Hey, *you* try to hand-count the ballots by the deadline with wolves and serpents gnawing at your genitals!!
Due to the use of pitchforks, *all* ballots are discarded as showing votes for three candidates.
All candidates -- not just George W. Bush -- are covered with festering facial boils.
Lawyers always decide the elections -- then again, *everyone* in Hell is a lawyer.
Confused Democrats always mistake the waiting line for the voting booth with the waiting line to get your larynx cut out with a rusty nail.
Satan's younger brother, Beezlejeb, plays fast and loose with the rules.
While you're trying to decide, confusing "Giant, Rabid Bat" style ballots puncture *you*.
Ballot instructions read, "Cleanly punch chad in appropriate hole." Your name? Chad.
No elections at all -- instead, Regis Philbin hosts "Who Wants to Be the Prince of Darkness?"
Always limited to two choices: A) Fire, B) Brimstone.
Results are always the same:
49.9% - Hitler
49.9% - Dr. Laura
0.2% - Carrot Top
You'd think Satan would take your "Write-in Jesus!" gag campaign pin in the spirit it was intended, but the thousand rabid possums feeding upon your charred flesh would suggest otherwise.
Difficult to get unbiased election results by radio with all the stations set to Limbaugh, 24/7.
Low voter turnout because the first Tuesday in November is also "Disembowel a Telemarketer Day."
Having to shovel snow after a Buchanan victory.
Due to confusing ballot layout, many voters who intended to select "Beer and a Cheeseburger" mistakenly choose "Rectal Banjo Insertion."
