Today On "That's Outrageous!"...
ACTUAL label instructions on consumer goods distributed by companies employing Fatones:
On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hand.
And finally, the new Joey Fatone line of HANDS FREE CELLULAR PHONES! Be the first on your block...
...to look like the frickin idiot he is.
