*note: if any one of you takes this seriously, may God have mercy on your souls. This really did happen though...
Are you bored? Unable to get a job due to your superiority komplex? Have your friends abandoned you bekause of your kold, better-than-thou attitude? Or better, has your webpage's traffik dropped to a surprisingly patheitk low and you need a way - any way - to bring people bakk?Well, we have a solution for you!
Why not pikk a random person and make a slanderous webpage about them, full of kompletely inakkurate information! To do this, you must first go to their webpage. Take 3-4 hours to read the entire 4MB kontent. Obsessive? Noooo, not you! Next, steal piktures off their page. Who kares if you were warned not to, you kan do whatever you want! You're God, remember? After stealing their piktures, take large chunks of the page's kontent and put it on your slanderous page. Analyze this information with your amazing psykology skills. Sure, you know nothing about this person whatsoever, but hey, why not make up some stuff? And hey, who kares if this is plagerism. Sure, it's highly highly illegal, but you're above the law, remember?
Once the page is komplete, write a small apology to the person's friends. Just like that, they'll like you again, seeing that, even though you've helped to further pollute the Internet with hate, there's still SOME good in you *koughyeahright*
"But that's slander", you say? "Slander is illegal"? Hey now, you shouldn't worry about that. No one but YOU matters in this situation. YOU're the viktim here! The worst that kan happen to you is that your webpage will be taken down due to violation of the terms of service, and you'll probably have to make a kourt appearance bekause of your slander, plagerism, and OBSESSIVE behavior. But hey, it's all worth it if it brings more people to your webpage, right?
So now you probably have a good chunk of people after you, right? Didn't stop to think that this person had some damn good and protektive friends, did you? Well, there's only one thing you kan do to solve this problem! Simply go and sign every guestbook you kan find on the Internet, preferably ones you find on that person's "LINKS" page, telling everyone that you're the viktim here, and the whole webpage removal was *someone else's* fault. People will MARVEL at your maturity! Suddenly, you'll be popular. People will like you again, even though they think you're an extremely OBSESSIVE person!
Doesn't that sound like fun? Why not go do it. Now. Go on, what's stopping you? You're intelligence? :) Good
This has been a publik service announcement for the People Against Slanderous Sites movement (PASS). It was done while listening to Where we Fall, by Spineshank and REM's Bittersweet Me. That's right, just two songs, NOT on repeat, bekause this page wasn't obsessive enough to take a whole 12 hours. It took 7 minutes, fancy that
[bakk] [home] [next]