G.I. JOE: "Warning: The term 'Action figure' is a euphemism for 'dolly'."
EZ BAKE OVEN: "Light bulb heating unit is warm enough to melt crayons, but will not affect e-coli bacteria."
POKEMON: "This toy will result in your first addiction. Cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and heroin will inevitably follow."
YAHTZEE!: "Game score accuracy not guaranteed in Florida."
YO-YO: "Regardless of skill lever, use of this product can never -- I repeat, *never* -- make you look cool."
"MY SIZE" BARBIE: "Mattel not liable for incidents of doll coming to life, throwing you in its box, putting on *your* clothes, and seamlessly assuming your place in the family, only with more success than you ever had."
BETSY WETSY: "For ages 3-7 only, you perv!"
FURBY: "Warning to Parents: Gets annoying in like 5 minutes, and you face the risk of seeming soooo 1998."
CLUE: "Hint to blondes: While we DO encourage you to buy our game, but this is not what everybody meant."
MAGIC 8-BALL: "Not intended for making important decisions, President Bush."
LAVA LAMP: "Contains less than 2% incandescent magma from the Earth's mantle."
RAZOR SCOOTER: "Will instantly render user indistinguishable from every other kid nationwide."
BIG MOUTH BILLY BASS: "A singing fish -- what the hell were you thinking?"
ETCH-A-SKETCH: "Caution: Product will almost certainly be used to draw a large, rectangular penis."
PLAYSTATION 2: "Not intended as a parental substitute. May stunt social growth. Increased popularity among your peers is only temporary. Will not make you happy, even if your dad did pay $600 for it on Ebay. Note to parents: Sure, it's expensive, but think of all the money you'll save on college tuition."
HACKY SACK: "For use by hippies and slackers only."
JUNIOR ELECTRIC GUITAR: "Maybe get a blister on your finger. Maybe get a blister on your thumb."
HARRY POTTER INVISIBILITY CAPE: "Invisibility not guaranteed for use in opposite-gender locker room or toilet facility."
