(From Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide)

"Dentures: The Movie." Lorraine Gary, who was the wife of Roy Scheider for about five minutes in Jaws Uno and the widow of Roy Scheider for about two minutes in Jaws II, gets REAL MAD in this one and decides to kill the shark by herself. (Lorraine was married to Sidney Sheinberg, chief executive officer of Universal Pictures at the time. Maybe Sid was hoping for a little special-effects accident in the Bahamas?) So first the shark eats Lorraine's son. Then Lorraine goes to the Bahamas with her second son, his mousy wife, and the most obnoxious whiny child actor since Shirley Temple. The shark gets a copy of the family's reservations and FOLLOWS EVERYBODY TO THE BAHAMAS.

Michael Caine washes up on shore and falls in love with Lorraine for no reason. ("Two Bahama Mamas, please!") Shark chases son No. 2. Shark eats girl in bikini. Lorraine chases shark. Shark eats Mario Van Peebles for being the lovable sidekick. Michael Caine tries to kill shark with airplane. Shark eats a bomb and has indigestion. The only problem with the movie is the shark never eats Lorraine. In fact, the shark doesn't eat much of anything in this one, even though he has a golden opportunity to eat the obnoxious little girl. The biggest gross-out scene is the big ole WET KISS that Michael Caine plants on Lorraine.

No breasts.
One pathetic beast.
Four gallons blood.
Arm chewing.
Five shark attacks, three successful.
Airplane-eating shark.
Harpoon Fu.
Mario Van Peebles sings "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" for no reason.
Special extra points for filming scenes at Chappaquiddick.
With Karen Young, who yells at Lance Guest to take out the trash.
Michael Caine has the best line: "Maybe he had a heart attack--humans are full of cholesterol, you know."

© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime.
"Jaws: The Revenge" is available on DVD

My friend asked the producer what the budget was. The producer said, "I'll tell you what the cocaine budget was: $750,000." My friend thought for a second and said, "Well, it's all up there on the screen."

For this and other movie reviews by the artist formerly known as the host of MonsterVision, go to Joe Bob Briggs.com

(click screen below to play "Jaws" spoof from Saturday Night Live)
Chevy Chase as the "Land Shark"

with John Belushi as Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws 2

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