YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN MAKE THE PEACE

IT'S EASY TO SAY YOU'RE AGAINST VIOLENCE. But actively working to make the peace in your workplace, community and home is a little more difficult.

IT MEANS YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT VIOLENCE IS. And that you know it when you see it. It means you do what you can to settle problems in your workplace, community and home in a non-violent way - without using words to threaten or intimidate. It means you value yourself and your co-workers equally.

It means, if you're the victim of violence, you report it by talking to someone supportive. It means, if you're behaving violently, you comprehend that what you do has an effect on other people, that you accept responsibility for it and you get the help you need to stop.

MAYBE YOU'RE THE KIND OF PEACEMAKER WHO CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. Without a doubt, you're the one who can make the peace in your little corner of it.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT VIOLENCE IS??

It's words and actions that hurt people.
It's misuse of power and control.
It's something you learn, not something you're born with.
It's doing physical, sexual or psychological harm to your co-workers, your family, your friends, your community, yourself.
It's becoming an all too acceptable way for some people to solve problems or to get what they need at the expense of others.

• Consider your management style. Is it fair and respectful, or do you bully to get your way?
• Be accessible, not intimidating, so your employees aren't afraid to approach you with helpful information.
• Be a problem solver, not an avoider.
• Effectively communicate your concerns to those around you - as well as your gratitude. Acknowledge success and hard work every time.
• Be cautious in your judgement and your blame of others.
• Foster a sense of pride in the workplace. Always treat others the way they'd like to be treated.
• When someone on your staff has personal problems, encourage her or him to seek help without fear of recrimination.

• Don't just complain about or trash others. If you're upset about something, confront the source in a direct and helpful manner.
• Consider whether your actions help or hurt the work environment around you.
• If you don't feel safe in the workplace, tell your supervisor about it. If your supervisor is the problem, tell his or her supervisor.
• Be quick to help your co-workers - and slow to judge them.

Whoever You Are

• Keep your sense of humor.
• Take responsibility for your own behavior.
• Value everyone's contribution.
• Because work problems can affect your home life (and vice versa), get the support you need to do the best you can in both situations.
• Respect different ways of working. Respect the different races, classes and lifestyles among your co-workers. Encourage others to do the same.

• Eliminate violence from your own personal set of responses.
• Do all you can to diffuse conflicts instead of escalating them.
• Make sure your words and actions help (not hurt) others.
• Take responsibility for your own actions. Teach others to do the same.
• Get any support and help you need.
• Get to know your neighbors - elders, adults, youth, children.
• Be the kind of neighbor other people are proud to know.
• Take care of community property as if it were your own.
• Get involved in community and neighborhood events.
• Encourage your local schools, churches, businesses, parks, libraries and youth centers to be active and involved in the neighborhood.

• Each person has strengths of her or his own. Identify then, and build on them. Give each family member a reason to feel important.
• When your feelings are escalating and stress is getting the better of you, get the help you need - before you lash out at someone else.
• Keep small things from becoming big by talking about them.
• Treat each other fairly, the way you'd each like to be treated.
• Take time to show you care - talk, listen, never stop getting to know each other.
• Respect each other's space, but remember a caring touch can mean a lot.
• When disagreeing or correcting each other, be direct and firm, but respectful.
• Encourage play that teaches children to be good sports. Show them how to have fun without fighting and name calling or watching violent shows.
• Learn about your family history, culture or race. Celebrate it. Build family traditions around it.
• Help each other accept responsibility for actions and behavior. Don't blame others for your reactions.
• Discourage abuse of tobacco, or alcohol and other drugs that can divide families. Be a role model for responsible use.
• If someone has a problem with violent behavior and/or alcohol abuse and other drugs, encourage them to get help. Do what you can to help yourself.
• Make helping others a family project.
• Live your life so that, when people think of someone who's caring, considerate and fair, they think of you.

If I'm angry at my co-worker or boss for personal or work reasons, I can make the peace by calming down before I confront her or him, thinking through what it is I have to say, handling myself in a professional manner without resorting to personal insults or put-downs.

If an employee comes to me with a problem like substance abuse, domestic violence, stress or burnout (or if I suspect a problem), I can make the peace by stating my concerns, listening sympathetically, determining any safety concerns, deciding if the company can help or if it has a policy that covers the situation, avoiding blame or ridicule, encouraging the employee to seek help from appropriate sources.

If an employee comes to me with a grievance, I can make the peace by listening to all sides of the story before jumping to conclusions, using the policies and procedures available to remedy the situation, avoiding blame or ridicule, making sure that my actions are clearly understood by all.

If I have to lay off or fire an employee, I can make the peace by doing it in a respectful manner, keeping the details private, offering whatever assistance I can, watching for signs of potentially violent behavior.

If I'm angry at my neighbor, I can make the peace by calming down, not hurling insults or put-downs or bringing up old arguments, not responding to insults flung at me, leaving for a few minutes till I feel strong enough to talk things through.

If a parent in the neighborhood is leaving kids unsupervised, I can make the peace by getting to know him or her instead of indulging in gossip, offering to baby-sit, finding out what resources he or she might need, involving other neighbors to make the situation better for everyone.

If the neighborhood kids are playing in hostile ways in front of my house, I can make the peace by walking over and talking to them in a direct but respectful tome of voice, letting them know what I expect of them and that I believe they can treat each other better, suggesing that there are ways to have fun without hitting and name calling, getting their ideas on that, asking them respectfully to clean up any trash or damage.

If I know an elderly person who's living in fear of crime or violence, I can make the peace by talking to him or her about their fears, finding out what he or she needs to feel safer, organizing the neighbors to help out so he or she knows someone cares.

If I'm angry at my spouse or partner or teenager, I can make the peace by not blaming her or him for my feelings or reactions, not hurling insults or put-downs or bringing up old arguments, not responding to insults flung at me with more insults, leaving for a few minutes till I feel strong enough to talk things through, controlling myself rather than trying to control her or him, getting the help I need to stop - if I've been hurting others.

If I've had a bad day and I'm about to take it out on my 6-year old, I can make the peace by explaining in a normal tone of voice that I'm tired, calling a friend for support, taking a few minutes to settle myself down by reminding myself that I can't expect adult behavior from a small child, asking my child to take some time out too.

If a family member comes to me in a sexual way, I can make the peace by refusing to keep the secret, telling him or her to stop and/or telling someone else about it, knowing the behavior is his or her problem and he or she needs help to stop, knowing that nurturing and caring touch can be wonderful - but abusive use of touch is wrong and harmful.

If my teenager is so full of rage he or she is about to burst, I can make the peace by helping him or her talk about their feelings and what they expect from the situation, trying to understand his or her point of view, being strong enough to admit it if he or she needs help.

If someone is abusing my mind, body or spirit, I can make the peace by taking action that will make me feel safer whether it's speaking up or seeking the outside help and support I need, understanding that the violent behavior is their problem (not my fault), knowing I can't control his or her actions by being a better person or loving them more.