DAY 1: ~9/25/98~ Today, I kept juggling the idea of "I better quit smoking" around in my head. I gave it alot of thought. Thought back to when I first started smoking, some 24 yrs. ago! And here I am today contemplating the idea of quitting this habit that I have had all these years!

How would it "really" feel to be a non-smoker? What would it be like to smell & taste everything the way it should be? What would it be like to have really fresh breath, not to mention dazzling white teeth without all these tobacco stains? And what would it be like to have all that "extra" energy? & to breathe "real" air? & to gain some weight? (which I could handle!) and what would I do with all the time I waste for my nasty habit? & what about the extra money I'd have?

You see these and countless other questions popped up and made me realize that if I quit smoking I really wouldn't be "me" anymore! I'd be someone who has put on a few pounds, who has fresh breath, who can breathe again, who can taste food & smell things how they're meant to be smelled, etc., etc.!!! Life would be like entering a brand new chapter! Imagine how much you would appreciate the things you took away from yourself years ago & then were able to finally give them back to yourself!!! Just imagine that!!!

DAY 2: ~9/26/98~ Well, I felt it coming on & all you fellow smokers will know what I mean when I say I woke up with a tight chest, kind of a sore throat & congestion! For a smoker, this has to be the absolute worst thing about smoking that there could be! You can "feel" & "taste" all the tar and nicotine in your lungs. It's almost like a feeling that your lungs are trying to clean out all the black, smelly gunk that's in them, but there I go lighting up another cigarette forcing them to stay thick, black & smelly!!!

What would it be like to take this "opportune" time, when you know that your lungs are trying to clean themselves out, to not pick up another cigarette and let them do what they want to do? Could I be "that" nice to them after all of these years? Could I just pop a piece of Nicorette gum into my mouth and see what happens? Common sense would tell anyone that of course you should do that, but for a smoker to actually "do" that takes alot more than common sense!

Why? you ask? I could give you every excuse in the book and you know what they are!!! I won't say things like "I don't want fresh breath or healthy pink lungs or my senses of taste or smell back or all the other benefits I'd have by being a non-smoker. I'd say, "because it's too hard to quit smoking!!!". And, of course, the timing is never right for a smoker to quit! So, what do I do???

I guess that's why I'm writing this. Maybe this will help me to quit. Maybe it's my way of making myself fully aware of what the heck I'm really letting these cigarettes do to me. Maybe if I keep a daily journal of this nasty habit, something will "sink" into the part of me that keeps me addicted! Heck, most of my smoking is done without me even realizing that I lit up another one again anyway, so maybe this is the first step to bringing back that "conscious" part of my mind that will make me aware of each & every cigarette I light up!

So, I guess we'll see how longit takes me to write that, yes, I am preparing to quit by tossing all those damn things that are connected with them, right into the garbage! And whydon't I just do that right now? Because I'm SCARED TO!!! And, yes at the same time, I am visualizing how many 55 gallon aquariums full of ashes & cigarette butts I have filled in the past 24 years!!! I smoke 2-1/2 packs per day and in a years time, that comes out to be 18,250 cigarette butts! I don't even want to get out my calculator to figure out how many I've smoked in 24 years!!! What the heck am I doing that for??? Where is my common sense and logic?

DAY 3: ~9/27/98~ Well, needless to say, I am still smoking, but my desire to want to quit is still here! I spent many hours exploring stop smoking web-sites and joined a web-ring and added some banners with links to some stop smoking sites! I noticed that I am paying alot more attention to each cigarette I smoke today, partly because I am still congested and my voice is hoarse. I'm also still very interested in stopping this nasty habit! I explored all over the internet and learned about addictions. Now maybe I have most of the tools I need to prepare myself for the big day!

I don't know when that will be yet, but at least I know I am preparing myself for "it"! All I can say is that every time I cough, I am reminded of how my poor lungs want to be rid of this stinky gunk that's in them! And believe me, I can smell it & taste it!!! Can you imagine what we smell like when we are sick to others? And to think that smokers senses aren't even close to a non-smokers sense of taste & smell!!! I'm telling you, I definately want to spend the next half of my life as a non-smoker!!!

DAY 4 & 5: ~9/28 & 9/29/98~ Not feeling very well these two days and I had to work both days! I'm exhausted!!!

DAY 6: ~9/30/98~ Well, I'm back but am still sick! Us smokers sure have a hard time kickin' these resperatory things!!! I've been going over all the links from these links I've put on my page and I've come to the conclusion that I will be using Nicorette Gum. I used it ten years ago & I thought it worked like magic. The problem I had was that I started to forget the gum at home and when I'd see someone with a cigarette I'd go nuts!!! (which, of course, is what ended up turning me back into a smoker!) I don't know if the instructions were the same back then as they are now, but now they say to chew the gum over a 3 month time period, gradually weaning yourself off. I only chewed one piece of gum a day and they suggest a much higher amount, but I imagine that's up to each person. So, as you can see, this time around I will have the support I need and the awareness I'll need to kick the worst habit I have!!! Along with coffee, which I have already been drinking half-decaf for a couple of weeks now!

DAY 7: ~10/1/98~ Well, I'm in luck, my work schedule isn't as rough over the next two weeks, so now I feel I can really get down to nitty gritty!!! I keep telling myself "Just Do It!" over & over & over!!! and "You Can Handle It!" That really seems to be helping me. So does that ad for Nicotrol- "The Power to Calm- The Power to Comfort- The Power to Quit!"

So, now I am going to go and buy LOTS of hard candy, gum, mints, tea, juice, and sunflower seeds! I already have my vitamins & supplements. My work-out room in the basement has been calling out to me for almost a year now, so last week I got it all cleaned out and enticing in there. It smells good, has good music and looks inviting and it's right across from the shower! So, I started using it to get these ol' worn out muscles back in shape so I'm not all sore the week I plan on quitting smoking!

Speaking of the shower, are all you smokers out there in as big a hurry as I am all the time? It just seems like I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed taking a long, hot shower! When I quit smoking, I am going to thoroughly "savor" everything I do. Just think how alive all of your senses will be!!! Maybe that's the key to this whole quitting thing! Taking the time to enjoy, to experience, to see, to touch, to taste, to hear, and to smell!!!

DAYS 8 & 9 ~Oct.2nd & 3rd~ Had an enormous amount of stress to deal with!!! (My teen-aged son, that should explain it all!!!) I smoked so many cigarettes it is impossible to figure out how many packs I smoked!!! All I know is that I can barely breathe and coughing ALOT!!!

DAY 10: ~10/4/98~ WHEW! Glad my stress level is back to normal now, but boy am I ever suffering the consequences of all those cigs on top of this chest congestion!! Oct. 7th is going to be greeted wth open arms! Wonder how long it'll take my chest to clear up once I quit. I'm sure I'll feel quite a difference with being sick once I quit. My dad quit about 8 yrs. ago and hasn't had a cold since!!! He was a chain-smoker, over 4 packs a day since he was 12 yrs. old!!! He had acupunture done on his wrist and hasn't had a cigarette since!!!

I had a relapse & quit again on Jan. 1, 1999! I did some more searching and believe I have found the first stop on my quit smoking trek! It's called YOU FIRST and you can get to it from the link below! I signed up for this health assessment test that is on an interactive website! It is a very thorough test. Take it! It's free and they save the results and compare this test to future tests!

I also found more interactive websites I will be using which are listed on page 2 of my journal. To find that, go below to Kat's Pages and use the pull-down bar! But first, go get set up at QuitNet- A Quit Smoking Interactive Tool!

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