Those Tough Minnesotans!
Minnesotans Are Tough, You Betcha!
You know how people complain, right? Well in Minnesota, people are tough. Here's just how tough Minnesotans are!
AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit)
+50
- New York tenants turn on the heat
- Minnesotans plant gardens
+40
- Californians shiver uncontrollably
- Minnesotans sunbathe
+35
+32
+30
- You can see your breath
- You plan a vacation to Florida
- Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
- Minnesotans eat ice cream
+25
- Boston water freezes
- Californians weep pitiably
- Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20
- Cleveland water freezes
- San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
- Minnesota Viking fans put on T-shirts
- Moustache hairs start to freeze
+15
- You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
- Minnesotans go swimming
+10
- Too cold to snow
- You need jumper cables to get the car going
- Nose hairs begin to freeze
0
- New York landlords turn on the heat
- Beards begin to freeze
-5
- You can hear your breath
- You plan a vacation to Hawaii
-10
- American cars don't start
- Too cold to skate
-15
- You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
- Miamians cease to exist
- Minnesotans lick flagpoles
-20
- Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
- People in Bemidji think about taking down screens
-25
- Too cold to kiss
- You need jumper cables to get the driver going
- Japanese cars don't start
- Minnesota Twins head for spring training
-30
- You plan a two-week hot bath
- Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
-38
- Mercury freezes
- Too cold to think
- Minnesotans button top shirt button
-40
- Californians disappear
- Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
- Minnesotans put on sweaters
-50
- Congressional hot air freezes
- Alaskans close the bathroom window
- Minnesota Vikings practice indoors
-60
- Walruses abandon Aleutians
- Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
- Boy Scouts in International Falls start Klondike Derby
-70
- Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey
- nets
- Brainerd snowmobilers organize trans-river race to
-80
- Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
- Girl Scouts in Detroit Lakes start Klondike Derby
-90
- Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
- Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer
-100
- Santa Claus abandons North Pole
- Minnesotans pull down earflaps
-173
-445
-452
-454
-456
- Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458
- Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
-460 (Absolute Zero)
- All atomic motion ceases
- Minnesotans agree as to how it's getting a "mite nippy"
Now if you believe that, I've got some used swampland in Florida to sell you cheap!
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