Blade (1998)

Blade is, as far as I know, based on the comic book Blade. I don’t know if the comic book starred Wesley Snipes, though I would doubt it. Snipes plays a self-loathing half-vampire who, in the opening scene, enters a vampire discotheque and opens fire on the children of the night, luckily right before Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round” had a chance to queue up. He kills all of them save one, who is brought to the hospital, where it is hoped he can find a doctor who specializes in shape-shifters. He bites his care provider, Dr. Karen Jenson (N’Bushe Wright), who testily suggests he be dropped from his managed care group.

Snipes takes her back to his lair for treatment of her lycanthropy and to see if she can’t do something with the unruly hair of his right-hand man, Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson). Whistler is a crack vampire-killer weapons manufacturer who also provides Blade with a serum that keeps him from becoming a full-blooded vampire. When he has the sniffles, Whistler also knows which cough medicine is right for Blade.

Once Dr. Karen Jenson has recovered enough to be able to look at Kris Kristofferson without laughing, Blade explains that there is a subculture of vampires living among the humans, and that the Count from Sesame Street is just the tip of the iceberg. Whistler tells her the story of how Blade came to be: It turns out Blade is called Blade because he carries several swords, all of them with blades . . .
Karen follows Blade as he travels the streets at night battling vampires and turning them into 1's and O's so that they can be rendered as unconvincing digital effects. His duty done, he goes to Denny’s and orders their Grand Slam breakfast, where he substitutes blood for the two eggs, blood for the two pancakes, blood for the two strips of crisp bacon, but keeps the hash browns and just has them with ketchup.

One of his foes, Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff, has plans to turn all of humanity into vampires by fulfilling an ancient prophecy written of in the vampire bible . . . Frost uses Blade’s blood to summon an ancient vampire god, Ted the Vampire God, who turns out to be some thing of a wuss, even as ancient vampire gods go. Blade destroys the whole plan, meaning that the only vampire prophecy yet fulfilled is that they be the subjects of stupid movies starring Stephen Dorff.

Unless you’re actually scooped up and put into a hopper of discarded animal innards, Blade is probably the bloodiest and most gruesome thing you’ll ever see in your life. Children under thirty-eight should not be allowed to watch this film, and those over thirty-eight should be hardened by life, their souls tough little chunks of some blackish material. However, as dark as it is, it should be admitted that there are quite a few outstanding dance numbers.