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Titanic [if nsync had been on it anyway...]

Enjoy, chillins' :)
Note: It has been brought to our attention that this story appeared on another web site. We were not aware of this, as we had found this in our files after we inherited the site from Brit. If you know where this came from or who wrote it, please let us know. We are not intentionally trying to plagarize anyone's work. Likewise, please do not take any of our material without asking us or Brittany. Thank you.
Attention: the previous note above-- I (Mary) wrote this story for another page, now called 'Digital Get Down--soiuthern Style' it is my work, i am an editor on the other page this appears on. It is an original work by myself, i did not copy it from anyone, and i did indeed post it at DGSS before i even moved to this page. If it is posted on any other page besides this one, Jokes On Juju or DGSS, then I personally would like to be informed. My e-mail is space_cowgir1@hotmail.com i re=iterate the above statement, please do not take our work without asking or crediting us, for we put work into our creative efforts and do not appriciate all ya'lls comin' in here like you own our shit :) thank you, that will be all !Mary
The boys are docking and Lance is doing that whole spiel about "taking me back in chains" thing, all emotional and such. All of 'em are decked in their FUBU gear, dressed alike, of course, and they are in their rooms now.

Lance: Oh, aren't those floral arrangements beautiful?! Oh, how lovely! [as he runs around smelling the flowers]

Joey: I gotta get the action out on the dock, there be some FINE honeys out there! [he runs out the room, towards the dock]

JC: Yea, you go Hoey, you get some action.

Lance: [with a confused look on his face] Why, what on earth are you talking about JC? Getting some "action"?

Chris: See, um, well Lance, when two people love each other very much...

Lance: Oh! I see! He's going to go talk to the women, how nice of him, being so socialable and all!

Chris: Um, yea.

Justin: Damn Lance, you be STOOPID boyiee. You don't even know what Chris be talkin' bout, yo.

JC: I need to go take my, um, medicine. -sniff- [shuffles out of the room]

Chris: [riding the suitcases like a cowboy] LOOK AT ME!!! I'M CRAZY!!!

Lance: Now Chris, I really don't think thats appropriate.

Justin: Shut up, you, watch yo upper lip. Ahm hungry, lets go eat, yo.

JC and Joey come back in the room. Joey has Christina Aguilera on one arm and a stange woman on the other. JC is sniffing.

Joey: Hey guys? I need the room to myself for a couple of hours. -winks-

JC: Dude, I am soooo hungry for some...Cheetos and some cotten candy...let's go eat.

After dinner, Lance is sitting on the deck and Justin is in stearage syaing hi to his "brothas" and JC. Chris is spitting off the side of the deck when a woman with long hair flying off of her scalp, runs past Lance. He runs after her to find she is hanging off the back of the boat.

Lance: Um, like, 'scuse me? What's going on here?

The woman turns around and (dum dum dum) it's Daneill Fishel (Topanga).

Topanga: Oh Lance!!!!! I will never love again!! You have ruined my life!!!! I'm going to kill myself!!!

Lance: Ohmygod!!! Really? Then do it already you troll. If it weren't for you, I might be dating some hot chick.

Topanga: And MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT!!!! I'M UGLY!!

Lance: And you weren't before? [pushes her off the boat]

Topanga: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! [Falling to her death]

As Topanga hits the water and dies on impact of her her fall to the icy waters. All of the sudden, police come running to see what happens. When they find out, a conga line comes around and everyone starts celebrating her death.

Back in the room, Joey and some "mysterious stranger" are in the bathroom "showering," while Lance knits some booties for Busta. Justin is practicing his autograph, and JC is passed out on the floor with a 40 of malt liqiuor in his hand and a syringe near by, used. Chris is finger painting.

Lance: Oh, Chris, do you think Busta likes pink?

Chris: Um, to tell you the truth, Busta can't have things on his feet...yea.

Lance: Why not?

Chris: He, um, has a disease, and, um, DOCTERS ORDERS! Sorry.

Lance: Oh poo, what will I do with these now?

Chris: GEEZ LANCE! Can't you see I'm busy!

Justin: Ah can't believe how good ah look, yo!

Chris: Step away from the mirror Justin.

Justin: Seriously, yo, look at me. Have you eva seen a betta lookin' brotha than me?

Chris: YO JUSTIN, YOU'RE WHITE!

Justin: Ah am not, you be trippin'. Hey, where Lance be at?

They leave the room in search of Lance, and find him at the front of the boat with his arms outstreached and whispering "I'm flying" to himself.

Justin: Lance, you be a fruit boyiee, git off the rail, yo.

Chris: Yeah Lance, what on earth are you doing?

Lance: Try it!!! It's so breathtaking!

Justin: Lance, I'm takin' you to meet da ladies tonite. You need to get laid.

Lance: Laid?

Justin: That's right, we be mackin' tha honeys tonite.

Lance: I don't understand.

Chris: Justin, uh, do you think he's ready for, uh, that kind of experience?

Justin: He NEEDS that kind of experience, yo!

Lance: Wait, so what are we doing?

Justin: First, we need to git you some pimp gear. We'll ask Joey.

They head back to the room and find Kathy Griffin making out with Joey on the couch.

Lance: KATHY?!?!

Kathy: Lance?!?!

Lance: What's going on here? What we had was real Kathy!!!

Kathy: Yea, well, I need a male prostitute like Joey here, and you don't even know what sex is!!!

Lance: Justin, lets go "mackin'" whatever that is. I don't wanna be around Kathy right now!

Justin: Right, well, Joey, can we borrow some of your rags?

JoeyYea, DON'T TOUCH THE LEAPORD SKIN BIKINI BRIEFS!!!

Justin: Thats sick, yo, like ah would touch yo skanky ass underware!!!

Lance: I ain't wearing Joey's panties!!!!! I'm from Mississippi!!!

Justin: OK, lesson number one, never say "I'm from Mississippi" unless someone asks you.

Lance: Not even when I introduce myself?

Justin: Not even when you introduce yo self.

Lance: Well...OK if you think it will work...

Justin: Trust me, look at Joey. Does anyone care where his pimp ass came from? NO! Because all the honeys want is some lovin'. Slap My 'Fro!

Justin and Lance go off to find suitable clothing for Lance. JC wakes up in a stupor.

JC: Where am I?!?!

Chris: On the Titanic, you walking high.

JC: DUDE! Look at my hand. [continues to stare at hand with amazement for the next 3 hours]

Lance emerges wearing Kahki pants, a grey button down shirt over a white wife beater, some Lugz (courtesy of Justin) and a huge diamond-studded cross.

Chris: Who's that?

Lance: It's me, um, yo.

Justin: You'll catch on to mah language some day, yo.

Lance: Aight, um, yo. Do I really have to end EVERY sentance with "yo"?

Justin: Yes, ah told you, it is imparative that you do, yo.

Chris: What on earth...he looks straight, how'd you do it Justin?

Justin: Ah just looked at mahself and ah thought "Dayum boyiee, you look good!" And ah dressed "L" in some of mah rags dat ah wore last week, yo.

Chris: "L"?

Lance: We decided that Lance sounds, um, how did you put it Justin?

Justin: Gay.

Lance: Yes, thats it, gay. So we changed it to something more suitable.

Justin: "L", ah told you, yo. Quit usin' such big words. Da honeys won't undastand what your bitch ass be sayin', yo.

Lance: Um, aight, yo.

Justin: Aight, yo slow ass is catchin' up. Let's go, yo.

Chris: Justin, be gentle with him. I mean, it's his first time and all...

Justin: Sit yo ass down, yo, ah know what ahm doin'.

Chris, Justin and "L" leave to go to the ballroom, lookin' for the "honeys."

Justin: Aight, "L", you just git ova there and ask dat lady if she's all alone tonight.

Lance: Aight, here it goes, yo. [suanters over to a woman wearing a mini skirt and tube top] Girl were you alone? (and a solo is born)

Woman: [smiling] Why yes, I was. You wanna join me tonite?

Lance: Yea, I guess, yo. I be "L".

Woman: I'm Rose. [hands him peice of paper] Meet me here at 10:00. Bye sweetie.

Lance: Bye sweet thang. [walks back to Justin]

Justin: What happened, yo?

Lance: She gave me her room numba, yo.

Justin: Sweet! You be gettin' some action tonite, yo.

Lance: Aight, now explain what that be, yo.

Justin: Dayum, you be stupider than ah thought, yo.

Lance: Well that's not helpin', yo.

Justin explains what "getting some action" means, shows him a book or two, and borrows some videos courtesy of Stever. Lance is shocked but pursues Rose anyway.

Lance: [knock knock]

Door opens to reveal Rose standing in a mesh robe.

Rose: Hey baby.

Lance: Dayum. [walks in]

Rose: Make yourself comfortable. Lay down on that bed over there. [pushes him down]

Lance: Hey, wuts wit da whips an' black leather, yo?

Rose: You'll see. [laughs maliciously]

After a night of painful sex, which will leave him emotionally scared, Lance vows never to speak in ebonics again; assuming that if you do, you end up with people like Rose. At the same time, he became aware of the possibilities with women and decides to give up wearing makeup (except foundation), and to stop knitting and buy more "manly" clothing. He also stopped referring to himself as "L". Back in the room...

JC: [holding his cattle prod] GET IN BED!!!! You are all up way too late!!

Joey: Ouch, stop! ::zzzaaap:: Freak! I'm Hungry!

JC: There, now that you are all in bed, I must go take my medications.

Chris: But I'm crazy! I need to stay up and-

JC: Are you questioning me!?!?! ::zap::

Chris: -Wimper- No sir, I'll go to bed now.

J.C.: I'll be back in an hour. ::zap::

Lance: [Curled up in fetal postition] I'm from Mississippi, I'm from Mississippi, I'm from Mississippi...

Chris: God Justin, what did you do to him?

Justin: Ah didn't do a thang!! You might ask Rose though...

Chris: You let him near Rose!!!! After what happened with Joey?!?! He stopped pimping for an entire week!!!

Justin: That's right you crazy bastard. Ah thought she could break him in.

They both have a good laugh and fall asleep. Elsewhere on the boat, JC is shooting up with some crack addicts when the boat jerks suddenly and he stabs himself with the needle in his neck. He starts screeming "I'll loose my high! Quick!! Do something!!" and passes out from the blood loss. He wakes up 20 minutes later in a puddle of freezing cold water.

JC: Dayum, I gotta get back to the room and see if the guys are still asleep. I'll fry those bastards if they let Lance do facials again. ::Zap::

Lance: [running in circles screaming "oh God, oh God, oh God...gotta get outta here!!!!]

Justin: Wuts goin' down, yo?

Lance: AHHHH!! The boat is you retard!!

They run up on deck in FUBU brand life jackets, and start trying to get into a lifeboat.

Joey: Can we get on this boat sir?

Lifeboat Guy: No sir, we cannot board men yet, just women and children.

Chris: [clutching to Lance] Please sir, she's all I have!! And they're our children!!!

Lifeboat Guy: Well, I can let the lady on, -points at Lance- but I can't waste space for international popstars like yourselves. Hey where's Lance?

They all look at Lance and have a good laugh, but regaurdless, they cannot get on the boat.

J.C.: We're gonna have to find another way!!

The guys start grabbing life savers and doors, and jump off the side of the boat. Joey just floated, all the women clinging to him. His fat kept him warm while the other guys are floating on doors.

Justin: Dayum, it's cold out here.

Chris: We'll be saved, just hold on while they get the lifeboats in order.

Lance: Hey, let's start a sing along!!!!

Justin: 'The underground don't stop fo ho's...'

Lance: No, something everyone knows. How about "Ray of Light"?

Justin: Ah ain't singin' no Madonna crap. I love myself some Tu Pac.

After bickering for awhile, a lifeboat containing Christina Aguilera comes along and she offers to save them.

All the Guys: We'll just wait for the next one, but thanks.

Finally, a lifeboat with lifeboat guys saves them, and one other person. Seven poeple were saved from the waters. One was Britney Spears, but she was voted off the boat becasue the guys felt her collection of glittery-pink clothing and accesories were taking up too much room.

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