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Weird combination
of sci-fi and sword-and-sorcery, "Yor" premiered at the I-45 Drive-In in
Houston, starring Reb Brown as a blond beefcake with oiled biceps, a stick
in his hand and some rabbit fur between his legs who fights brontosauruses
with a stick. After he kills the first bronto and kung-fus eight or nine
guys in hair ape-man suits, Reb starts sucking their blood out of his hand
(for strength). Then he gets distracted by a bunch of bimbos (curiously
UN-topless ones), and then we get two hours of meandering non-plot about
Yor's yearning to return home--to TURKEY. It seems that he lived on an
island where he got zapped into the future--or is it the past?--so he goes
around bumping off giant bats, hang-gliding into apeman caves, and gliding
through places that resemble Wet 'n' Wild Amusement Park. Then he goes and
fights some fire creatures in the Land of the Diseased, and when he gets
there he dumps his original French bimbo, Corinne Clery, for a blonde
who's about to get sacrificed by a bunch of hillbillies who want to
appease the misty gas gods.
Then Yor kung-fus six or seven mummy heads and
sets fire to em with a flaming stick, and then he decides to become a
Mormon and have two wives, until the bimbos start fighting and almost get
raped by a gang of gorillas. He saves them from that fate, but the blonde
bimbo gets busted in the head with a rock, and right before she dies she
has a vision of the island Yor came from. This is right before the giant
lizard attack, in which Yor plunges his sword into the lizard's eye,
followed by the sequence in which he makes it with a Tahiti bimbo while
her village is exploding. After that there's a giant whale attack and then
he gets zapped into the future and the rest of the flick is about Yor
fighting a creep who dresses like Darth Vader and wants to see Yor put in
a test tube so he can "cultivate your seed."
Twenty-five dead bodies.
Two
quarts blood.
Several decent beasts.
A little Kung Fu.
Heads
roll. 
© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights
Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime.
For this and other movie reviews by the artist formerly known as the host of MonsterVision, go to
Joe Bob Briggs.com
Nurse checking in a pregnant woman: Is this your first baby?
"Yes"
Having any contractions?
No
Pressure?
No
In any discomfort?
No
Then why are you here?
"Today is my due date."
The Drive-In will never die!
Other movies with Reb Brown
Elvis has left the building, and he took Joe Bob with him.
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