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My dear friend Ted suggested I make a page about how great he is, so bekause he asked nicely, he gets an ode page
<.begin.>
Ted. He's this 16-year old kid (*note: in 2000 anyway) that I met at some Literary Benefit koncert a few years ago. We hung out all night, and I decided he was one of the funnier people I knew. So anyway, the two of us ended up going to Denny's with Jocqua and JessefromCesto (my boyfriend at the time), and we started what we kalled Denny's Storytime. This be when we go in a cirkle, telling stories. Fun. So from this, Ted invented the whole "ONE TIME!" kraze, which only he, Jesse, Jocqua, and I, really understand the meaning of. But if you hear Ted say it, that's funny enough
So here's a pikture of Ted so you kan put a face to a name. This is from August 1999:

Talking to Ted:

Yeah. We talk on IM a lot. He's a funny little motherfukker. Here, see him speak!
twox2nasty4u: YOU DON'T LIKE ME WHAAAAA!
JunoMouse: yr whining yo
twox2nasty4u: sniff... sniff... sorry
JunoMouse: s'ok... but don't do it again
twox2nasty4u: so do you believe in the ted syndrome?
JunoMouse: nah, i just believe in beating the piss out of ryan
twox2nasty4u: mcnight?
JunoMouse: tostenson
twox2nasty4u: ok, i beat up mcnight today
JunoMouse: no u didn't
twox2nasty4u: yes i did. i've been getting pretty buff. so i decided since he hadn't given my bass back, i would beat him up
JunoMouse: haha, kewl
twox2nasty4u: i went henry rollins on his ass
JunoMouse: and how do u do that...?
twox2nasty4u: i'll show you sometime
JunoMouse: on who...?
twox2nasty4u: henry rollins has been my whole inspiration for starting to work out
JunoMouse: kewlness
twox2nasty4u: oh i haven't told you my henry rollins theory?
JunoMouse: don't believe u have....
twox2nasty4u: he two theories in one day (whatever that means...)
JunoMouse: ?
twox2nasty4u: ok henry rollins can do whatever he wants right because he's really buff and he's a genius
JunoMouse: ok...
twox2nasty4u: well i'm going to get really buff start hanging out with henry and glenn danzig in hell and start getting all bad ass like them and then when i get back i'll wipe out a bus load of fourth graders and write a poetic reason why i did it but no one will try to arrest me because then know i'm really buff and i hung out in hell with glenn danzig and henry rollins so it's gonna rule
JunoMouse: hahahahah! ted, u r god!
twox2nasty4u: thank you

TED MET JIMMY!!!!!!
So he's sitting in a restaurant in Washington, and there's Jimmy from Jimmy's Chikken Shakk... so he goes and gets his shoe autographed, and then the 2 of them go and hang with the drummer! How kewl is that!? You gotta be Ted to have adventures like that

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