Pt. 2: Americana
Photo courtesy of Julie's
Coaster Pictures!
The next morning the four of us (Cindy Stout, Shawn McLaughlin,
Chris Hartman and myself) met in the lobby for the drive to
Americana. Cindy the hag walked up to me and said "Thanks a lot
for telling me about the bug in my hair!" Apparently, in
addition to her sticky, stringy, haggish hair, a bug had found
its way in there and died while riding The Raven. I simply said
I did not want to disrupt her hag status.
We drove past Florence, y'all, and headed for Americana.
Florence, y'all.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
Cindy had been to Americana once before and as we approached the
entrance she informed me that she thought it was "weird." I had
seen her photo album several months ago and noted the many photos
with captions that read "Weird Whip" and "Weird Flyers."
Again, a large contingent of RRCers met up at Americana. We paid
our admission fee and I would like to say a BIG THANK YOU to
Americana for giving ACE members half price admission! We
walked in and I took a look around at this "weird" place.
Yes, it's weird. Weird and wonderful!
This is what Michigan's Adventures could be if they allocated a
bigger part of their budget to landscaping. The park doesn't
really have any attractive buildings to speak of. There are
large, open walkways with plenty of space between rides and other
attractions. There's only one gift shop to speak of. And the
music piped in throughout the park is American Top 40 circa 1975.
Yet there's something strangely appealing about this place. The
colors that dominate the park are extremely fun and vibrant -
lots of purples and teals. Cindy said it looked like it belongs
on a California beachfront. And HEY!!! LOOKY! A giant slide!!!
And not just any giant slide - this one looks like BIG FUN! The
whole atmosphere of the park was probably the most unique and
unusual I've ever seen. And there's really no way to describe
it. Other than weird.
The clouds looming overhead dictated that we proceed immediately
to the Screechin' Eagle. Tom Kelley and I rode in the front
seat. The station and boarding queues are, well, weird.
Everything came in at an angle. The roomy seat belt and single
position lap bars ensured plenty of room to fly should there be
any airtime on this ride.
And OFF WE GO!!! Out of the station and around the bend, where a
couple of spectators watched as we cheered our inaugural ride.
Up the lift hill we go and hey! What's that!! Look! *Wooden*
anti-rollbacks! WIERD! Over the lift hill we went and down the
first drop we went! YEAH! Up the second big hill and WHOA!! Up
and out of our seats already! Down the second drop and a jog
this way and that and then up and over the giant third hill and
OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!! GENTLE JESUS HELP ME!!!!! Tom and I screamed
like crazy as did everyone else on the train. We were
catapulted out of our seats!
The surprised cheers and shouts of
excitement continued through the turnaround until we approached
the next drop and then WHOOAA MY GOD!! A sharp jog to the left
and up the next crazy hill which sent us out of our seats again
and screaming our heads off!!! Then it was another sharp lateral
jog and as we crested the next hill I thought I saw OH MY
GOD!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!!!! It's a CLOWN!! Aaaaaaah!!
A clown dressed in full make-up stood at the bottom of the drop.
He aimed a water blaster right at us and as we flew down the hill
he pumped it full force and blasted us all with a good soaking.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?!! OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAH!!!!
Suffice to say, the Screechin' Eagle provided me with the most
surprising ride of the weekend. And yes, definitely the
weirdest! This coaster flat out ROCKS! I had absolutely no
expectations for it, yet it's certainly one of the best
out-and-back coasters I've ever ridden. And oh! to be able to
ride it at night! I'd put it right up there with The Phoenix
for sheer fun and surprising intensity. Later I rode the back
with Tim Melago and while the force of the pull over the hills is
indeed great, I definitely preferred the front seat's insane
ejector airtime. Also the backseats were retrofitted unevenly
and I got squished.
However we were more than entertained by watching
the maintenance man who carefully began waxing the giant slide,
preparing it to open. Also, the incredibly nice young lady ride
op on the Serpent talked to us and length and genuinely wanted us
to "have a good time and enjoy yourselves!"
The ride itself has a great first drop and was a lot of fun. I
was surprised to see my fellow riders with their hands down,
until I saw all the steel beams positioned frighteningly close to
my arms. I rode like a sissy along with the rest of them,
holding onto the bar.
I should also mention the "weird whip." The cars are just, well,
weird! They look like Jetson mobiles, and it made us feel so odd
that Cindy and I decided to vogue our way through every whip.
She's a much better poseur than I am.
After our ride on the Serpent, a few bolts of thunder and
lightening struck in the distance. "Uh oh," Sean Flaharty
muttered. "They shut the whole park down whenever there's
lightening. Watch everything come to a grinding halt." Sure
enough, just as Scott Short and Dave Bowers came off their ride
on the Serpent, all rides in the park suddenly stopped operating.
The park was shut down.
We used the time to visit the food court for a taste of two
Cincinnati specialties. I had a slice of LaRosa's Pizza as well
as a coney cheese dog with Skyline Chili. I've heard from both
"love 'em" and "hate 'em" camps, but never any middle-of-the-road
opinions. My take? I loved them! The Skyline Chili is kind of
brown and soupy. But good! And the slice of LaRosa's Pizza was,
at first, "good" but strangely over the next two days I found
myself developing a kind of craving for it!
We all hung out in a huge, non-descript picnic pavilion placed
rather awkwardly but conveniently along the midway. Tom Kelley
brought out his photos and the rest of us chatted non-stop. Also
a this time I indulged in what had to be the culinary highlight
of my trip. A three dollar Hawaiian Shaved Ice with grape syrup.
This was no ordinary sno-cone! It was GARGANTUOUS. Cindy said
after I finished I could wear the cup as a Mexican Hat! And
shaved ice always holds the syrup so much better - the whole
thing practically melts in your mouth! It was embarrassingly
good and I was in ice crunching heaven.
Once the rain stopped we decided to make a once around the
midway. We came upon the Tilt-a-Whirl and proceeded to engage in
the sorriest exhibition of inept whirl-riding you've ever seen.
What a sorry, sorry sight we were. Meanwhile, two nine-year old
girls riding with the rest of us whirled non-stop. The brats.
We took the train to the back of the park for three of the
weirdest rides I've ever had. We rode something called The
Tempest, which looked like four sets of teacup/tilt-a-whirls
spinning on an angled, elevated base. The ride looked wicked,
but sadly it failed to deliver the goods. It just wasn't all
that intense. We did, however, ride with quite possibly the most
vulgar man I've ever met in my entire life. The things he said
on that ride absolutely could not be repeated. Sean, however,
did videotape him as he stuck out his dentures and crossed his
eyes for the camera.
We also rode the Rock-o-Plane! What a funny sight to see Jerry
Dorf come all the way from the top hanging upside down. We used
our time in line discussing our "porn" names. This is a fairly
easy process where you pick your first pet's name followed by
your mother's maiden name. And I have to say my own "Poodles
McKelvey" takes a backseat to some of the more colorful names
others came up with! "Candy" and "Frisky Hartnek" had nothing
on "Lady" Cline! I rode with CoasterJulie and she pointed out
the abandoned Mister Twister trains sitting just beyond the
fence. My wallet fell out and all of a sudden all of my credit
cards went flying!!! Fortunately I put my foot against them and
the rest were recovered under crevasses in the car. I had
forgotten what a fun ride the Rock-o-Plane is!
Finally, we came to ....... the Log Ride. I had been warned
about this ride. That is was the wettest log ride in the world.
We all got together and posed for a "before" picture, then split
up into groups of three for "the drowning."
No sooner did I get into the boat when my socks and shoes were
completely saturated by a wall of water. Aaaaaaaah!!! Oh no!!!
We rounded a turn and as we dropped, another wall of water came
pouring over the front. And again. And again. And again. Wave
after wave. We entered a tunnel and saw a curtain of water
pouring from some overhead piping system. NOOOOOO!!!!!!
PSSSSSSsssssst........ Oh thank God. Finally we climbed the lift
hill for our final plunge. After we dropped, our boat hit the
water and made a sound like a bomb had just gone off. The spray
of water was tremendous and it literally came at us from every
angle. We were completely drenched. Soaked to the bone.
I spent the rest of the day with my feet sliding around in my
shoes. When I got back to the motel that night I had a nice
grouping of blisters on my toes! If only I'd taken Kevin
Teufer's advice and looked into purchasing a pair of Nike Rinse.
I am now firmly standing by my sweetie's side in opposition to
squishy shoes.
Sean recorded an "after" picture for posterity, then we headed
toward the front for some final rides on the Screechin' Eagle
before leaving the park.
I had so much fun here! What a completely unique, and yes,
weird, park! But I mean it in a good way. The rides were great,
the atmosphere was nice, the food was good and the employees were
extremely friendly. It's the kind of place where you could
easily spend a couple of hours or enjoy the entire day. I can
totally see why Tina Curtis calls it her favorite park. I loved
it, too, Tina! In fact, I know I'll be back. I can't imagine a
future trip to Cincinnati that didn't include a stop at
Americana. It's just one more reason why I love coastering.
We rode the Screechin' Eagle several times. The ride ops were
great - very nice and they encouraged us to yell loudly. Then it
was off to ride The Serpent. Another weird coaster! This is a
steel whatchamacallit, Galaxy, Zyklon, I'm not quite sure. It
was painted in bright beachside colors and the attractive logo
out front made for a perfect group photo spot! Two attached
trains carried a total eight passengers at a time (or 4 if they
chose to ride alone). Thus it had an excruciatingly slow
throughput.
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