Justin: Uh...hey y'all. Dis be Justin an welcome to da *N Sync Christmas Special. It really shoulda been da *Ncredible Justin Special, but Johnny said dat ah needed to give da other losers....uh, ah mean "band members" a chance, too. Dat be so wack since y'all know dat ah be da flyest! Ain't dat right, Brit?
Britney: That's right Justin. You are...
Justin: [cuts her off in mid sentence] Ok, ho, dat be enuff!
JC walks over to Justin and smacks him on the back of the head.
JC: You idiot! Shut the hell up! Uh, I mean, this Christmas is very special to us because we are sharing it with our families, friends, and fans.
Joey: Hey, guys, when do we eat?
Lance: Joey! You ate five minutes ago! You are truly are a pig!
Chris: Hey Lance, why don't you go and put on some make-up or something?
Lance: Hey, that doesn't sound like a bad idea...hey! Wait a minute! I'm a guy! I don't put on make-up!
Justin: Shh! Remember what Johnny said? He said dat we can't be talkin' about Lance's "feminine preference"!
Chris: Oh yeah! That and JC's "sugar" problem! What was I thinking? I'm so CRAZY!
Joey: Guys! I'm serious! Where's the holiday turkey?!?! And where are my bitches? Christina Aguilera! Get over here bitch!
Christina: [comes running over to Joey] I'm so sorry Joey! Here, let me get you a turkey sandwich!
JC: Anyway, we hope that you all enjoy your holidays with the ones you love...man, I miss Jerome! I miss my cra--I mean, I miss my cranberry sauce that my old grandma used to make. Yeah! That's it! Cranberry Sauce!
Justin: Shut up foo'! You know you's got a crack problem!
Lance: Stop fighting you guys! It's tearing me apart! [breaks down and cries on the floor, mascara running down his face]
Chris: Now look what you fools have done! You've made a lady cry! How dare you?! [kneels down before Lance and tells him it will be ok]
Joey: Lady???? Where?! Is she single? Is she sexy??? C'mon!
JC: Shut up you dumbass! I don't know how I put up with you idiots!
Justin: At least ah be da finset dawg in dis group! Whatcha' be talkin' about JC? You crackhead! If it weren't fo' me, dis wouldn't be *N Sync! It would be Sync or *N Syc! Yeah! *N Sick! Y'all suck!
JC: It wouldn't be *N Sync at all you jackass 'cause your mommy thought of the name! Idiot! That's it! I'm getting outta here! I need to find Jerome! [runs off the set mumblin something about a crack pot and his "stash"]
Justin: Dayum! Ah's be lookin' so damn fly tonight an' y'all be trippin'! I'm out! Yo Bitch, I mean, Brit, les' get outta here and give me my dayum "Christimas Present"!
Britney: Ok Justy! Whatever you... [gets cut off again by Justin]
Justin: Hey bitch! Ah ain't payin' you to be talking all da time! Shut yo' mouf!
Justin and Britney walk off the set as Justin has his hands down Britney's blouse.
Joey: What just happened? Is dinner ready yet? You guys know that if I don't eat every five minutes, I'll... [falls to the floor unconcious]
Lance: You see, Chris? They always do this at special events! They always end up fighting! Especially when it's a taped event! I can't take it anymore!
Chris: Don't worry baby! Daddy Chris will make it all better...I mean...I'm here for you man! [stands up and turns to the camera] Well, I guess that's all for our Christmas special. By the way, I'm way CRAZY! Hey, where's my viagra and ritalin? I knew I should've taken my memory medicine earlier! I hate being old! Whatever! I'm about to get me some! Let's go Lance!
Chris and Lance leave the set holding hands as they leave Joey on the floor. Camera zooms out as they roll the end credits. They read as follows:
The producers and managers of this station apologize for anything that may have left you disturbed or disgusted in any way. We have nothing to do with *N Sync or their manager Johnny Wright. We hope that we haven't corrupted your children with the content of this Holiday speicial. May you have a safe and happy holiday and new year!
