Monstervision Host Segments for
Friday the 13th, Part 3
Host segments for Friday the 13th, Part 3, in the Friday the 13th marathon continued from Part 1 and Part 2
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Intro
"Did you notice there at the end how Paul and Ginny pull
off his hood and look at Jason's face, but we never get to see it? Jason's
face always remains a secret. We only see brief glimpses of it, grotesque
versions where it's been burned or mangled, and it's always in the final
scene of the flick, but part of the "Friday the 13th" legend is that Jason
really has no face, because Jason has no real identity. Very heavy. Okay,
let's put it on the board. We had the 12-year-old Jason in Part One,
played by Ari Lehman. In Part Duo we have the burlap sack over the head,
and a plaid shirt and overalls. The guy who played him, Warrington
Gillette--who's actually an investment banker, no lie--said he couldn't
eat through the make-up, so he'd sit in the woods by himself, and when
everyone came back from dinner, he'd be so hacked off, it was easy to find
the motivation to break through a window and grab some girl by the throat.
Sounds like a fun set, huh?
Okay, let's move on. "Friday the 13th
III" was originally released as "Friday the 13th 3-D." Do you guys still
have your stereoscopic 3-D glasses? I'm sure most of you know what happens
here. The same thing that happened in Part 1 and Part 2. A bunch of
teenagers go into the woods, and they DON'T COME OUT. Harold gets a meat
cleaver to the chest. Edna gets a knitting needle rammed through her
noggin. And since they made this in 3-D, you get to see the actual
PENETRATION, so to speak, which is why this might be a little
disappointing on TV. Okay, listen closely while I do the drive-in totals,
cause the chyron guy is still missing. I don't know why you guys are
making room for em. We have:
Thirteen dead bodies--the required
number.
Pitchfork to the stomach.
Speargun to the eye.
What am
I seeing on the screen here?
"Joe Bob is a turd"? Who the heck's in
the booth? Will somebody get to the bottom of this? Start the movie.
[fading] This is gettin weird."
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #1
"Well, you can
probly see that we're dealing with the usual formula here in "Friday the
13th Part 3." We've got the crazy old man warning them of the omen of the
eyeball. We've got the goofball practical joker. We've got the heroine
haunted by a trauma in her past. That's Dana Kimmell--remember her from
"Midnight Offerings," one of our more popular horror flicks? But this is
actually what I like about these movies. If you're gonna make a sequel,
then make a goldurn sequel. Remember Halloween 3, the one where they
didn't have Michael Meyers and they didn't have Donald Pleasence? It was
not even worthy of the NAME "Halloween." But these "Friday the 13th" guys,
they've made the same movie nine times, and THAT takes some talent. All
right, we've killed off the old people on the highway. Let's get this teen
veal into the cabins and start whackin, how bout it?
[fading] By
the way, look what I found in the back of my cabinet. There's just a
little bit, but don't you worry about me making it through the night,
okay? I WILL make it through."
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #2
"You know what
movie came out the same month as "Friday the 13th 3-D," from the exact
same studio, Paramount Pictures? "An Officer and a Gentleman." But when
people think back on 1982, which movie gets all the attention. The movie
that defined the eighties for a whole generation, the movie that was so
popular it generated NINE sequels? Or the movie about a p.o.ed Navy guy
who kicks Lou Gossett's butt? I think we know the answer to that question,
don't we? Paramount always acted like they were a little ASHAMED of these
movies, even though they made millions for the studio. This one we're
watching, in fact, was the first in a series that were produced by Frank
Mancuso Jr. And you know what's a funny coincidence? While Frank Mancuso
Jr. was producing these, Frank Mancuso SENIOR was the president and chief
executive officer of Paramount. In fact, practically the EXACT same years
that Frank Senior was president, Frank Junior was the producer of these
movies. I mean, what are the odds? [sips coffee--spills it all over shirt]
Aw, HECK--Dede, can you get me a clean shirt? Dede? Where are you, honey?
All right, I'm goin to wardrobe, and I want you guys to come with me,
cause this is startin to freak me out.
[camera follows him] Mike,
you seen Dede? Dede? [Wardrobe is ransacked. Joe Bob picks up shirt off
the floor--it's got a big hole burned through it. He picks up the steaming
iron] I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #3
[still trying
to wipe coffee off shirt] Did you pick up on who's playing Debbie, the
oversexed one in the great bikini? The one that wants to have sex sex sex
with Andy all the time. It's Tracy Savage, the NBC news reporter. Well,
you know, Cronkite was a newspaper reporter before he went to the network.
Tracy was a partially nude horror film star. But I know an even BIGGER
secret about Tracy. You know Morris Cerullo, the San Diego evangelist who
heals people all the time on religious TV? Tracy starred in two specials
for Morris! "Advent Two" and "The Second Coming." All I got to say is,
amazing bikini. NBC's credibility just went up several notches as far as
I'm concerned.
[fading] All right, back to the flick. And after
that barn scene, I would say Jason is fairly stoked at this point,
wouldn't you? See, they made him mad. They . . . uh . . . let's see . . .
what was it they did to make him mad? Oh, yeah! They existed! You know,
maybe it's a good thing I spilled that coffee--I don't think that
cabinet's been opened since Wanda Bodine was in there scrounging around
for SnackWells . . . when was that? It's hard to keep track of all the
times she's scrounged around in here, if you know what I mean and I think
you do."
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #4
"MAN, I shoulda
taken a nap today. Okay, kids smoking grass. Hippie-lookin people having
sex. Shelly trying too hard to get in the sack with Vera. All this is BAD
NEWS if you're in a "Friday the 13th" movie, because if you even THINK
about sex or drugs, Jason knows about it. Catherine Parks, by the way,
plays Vera, and she's ANOTHER major babe. This installment may have the
best-looking gals of ANY of the "Friday the 13ths." Catherine Parks was
Miss Florida 1978 and has been an actress in Hollywood ever since. All
right, important historical event is coming up right here. See if you can
tell me what it is.
[fading] . . . I had something to say here, but
I'm so dang tired I can't remember what it was. Go."
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #5
"Okay, what you
just witnessed was an important moment in American film history, the
moment when Jason puts on the hockey mask for the first time. And that's
one of Jason's most imaginative kills, when he splits Andy down the middle
while he's walking on his hands. And Tracy Savage died there in the
hammock, that was important for a couple of reasons. She was reading an
article about special effects gore make-up master Tom Savini in the very
first issue of Fangoria magazine. And the cleaver came straight up through
her chest from underneath the hammock, reprising the death of Kevin Bacon
in the very FIRST "Friday the 13th." Boy, I was sorry to see HER go.
[touching hair] Wha--? Why didn't anyone tell me my hair was messed up?
Nena, can you do a touch-up here?
[O.S.: She's missing/Can't find
her]
Okay. THAT'S enough. Let's go. [camera follows him out of set]
Joke's over. Ollie-ollie-oxen-free! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
[MAKE-UP] Nena? [Joe Bob finds hairdresser's scissors, then sees
what's on the floor: clippings of silver hair. Picking them up:] Ted's
been threatening to cut back on the budget, but this is . . . Ted? You
here? [to camera] Okay, I'm awake."
"Friday the 13th Part 3" Commercial Break #6
"Were you happy
to see Rick die? I was very happy to see Rick's worthless little dork head
crushed between Jason's powerful palms. That's one part of the "Friday the
13th" plot that you can always count on. Usually the only survivor is the
girl. But SOMETIMES they let her boyfriend stay alive, too. Not that time,
though. I mean, you could tell by his stupid sweater. That guy HAD TO GO.
Now it's just Chris against Jason, and I think you know what time it
is.
Time to paint the forest red. Okay, let's roll.
[fading]
Dana Kimmell is a great screamer! That's a real skill. Of all the great
horror heroines, I would put her in the top five for screaming. I'm
talking about actresses now. I knew this gal in Laredo who was a screamer,
but . . . well, you don't wanna hear about that. You might wanna hear
about it, but Ted probly doesn't wanna hear about it. Has anyone checked
to see if Ted's car is here?"
Host segment transcript for 10/31/98 broadcast ©1998 Turner Network Television. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved
