I began unconsciously stroking my fingers down the arm that was draped over my waist, letting his soft skin send sparks through my fingertips. Brian suddenly took in a deep breath and began to stir in his sleep, as though he were waking up. I decided to wake him with a kiss, so I tenderly pressed my lips against his forehead. Brian didn’t open his eyes and on all accounts still looked asleep except for the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You know, a guy could get used to waking up like this,” he mumbled in a groggy, morning voice, having not yet opened his eyes.

I smiled at him. “A girl could only hope,” I replied. Brian finally let that smile coat his face and opened his eyes to me. Brian’s baby blue’s shone as he took in my features. “God you’re beautiful,” he said, his voice sweet and smooth. “Even with the bed head,” he added as an afterthought, and grinned at me like the Cheshire cat. I narrowed my eyes threateningly, but Brian only laughed at me.

I sighed in annoyance and turned back around. “Move over so I can get out!” I demanded. I felt Brian’s grip on my waist tighten as he mumbled childishly, “Nu-uh!” I laughed, looking over at the bedside clock. It was 8:05, and if my memory served me right, we were supposed to meet the others for breakfast at 9:00 and then leave for the next venue by 10:00. “Brian! Get off me, we’re gonna be late!” I laughed, smacking his arms.

Brian didn’t budge. “No way. I’m comfortable right here,” he mumbled into my hair. And he was quite comfortable wrapped up with me. I let out an agitated sigh and he chuckled under his breath. “What’s the big hurry, anyways?” he mumbled again, not removing his face from my hair.

”We have to check out of here at ten for one thing, and we have a date with the others for breakfast in less than an hour!” I answered, renewing my struggle, “Now let me up so I can get showered and changed in time!”

Brian very reluctantly released me from his grip, throwing himself away from me with a flourish and an exaggerated sigh. He flopped onto his back, crossing his arms across his chest, and pouted.

I rolled my eyes and smacked him for being so childish. “You big baby!” I scolded, smiling, “I’ll be right back!” He didn’t move from his position, and I had to chuckle at his stubbornness. I crawled over him carefully and kissed him sweetly on the lips. When I moved away, Brian smiled and started rubbing his hands up and down my arms. “Better?” I asked him, cocking an eyebrow.

His childish nature in full swing, Brian nodded his head in a jerky fashion. “Uh-huh,” he murmured. I chuckled and raised myself off of him.

”I’ll be back in a few,” I said as I made my way into the bathroom and shut the door. Brian smiled his answer. He didn’t attempt to move from his spot once the door was closed and he could hear the shower running. Like he said earlier, he was quite comfortable where he was. He only wished that tender moments like these could be shared all the time without having to worry about crazy fans and tabloid pictures. Was it any wonder why he hadn’t wanted to let Corinne go? Who knew when the next time he’d be able to hold her freely like that would be.

He finally decided to get up and take his own shower. A grin crept its way across his face when he started thinking about just jumping in with Corinne. He quickly shook his head to rid him of the thoughts, but the smile remained.

When we were dressed and packed up, we left the room keys on the kitchen counter and grabbed all our belongings.

Brian opened the door for me as we made our way out of the room, dragging our bags with us. Lucas, the security guard assigned to Brian after the incident in Germany, was waiting for us a short ways down the hall.

”Let me take those for you boss; ma’am,” he said in a deep, well-mannered voice, nodding to us both respectively as he reached out for our bags. “Everyone else is already waiting down in the hotel restaurant. I can go ahead and take these things out to the bus while you all eat, if you’d like.”

Brian threw him a gracious smile, showing his sincere gratitude. “Thank you very much, Lucas. Just a day and a half on the job and you’re already sucking up—I like it!” Lucas laughed brightly, hauling our bags up into his strong arms.

”I figured I might need a head-start,” he smiled, throwing a wink our way; “And please, call me Luke.” Brian and I both chuckled at him as I unloaded the rest of my things carefully onto his broad shoulders. I apologized for the burden and thanked him profusely. He threw a charming smile my way before Brian and I renewed our march to the lobby.

The elevator ride down was uneventful as we chit-chatted about the tour and our plans for the week. The doors opened to the immaculate lobby that still blew me away even now—being one of the nicest hotels I have ever been in—and we stepped out to where about 30 or so fans stood waiting.

Everyone squealed when they spotted Brian and he grinned at them, waving good-naturedly. There were a few makeshift barricades set up to keep them all at a safe distance as about a half-dozen security guards worked at keeping everyone under control. Brian paused for a moment, telling me to stay where I was for just a second, and stepped towards the crowd. The noise level increased drastically at this simple gesture. He shook a few hands and signed fewer autographs, not wanting to keep the other Boys waiting long or to tempt the fans into some bold and crazy acts, but made sure that they knew he cared about them and was thankful for their dedication. I smiled affectionately as I watched him, a knowing expression on my face.

When Brain returned to me he reached for my hand and squeezed it tenderly. He smiled a silent thank-you before pulling me onwards to the lobby restaurant. The fans cried for him to stay longer, their despair a billowing cloud of smoke that filled the room. Brian turned and waved goodbye with a sad smile on his face.

”They adore you,” I whispered to him, loud enough for him to hear over the noise in the room.

Brian looked at me and smiled. “The feeling is mutual. Unfortunately it’s just not safe to hang around too long. Sometimes things get a little…. nuts,” he grinned crookedly. I arched my eyebrows and agreed—I had learned that all the hard way.

We found the table the rest of the group was sitting at, accompanied by our bus driver, ‘Tiny Tim’ (so named by AJ as a joke, as the man towered over him by a good seven inches), and two members of management—one of whom was Gregory. We sat in two of the three vacant seats remaining and said good-morning to everyone. After I looked around a little bit I realized that AJ was the one missing from the table; Luke must have been mistaken: not everyone was here.

Brian and I put in our order for breakfast and started talking with everyone at the table. After about fifteen minutes or so, AJ finally showed up.

”Hey everybody, sorry I’m late,” he greeted the table in his deep, throaty rasp, “I overslept this morning. Sorry Kev, didn’t mean to steal your thunder.” He threw a wink Kevin’s way, gathering laughs from the members of this mornings’ troop. Kevin was usually the one that slept through his alarm clock on early tour mornings; He smiled good-naturedly at AJ, even letting a snicker or two escape.

There was only one person at the table that morning that did not partake in the laughter, and he threw wary eyes over AJ. He looked rumpled and exhausted with dark circles under his eyes (though there was already a pair of shades perched atop his nose in an effort to conceal them), and a thick, strained morning voice. When the sole somber member took a closer look he noticed that AJ shook a little as well as he reached for his glass of water, leading the man to conclude that he was fatigued and probably hung over. He sighed in exasperation.

AJ lifted his eyes from his water glass to see Howie staring at him with an intense, disapproving glare. AJ made eye contact, the expression in his friends’ deep eyes making his thoughts apparent. AJ glanced around to make sure that he was no longer the center of attention and fixed Howie with a warning look. He hadn’t gotten wasted last night, contrary to the way he felt, and wasn’t up to the criticism. Howie sighed dramatically and looked away.

AJ cleaned his teeth with his tongue, glancing around at the rest of the table. He suddenly felt uncomfortable and agitated, and was open to any distraction someone might offer him. He wasn’t prepared, though, for who offered it.

”Are you all right?” He jumped at the sound of my voice. I was leaned into him, whispering to his ear. AJ felt that if he strained just enough he could feel my breath on his skin. He cleared his throat hastily.

”Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” he answered, unable to tear his eyes away from me. I looked beautiful this morning, he thought—fresh, almost renewed, and my eyes sparkled in the bright lighting. ‘And god,’ he thought, ‘did she smell good.’

I gave AJ a long, hard look. “Okay, here’s the deal. You look like something the cat dragged in. Now, I know we haven’t been too close over the last 6 years, but you’re still my friend and I can read you better than that. I’ll ask again; is everything all right?” I whispered, giving him a firm glare.

AJ swallowed conspicuously and began playing with his fingers. “Yes,” he affirmed, nodding his head once with a strained motion, “I’m fine. Really.”

I could tell he wasn’t being completely honest with me, but I let it slide. There was a quiet determination in his deep brown eyes that I’d never seen before, and it told me to leave well enough alone. “Okay. If you say so,” I sighed. “Just remember you can always talk to me.”

AJ shot me a sad smile. Not always, he thought. “Thanks,” he said softly, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

”Howie, you’ve been short with me all morning! Are you going to talk to me or what?” AJ yelled in exasperation. The rest of the meal had gone off without incident, other than Howie refusing to make eye contact with AJ and brushing him off repeatedly. Everyone was now safely aboard the tour bus; Brian, Nick, Kevin and I were back in the rec room playing games while AJ chased Howie down, determined to talk to his friend.

Howie turned, annoyed, and glared at AJ. “I don’t know, AJ. What is it you want to talk about?”

”I stopped drinking after you left, you know.”

Howie made a sound of disgust, spinning on his heel.

”Why don’t you believe me?” AJ bellowed. “I promised you I wouldn’t turn back to old tricks again, and I meant it! Is that not good enough for you now?”

Ever so slowly Howie turned back around. “I’m sorry, AJ. But I don’t know if I can believe you. Not this time. Not again. I-I don’t think you’re of sound mind.”

AJ took a step back, stung by Howie’s words. How could he think that? He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, threatening to build into hot tears; tears he desperately wanted to hide no matter what. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” he answered tonelessly, and with one last blank look at his friend he turned around and began to walk away.

Howie opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t know what he could say at a time like this. He didn’t want to take back what he said—he meant every word of it. This problem had destroyed him the first time around, and he wasn’t going to let it take him again. But he saw the hurt and betrayal in his friends deep soulful eyes, and he wasn’t sure he could bear that anymore than the torment of watching his friend pull his life apart.

With an oppressed sigh he fell into the kitchenette seat beside him and put his head in his hands. What was he going to do? How was he going to fix this?

AJ ripped the sunglasses forcefully away from his face and threw them into his bunk as he passed it. There were tears bristling in his eyes despite himself, and he felt betrayed by them. But not as much as he felt betrayed by Howie… his best friend!

A sudden, new burst of anger overtook him and he lashed out with his arms against the closest thing he could find, slamming his fist hard into a beam separating two other bunks. He wanted to curse in pain and frustration, but he bit his tongue instead, opting not to cause a scene of any sort. The rec room door was just behind him and he could hear the TV and low laughter coming from inside the room.

He rubbed his fist, feeling the low sting of opened flesh. Hesitantly he removed his hand to see small beads of red beginning to form across a long strip of ripped flesh across his knuckles. He cursed himself as he looked remorsefully at the damage he had caused. He was just so angry; he still was. He was contemplating giving in to his tears of frustration when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he spun around. To his utter astonishment, I stood there, eyes full of concern.

The sounds of AJ and Howie’s fight had been faint against the blare of the TV, but it had been just audible enough to catch my attention. I looked at AJ with worry, seeing him so close to tears for the first time in… well, forever. His gasp of surprise raked him so forcefully that I could feel it vibrating through my fingertips as I laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. Wordlessly I asked what was wrong with him, my firm eyes dueling with his reluctant ones. His face was so close to crumbling. Then I noticed he was hurt.

”Alex, you made yourself bleed!” I yelped in surprise, grabbing his wrist with my hand. I examined the wound carefully before brining my eyes back up to his. “What happened?”

AJ swallowed hard. He felt his face heat up and quickly tried to cover over any trace that might have been left of his unraveling composure. “Nothing. I just… needed to hit something.” He grimaced as he removed himself from my grip.

I stared at him with wide eyes. “Wha-“ I stopped myself, trying to find the right words. It was obvious that he was trying to avoid telling me anything, and that frustrated me to all get out. Looking back to his face he refused to look at me, and that was the last straw. I grabbed his wrist again saying, “Come with me.”

Reluctantly he followed me into the restroom and I shut the door behind us. Another look at him affirmed his unwillingness to look me in the face, so silently I turned to the cabinets and pulled out my toiletry bag.

Quietly, AJ stared at my hands as I dug through my bag, pulling out peroxide and swabs and bandages. He swallowed nervously, knowing this could very well be the moment of truth for him. Oh how he dreaded it.

Carefully I doused a swab in peroxide and turned towards AJ. “Give me your hand,” I asked carefully. He presented his wounded hand and gently I began to clean the cut. It was deathly silent as I wiped the blood away and I dared a glance up at AJ’s face. His jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes were concentrated off to the left. After a moment, when I had decided the wound was clean enough, I took a breath and broke the silence. “So?”

”So what?” AJ answered defiantly. He took in a sharp breath of pain as I jerked his bruised hand towards me while I reached for some gauze. He swallowed quite conspicuously.

”So are you going to talk about it?” I asked firmly.

”There’s nothing really to talk about,” AJ said in a quiet voice. I turned blazing eyes his way and he recoiled. “Besides, you hurt me!” he pouted.

Despite myself I allowed a small smile to peek through my annoyed appearance. “Poor baby,” I cooed teasingly as AJ stuck his lower lip out in despair. I lifted his hand to my lips and blew air gently across his cut, letting the remnants of peroxide dry. “Better?” I asked.

AJ no longer looked like he was teasing. His face was drawn and mouth gaping. “Um, yeah. Thanks,” he mumbled, swallowing to ease the lump in his throat. God, if she only knew what she did to me… he thought.

”So you ready to talk about it?”

…But she couldn’t know. Not yet. “Uh…” it took AJ a moment to register the conversation we were having and step back into the present. He was silent for a moment as he watched me wrap a bandage around his hand. “It was just a stupid fight. Me and Howie…” he seemed to have difficulty finding his words.

”I heard,” I said softly. Again I felt him jump in surprise and I looked up in time to catch him staring at me like a scared animal. “I didn’t hear what you were saying, only that you were shouting at one another,” I added quickly, my eyes wide with wonder. He seemed to relax considerably and I couldn’t help but ask, “What’s going on, AJ? Talk to me! I want to know what’s happening between the two of you!”

AJ again was back to refusing eye contact. “It’s a long story,” he mumbled.

I secured the last piece of tape around his hand and pulled him close, forcing him to look down at me. “I have time. Now spill.”