Jazzland!

A Gourmet Trip Report

Photo courtesy of Park Pics

If you've never been to New Orleans, you cannot begin to imagine the sights and sounds and smells this city foists upon its inhabitants. The contradictory elements contained within the French Quarter - decadence, elegance, gourmet food, filth, prostitution, romance, decay, restoration - all combine to create a frightening yet dazzling sensory overload so intriguing and unusual that you feel compelled to just "roll with it." I have never been so overwhelmed, so intimidated, so immersed! And I have never felt so cool just being in a city. I love taking coaster trips, but I often feel that we're missing out by not taking an extra day or two to explore the different cities or areas we're in. There are so many other exciting things to see and do, and my trips to San Francisco and New Orleans have reminded me to take some time to experience everything a city has to offer. I would highly recommend planning a trip to New Orleans so that your first experience in the French Quarter takes place at night. There is so much romance in this historical area, and much like Las Vegas, the French Quarter really comes alive at night with wonderful lights and music. Of course the dichotomy of the French Quarter is its elegance and decadence, and unlike Las Vegas, this here's the real deal! I met Cindy Stout at the airport and we checked into our hotel, the lovely Queen and Crescent Hotel on the edge of the French Quarter. We immediately headed for the heart of the French Quarter and walked straight to Cafe du Monde, where we had the only thing ever served at this local landmark, their famous binets and coffee with chickory. Cafe du Monde is a large open patio facing Jackson Square, a very historical area of the French Quarter. I was amused by our waiter, who was sitting nearby at another table. He got up, walked over and took our order, brought us our food and took care of the bill, then moseyed on back to his table and sat back down. I looked around and saw other waiters doing the exact same thing. One thing I learned immediately was that people here move at a much different pace. The atmosphere was open and relaxed and very charming, and this was my first and most lasting impression of New Orleans. Then came Bourbon Street. Oh, my. If Jackson Square charmed the pants off of me, Bourbon Street was there to finish the job. There was so much prostitution going on, with skanky looking women standing in open doorways for folks to check out their merchandise. One sign said "Wash the girl of your choice" and I about died laughing when I saw that! One building had a woman's leg, with black fishnet hose, swinging in and out of the second floor window. A man stood below in the doorway, encouraging customers to come on in, and a skanky looking ho sat behind him with her legs spread wide open. Gross! The street is closed off to pedestrians only, so open drinking and carrying on takes place in the middle of the street. There is so much noise and people acting wild and trash and whores everywhere that I really did not like Bourbon Street. And yet this is a very real, identifiable part of life in the Big Easy. People party hard here, and however you like to party, you'll find it available on Bourbon Street. Fortunately, Bourbon Street has world-class restaurants and bars amidst its other more wild and decadent offerings. And on this night Cindy took me to Pat O'Briens, where we proceeded to get drunk on their world-famous Hurricanes. We sat in the open courtyard, which was elaborately designed and lit, with gorgeous plants and trees hanging overhead, and a very large fountain located in the middle. This fountain was beautiful - the lighted water changed color schemes, and it had a flaming torch shooting out of the top. This was the best bar I've ever been to - it had good music and a party atmosphere, but the tables were spaced far apart so it was relaxing and not so noisy that you couldn't hear. And the courtyard was amazing, as are many of the numerous courtyards found in the French Quarter. They are kind of an optical illusion - they're completely enclosed by walls, and to get to them you have to enter a building and walk through the back, so you feel like you're indoors until you look up and see the sky! Disneyland's Blue Bayou Cafe near Pirates of the Carribean has the same effect, except that there, you really are inside! We got pretty drunk. Not staggeringly drunk, but drunk enough to get lost going home. Those Hurricanes are powerful - my second drink had fumes that would have set me on fire had I been much closer to the fountain! Walking home was an experience I would not want to repeat, with dark empty streets and shady characters lurking nearby. We were lucky we weren't mugged! It's all Stupid Cindy's fault anyway. The girl can't navigate to save her life! The next day we went to Jazzland. My first impression of this park was a good one, and it only intensified as the day wore on. Some people had said it was a half day park, and I don't understand that. There's so much to do and such a great collection of enjoyable rides and shows. The look of the park is amazing! From the moment you enter you never forget you're in Louisiana. This is a true theme park, with extensive design, color and lighting, all of it reflecting the city of New Orleans. You enter the park through Jazz Plaza, a fairly typical Six Flags style entrance with shops and bakeries. After that, however, any similarity to Six Flags comes to an end. In fact, the layout and look of the park seems more inspired by Islands of Adventure, with the park situated around a large lagoon, and a spraying fountain located in the center. Like IOA, guests must navigate their way around the lagoon. The entire park is a riot of color and design, with elaborately themed rides and buildings, and very detailed lighting packages. I could tell immediately this would be an amazing looking park at night. The sidewalks are concrete but have colorful pastel swirls embedded within. The predominant colors here are pastel greens, yellows, purples and blues. Just after the entrance, at the front of the lagoon, is a classic southern pavillion. And next to the pavillion is the most delightful fountain I think I've ever seen - an outrageous sculpture fountain with copper jazz musical instruments intertwined and welded together! My favorite area of the park is Ponchartrain Beach. This area is whimsically art deco, and I don't mean just a little bit, I mean they went all out! Even the entrance has brilliantly designed art deco arches. Every building, in addition to its art deco design, has additional details added - an art deco clock stands next to the Ponchartrain Flyer, Dizzy Lizzy has one of those swirling, black-and-white discs that make you dizzy if you stare at it too long, the bumper car building has spiral arrows piercing the top of its building, one of the arcade buildings has Jetsons style discs on top, and the lights surrounding the bleachers at Jazz Lake look like flying saucers! Jazz Lake is located at the back of the park, facing Ponchartrain Beach, and emptying into the center lagoon (called Crescent City Basin). They even hold water ski shows on Jazz Lake, which I find to be quite impressive in this day and age for a park of any size! Our first ride of the day was MegaZeph. The entrance to the ride is extremely modest considering it is the park's signature ride. A small neon sign is fairly hidden behind a sno cone stand (here, called Sno Balls!) We were supposed to meet up with Glenn Payne at 10 or again at noon, and since we missed both meeting times I was afraid we'd never see him. Sure enough, there he was, ahead of us in line! The queue for MegaZeph winds under the coaster, and it was fun getting to watch it while waiting in line. Unfortunately, this coaster looks better than it rides. And I place the blame for MegaZeph's less than spectacular performance squarely on the Gerstlauer trains. They are HORRIBLE for this type of coaster. MegaZeph has several sharp laterals that *should* be loaded with airtime considering they occur at the beginning of a drop. However, there is almost no airtime on these drops, and the nature of the Gerstlauer lap bars make these laterals quite uncomfortable. I think CCI has made a dreadful mistake promoting Gerstlauer trains for their designs. Fiberglass seats and u-shaped lap bars simply have no place on wooden coasters. Not only that, but I feel that these trains, while perhaps tracking well, perform somewhat sluggishly. There is none of the out of control wildness on neither Villain nor MegaZeph that I've experienced on PTC coasters like GhostRider, Boulder Dash and Shivering Timbers. Of course, Legend is the one exception - it definitely delivered an out of control ride. But how much of that is due to its brilliant design? I think any train would feel out of control on The Legend. And the lap bars still hurt, and it's still painful following the double up when you come slamming down on that hard, fiberglass seat, which wouldn't be the case with PTC's. MegaZeph suffers from the same problems that other Gerstlauer-plauged coasters seem to be suffering from - sluggish performance, lack of significant airtime, and painful seat and lap bar designs. It's supposed to go 65 mph, but I'd be shocked if it topped out over 50. I do like the far swooping turnaround, which was built over the water at the edge of Jazz Lake. But MegaZeph's best and really only redeeming feature is the final return run, which features airtime over every hill before entering the final helix. Bottom line on MegaZeph: great on the return run, nothing much else. Of all the CCI's I've ridden, this is my least favorite. Fortunately, there is much more to Jazzland than MegaZeph! After our first ride, we decided to eat lunch, and this was one of the biggest surprises of the day. We ate at Rita's Creole Cafe, and I had a bowl of gumbo which was *excellent!* I followed the other locals and added a few dashes of hot sauce, tobasco sauce and a sprinkle of pepper, all provided at our table. It was fantastic! But the surprise of the show was the main entree. I ordered Eggplant Rita, and I could not believe how good it was! Fried crawfish over lightly breaded eggplant, covered in a spicy, tomato based cream sauce. I don't care if it was served on a styrofoam plate, it was out of this world! Cindy liked it so much she got it for dinner later that night! We looked at other restaurants within the park, but most seemed to focus on standard park food. Rita's Creole is a winner, I guar-on-tee! Other foods I tried at this park: pralines, (boo!) why not just open up a box of C&H and guzzle it? And shrimp po' boys, (yay!) which was very good but I couldn't eat it all! I also had red cream soda, yay! After lunch, and for the rest of the day, we sampled Jazzland's fantastic collection of other rides. There were two other coasters we rode (the Zydeco Scream was not operating) - a kiddie roller-skater called Rex's Rail Runner, and a Mad Mouse called Muskrat Scrambler, which used mine train cars! I suspect this was a used ride, as it is totally portable and the rails look very old. And the mine train cars seem themed for a completely different ride. Not even a whisker of a muskrat on the front! The ride had excellent whips around the turns and even following the drops! There are a great collection of flat rides at Jazzland. The Big Easy (90 ft. ferris wheel), Dizzy Lizzy, which is a Fabri Frisbee, I believe (and unlike the Huss Frisbee, has no tire drum at the bottom and runs at a constant but good speed), the 185 ft. S&S Dual Tower Bayou Blaster (Turbo Drop) and Sonic Slam (Space Shot), Voodoo Volcano (which says Inverter on the front but is like nothing I've ever ridden before - it's like a flying carpet that flips!), King Chaos, Mad Rex (Wipeout) and Zydeco Zinger (a beautiful, jazz-inspired flyer swings that swings out over the lagoon). Jocco's Mardi Gras Madness is an interactive dark ride with various Mardi Gras themed targets to shoot at. It has a wild looking Mardi Gras clown on top of the building that shoots water on unsuspecting guests passing below. I like being able to see where my laser has hit (a red laser lights up when you pull the trigger), but the targets themselves aren't sensitive enough to pick up the laser beams. So you end up shooting at the same target over and over and not being able to hit it, which means you don't get to hit as many targets, which makes the ride less fun. There are lots of other flat rides in the park, all of them looked great. The only disappointing ride in the park is the Ponchartrain Flyer. What a lame ride. First of all, the cables are not free to swing - they are attached to heavy steel poles, which limits the amount of swinging and makes cable snapping an impossibility. Secondly, the tubs and dual fins are so heavy, there is literally no way to replicate the up-down-in-out motion of the original Flyers. This was also the longest wait of the day, made tolerable only by the dazzling art deco architecture of Ponchartrain Beach, the groovy 70's music and the ski show on Jazz Lake. My favorite flat ride was the Krazy Krewe. The park map calls it a supersized Mixer, but it's really much more like an inverter. The only difference being that the center column rotates while you're spinning! Other observations about Jazzland: as wonderfully and whimsically designed as this park is, it amazes me that trees were not incorporated into the design. Fortunately we were there on a day when the temperature and humidity was not that bad - well, I was still dying, but Cindy and Glenn were fine. And, thankfully, the vast majority of queues are shaded, but the walkways are HOT HOT HOT! This park is going to be majorly uncomfortable during the summer months. And because so much of the park is already encased in concrete, any future plantings would seem to be a remote possiblity. The number of employees at Jazzland is astounding. There are employees everywhere! I counted ten employees operating the Muskrat Scrambler, five on the Ponchartrain Flyer, three on Rex's Rail Runner! There must be a higher employee to guest ratio here than at any other park! Hey, look over here, Six Flags! Not only that, but the attitude of every employee I encountered was very good. They always remembered their pleases and thank yous, and lots of them even joked around with the guests. They were also very efficient with loading and dispatch procedures, and capacity was never a problem on any ride, despite the very large crowd. Whoever's in charge of employee training deserves a medal of honor! One ride op on the Voodoo Volcano had the most *hideous* looking teeth I've ever seen! Big ol buck teeth, with one of the front ones half rotted and the rest covered by overgrown gums. He looked just like a backwoods bubba from some shanty town in a nearby bayou. This one couple behind us were making fun of him, then motioned him over and said, pointing at their friend, "this girl here likes your teeth." Well, the girl liked to have died, and I felt very sorry for Bubba, who didn't deserve to be humiliated like that. But what does Bubba do but walk over to the girl and go "Hey there, what's your name? You havin' a good time?" The girl wouldn't even look at him. Meanwhile the couple who started the whole thing are dying laughing at their friend's embarressment (and not even remotely concerned about embarressing poor Bubba). But what happened next surprised all of us. Bubba gets right in front of the girl's face and says "maybe you like me better if I do this..." and pulls out his teeth!!! They were completely fake! Under that fake set of teeth was a really good looking guy! Everybody started laughing. I, of course, immediately had to know where he got those beautiful teeth! Unfortunately, the shop he directed me to ran out by the time I got there. Late in the afternoon Glenn took us to the Festival Hall, where we went up to the balcony and watched "Jazz, Jazz, Jazz," the park's signature show. WOW!!! I usually don't like theme park shows, but this one is like nothing I've ever seen in a park, especially one of this size! The show is a finely-tuned, precisely staged, professional looking jazz review featuring enormously talented singers and dancers. The staging and sets, lighting, costumes, songs, choreography - all of it was outstanding. Usually theme park shows seem fakey or hokey or just plain embaressing but "Jazz, Jazz, Jazz" really impressed everyone! We waited until dark to ride the Sonic Slam, Jazzland's Turbo Drop. This allowed us to see the park at night in all it's glory. And what a glorious sight it is! The amount of neon in this park is overwhelming. All of the rides and buildings in Mardi Gras and Ponchartrain Beach have some kind of neon, most of them extremely elaborate! Ponchartrain Beach is just astounding - I couldn't believe how cool this place looked! And the sophisticated lighting designs on every single ride are incredible - the Flyer Swings were simply breathtaking. The Wipeout even had lighting underneath it's belly - even the Triple Play looks like a completely different ride! We saved our last ride of the night for MegaZeph. While we were waiting in line we saw the Mardi Gras parade preparing to begin, and I'm sorry I didn't get to see the entire lineup. What I saw did not impress me, though. I think you should either do a parade right or not at all, and I think if they just added a few more floats, a couple of the bands they already employ in the park, and costumed more of their employees to participate in the parade and pass out beads, I think they'd have a hit! We lucked out on our first MegaZeph ride and got the very back row (they only allow one trainload at a time to enter the station), so we were equally surprised when we were able to snag the front seat for our final ride! My last ride of the night only reinforced what I felt earlier about this coaster - great airtime on the return run, Gerstlauers ruin the rest. We ended our night with dinner at Rita's Creole, and as we were finishing our meal we heard what sounded like live music outside. We walked outside and came upon the Jazz Plaza pavillion, where we stopped and listened to a nine piece jazz band play some of the toe-tappinist, foot-stompinist music I've ever heard. It was the perfect way to end the evening and it left a lasting impression of this park that I will never forget. It was the best music I heard all week! They used a drummer, a bass, two keyboards, two saxes and three horns and all of them could solo and all of them could dance. At one point they all lined up and started doing these grooves while they were playing, then after the twelvth beat they'd stop everything and shout "LOVE THAT CHICKEN AT POPEYE'S!" Jazzland is clearly a hit with the public and it's extremely well-run, better than any Six Flags park I've been to! Amazing for a first-year park! The comparisons to Visionland are obvious, but it's clear this park is doing many things right that Visionland has not. It obviously has a lot of capital backing, but there's something else about it that I can't quite put my finger on. Perhaps it's that old black magic. The rest of my trip to New Orleans was every bit as fun and exciting as Jazzland. The next day we had breakfast at Brennan's, an extremely beautiful Creole restaurant where Cindy had the finest meal she's ever had in her life. We began a competition to see who could order the best meal at every restaurant. On this occasion we tied on the appetizer, Cindy won the entree and I clearly won the dessert (bananas foster, created at Brennan's). But when it comes right down to it, it's all about the entree, so Cindy won this battle. We then went back to our hotel and I took a much needed nap. The heat in New Orleans completely drained me, and now I understand why the pace of life is so slow in the south. It is just so hot that people don't have the energy to move! We then drove to Mississippi Beach so that I could add Mississippi to my state count (my goal is to visit all 50 states before I die, and after this weekend I'll be at 41). I was *really* impressed by Mississippi Beach! So much so that I'd like to come back again sometime! But what really made the trip a surprise was we got to see Cirque du Soleil's new show "Allegria" at the Beaux Rivage Hotel. It was awesome! Not quite as good as the original "Mystere" thanks to the excessive use of pretentious French clown drama, but still an amazing show! We got back to New Orleans quite late and had to settle for a good but not particularly memorable meal at the ugly looking Remoulade. The next day we had a *fantastic* Sunday Jazz Brunch at the Riverbend Grille. Somehow we kept getting the perfect table at each restaurant, and this time we were seated front and center with a lovely view of the Mississippi River and within perfect distance of the jazz band. The food was outstanding and Cindy guzzled at least three or four glasses of champagne! I had a Cajun omlette, the likes of which I doubt will be duplicated ever again! I was also impressed by the hostess, who saw us heading for the dessert table and mistakenly thought we were leaving and said "Thank you for coming, Mr. McKenzie!" It had been over an hour since she had seated us. We then took a haunted history tour of the French Quarter, but first a stop at Pat O'Briens for a hurricane-to-go. While the tour itself was somewhat disappointing (not scary enough), I did learn some interesting things about what went on in certain hotels, residences, streets and alleys. The slave holding cell was fascinating and horrific (slaves were brought from Africa directly to this cell in New Orleans, where they stayed for 3 weeks in the most unspeakable conditions imaginable) and we got to see just how cramped the conditions were (I pushed really hard!). I also LOVED the bar break we took in the middle of our tour - we got to go to John Laffitte's Shop, which he used as a front for distributing his "merchandise." It is now a bar and has been preserved in its original state. The building is SO OLD and so fragile looking - it's amazing that it's even standing! By this time I was beat and so full from lunch that I had to back for another nap at the hotel. It was at this time that I learned I was a lightweight! I cannot handle my liquor, I cannot handle eating that much, and I cannot handle the heat! I think Cindy was amused by my delicate condition! After my nap I felt like a new man. We walked down to Riverfront and watched a huge Carnival cruise ship called "Celebration" prepare to disembark. It was very cool! We then walked along Riverfront on our way to dinner. One thing I won't forget is all of the fish statues throughout the city. I think this is some kind of temporary art exhibit, because the same size fish are on concrete slabs all over the city, and they are painted or decorated in various ways. They were very whimsical and a humorous touch for the city. We then did a bit of shopping before we headed for dinner. By this time I was feeling great. It's a good thing, too, because we had what turned out to be, for me, the best dinner of our trip. We ate at NOLA, Emeril Lagasse's Contemporary Louisiana French Quarter restaurant (the original Emeril's is in the Warehouse District). Oh my God. This was without a doubt the best service I have ever experienced at any restaurant. We must have had six waiters serving us throughout the night. With each course, someone would walk by and set a new utensil down. Ten seconds later two waiters would walk out carrying the next course, followed closely behind by another waiter who would top off our drinks. And the meal was the finest I have ever had, so much so that I am framing the menu I received. And in honor of the person who originated the "Boring Posts" thread, I will list what I had for dinner that night: A TASTE OF NOLA Chilled Avocado Soup with Cold Smoked Salmon, Crispy Wonton Threads and Cilantro Crema Salad of Jumbo Lump Crab, Baby Spinach, Shaved Red Onion, Toasted Pistachio Nuts and Cumin-Cucumber Buttermilk Dressing Pan Seared Filet Mignon with Jalapeno-Cilantro Compound Butter, Crispy Tortilla Threads, Red Chili Glazed Potatoes and Smoked Tomato Sauce Caramel Cream Tart with Chocolate Dipped Bananas and Butterscotch Drizzle Later that night, we went to Harrah's where we played blackjack, caught some beads, and I hit a $50 jackpot playing Sizzling 7's! Monday, we went to the Court of Two Sisters for another Jazz Brunch. While the food was only adequate, the atmosphere was by far my favorite. We ate in what has to be the prettiest courtyard in all of New Orleans. A beautiful canopy of winding, twisty vines and branches completely shades the courtyard. In addition there is a lovely fountain and a wishing well. The twinkling lights were dazzling at night, which we saw on our way back from NOLA the night before and played a big part in our decision to have brunch there. We then went to what turned out to be my favorite thing of the entire trip - a tour of the Destrehan Plantation. This was *fascinating*!!! I loved every single minute of it! We lucked out by having only 6 people in our tour group, and our tour guide was a classic southern gentleman who was clearly a bigwig in the River Road Plantation Historical Society. Unlike some tour guides who insist on filling every second with inane, witty banter, this gentleman was serious about the place, and he clearly seemed to be enjoying the questions we asked. The other family of four in our group were more interested in the infrastructure of the house and how it was constructed, while Cindy and I were more interested in the function of the home and the social aspect of the plantation. Eventually the tour guide began dispensing even more fascinating information concerning Louisiana's role in the Civil War, and it felt as though we received a rare tour. Following the Destrehan Plantation, I was so excited I wanted to see another plantation! By this time, however, time was running short, and we drove to the only other plantation we had directions for. It was the Nottoway Plantation, and while the Destrehan Plantation was more of a working, sugar cane plantation, the Nottoway Plantation was one of those grand, elegant plantations where fine folks undoubtedly met on weekends for "bah-ba-kew." Unfortunately the journey there took forever, and we arrived just after the tours had ended. We were still able to walk the grounds and peek inside the windows, and while I wish we could have had a tour, I'm glad I at least got to see it. I also loved just driving through Louisiana, with it's eery moss-covered trees and murky looking swamps! After we got back to New Orleans, we went for a little bit of shopping. Both of us bought framed scenes of New Orleans in an unusual form of art called Wood-graph. They are three-dimensional wood carvings depicting scenes of New Orleans, treated and painted. I bought a picture of Cafe du Monde and a Bourbon Street scene, while Cindy bought a picture of Pirate's Alley. Our final dinner was at Mr. B's, owned by the same family that runs Brennan's and Commander's Palace. This restaurant had the prettiest interior decor of any of the restaurants we dined at, and it was also Cindy's favorite meal. We both ordered the same thing - gumbo ya-ya, which was so good I wanted to lick the bowl while Cindy said she was going to marry it, and grilled tuna over creamy polenta with blackened gulf shrimp. For dessert, Cindy had banana cream pie and I had a white chocolate fresh berry tart. Each time we took a bite we either closed our eyes or put our arms out as if to say "I gotta sit down." It was that good. To close out our final night, we reversed the path of our first night. We went to Pat O'Briens for one last hurricane and lingered over it leisurely, not wanting our time to end. Then we made our final stop at the same place our trip began, on the patio at Cafe du Monde. Six binets and cafe au lait with chickory. At one point I was on my second binet when I made a passing remark "God, these are so good." Without missing a beat, Cindy looked at me straight in the eye and with all the sarcasm she could muster, said "They're making me sick." I looked up and saw her take a bite as though she were enduring a grueling marathon. I started laughing and she said "I can't eat another thing, there's no room to put it. Everything's up to here," and levelled her finger right at her gullet. I started laughing hysterically, then she did too, both of us knowing we had just indulged ourselves in as much food and drink and fun as two people could possibly endure. It was time to go. New Orleans is a city of excess. It's easy to see how one can over indulge with so many different temptations at your fingertips. I've never experienced a temptation quite like New Orleans. It's a temptation I'd like to experience again. Mark