANIMAL: Please eat few bites. Then I go away.
CLEM: *doesn’t answer*
ANIMAL: *sighs*
CLEM: *pick up his fork and sleepily pokes at his food*
ANIMAL: *perks up*
CLEM: *gazes at the potatoes on the end of his fork*