Forever Knight / Dukes Of Hazzard

A Knight in Hazzard

 

Jeb Puckett sat at the table at the After Sunset, staring at the letter in his hand.  The look on his face was somewhere between pain and joy.  While that wasn’t an easy look to convey, the southern vampire managed to do it quite well.

 

Clarissa La Pont, the owner of the After Sunset came to him.  "What has you so perplexed?"  She asked her 'son' as she sat a can of Red Deer in front of him. 

 

"So … So what?"  He asked as he popped the tab and took a long drink.

 

"So stumped."

 

"Oh.  That.  Why didn't you say so in the first place."  He handed her the letter and the accompanying poster.  "It’s from my brother Jethro."

 

Clarissa read it.

 

Hey there, Jeb.

 

I hope everything’s fine with you.  Pa, Ellie and me are all well.  I read in the Hazzard Gazette where you won the Muncie Stock Car Rally.  And by nearly a lap.  That’s great.  That mask that those kids created for you looks so real and natural.  Is it hot?  Oh, that’s right, you said it wasn’t.  How’s Miss Clarissa and everybody else?  Give her all our love.

 

Things here in Havens Corners are as they always was.  Of course, we ain't no thriving metropolis like Hazzard is.  Or should I say was.  That ain't no joke.  That’s why I'm writing you.

 

Seems that ever since Boss Hogg went to that great still in the sky, Hazzard has been hit with one big problem after another.  As you know, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane became Boss after J. D. Hogg died.  The trouble is, he ain't nearly as sneaky and as crafty as Boss was.  He let several juicy opportunities slip by.   Like the Nut Factory.  They wanted to build in Hazzard, but Rosco couldn't get things together fast enough.  That would have meant jobs for a lot of people. 

 

Then the State Highway Division relocated Route 26.  Instead of going right through town, it's now six miles away.  That pretty much shut down the inter city speed trap.  Without that source of revenue, Boss was forced to cut back on a lot of things.  Like funding the Children's After School Center.  That meant that some of the mothers and fathers had to quit their jobs to take care of their kids.  That meant fewer income taxes and more welfare.  That put an even bigger strain on the budget.

 

Of course the drought we've been having for the past couple of years didn't help things neither.  Although it's raining pretty good this year, Rosco had to foreclose on six farms here in the county last year alone.  You remember Jilly Bowman?  She was that cute little freckled-faced girl that sat in front of me in Miss Gleeber's seventh grade class.  I think she had a crush on you.  Well, her husband died three years ago from a tractor accident.  This year, she lost her farm from the drought.  So she went to Chickasaw and opened a carryout there.   It's doing real good from what Jilly writes.  But it's Chickasaw County that profits from that, not Hazzard.

 

We just made it through by the skin of our teeth.  As did the Dukes.  Next year may be a whole nother story, though.  Rosco could have foreclosed on a lot more properties, but with all those useless farms he had on his hands already, there wasn't much use.  So, instead, he and Miss Lulu and Cletus came up with this plan to bail Hazzard out.

 

I'm sending a poster to you.  Maybe you and some of your friends would like to come here and participate in it.  I also sent one to Enos.  He says he's coming.  Maybe you two could come together.  Until the next time,

 

Your loving brother.

Jethro

 

The poster was printed on bright orange paper.

 

Attention!

 

All Ridge Runners and former Ridge Runners

On August 12th there will be a Charity 'Shine race!

 

All drivers are invited to participate.  All proceeds will benefit the Hazzard County Relief Fund.

 

First prize $10,000.00

Entrance fee - $500.00

Tickets for non participants  $25.00

 

For further information contact:

 

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

C/O General Delivery

Hazzard GA

(313) 555 9988

 

 

**********

Hazzard, Georgia

 

Lulu Hogg walked into the Sheriff's office.  She opened her purse and deposited five one hundred-dollar bills on Rosco's desk.

 

"What's that for?"  The Sheriff asked his sister, J. D. Hogg's widow.

 

"That's my entrance fee in the Shine Race."  Lulu replied.

 

"But it's only for Runners and their families.  There ain't never been a runner of the female persuasion before."  Rosco stammered.

 

"Well, there is now.  You show me where in the Ridge Runners Official Handbook that it says that a woman can't be a Ridge Runner. I used to run shine many a time for J. D. when he was sick or in jail or otherwise unavailable."

 

"She's got you there, Sheriff. "  Cletus Hogg, the deputy and J. D.'s third cousin, once removed, said.  "As far as I know there ain't no rule that says a lady can't do it.  Besides, she is Boss's widow and that makes her eligible all by itself."  He placed an open copy of the Handbook in front of the sheriff.

 

"Cletus … you dipstick.  You … You … can't ..."  As he read, Rosco turned several shades of red.  "You … you're right."  He picked up the money and put it into a cigar box.  On the cover was taped a note saying 'Shine Race'.  "Welcome to the Hazzard County Shine Race, Lulu.  You're entrant number 3."

 

"Who is one and two?"  She asked.

 

"Why, Bo and Luke Duke, of course.  It'll be a pleasure to watch them get the pants beat off them."  Rosco said, giving his unique laugh.

 

"If she can race, then so can I."  Daisy Duke said as she entered the office.

 

" I don't know about that, Miss Daisy."  Rosco said.  "You see, there ain't gonna be that many slots to race in.  There's only room for about thirty cars on the Hazzard - Methane Springs Road. I can't take too many applications."

 

"Well, then, you had better think of something real quick.  'Cause there's a whole bunch of people lined up all the way around City Hall and even down the street waiting to turn their money in."  Daisy pointed to the door.

 

Rosco looked out the front door.  They were lined up five deep in some places, and as Daisy had said, they were all around the building and as far down the street as Claggett's Drugstore.  A quick mental calculation said there was more than five hundred people.  At 500 dollars apiece, that was … over 250 thou … thou … thou … sand  ... sand … do ... do … hollars.   He blanched.  It went against everything Boss Hogg had taught him to turn that much money away.  "Well."  He stammered.  "We'll just have to think of something."

 

"Why not do it like they do the big city races in Atlanta?"  Cletus said.  "We could hold a series of qualifying heats and then just the top thirty racers take part in the final race."

 

"Cletus Hogg.  You have oatmeal for brains.  If you … you think I’m going to … to … "  He thought for a moment.  A wide grin spread across his face.   "Yeah! Qualifying heats. That just might be the solution.  That's a great idea.  And I'm so glad I thought of it."

 

Cletus rolled his eyes and heaved a huge sigh.

 

**********

Los Angeles

 

"So why don't you and Nick come with us?"   Jeb asked.  Nick and Toni were at the After Sunset for one of their rare outings.  Now that the children were getting older, they needed much more of their parents' time.  Fortunately, Teressa Giovanetti and Miriam Feldman had offered to babysit for them.  In fact, they had almost insisted on it. 

 

"You two really need some time for yourselves."  As Miriam had put it. 

 

"And we're going to give it to you."  Teressa had added

 

"You know, we haven't had a vacation this year, Nick.  A weekend at Redondo Beach hardly counts."  Toni said.  "And I think some time in the country might do us all a lot of good."

 

"Well …I … " Nick hesitated.  Toni had been around the twins and Donny enough to realize that a moment's wavering was the same thing as wholehearted agreement.

 

"Good. I'll get in touch with Mike and Tracy.  Maybe they'd like to come along too.  I wonder if Robyn and LaCroix would be interested."

 

"Now, look, Honey.  Let's not let this thing get out of hand.  Next thing you know, you'll be inviting the Brain Trust along."

 

"That's a wonderful idea!"

 

"TONI…!"

 

"Okay ... Okay.  Maybe I am going a little overboard.  You're right.  Just the two of us."

 

**********

 

"You are joking."  Lucien LaCroix said.  "What makes you think I would be willing to spend a week or two in a bucolic little hamlet like Havens Corners?  I would rather walk into the afternoon sun."

 

"Well.  If that's the way you feel."  Robyn said.  At first she frowned and then she smiled.  "In a way I’m glad.  I really didn't want to go either, but I thought perhaps you and I could find some time alone there."

 

"We can find time to be alone here as well.  And the accommodations are much more pleasant."  He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her.  "I'm certain we can find some way to amuse ourselves while the others are gone."  He lifted her face to his.  His kiss was anything but chaste or platonic.

 

She ran her index finger down the line of his jaw along the path of the carotid.  "I'm positive we can find something to do."

 

"Let's start looking now." He began nuzzling her ear.  "I suggest the bedroom would be a good place to start."  He put his arms around her waist and gently led her toward the hallway.

 

She could see that her ministrations were having the desired effect.

 

**********

Hazzard

 

Toni struggled with the wheel of the closed van.  While she was used to driving on dirt roads from growing up in Ohio, nothing prepared her for the condition of these roads, if that was what they were.  They were more like rutted paths worn into the countryside.  "Are you sure that this is the right way?"  She asked the red headed passenger in the back of the closed vehicle. 

 

They had arrived at Hartsfield Airport at two in the afternoon.  It was either take that flight, or one that left Los Angeles at three PM.  Apparently, there were no direct red eye flights from LA to Atlanta.  The time difference was such that they would either have to leave LA in the daylight or arrive in Atlanta in the daylight.  They opted for the latter.  The De Brabant jets were was on humanitarian missions.  One was in the Philippines, the other in the Near East, so that method of transportation was out. Thankfully, the closed van that they had reserved was waiting for them at the terminal. Now Nick, Clarissa and Jeb rode in the back, well out of the sun's rays.  Clarissa had slept most of the way from the airport.  How she did it, Toni did not know, but then, the sleep of the undead was one thing that always baffled her.  They really were dead to the world.

 

"Yup. I'm sure."  Jeb replied.  "The farm should be around the next bend."

 

"That's what you said eight miles and three bends ago."  Toni replied.  Just then, the van hit an unusually large pothole and became airborne.  When it landed, it was at a cockeyed angle in a culvert.  "Oh. Great!"  She fumed.  "How am I going to get out of this predicament?"  < There's no way I can drive out, and I certainly can't pull it out.  I guess I'll just have to wait until the sun goes down and get Nick and Jeb to get it out. >  She checked her watch and shook her head forlornly.  < And that won't be for another three hours. >

 

"Can we help you, ma'am?"  Two faces stuck their heads through the window.  One blond, one dark haired.   Both sported boyish grins.  "My name's Bo Duke."  The blond said.  "And this here's my cousin Luke Duke."

 

"If you can get me out of this ditch, you certainly can be of help."  Toni said.

 

Already Luke was fastening a section of tow chain to the rear bumper of the van.  "I'll just hook this to the General Lee, and we'll have you out of there in no time flat."  Luke said.  When he finished, Bo climbed into the orange car and gunned the engine in reverse.  Slowly, the van extricated itself from the culvert.

 

"There you go, Miss … " Bo said as Luke unhooked the cars.

 

"Knight.  Toni Knight"

 

"Miss Knight.  Y'all ain't from around here. Are you?"  Bo said with an ear to ear grin.  "Otherwise you'd know that the bridge ahead was washed out three weeks ago.  Maybe you'd better follow Luke and me back to the County Road and we'll show you a shortcut."

 

"Beauregard Duke!"  Luke said, playfully cuffing his cousin on the shoulder.  "Don't be standing there drooling over this lady like some kind of gawky schoolboy.  It's very obvious she likes older men better."  He had a similar grin on his face.

 

"As a matter of fact, I do like blue eyed blonds."  Toni said.  It was apparent that the two were good-naturedly making a pass at her.  She decided to play along.  At least for a while.

 

Bo straightened a little taller.  His eyes sparkled a little bluer and his hair got a little blonder and a little curlier.

 

"I also like older men, too."  < About eight centuries older. >

 

Luke puffed his chest a little larger.  His body got a little tanner and his waist got a little smaller, if that were at all possible.

 

Toni waited until they were finished posturing.  "Just ask my husband."

 

"Husband?"  Bo and Luke swallowed audibly. Both shrank back to their natural stature.

 

"Yes.  Her husband."  Nick stuck his head into the front compartment.  He carefully avoided the sunlight streaming through the windshield.  "I'm Nick Knight.  How do you do."

 

"Hey, Bo.  Hey Luke."  Another voice from the back of the van called.

 

"Jeb?  Jeb Puckett, is that you?"   Bo and Luke asked.

 

Jeb stuck his head into the front as far as he dared.  "Yup.  It's me all right.  I see you already met Nick and Toni Knight.  Miss Clarissa is in here too.  They're all here with me for the Shine Race."

 

Still sleepy eyed, Clarissa showed her face.

 

"Hey there, Miss Clarissa."  The Duke Boys said in unison.

 

"Mumph."  Clarissa mumbled.  "Good to see you, too.  But could we continue this reunion somewhere else." 

 

"Yeah.  I guess so."  Luke said.  "Maybe we'd better get you to the Puckett place, 'cause I know you can't be out in the sun too long, even if it is in a closed van."

 

They got into the General Lee and the two vehicles started down the road once more.

 

"They know what you are?"  Toni asked Jeb.

 

"Shoot yes.  I mean after all, Bo was almost my first meal." Jeb said.

 

**********

Hazzard, 1978

 

Nineteen-year-old Bo Duke sat with his feet perched on the dashboard of Luke's car.  Beside him, Jeb Puckett, his best friend, dozed lightly. 

 

"Where in tarnation is it?"  Bo said half aloud.  That woke Jeb from his dreams.  "The bus should have been here a half hour ago.  If it doesn't get here in the next fifteen minutes, I'm going to Central City and see what happened."

 

"Bo."  Jeb said.  "You know how these busses are.  Anything could have happened.  Flat tire ...  Delay at the station in Capital City ... Missed connections … "

 

" … A bad accident ... Laying in a ditch somewhere ... Hijacked."  Bo finished.

 

"That only happens with in the movies."

 

"Regardless."  Bo said as he put the key in the ignition.  "I'm heading out to see if I can find them."

 

"I don't think you're gonna have to do that.  Here comes the bus now."

 

They watched excitedly as the passengers disembarked in front of Rheubottom's General Store.  As each one left, the boys' faces dropped and their enthusiasm waned just a fraction.  Just when it appeared that there were no more travelers getting off, a dark haired man dressed in a Marine uniform came down the steps.

 

"LUKE!"  Bo and Jeb shouted in unison.

 

In the middle of Main Street, with luggage and duffel bags strewn everywhere, Sergeant First Class Lucas K. Duke hugged his cousin and his best friend unabashedly.

 

"Where to now?"  Luke asked as they headed for the car.

 

"First, we're going to the farm."  Bo said as he stashed Luke's belongings in the trunk.  "Uncle Jesse and Daisy have been working all day on the biggest bestest welcome home party Hazzard County ever saw.  Everyone's going to be there. Pa, Jethro and Ellie, Enos, Rosco, Cletus, Lulu, even Boss is coming.  Then I thought we'd all take a few days off and go up to Chickasaw and do some fishin'.  After that, we'll just sort of play it by ear."

 

"Sounds good to me."  Luke said.

 

**********

 

It was late evening, or maybe it was early morning when they left the Boar's Nest.

 

"Now, that's what I call a real homecoming."  Luke said as the three staggered to the car. None of them were feeling any real pain.  "First Uncle Jesse's party.  Next was three days of doing nothing but eating and drinking up at Chickasaw Creek.  Then, Mary Jo Williams and some of her friends invite us to a cookout at her Uncle's place.  And now this.  Boss giving free drinks to everyone to celebrate.  And it only cost a ten dollar cover charge.  If I have any more parties, I'm going to have to go back into the Marines to lose all the weight I've gained."

 

"We wouldn't want you to do that, Cuz."  Bo said, putting his arm around Luke's neck.

 

"Yeah."  Jeb said, patting his friend's stomach.  "Can't have you losing that gorgeous figure of yours, now can we."

 

Just then, the CB radio in the car came to life.  The boys just caught the last part of the transmission.  Something about another wild animal attack.   That made four of them in the past three weeks.  This one was at the Williams farm.  Frank, his wife Angela, and their niece Mary Jo were all dead.  Their throats torn out.  The Tri-County Sheriff's departments were offering a ten thousand dollar reward for the capture of the animal or animals responsible.

 

Luke swallowed hard.  "We were just up there three days ago."  He said, his voice cracking.  He opened the trunk and took out a rifle and a shotgun.  He threw the rifle to Bo.  "Let's us go and get us some wild animals."  He said determinedly as the three climbed into Jeb's ancient pickup. 

 

**********

Havens Corners, Present

 

Toni backed the van as close to the farmhouse as she could get.  The rear door almost touched the porch floor.  While Toni and the Dukes, joined by Jethro and Ellie Puckett unloaded the van, the three vampires hurried inside.

 

"Careful with them boxes."  Jeb called to his brother.  "They's special."

 

"What's so special about them?"  Eli Puckett called to his son.

 

"Everybody come on in here and I'll show you." Jeb said.

 

"This one's for you, Pa."  He said handing him small package.  "Go ahead and open it."

 

Inside was a Matchbox truck.  It was a model of a 4X4 quad cab pickup.  "I couldn't bring the real thing with me, but I made a deal with Richter's Motors over in Capital City.  You take that to them and they'll trade it for the truck of your choice."

 

"But I already got a truck."  Pa protested.

 

"Yeah, I know.  That old clunker was nothing but a bucket of bolts when I left here.  And that was over twenty years ago.  From what Jethro writes, the only thing holding it together is duck tape and rust.  You need a new truck, Pa.  And you're gettin' one.  First thing tomorrow." 

 

He held another box to his brother. This one had a laptop computer and a scanner and printer.  "I know you always wanted one and now you got one."  Jeb said as his sibling hugged him tightly.  "There's also a certificate in there for computer lessons from Circuit City, too."

 

"Is this one mine?"  Ellie asked as she picked up another one.   Jeb nodded.  Inside were several boxes.  In the first, a bracelet.  The second held a necklace and in the third was a $500 gift certificate for the Atlanta Underground.

 

"What's in that box?"  Pa asked, pointing to a fourth box on the floor.  "We each already got something."

 

"That's for everyone."  Jeb opened it.  There was a set of dishes, silverware, glasses, and a complete set of cooking utensils.  "Now nobody'll have to eat on chipped, cracked or mismatched plates ever again.  And no more drinking out of canning jars, neither."  Jeb said proudly.

 

 "But how can you afford all of that?"

 

"Y'all know about me winning the Muncie Open, but I've been winning races regularly in California.  And I got me a fairly healthy stock portfolio thanks to a friend of mine named Feliks Twist.  Then too, Tino and me have a pretty good business going, as well."

 

"What kind of business?"

 

"This."  Jeb opened a cooler and took out a can of Red Deer.  "It's blood.  Lots easier to handle than them wine bottles and a lot easier to distribute, too.  And nobody has to feel out of place drinking from it while they's with mortals.  As far as anybody else can tell, it's just another can of beer.  We got franchises all over the world, and we're opening our second plant in Australia at the end of September.  You should see how they blend their mix.  They use kangaroo and wallaby blood as well as synthetic and human.  All donated, of course.  And none of the animals are killed neither.  We do our part to be environmentally friendly. 

 

While we ain't exactly among the Fortune 500, we do make a comfortable living off it.  Enough to buy all these things as well as a lot more.  I figure that I might as well share the wealth with y'all. After all, you are family."  He looked around.  "Now then.  Luke and Bo been telling me how y'all been working all day making up a feast for my homecoming.  No time like the present to try out the new tableware."

 

**********

 

Toni pushed away from the table.  "I couldn't eat another bite."  She groaned.  "That was absolutely fabulous."

 

"Have just one more serving of Crawdad Bisque."  Daisy Duke said.  The entire Duke clan had come over for the dinner as well. "It's from Uncle Jesse's secret recipe and he'd be rolling in his grave if there's any leftovers." 

 

"I'll take care of that."  Jethro said as he scooped the bowl clean.  "Can't have Uncle Jesse spinnin' like a top, now can we?"

 

"Now then."   Pa said.  "About the sleeping arrangements.  Miss Toni, you and your husband can have my bedroom.  It's the only one with a double bed.  Jeb can bunk in with Jethro and Miss Clarissa can sleep in Ellie's room."

 

"And where will you sleep?"  Clarissa inquired.

 

"Don't worry about us.  We'll be all right in the living room.  Ellie can sleep on the couch and I'll be snug as a bug in a sleeping bag on the floor."

 

"No way."  Nick said.  "We aren't about to put you out.  We'll get a room at a motel."

 

"No such luck."  Luke said.  "The only decent place anywhere around here is the Hogg Hotel and with the race and all, it's booked up solid.  I hear they're even renting out the cleaning closets for fifty dollars a night." 

 

"Why don't you come with us to the farm?"  Bo suggested.  "We've got plenty of room."

 

"I have an even better idea.  The Plantation isn't far from here and there's plenty of room for all of us there.  I'll just call ahead and have them open the East wing."

"Sounds good to me."  Nick said.  Toni nodded in agreement.

 

**********

Hazzard, 1978

 

The three youths crouched in the bushes as they watched the scene in front of them.  They had spent the night tracking the animal that they suspected was responsible for the attacks and the killings in the area.  They had heard the screams from the road and had hurried as fast as they could to this spot.  They recognized the victim as Harvey Thomas.  He was a teller at the Hazzard Bank.  The attacker wasn't an animal, but a man.  At least he looked like a man.  Although from the sounds that he was making and the things he was doing to Harvey, there was no way he could be human.

 

"Oh shit!"  Jeb exclaimed as his face became slightly green and his stomach threatened to expel its contents.

 

Bo stood and leveled his rifle at the attacker.  He emptied the clip into whatever it was.  The attacker dropped Harvey and turned to face Bo.  His eyes were red-orange and his fangs, for that was the only thing they could be, were covered with blood.  He emitted something between a snarl and a growl and started after the three.  Jeb fired both barrels of the shotgun at him as well.

 

"Feet.  Don't fail me now."  Luke said as he and his companions beat a hasty retreat to the road and the relative safety of Jeb's truck.   Just as the dawn began to break, they sped away as fast as the dilapidated vehicle would go.

 

**********

  Hazzard, Present

 

Jeb Puckett was the next one in the line to register for the race.  He was wearing his kevlar racing suit and his mask.  He had the ILM technicians 'age' one of his masks so that he looked about twenty years older.  That brought it closer to his actual age.  It was easier this way for the folks in Hazzard and Havens Corners who did not know his story.

 

"I don't know."  Rosco said as he counted the money.  "There ain't nothing in the rules about professional drivers being allowed in the race."

 

Jeb picked his money from the desk and started to put it back in his wallet.

 

"But Boss."  Cletus replied.  "There ain't nothing against it either."

 

"Cletus.... "  Rosco hissed.  Almost immediately, Rosco's hand was on Jeb's.  There was more than enough money from the registrants alone to bail out Hazzard, and ticket purchases had netted another $3000.00.  Not to mention the merchandising sales of over $1500.00 and there was still two weeks until the race. < Maybe I could turn this into an annual event. >  Rosco smirked.   The thought of losing even one participant's money was too much. "Cletus is right."  He quickly put the money in the box with the rest.  "You're number 227."  He said.

 

Rosco P. Coltrane curled up the corners of his mouth in a sneer at the next man who came through the door to the County Commissioner's office.  < He's got himself some kind of nerve coming back here. >  He thought.  After the numerous times he had tried to fleece Boss, and after J.D. Hogg had cut him out of his will, he had to be the most disliked man in the Tri County area.  < When Lulu finds out he's here, there's going to be hell to pay. >  Pasting a smile on his face, he held out his hand.  "Well.  Well.  Well.  If it ain't Hughie Hogg.  What brings you to Hazzard?"  He managed to say without choking on the words. 

 

Hughie also had a pasted on smile.  "Actually ... Boss ... " Hughie almost choked on the words, too. < This buffoon is actually trying to take over Hazzard from Uncle Boss? >  "I'm here for the Shine Race."

 

"I didn't know you ran shine."

 

"I don't.  I am after all, a legitimate businessman.  I would never be caught doing something illegal."  Hughie said with as much innocence as he could muster. 

 

< Caught is the key word. >  Rosco reasoned.  

 

"But several of my ... associates have been known to indulge ... occasionally.  I want to make an application for them and pay their entrance fees."  He pulled out a roll of bills that was almost larger than his hand and started peeling off twenties.  "I assume that this will suffice."

 

Rosco counted the money.  There was over two thousand dollars.  His eyes bulged.  It had barely made a dent in the wad that Hughie held.  "More than enough.  Five more contestants.  What are their names?  For the record."

 

"John Smith.  William Jones.  Robert Lee.  Andrew Jackson.  And Paul Revere."

 

"Are you sure about that?  Most of them names sound like they've been dead for an awful long time."

 

Want to see their birth certificates?  And they're all registered voters over in Tehachapie County as well."  < Several times, as a matter of fact.  As well as in several other counties.>

 

"That's good enough for me."  Rosco said as he deposited the money in the cigar box.   "One more thing, Hughie Hogg.  I'm gonna be your second shadow.   You even think about breaking the law, and I'm gonna cuff you and stuff you so fast, you will think you were born behind bars.  <Come to think off it, you probably were. > 

 

**********

 

In his room at the Hogg Hotel, Hughie put a sheet of paper on the table.  "Here's the list of the drivers and their cars."  He said to the five men sitting across from him.  "I've underlined the ones that I think would give you guys the most trouble.  Be especially wary of the Dukes and Jeb Puckett, here.   They're trouble with a capital T."

 

"Little Boss ..."  One of them said.  For that, he was rewarded with a resounding slap.

 

"Don't EVER call me that again.  I hate it when people call me that.  There's no LITTLE about it.  I AM BOSS.  Not Little Boss ... Just BOSS!  You got that!" Hughie's face turned beet red with anger. "And when I get through with all of this, I will be the ONLY Boss in Hazzard.  It's my due.  As his closest living male relative, I should have inherited the position from my Uncle Boss.  Instead, he cut me out of his will and all I got was a measly two cents.  I'll show then that they can't walk all over Hughie Hogg and get away with it."  He pounded his fists on the table to stress his point.

 

"But Boss.  I don't see why we don't just rob the bank like we originally planned to do.  Why bother with this stupid race?"

 

"True.  We were going to rob the bank.  That is until I found out about the race.  This is much bigger.  This race means a lot to the people of Hazzard.  If one of you wins it, we can show the people of this town just what a total wimp Rosco P. Coltrane really is, and how powerful I am.  If my plan goes like I think it will, by the time this race is over, I'll be the richest person in the Tri County area.  They'll have to deal with me if they want to get anywhere.  In addition, it'll give me a chance to get my revenge on the Dukes.  They've been a thorn in the side of the Hoggs for way too long.   That'll be my ultimate revenge on Uncle Boss's memory.  He couldn't get rid of them, but I can."

 

**********

1978

 

Jeb and the Dukes sat at the Sheriff's desk.  "But Rosco.  You got to believe us."  Bo was arguing.  "We saw him ... "

 

"Or maybe it was an it ... " Jeb corrected.

 

"Or maybe you've been in Uncle Jesse's 'shine cellar again."  Rosco said.  "I can smell you from here.  I ought to arrest you for public drunkenness."

 

"Rosco P. Coltrane!"  Luke shouted.  "I'll admit, we had a few.  Maybe even a few too many.  If you'd seen what we seen, you'd have needed a little fortification to take the edge off, too.  But we were stark staring sober when we saw that ... that ... thing attacking Harvey Thomas."

 

"Then why didn't you shoot it?"

 

"We did."  Bo said.  "Like we told you, I emptied a full clip into him at point blank range.  Jeb blasted him with a thirty ought six.  He didn't even flinch."

 

"All right."  Rosco said with a deep sigh.  "I'll take a run up to Jensen's Swamp sometime tomorrow.  I'm real busy right now what with Boss up in Chickasaw on business.  I got a lot of responsibility, you know.  I got to get me a deputy.  That's all there is to it.  I'll go up, but if there ain't nothing there ... "

 

"Thanks, Rosco.  You really are on the ball."  Luke said flatly.  "Come on, guys.  We ain't gonna get no help from the law.  I guess we'll have to go out and get this ... this whatever it is ... all by ourselves."  Luke said as he started for the door.

 

Jeb and Bo followed.

 

**********

Present

 

Jeb zipped up the racing suit.

 

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"  Nick asked.  "After all, according to the weather channel, it's supposed to be bright sunshine today.  And your qualifying heat is at one o'clock.  That's in the worst part of the day."

 

"Yeah.  I'm sure.  I've worn this mask in all kinds of weather and it's done just like the guys at ILM said it would.  It blocks out the sun real good.  Besides, it's a matter of pride.  Pa was one of the best shine runners in the whole Tri County area.  Now that he's getting a little long in the tooth, he said I could run the race for him.  The old Shinemobile ain't never run so good neither.  Cooter and I went over it with a fine tooth comb.  She's purrin' like a contented kitten."

 

"What about Jethro?"

 

"He's racing for my Uncle Bo.  He ran shine with Pa after they got back from the Big One.  That's what they called World War two. Uncle Bo stayed in the reserves and then he got killed in Korea.  Just before they signed the cease-fire.  Bo Duke is named after him."

 

**********

 

They watched at the finish line.  Jeb was right.  The Shinemobile was in top condition.  He easily outdistanced the other twenty-nine cars in the heat to win a place in the finals. There were fifteen qualifying heats run.  Each had thirty cars. Five heats were run each day.  The top two racers from each heat would compete in the finals, which would be held next Saturday.  Bo, in Black Tillie, Uncle Jesse's car, and Luke in the General, running for his father, Matthew, had also won their qualifiers earlier.  Lulu had won her race, with Daisy a very close second.  There were only five more to go, and they would be run tomorrow.  Then there would be two days off to give the drivers and their vehicles a rest before the big race.

 

Hughie stayed in the background as his drivers competed.  Of the five, only two, Smith and Jones, had made the cut.  He did not stay in the background far enough, though.

 

Bo nudged his cousin.  "Ain't that Hughie Hogg?"  He asked.  "What's he doing showing his face in Hazzard?  I thought after the last time, he wouldn't have the guts to come anywhere east of the Mississippi, let alone here.    

 

"I don't know, Cousin, but if Hughie Hogg is here, can trouble be far behind."  Luke answered.  "Let's see what kind of a scam he's running now."

 

Hughie was talking to a number of the farmers.  " ... And it's an easy way to win all of the money you'll need to pay off the mortgages and loans.  You don't even need to bet cash.  I'll hold the deeds to your farms, and the titles to your vehicles or whatever other valuables you have.  If you win, I'll pay off in cold hard cash equal to the value of whatever you put up ... and I'll give you back the papers you gave me as well.  You can't beat them odds with a stick."

 

"And if we lose?"  Todd Butler was saying.  Todd owned the farm next to the Duke farm.  He was deeply hurt by the drought.  His was one of the farms that Rosco did not foreclose, but if he didn't come up with some ready cash soon, he wouldn't have enough to see him through another winter.

 

"How can you possibly lose?  You're betting on the Dukes.  Right?"

 

"Well ... Okay.  I'm in for a cut.  I'll bring the deed to the farm to the hotel this evening."

 

"Hughie Hogg."  Luke said.  "What kind of a rip-off are you trying to pull now."

 

"Well.  Well. Well.  If it isn't Bo and Luke Duke and friends."  Hughie said with the ultimate sincerity he could put on.  "I'm not pulling any scam.  I just want to help the good people of Hazzard County.  I know they don't like to accept charity, so I'm betting against you in the Shine Race.  I figure that it's the easiest way to get them the money they need without hurting their pride."

 

"And I'm the King of Spain."  Bo growled under his breath.

 

"Hughie Hogg!"  The voice of Lulu Hogg boomed over the crowd.  "What in tarnation do you think you're doing here in Hazzard!  I thought J.D. told you never to show your ugly face in these parts ever again."

 

"Why Auntie Lulu!"  Hughie said, giving his best altar boy impression.  "I was just explaining to these nice Duke boys that I was here to help these poor people recoup some of the money that they have lost over the past few years.  You know that Uncle Boss ... I mean Uncle J.D. ... would have wanted us Hoggs to pitch in and help out in times of trouble."

 

"J.D. didn't trust you any farther than he could throw you, and neither do I."  Lulu said, waggling her finger at J.D.'s nephew.  "I'm going to be watching you like a hawk.  You take so much as one teensy weensy step off the straight and narrow, and so help me my Great Aunt Hannah, you'll be lucky if you live to regret it."

 

**********

 

Clarissa pulled up to the Plantation.  It was an authentic Civil war estate that had been carefully restored to its pre bellum condition.  It sat on eight hundred acres of prime land just south of Atlanta.  While the menfolk remained in Havens Corners to fine-tune the cars, the girls, Clarissa, Ellie, Daisy, and Toni had decided to take a shopping tour of Atlanta Underground.  As Clarissa had said, it was one of the finest shopping malls in the US, and since it was entirely under ground, it was one of the few places that she could go with them in the daytime.

 

Ellie gawked open mouthed at the imposing structure before her.  "Are you sure you own all of this?"  She asked.  "I ain't never seen nothing this big before except the Yew Nited States Court house over in Capital City."

 

"Well. I don't exactly own it.  A man named Lucien LaCroix does.  It was originally built for Elijah Havens in 1793.  LaCroix purchased it after the Civil War and had it restored.  But since he has never really lived here that much, I have more or less taken over responsibility for it.  I stay here whenever I'm in this area.  Now.  Let's go inside."  Clarissa said as she opened the door.

 

Inside, it was as opulent as the outside.  A huge oak paneled entryway led to a magnificent curved stairway to the second floor.  Off the entry, there was the living room on one side and a library / study on the other.  Each of these was furnished with authentic period pieces. In the rear, there was a formal dining room with a magnificent antique mahogany table that could easily seat twenty or more.  There was also a buffet table and all the accessories needed to serve a large dinner party.  Adjacent to this was a completely furnished kitchen as well as several smaller rooms that were the private rooms of the servants.  A young lady came to meet them.   She was tall and slim and had a coffee and cream complexion with large deep brown eyes that fairly sparkled. She was dressed fashionably, but plainly.  "Good evening, Miss La Pont."  She said.

 

"This is Marie Hemptead."  Clarissa said.  "She is the administrator of the estate.  She has responsibility for the house and grounds as well as all of LaCroix's and my business holdings in the southeastern part of the country.  She is a very capable and thorough manager."  She introduced her companions to the housekeeper.  "If there is anything you need, just tell her, and Marie will get it for you.  She'll show you to your rooms.  Since it's rather late, first thing in the morning we'll be on our way to Atlanta Underground for a little buy - buy."

 

**********

 

Ellie dropped her packages on the table in the hallway.  "Now that was what I call a shopping trip!"  She said.

 

"Hear! Hear!"  Toni said as she deposited her bundles. 

 

They had spent the night at the plantation and had headed for Atlanta very early the next morning, timing it to arrive there just as the sun rose.  They had spent the entire day at the Atlanta Underground.  The sector had once been the heart of Atlanta, but over the years, viaducts and elevated transit platforms had masked the area.  Businesses moved their entrances to the upper levels to keep them in contact with the flow of the public. Eventually, entire streets were closed over and paved.  The lower areas were almost completely buried and eventually the entire section of the city was forgotten.  Many of the places were used for storage or had been filled in with rubble.  Twenty years ago, the district was rediscovered.  Now nearly fully restored and refurbished, it had become one of the 'In' places to shop, eat, see, and be seen.

 

They had spent the entire day in the nearly twenty acres of enclosed shops, restaurants, and boutiques.  According to Clarissa, there was a sizable Community here.  "It's one of the few places where they can mingle with the general public during the day in complete safety."  She explained.  She was right.  Except for an occasional grate or glass block panel in the ceiling to let in light, the place was completely in the dark.  Fluorescent lighting provided the only illumination.

 

"Do you think Nick will like this?"  Toni asked, holding up a blue crepe dress with a chiffon overskirt.  It was empire styled with a flared waistline that showed off Toni's body beautifully.  She had seen it in one of the shops, and it had practically screamed 'buy me'.

 

"If he doesn't, you have my permission to stake him." Clarissa said with a wide grin.  "I'll even provide the stake."

 

"I think maybe we should start back to Hazzard.  I have a feeling we shouldn't leave the guys alone for too long."  Daisy said.  "If I know my cousins and the rest of the menfolk, they can't go more than three hours without getting into a heap of trouble."

 

"You're right."  Ellie agreed.   "Jethro is bad enough by himself, but with Jeb there, ain't no tellin' what they'll come up with."

 

"And when it comes to getting into trouble, Nick is no slouch either."  Toni added

 

**********

1978

 

Jeb, Luke, and Bo walked cautiously along the mud flats. This area was bad enough during the day, but at night, it was almost impossible.  The fact that there was a full moon made it a little better, but not that much.  The only light they had came from the flashlight that Jeb carried.  Of course, the fact that they had fortified themselves with several six packs of PBR before they ventured into the area didn't make it any easier.

 

"Are you sure he came this way?"  Jeb asked in a hushed voice.

 

"Look, Jeb.  I was in the Marines."  Luke whispered.  "One of the things they taught me was night tracking.  Trust me, he came this way." 

 

They followed the almost invisible trail through the swampy flats for another few miles, but they never saw so much as a rabbit, let alone anything that looked like a man, or even a monster, if their recollections from the other night were correct.

 

"I don't think we're going to find anything here, Cuz."  Bo finally said.  "Why don't we head home and try again tomorrow night."

 

Jeb nodded agreement.

 

The trio turned and began to pick their way through the area to the road.  Just as they reached the edge of the flats, Jeb slipped.  The next thing he remembered clearly was being buried nearly chest deep in the sucking mud.   Bo ran to the car and returned a few minutes later with a length of heavy rope.  They threw it to Jeb and he tied it under his armpits. Two strong sets of arms grabbed the other end, and after much tugging and pulling, they had managed to extricate him from the mud covered quicksand.

 

"Damn!"  Jeb whispered as they extricated him from the goo.  "I dropped the flashlight in there and we don't have a spare."

 

"Don't worry about the flashlight."  Luke said.  "We can get another one before tomorrow night.  You don't really want to go back and get it, do you?"

 

Jeb looked at the slimy mixture before him.  "Guess not."

 

Bo shook his head.  "You sure look a mess."  He said.  "If Pa sees you looking like that, he'll peel the hide off you as soon as look at you."  He headed for the car.  "I got me a change of clothes in the back.  Get out of those things.  You can return my clothes to me tomorrow night."

 

Bo was right.  It would be bad enough when Pa discovered that they had been drinking, and that he had lost their best flashlight, but if he came home looking and smelling of swamp, ... he didn't even want to think about what would happen then.

 

**********

Present

 

"There.  That ought to do it."  Jeb said as he straightened up and wiped his hands on a shop towel.  "I finally found the clinking sound.  Jethro ... Where's that allen wrench you were using last night?"

 

Jethro hunted in the toolbox.   "I know it was in here somewheres ... " He mumbled.

 

Jeb held up the small wrench.  "Are you sure you didn't leave it in the door panel?"

 

 Jethro blushed noticeably. 

 

Jeb hugged his little brother.  "It's okay, brother.  It wouldn't have interfered with the running of the car, it was just bothering the bejeebers out of me."

 

Nick heard the van a fraction of a second before the rest of the men.

 

After much hugging and conversation, everyone went into the house to ooh and aah over the booty that the women had brought from Atlanta. 

 

Jeb loved the cap that Ellie had bought him.  "It's just what I need to top off my racing suit."  He said.  "I always wanted a Hotlanta Braves baseball cap." 

 

The Dukes promised that they would wear their matching racing jackets that Daisy had purchased for them in the race.

 

"You're gonna have to."  She said.  "See, I had the shopkeeper embroider your names on them."  She pointed to the left pockets.  Sure enough, there was each of the boy's names.

 

As Clarissa had predicted, Nick was crazy about the dress that Toni bought ... and the matching shirt for him as well. 

 

Ellie got her share of wolf whistles with a figure hugging pastel green jumper dress.

 

Daisy, not to be outdone, looked ravishing in her lacy pink halter dress.

 

Clarissa took the show, though with a stunning charcoal gray linen cocktail dress that showed every one of the female vampire's best attributes.

 

Everyone agreed that they should wear their purchases to the celebration party at the Boars Nest after the race. 

 

"If you gals wear those dresses."  Pa chuckled.  "We'll be fighting the other men off all night long.  If I were forty years younger, you'd have to fight me off as well."

 

**********

 

Hughie Hogg packed the stack of papers into a manila envelope and put it in his briefcase.  "Just think."  He gloated.  "By this time tomorrow, I'll be the richest man in Hazard County. I'll own nearly everything there is to own around here."

 

"But Boss."  Jones said.  "What if one of us doesn't win?  What if one of them Duke boys win?"

 

"And from what I seen in the qualifying heats, they're gonna be awful hard to beat."  Smith added.

 

"It don't matter.  Even if you don't win, as soon as the race ends, I'm heading for Capital City to record these deeds and titles."

 

"You mean you'd cheat those innocent folks out of their properties?"

 

Hughie smiled sinisterly.  "What do you think?"

 

"And I'm going with you."  Revere said.

 

 "No you ain't."  Hughie's face became hard.  "You're going to stay here and after the race, you, Jackson and Lee and Smith and Jones are gonna rob the Hazzard Bank like we planned to do in the first place.  That'll give me time to get away clean.  You can keep everything you get from that.  All I really want is these properties."  He patted the briefcase.

 

"Look Hughie."  Lee said.  "I cased that hick bank.  There can't be more that a coupla thousand in it at any given time.   I know for a fact that this Rosco Coltraine has been taking the money from the race to Capital City Bank every night.  Those properties are worth well over half a million dollars at least.  Maybe even ten times that if that automobile factory decides to relocate here like your informant said it would.  You get the gravy and we get the leavings.  That ain't fair."

 

"As my dear departed Uncle used to say ... Tough Tiddlywinks.  You can either take it, or you can leave Hazzard now ... before I place an anonymous call to the Georgia State Police about that unsolved armored truck robbery over in Arcadia last month."

 

"Boss ... " Jackson said.  "That's blackmail."

 

"Blackmail.  That is such an awful word.  I prefer to think of it as creative persuasion.   Now.  Get a good night's sleep.  I want you to put on a good show tomorrow."   

 

**********

1978

 

Jeb sat in his truck and watched as the Dukes drove away.  He started to turn the key in the ignition and then stopped.  < Maybe I should give it one more try. >  He thought.  < I know we were awful close to that thing. >  He grabbed his shotgun and climbed out of the truck. 

 

He hadn't traveled more than fifty feet when he became aware of someone ... or maybe something ... watching him.  "Who's there?"  He said as he cocked the shotgun and brought it to the ready.  He backed to a tree and swung the gun in all directions.  There was nothing he could see, but in the near pitch-blackness of the swamp, there wasn't that much to see in the first place.  He cursed himself for losing the flashlight.

 

He froze as he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders.  Cold hands.

 

"You really think you can kill me with that puny little popgun, don't you, Bo Duke.  You tried it the other night, and you didn't succeed then either.  Now it's time I paid you back for that little ... irritation ... and let you take the blame for the things that they think I did as well.  I'm going to make you into the monster they all are hunting. "

 

"But I ain't Bo Duke!"  Jeb stammered.  "I'm Jeb Puckett!"

 

"You smell like Bo Duke."  The creature growled.  "Don't matter, though.  You managed to piss me off as well.  One insignificant mortal is just as good as another."

 

Jeb froze as he felt the icy cold breath of the creature on his neck.  He gagged.  The beast smelled of death and decay.  He shivered as an evil wave enveloped him.  Seconds later, there was excruciating pain as the creature viciously sank his fangs into Jeb's neck.  Jeb struggled, kicking and flailing at the monster that held him, but it did little good.  Slowly, he felt his strength ebbing as the creature drank of his blood.  Then, there was blackness.

 

He was standing in a brilliant light in a desert or a beach, he wasn't sure which.  Ahead, a door opened and a figure clad in a dark hood stepped out.  "You have a choice, Jebediah Puckett."  The figure said.  He couldn't make out if it was a man or a woman.  "You can continue into the light or you can return to the darkness."

 

"If I go into the light, does that mean I'm dead?"  Jeb asked. 

 

The figure nodded solemnly.

 

Jeb thought for a moment.  "Well, I ain't quite ready to die just yet."  He said.  "So I reckon that means I got to go back."

 

He had the vague feeling that something salty and metallic tasting was being poured down his throat.  He swallowed a few times.  It was ambrosia.  It was what he needed.  It was what he wanted.  He grabbed at the bleeding wrist that was suspended above his mouth.  He pulled it to him and suckled fiercely.  "Yes, my stupid young friend.  Drink.  You will be my ticket out of here." The monster smiled, showing his rotted fangs.  Jeb drank greedily, and when he was sated, he fell into a deep sleep.

 

When he awoke, it was several hours later.  "I just had the most gawdawful dream."  He mumbled to himself.  < I dreamed that I had been attacked by that ... that thing ... we was chasing.  He bit me on the neck and I ... >  He reached for his throat.  There were two tiny almost healed holes.   "It weren't no dream!"  He screamed.  Without a conscious thought, the images from the creature's blood came flooding into Jeb's mind.  "He made me into what he is."  He got to his feet and stumbled back along the trail.  "He made me a vampire."

 

**********

Present

 

"Are you sure you're up to this?"  Eli Puckett asked as his eldest son walked across the yard to the car.  "I mean, after all, it's going to be during the afternoon when the sun is at its brightest."

 

"Don't worry, Pa.  I've been driving in daytime races with my special helmet and Kevlar suit ever since I left Havens Corners over twenty years ago."  Jeb Puckett said as he adjusted his helmet.  "And now, with the help of those masks that ILM made for me, I've been winning regularly this past year.  There ain't nothin' to worry about.  Why don't you and the others go and find you a good spot to watch the race from."

 

"Me and Ellie and Toni Knight are going up to Bald Nob.  It's the highest point in Hazzard County.  From the top of there, you can see nearly the whole race.  We got a CB hookup with Mr. Nick and Miss Clarissa so they won't miss any of the race.  See you later then, son."  Pa gave Jeb a pat on the back and then drew him into an embrace.  "And try not to beat your little brother by too much."

 

"I'll try, Pa."  Jeb said as he headed the car toward Methane Springs and the starting line.

 

**********

 

Bo and Luke aligned their cars side by side at the intersection of Broad Street and Methane Springs - Hazzard Road.  Luke, in the General, had won the coveted first pole position by less than a hundredth of a second over his cousin in Black Tillie.  The Shinemobile had been third, also by a mere fraction of a second.  Of the ladies, Daisy Duke and Lulu Hogg were number one and two. In the race they were seventh and eighth.  Jethro, in his Uncle's car, The Grey Streaker, was number ten.  Tension mounted as the rest of the thirty finalists took their positions in the starting lineup.

 

At long last, the clock on the City Hall tower struck two PM.  The sound of Cletus Hogg's starting pistol was barely heard over the roar of the engines as the cars started down the ninety three mile stretch toward the finish line at the Court House in Hazzard.

 

**********

 

Hughie Hogg watched from his spot on Halkins Hill as the racers sped toward Hazzard.  Although Bald Nob was a much better place to watch, Halkins Hill was much more secluded. Almost from the start, it was obvious that the Dukes and Pucketts had this race tied up.  His men were doing no better than a dismal nineteen and twenty four.  With just a little over five miles to go, even if they cheated, there was no way that either of them could finish in the money, let alone win.  It was time to put plan 'B' into effect. 

 

**********

 

"They're just crossing the finish line."  Toni said into the hand held CB radio.  "Luke and Bo are in a virtual tie for first place with Jeb no more than a coat of paint behind them."

 

"Great."  Nick replied.  "Give them all a big hug from us and tell them we'll meet them at the Boars Nest for the party as soon as the sun goes down."

 

"Will do, Mr. Nick, Miss Calrissa."  Eli Puckett shouted as he scrambled down the steep path to the finish.

 

Ellie nudged Pa.  "Don't that look like Hughie Hogg's car heading to Capital City?"  She asked, pointing to a white Lincoln that was speeding in the opposite direction from the finish line.

 

"Sure does.  I wonder where he's going in such a hurry."

 

"Who knows?"  Toni said.  "It's not important, though.  Let's get to the finish line and congratulate the boys."

 

**********

1978

 

"Jeb!.  Jeb!  You out there?"  Luke called as he and Bo carefully picked their way through the swampland.  When Jeb had not returned to the farm by midnight, Pa had called the Dukes.  When he wasn't back by three, Bo and Luke set out for the swamp to look for their missing friend.  They had found the truck sitting where they had left it earlier that night, but Jeb was nowhere in sight.

 

In the distance, Jeb heard voices.  Suddenly, he was aware of a terrible pain in his stomach.  He was hungry.  More hungry than he had ever been in his life.  Only he didn't want food.  He could hear their voices as they came closer.  He could hear their heartbeats as well.  Blood.  That's what he wanted.  That's what he needed.  He felt his eye teeth elongate into fangs and a low growl escaped from his throat.  Food.  Nearby.  Coming toward him.  He crouched into the bushes as the prey came closer.  Just a few more feet and the hunger would be satisfied. 

 

 The persons walking toward him looked familiar, but his brain could not register who they were.  All he knew or cared about was that they were alive, and that blood was cursing through their veins.  Blood that he craved.  Blood that he coveted.  He grabbed at the first one that came by.  Pulling his head to the side to expose the carotid artery, he reared back his head and began to lower it to the life giving substance that pulsed just beneath the skin.

 

Luke watched, helpless, as the ... thing ...  grabbed his cousin and threw him around like he was a rag doll.  In the light of the flashlight, he saw that it was not some monster, but his friend.  "Jeb!"  He shouted.  "Am I ever so glad to see you.  We were worried that something had happened to ... "  Suddenly, he saw that Jeb's eyes were a glowing red and that he was about to sink what looked like fangs into Bo's neck.  "What the hell ... "  He grabbed Jeb's arm and pulled as hard as he could to free him from Bo. 

 

Jeb felt something tugging at his free arm.  He swatted it away as easily as he would a fly.  Luke went sailing across the path and hit a tree on the other side with a sickening thud.  Slowly, it filtered into his brain who these people were.  He started to back away.  "I nearly killed my best friend."  He gasped.  < What kind of a monster am I? >  He stumbled back into the swamp, hunting for someone ... or something ... else.  He had to satisfy the hunger!

 

Bo nearly ran into her as he headed for his car.  His mind was still trying to make sense of what he had just witnessed.  Jeb ... at least it looked like Jeb ... tried to ... to what?  Whatever he did, he knew that he had to get out of the swamp as quickly as he could.  He grabbed the woman and held her fast.  "Don't go into there."  He shouted.  "There's a ... a monster in there.  He has Luke and I don't know what he's gonna do to him."

 

The woman looked at him.  There was no fear in her face.  In fact, staring at her, Bo felt calm and relaxed.

 

"Do not worry, Bo Duke.  I am in no danger.  You and Luke are safe too." She said, focusing on the youth's rapidly beating heart.  "I will handle the situation.  You are very tired."  His heart rate slowed to a more normal rhythm.  "Wait here.  Sleep."

 

Bo leaned against the nearest tree.  He was very tired.  Slowly, he slid down the trunk and closed his eyes.

 

**********

Present

 

Daisy, Ellie and Toni had a round robin hug of Bo, Luke and Jeb.  Because Rosco wasn't able to determine who was ahead, even with the finish line photo, he had declared both the Duke boys as first place winners and they would split the prize.  Jeb was acknowledged in second place with a prize of two thousand dollars, and Jeff Wilbar, of Prairie Holler, received a thousand dollars for third.  Jethro was fourth and Daisy was fifth.  They both won handsome trophies.

 

"Anybody seen Hughie Hogg?"  Todd Butler said as he came to the group.  He was with a large crowd of people.

 

"Why?"  Pa asked.

 

"Cause he has the deeds and titles to our farms and most of our vehicles.  He agreed that if the Dukes won, he was gonna give them back and pay us cash money equal to their worth.  Well, the Dukes won and we want our property ... and our money."  

 

"I don't rightly know if it was him or not."  Ellie said.  "But we spied a white Lincoln heading for Capital City about fifteen minutes ago."

 

"It probably was him."  Butler shouted to the crowd.  "And I'll bet next weeks egg money he has our deeds and titles with him."

 

"Then what are we doing here?"  Luke said.  "If we cut across Patterson's Ridge, we might be able to catch him at the Route 17 junction."   Bo had already started the General.

 

**********

 

Luke pulled the General onto Route 17.  The shortcut had shaved at least fifteen minutes off the time that it would have taken if they had followed the road.  Of course driving over the fields and meadows played havoc with their suspension.  Todd and several of the townspeople were right behind them. Hughie was nowhere in sight.   They pulled across the road using the General and several of the other cars as a roadblock and waited.

 

"Hey, Cousin."  Bo said as a dark green Chrysler came up to their car.  It suddenly pulled off the road and sped by them through the field.  "That looks like the car that ... what's his name ... Robert Lee was driving in the qualifiers.  The other guy looks just like Jackson.  Let's see what's making them so spooked."  The two dove into the General and took off after the henchmen.  The others were right behind them.

 

It did not take them long to catch up with the fleeing car.  The stretch of road was twisting and narrow, and if you didn't know it well, it was very easy to run off the road.  Which was exactly what the Chrysler did at McFarren's curve.

 

 Bo pulled Jackson out of the car while Luke did the same to Lee.

 

"Where's Hughie?"  Bo demanded.

 

"I ... I don't know."  Lee stammered.  "Honest. The last we saw him, he was on Halkins Hill."

 

Luke conducted a quick search of the vehicle.  A few minutes later, he held up a manila envelope.  "Well, well. What have we here."  He said as he opened it and pulled out a handful of documents.  "I do believe that these are the deeds and titles to the property that the good people of Hazzard bet with Hughie Hogg."

 

"And how did they get in the back seat of your car, of all places."  Todd Butler asked.

 

"I haven't the foggiest idea."  Jackson said.  "We were just on our way to the party at the ... what's its name ... the pigs pen?"

 

"That's the Boars Nest, and it's fifteen miles the other way.  I think a little trip to see Sheriff Coltrane would be in order.  Don't you, Cuz?"  Luke said.  "Todd, can you and the others take them in while we go look for Hughie?  And try to see that they arrive in more or less one piece?"

 

"Sure can, Luke."  Todd said as he angrily threw the two into his car.

 

"And you better take this with you, too."  Bo said as he handed the manila envelope to Todd.  "I'm sure that the others will be thrilled to get them back."

 

"Okay."  Bo said as Luke got behind the steering wheel.  "Let's see if we can find the elusive Mr. Hughie Hogg.  He's got a heap of explaining to do."

 

**********

 

Luke screeched the General to a halt as they approached the Hazzard Creek Bridge.  There, on the other side of the overpass, was Hughie's Lincoln, apparently abandoned.

 

"Well, we found his car, let's see if we can find him."  Bo said as they got out.  "You check the north side of the road, I'll take the south.  He couldn't have gone too far.  After all, he ain't exactly built for hiking."

 

"Yeah, but he does have a good hour's head start."  Luke added as he began to walk in the direction of Haven's Corners.  "If we don't find anything, we'll meet back here in a half hour."

 

**********

1978

 

Luke opened his eyes.  The last thing he remembered clearly was Jeb backhanding him into a tree.  He gazed at his surroundings.  This definitely wasn't Jenson's Swamp.  It was a house ... or maybe one of those fancy luxury bed and breakfast rooms that he had seen in the brochures at the bus depot.  The walls were covered in antique brocade wallpaper.  The four poster queen size bed he was lying in had a comforter of black silk with the same pattern brocaded on it. Two floor to ceiling windows were on either side of the wall opposite him.  They were covered with heavy drapes of a complimentary pattern to the wallpaper. 

 

He threw the covers aside and started to get out of the bed.  He was even more pleasantly surprised to see that he was no longer wearing his mud covered clothes but had on a pair of black silk pajamas. < I must have died and went to heaven. >  He thought as he fingered the sensuous material.  < Nothing in Rhuebottom's store even comes close to this. >

 

Although the drapes were drawn, he could see from the small amount of light filtering through the bottom and the cracks that it was still bright sunshine outside.  The alarm clock on the elegant bedside table said that it was 4:10 PM.  He had been unconscious almost all night and nearly the entire day!  Jeb really must have really landed one on him to put him out for that long! 

 

He didn't notice the door on the side of the room until it opened.  He looked around for something to use as a weapon, just in case.  He found a poker in the massive marble fireplace opposite the windows.  He cocked it on his shoulder like a baseball bat.  It wasn't necessary, as Bo came through the opening.  He, too was wearing black PJ's.

 

"I just got one question.  Where are we and how did we get here?"  Bo asked.

 

"I haven't the slightest clue."  His cousin answered as he sat the poker back on the hearth.  "Maybe there's someone here who we could ask."

 

"Well, we ain't gonna get any answers standing around here."  Bo said, heading for the door.

 

"What about our clothes?" 

 

"I looked all over my room.  This is all there is to wear."   Bo said, indicating the pajamas.

 

A quick search of Luke's room also failed to turn up any of their clothes as well. 

 

They opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

 

**********

Present

 

A half hour later the Duke boys returned to the Hazzard Creek Bridge.

 

"Nothing between here and Martin's Mill."  Luke said.

 

"I was almost to the Hazzard city line.  Not so much as a footprint "

 

"Do you suppose we should start checking down by the creek?"

 

Bo laughed.  "Outside of bathing in it, Hughie Hogg thinks the only thing water is good for is to mix with his scotch.  What would he be doing in Hazzard Creek?"  Nonetheless, he started down the bank after Luke. 

 

They had walked only a few steps along the bank when something white caught Luke's eye.  It was lying at the base of a clump of bushes by one of the piers that supported the bridge.  He motioned to his cousin and they began to excavate whatever it was.  After they had pulled some of the weeds and debris off, it was obvious that it was a shoe.  A white shoe.  Size eight and a half.  The same size Hughie Hogg wore.  Frantically, they removed more dirt and brush.  The figure attached to the shoe was, indeed, Hughie Hogg.  A very dead Hughie Hogg.  From just the cursory exam, they could see that he had impaled, or been impaled, on a thick branch of one of the bushes.

 

"I don't think we had better go any further."   Bo said, his face turning a whitish-green.  "I think we'd better call Rosco."

 

**********

 

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane scratched his head.  They had returned to the police department after they had seen to it that O'Dell's Mortuary had removed the body of the late un-lamented Hughie Hogg from under the bridge.  "Now what do I do?"   He asked to Cletus Hogg and Enos Strate.  "I ain't exactly up on the latest methods for investigating a killing."

 

"You're in luck."  Enos said.  "There just so happens to be one of the best homicide detectives in Los Angeles California, and maybe the whole wide world right here in Hazzard."

 

"And just who would that be?"

 

"Detective Sergeant Nicholas B. Knight"

 

"Jeb Puckett's friend?"

 

"I work with him in the Los Angeles Police Department.  Trust me, Sheriff, he's good.  Real good. He's got more awards for his detectiveing than anyone else on the police force."

 

"All right, Enos.  I'll get him.  Cletus, bring in Mister Detective Sergeant Nicholas B. Knight.  And be quick about it."

 

"Yes, Sir."  Cletus saluted.  "By the way, Sheriff.  Where can I find him?"

 

"Cletus, you dipstick.  If you had half a brain you'd be able to figure that out all by yourself.  As it is, I got to do all the thinking around here.  If he's a friend of Jeb Puckett's, He's also a friend of the Dukes.  If he's a friend of the Dukes ... Just get yourself out to Speed Trap number three.  One or more of them will be along shortly."

 

"Why don't you try the Boar's Nest first."  Enos suggested.  "They will most likely be there celebrating the Dukes and Jeb's winning the Shine Race." 

 

**********

 

"Now, you understand, Detective Sergeant Knight."  Rosco said to the Nick.  "I am consulting you only as a professional courtesy.  I am fully qualified to handle this investigation all by myself.  After all, I am a graduate cum maudlin of the International Correspondence School Criminal Investigation Course."  He pointed to a framed certificate gracing the wall.

 

"And just how many murder cases have you investigated lately, Sheriff?"  Enos asked.

 

"What difference does that make?  Besides, we don't even know for sure that Hughie was murdered.  I mean he could have fallen or even jumped off the Hazzard Bridge."

 

" ... And beat himself black and blue.  And skewered himself on that branch.  And underneath the bridge?"  Enos pointed out.  "I think we got ourselves a murder here."

 

"Enos.  You are still a dipstick.  I am the Sheriff.  I will decide if there's a murder.  What do you think Detective Sergeant Knight?  Was Hughie murdered?"

 

"Well, Sheriff Coltrane."  Nick replied.  "I can give you a better answer after I see the Coroner's report."

 

"We ain't exactly got a Coroner here in Hazzard.  Don't need one.  The last murder in Hazzard County was over fifty years ago.  And that was an open and shut case.  A shootout right here on Main Street between two rival Shiners. Had fifty witnesses watching them fill each other full of lead."

 

"When somebody dies here in Hazzard."  Cletus added.  "We just get Doctor Baxley to sign the death certificate."

 

"Well then, let's get Doctor Baxley to autopsy the corpse.  That's just as good as a Coroner's report."  Nick said.

 

"Can't do that."  Rosco explained.  "She's at a family reunion in Pensacola.  Left two days ago.  Won't be back for two weeks from yesterday."

 

"Who's covering for her?"

 

 "Doc Myers."

 

"Then get Doctor Myers to do the autopsy."

 

"Don't think I can do that neither.  You see, he's the Veterinarian over in Methane Springs."

 

Nick rolled his eyes.  "You mean that a Vet is treating humans?"

 

"Sure."  Cletus said.  "And Doc Baxley subs for Doc Myers when he goes fishing up in Maybury for two weeks every spring."

 

"Where is the nearest Coroner's office."  Nick said.

 

"That would be in the big city."

 

"Which is ... "  Nick said exasperation filling his voice.

 

"Atlanta."

 

"Then call there and ask them to send a Coroner here"

 

"Funny you should say that.  I was just about to do that when you came in here."  Rosco said with a huge grin.

 

"While we're waiting for the Coroner, do you mind if I take a look at the body?" 

 

"I don't know about that."  Rosco said.  "You see, this is now an official murder case, after all. And only officials are allowed to examine the evidence.  While you are an official detective in Los Angeles, you ain't no official here."

 

"He would be if you deputized him."  Cletus suggested.

 

Rosco pondered the matter for a few seconds.  "I guess that makes sense."  He mused.  "Okay, Detective Sergeant Knight.  Raise your right hand."

 

Nick did as he was told. 

 

"Do you solemnly swear to uphold the laws of Hazzard County, the State of Georgia and the Constitution of the United States."

 

"Sheriff."  Cletus said.  "You forgot about the part about the  ... you know."

 

"Know what?"

 

Cletus whispered something into his superior's ear.

 

"Cletus.  You really are a dipstick."  Rosco hissed. "That ain't part of the legal oath.  And I don't think he's gonna be handing out any phony speeding tickets, neither."  He looked at Nick.  "Do you promise to ... What I just said?"

 

"I do."

 

"Good!  Now you are an official Hazzard County Deputy Sheriff."  He rummaged through his desk drawer.  "I know I have an extra badge somewhere in here."

 

"Don't you remember, Sheriff."  Cletus said.  "You deputized Cooter last week to help you with the crowd control and you gave him the last badge."

 

"That's right. So I did."  He took a post-it note and drew a star on it.  "This will have to do until I can get you a real badge."  He said as he pasted it to Nick's chest.

 

Nick gamely resisted the urge to commit Hazzard's second murder in less than twenty four hours.  He bit his lip to keep his fangs in place. < I don't believe this is happening. This so-called law officer can NOT be as thick as he seems.  And they call me a brick. >

 

**********

1978

 

Luke and Bo cautiously opened the basement door.

 

"What are you doing there."  A voice from behind them demanded.  Luke and Bo both jumped at the sound.  They had searched the plantation house and found nothing to indicate where they were or how they got there. This was the first evidence that there was anyone beside themselves in the house.

 

"We ... we were looking for someone to get some answers from."  Luke said 

 

"Do you own this place."  Bo asked.

 

"This property belongs to Lucien LaCroix." The man said.

 

"I take it you ain't him."  Bo declared.

 

"Correct.  I am Mishka.  I look after the place for Miss La Pont."

 

"I thought you said that the place was owned by this LaCroix guy.  Who is Miss La Pont."

 

"You have asked too many questions as it is.  You can go anywhere that you wish.  However, the basement is strictly off limits.  Is that clearly understood?"  He shut the door and placed a huge padlock on the latch.  "If you go down there, I cannot be responsible for what might happen."  In the next minute, he was gone.

 

"Well, cuz."  Bo asked.  "Now what do we do?"

 

"We've looked everywhere else, and ain't found anything.  I suspect our answers are in the cellar."

 

"But it's locked and that Mishka fella said we weren't to go there."

 

"Since when have we let a little thing like that stop us?"  Luke searched the huge kitchen until he found what he was looking for.  A coat hanger and a pair of pliers.

 

"What are you going to do with that?"

 

"Watch."  He worked the pliers around the hanger until a piece broke off.  He twisted the other end until it broke, too.  He put the end of the wire into the lock mechanism and gingerly wiggled it.  After a few gyrations, it snapped open.  "Any other questions?"  He said as he opened the door.

 

"Yeah.  How do you know when Limburger Cheese goes bad?"  Bo joked.  For his efforts, he received a friendly slap from his cousin.

 

With the door shut, the stairway and the cellar were in pitch darkness. Carefully, they picked their way to the bottom.  Luke felt along the wall until he found the light switch and flipped it on. Even then, there was only a minimum of light from a bare bulb that hung in the middle of a hallway.  After their eyes adjusted to the light, the boys could see that there were two rows of doorways on either side of the corridor. There were six doors all told.  Three on either side

 

"Now what do we do?"  Bo asked.

 

"Why don't we pick a door and see what's on the other side of it."  Luke said.  "You take this side.  I'll take those."

 

Bo tried the door nearest him, but it was locked from the inside.  The same was true of the next two doors.  As he was about to try the last door, Luke motioned to him. 

 

"This one's unlocked."

 

**********

Present

 

Nick stared open mouthed at the figure walking through the door.  It couldn't be!  But it was!  And if it wasn't, it was her twin sister!  There couldn't be two auburn haired Coroners on the earth in the same century!

 

"Hello, Sheriff Coltrane."  She said, holding out her hand.  "I'm Dr. Nancy Lamb.  I'm the Coroner you sent for."

 

Rosco grinned broadly as he took her hand and covered it with both of his.  "Coro ... Coro ... Coroner?   But you're a ... a woman."  He had a silly smile on his face that reminded Nick of a teenage boy meeting his favorite pinup star.  Either that, or a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi.

 

She looked at her clothes.  She was dressed in a form fitting peach sweater and slim gray slacks.  "You are right, Sheriff.  I am a woman.  I am also a doctor.  And a qualified Coroner as well."  She said softly.  "Now if you'll show me where the body is, I'll begin my work."

 

"Please.  Call me Rosco.  May I call you Nancy?"  He stood transfixed.  He had not released her hand.

 

"You can call me Doctor."  She said quietly, but with authority.  "Now, about the body."  

 

"The body?  Yes.  And a beautiful body it is."  His eyes took in her figure.

 

"The dead body?"

 

"Oh!"  He stammered.  "That body.  Hughie Hogg's body.  It's at O'Dells Funeral Home.  Follow me."  He put his arm around her waist and started to the door.  When she bent to pick up her suitcase and medical bag, Rosco grimaced and motioned to Cletus to pick them up for her.   After them came Enos and Nick.

 

Nick tried to get close to the doctor as they walked to the funeral home.  There were many questions that he wanted to ask her. It was fairly obvious that Rosco was infatuated with her.  He never left her side for even a moment.

 

**********

 

Dudley 'Digger' O'Dell  opened the door to the cold room and pulled out the tray that contained the remains of the late Hughie Hogg.

 

Doctor Lamb walked around it, periodically touching the skin and feeling under the sheet. 

 

Rosco was right behind her, mimicking her every move.  "Do you need any assistance with the autopsy?"  He asked.  "As the chief law enforcement officer here in Hazzard County, I'd be more than glad to assist you."

 

"Have you ever performed an autopsy?"  Dr. Lamb asked.

 

"Well ... No.  Not exactly. But I have gutted up a lot of chickens for Sunday dinner.  I even butchered a cow once. It wandered onto Township Road 86 and Bud Mercer ran smack into it with his pickup.  Going about fifty miles an hour.  Smashed up the front end something awful.  Bud ain't exactly the best driver in Hazzard.  Anyway, the director over at the orphanage asked if they could have the meat and ... "  He stopped his discourse as the Coroner gave him a withering glare.  "Anyways, I figure autopsying a person can't be any more harder than that."

 

Nancy looked at Nick and smiled.  "Well, Sheriff ... "

 

" ... Rosco."  He grinned.

 

" ... Rosco.  If you think you're up to it."  She opened her suitcase and removed a pair of scrubs and an operating gown.  Digger brought out a set for Rosco.  She handed her medical bag to the mortician so he could sterilize the instruments. 

 

Minutes later, the two emerged from the Ladies and Mens rooms respectively.

 

She tied her hair back with a scrunchie and put on a pair of latex gloves and handed a pair to Rosco.  When he had put his on, she took a scalpel from the tray that Digger had set up and made an incision from just below the right collarbone to the pelvis.  She made a second cut from the left shoulder area that joined the first one slightly beneath the ribcage.  She looked at her helper.  Rosco was beginning to show faint touches of green around his ears.  "You all right?"  She asked.

 

Rosco swallowed hard.  "Yeah ... Sure ... Why wouldn't I be."  He swallowed again.

 

"Good.  Now you hold this while I enlarge the incision so I can get a good look at the abdominal cavity."  She handed him a paddle retractor and proceeded to peel away the layers of skin and muscle from the torso.  "Now I want you to ... Rosco?"

 

Rosco was on his way at a full run to the Mens room.  A few minutes later there was the sound of violent retching.   Then, after an inordinately long time, the Sheriff came out and stumbled to the lobby.  There he collapsed into one of the waiting room chairs.  Although his eyes were open, he was staring blankly into space.

 

"Excuse me, Detective Knight."  Dr. Lamb said from the prep room door.  "Do you think you could give me a hand with this autopsy?  It seems my ... assistant is a bit under the weather."

 

**********

1978

 

Luke slowly opened the door.  Bo stared over his shoulder, his body pressed tightly against his cousin's.  The room on the other side of the door was small, no more than nine by twelve.  A single candle flickering in a holder sitting on a table was the only illumination.  The sparse furnishings consisted of the table, a dresser and a bed.  There was someone in the bed.  The strangest thing about the room was the lack of windows.      

 

The figure in the bed was turned so that his head was facing the wall.  There didn't seem to be any signs that the person was even alive. But then, in the dim light from the candle, it would be easy to miss these signs.

 

Luke approached the figure.  He put his hand on the chest.  The skin was cold.  There was no heartbeat.  No signs of breath. He put his finger against the Carotid artery.  No pulse.  Carefully, he turned the face toward him.   Both he and Bo gasped and took several steps back.  

 

Jeb!

 

"You were told not to go down here." 

 

Both Bo and Luke jumped once more at Mishka's voice.  He stood at the door with a high powered flashlight in his hand. 

 

"We were ... we were looking ... "  Bo stammered.

 

"For a ... friend.  We thought he might be down here."  Luke finished.  "That's him.  That's Jeb Puckett.  He's dead.  Isn't he?"

 

"I told you before.  You were not to go down here.  Go back upstairs.  NOW!"  Mishka ordered.  He motioned toward the stairway with his light.

 

"Not until we get some answers."  Bo was angry.

 

"I said NOW!"  Was Mishka's only response.

 

 Luke started for the stairs with Bo behind him.  From the look on his face and tone of the man's voice, Luke concluded that it would not be a wise thing to disobey him.

 

Mishka shepherded the boys back to the first floor.  "I suggest that you return to your rooms.  When Miss La Pont comes, she will answer any questions you may have.  Do not leave the second floor until then.  I may not be around to rescue you the next time."

 

"Rescue us?  From what?"  Luke asked.

 

"You will know.  In due time."  The next second, he was gone.

 

**********

Present

 

"So, Doctor ... Lamb."  Nick said as he stepped up to the prep table.  "What are you doing here, of all places?"

 

"It's not such a long story, Nick.  You needed a Coroner.  I am a Coroner.  So the powers that be assigned me to help you out.  Just in case there was anything here that might have raised any questions that are better off not asked ... or answered.  Hand me the Metzenbaums."

 

"You think a vampire might be responsible."  Nick placed the scissors in her outstretched hand.

 

"It's possible.  There were several suspicious puncture marks on his neck.  They could have been caused by twigs ... or fangs.  And he is several quarts low."  She excised the lungs and examined them.  "By the way.  Why were you wearing a post-it note with a star drawn on it on your jacket?"  She carefully cut a sliver from each lung and placed them in plastic baggies.

 

"That post-it is my badge.  I am now an official Deputy Sheriff of Hazzard County.  Sheriff

Coltrane didn't have any more badges, so he gave me that."

 

"You are joking.  Hand me that 2-0 suture."

 

"No.  Believe it or not, he was completely serious."  He handed her the suture material clamped in a hemostat.  "Come on, Nat.  You can't suspect one of the Community, do you?  Hughie was killed in broad daylight.  Even I can't go out then.  And neither can anyone else."

 

"But Jeb can. After all, he has those masks.  And anyone can wear them."  She expertly closed the incisions she had made into the lungs.

 

Four hours later, Nat and Nick came out of the prep room.

 

"I can safely say that Hughie Hogg was murdered."  Natalie announced to the waiting group.  "He was beaten and strangled.  According to my observations, he was dead when he was impaled on the tree branch.  Although he was found face down in the mud, there was no water or debris in his mouth, trachea or any other internal organs.  And, from the scuff marks on his shoes and the dirt on the cuffs of his pants, it is likely that he was dragged to the edge of the bridge and then thrown off.  The force of the impalement from the branch is consistent with a forced fall."

 

"Which means what?"  Rosco asked.

 

"Which means we have to find the killer."  Nick said.  < How dumb can one man be.  And he calls himself a police officer. >

 

**********

 

"I might have had a reason to kill Mr. Hogg."  Jeb Puckett said to Nick.  "But I didn't do it.  I was on the way to the Boars Nest at the time.  There's at least a hundred witnesses to that.  Not that I wouldn't if'n I could've.   He came to me a couple of days ago.  He said he had proof that I was a ... a vampire.  He said he had pictures of me with my fangs out and that he had found some of my bottles of blood.  He showed them to me."  The Georgia boy hung his head.   "I tried to whammy him, but he must be a resister.  He said if I didn't make him a vampire too, he was going to take the pictures and the bottles to the Atlanta Tribune and to the Racing Commission."

 

"It's called empirical evidence."  Nick said.  "As long as he had those things, you could not have made him forget, even if he wasn't a resister. What did you do then?"

 

"I told him I'd have to think about it for a few days. Then I told Clarissa.  She said she'd take care of it. I figured by then, either we'd be gone, or he'd be gone, and that would take care of the problem.  If we was still here, I was going to tell you."

 

"What did Clarissa do?"

 

 "I don't know.  You'll have to ask her."

 

********

 

"Actually, Nick."  Clarissa LaPont said. "I was even less persuasive than Jeb was.  Hughie Hogg extended his threats to me as well.  He said he was not too particular who brought him across as long as one of us did."

 

"Did he say why he wanted to be brought across?"

 

"Oh, yes.  He said that he wanted to be the power not only here in Hazzard, but in all of Georgia. He said that as a vampire, no one could stop him.   He said that he would have all the time in the world to make his dreams a reality.  He even hinted that he might try for Congress or maybe even the White House.

 

I told him I would never let that happen.  He said that I didn't have much of a choice.  I told him there was always a choice.  With that he gave me the same ultimatum that he had given Jeb."  She got a strange look on her face.  "You don't think one of us had anything to do with his murder, do you?"

 

"I didn't know for sure.  Nat says that there was no conclusive proof either way."

 

**********

 

Nick had stopped at the Hogg House.  He remembered the threats that Lulu had made.

 

"I sure wanted to kill him."  Lulu Hogg said.  "I even made that threat to him at the qualifiers.  And I meant it, too.  He's nothing but a slimy piece of no good ... "  She drew a deep breath and let it out with a growl of frustration.   "... Even for a Hogg."  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "I didn't kill him, though.  I was here at the house.  I know nobody really saw me here, but a bunch of people were at the Boars Nest and they saw me a few minutes later when I came there."  She sighed.  "I ain't sorry he's dead, Detective.  Whoever did kill him did the people of Hazzard a great service.  I will say that." 

 

**********

 

Nick walked into the station as Enos and Cletus were questioning several of the townspeople.

 

"And where were you at about four fifteen this afternoon?"  Enos asked Harry Gordish.  Harry was one of the people that stood to lose not only his farm, but his truck and his herd of cows as well.

 

"I was heading for the Boar's nest.  There was supposed to be a victory celebration there after the race, but when word came that Hughie Hogg had been killed, it kind of took all the celebratin' out of us."

 

"We can all verify that."  Miller Townsend said.  Two of the others nodded in agreement.  "We were there when Harry pulled up."

 

"What about Hughie's cohorts?  Has anybody interrogated them?"  Nick asked.

 

"Why should we question them?"  Rosco said.  "We know they didn't do it."

 

"And how do you know that?"

 

"Because the Dukes caught them on the road to Capital City with the deeds and titles.  Why would they kill Hughie if they already had them?"

 

Maybe that's how they got them."  Nick suggested.

 

"But ... But ... "  Rosco sputtered.  "I never thought of that."

 

"I told you he was a good detective, didn't I, Sheriff?"  Enos beamed.

 

"Let's go talk to Mr. Lee and Mr. Jackson."  Rosco said as he headed down the stairs to the holding cells.

 

Lee and Jackson sat in their cell while Nick sat in a folding chair on the outside of the bars.  Rosco and Cletus stood behind the Los Angeles policeman.

 

"What more can we tell you, Detective."  Lee said.  "As Jackson told you, Hughie ... Mr. Hogg gave us that manila envelope and told us to take it to Central City.  He said he would meet us there later tonight.  We had no idea what was in the envelope or what he was going to do with it."

 

"That's right."  Jackson reiterated.  "We're honest legitimate businessmen.  If we even thought for a moment that Boss ... I mean Mr. Hogg was up to something illegal with those deeds and titles, we would have come to you right away."

 

< Honest businessmen!  And I'm going to enter the Mr. Muscle Beach contest next year. >  Nick made eye contact with Jackson.  He listened intently to the tha-thump of his heart.  "Tell me.  Is what you just told me the absolute truth?"  He asked slowly and deliberately.

 

"Truth?"  Jackson hesitated as though he was trying hard not to answer the detective's question.  "No ... not exactly.  Hughie Hogg didn't ... give us the envelope ... exactly."

 

"Who did."  Nick said, not breaking eye contact.

 

" ... Revere ... did.  He said that ... that Hogg gave it to him and that ... that Hughie would meet us in Central City.   I swear.  That's the truth.  Revere said we ... we weren't to tell anyone what happened.  He said that if we did just as he said, we'd ... we'd be rich beyond our wildest dreams."

 

"Shaddap, you fool."  Lee hissed. 

 

Enos came into the holding area.  "I think you had better take a look at this, Sheriff."  He said, thrusting a paper into the lawman's hand.  "While you were in here questioning the prisoners. I took the opportunity to run a police check on them.  This just came in from the Georgia State Police."

 

"Well.  Well.  Well.  It seems you two and your friends ain't exactly the honest businessmen you claim to be."  Rosco said, shoving the paper in front of the two prisoners.  "It seems that the State Police are looking for five men that match yours and the other's descriptions in connection with a armored truck holdup."

 

"Also, according to the State Police, your real names are as follows,  Lee, your name is James Barker,  Jackson is Norman Potter, Smith's name is Jasper DePhiew, Jones is Longfellow Madgris, and Revere is Hugh Waldron."  Enos said.

 

"Aren't you supposed to read us our rights under the Miranda Act?"  Lee / Barker said.

 

"We already did that."  Enos said.  "When Todd Butler and the others brought you in."

 

"Then we want a lawyer before we say another word."

 

"And I think we had better find Mr. Hugh Waldron, otherwise known as Paul Revere."  Nick said.

 

**********

1978

 

Luke and Bo watched as the bedroom door closed and then they heard the click as the lock was snapped into place.

 

"I am very sorry to do this to you."  Mishka said from the other side.  "Trust me, it is for your own good."

 

 "Just tell us what happened to Jeb.  And why we're being held here as prisoners."  Bo shouted as he pounded on the locked door."

 

"It won't be long."  Mishka replied.  "All your questions will be answered."

 

Luke peered through the heavily brocaded drapes.  The sun had just set and lines of red and gold streaked across the evening sky.

 

"Maybe we can climb out the window and get out of here that way."  Bo said.

 

"Not very likely."  Luke pulled the drape back.  There were heavy ornamental wrought iron grills across the large windows.  "It's probably to keep anyone out, but it keeps everyone in as well.  Besides, it's over thirty feet to the ground.  Unless you happen to have a parachute handy, I doubt if either of us could survive the jump with anything less than a couple of broken bones."

 

"Astute observation, Mr. Duke."

 

Bo and Luke turned to face the person talking to them.  They had not heard anyone enter the room.

 

"I did not mean to frighten you.  My name is Clarissa La Pont."  Clarissa said.  Mishka was right behind her.  "I'll try to answer as many of your questions as I can."

 

"What happened to Jeb?"  Luke demanded.  "Who killed him?"

 

"You're the woman I saw in the swamp."  Bo shouted angrily.  "What is going on here?  If we don't start getting some straight answers, I'm gonna ... "  He cocked his fist.

 

"That won't be necessary."  Clarissa said.  "You will get your answers.  We just had to wait for the right time."  She and Mishka headed for the door and Bo and Luke followed them. 

 

**********

Present

 

Nick hung up the phone.  He had just talked with the Atlanta division of the Georgia State Police.  He had informed them that the Hazzard County Sheriff had four of the members of the gang that robbed the armored truck in custody for fraud and possible homicide.  Earlier, Cletus and Enos had brought Smith / DePhiew and Jones / Madgris from the Boars Nest to the jail.  Nick had given the police a description of the car that Waldron was driving and they agreed to put out an all points bulletin and roadblocks in order to capture him.

 

**********

1978

 

She opened the door to the cellar room and ushered the Dukes inside.  Jeb was sitting on the edge of the bed, a bottle of 'wine' in his hands. 

 

"Hey, Bo.  Hey, Luke."  He said with a smile. 

 

Luke's jaw dropped and his eyes became as large saucers.  "JEB! What! You're dead!  We saw you.  You're dead!"

 

"Not dead.  Undead."  Mishka explained.

 

"Un ... dead?"  Bo stammered.

 

"Undead."  Clarissa repeated.  "You see, the so called creature that you were tracking is actually a vampire.  I have been following him for several months.  He ravages an area and then brings a local person across just before he moves on.  The local, ignorant of our ways, invariably gets caught.  Then he gets the blame for all the horrors that the vampire has done, and is usually destroyed.  Fortunately, I was able to intervene with Jeb here before he made any mistakes.  Unfortunately, I had to bring the two of you along as well."

 

"You mean to tell us that you two are vampires, and that Jeb is one, too?"  Luke asked.

 

"Not exactly.  Mishka is mortal.  He looks after my affairs during the day."

 

"What's going to happen to us?"  Bo asked.

 

"You two do present a dilemma.  According to our Code, I cannot let you know of our existence."

 

"Which means ... "

 

"I have three choices.  Wipe your memories.  Bring you across.  Or kill you."

 

"Some choices."  Luke said.  "Wait a minute.  You said that Mishka here knows about vampires.  Why is he still mortal?"

 

"As I said, he looks after my affairs during the daytime."

 

"And I'm gonna need someone here to look after me in the daytime, too."  Jeb piped up.  "Why can't they do for me what Mishka does for you?"

 

Clarissa thought for a moment.  "Are you sure they can be trusted?"

 

"With my life.  Or rather my unlife."  Jeb said.  "They's my friends.  In these parts, friends don't betray friends."

 

"I assure you, Miss LaPont.  We won't tell anyone what we know."  Bo said.  He placed his hand on his heart.  "I swear by all that I hold sacred."

 

Clarissa winced at these words, as did Jeb.

 

"I guess if you are that serious, I can let you tend to Jeb."

 

"GREAT!"  Luke said, grabbing Jeb's arm.  "Let's get out of here as fast as we can.  Uncle Eli and Uncle Jesse are probably going crazy wondering where we are."

 

"I don't think so."  Mishka said.  "We have taken the liberty of informing your father, and your uncle, that Jeb was ill and that he will be recuperating here at the Plantation.  We also told them that you two were staying with him for the time being.  They agreed to let you stay here as long as it took."

 

"And how long will that be?"

 

"Jeb has a lot to learn before he can safely be with mortals again.  It may be a long time before he will be able to return to Haven's Corners, if ever."

 

"What do we tell Uncle Eli and Uncle Jesse in the meantime?"

 

"We will take care of that." Mishka said.  "In the interim, why don't you dress for dinner?  There are clothes in your room."

 

**********

Present

 

Nick hung up the phone.  "That was Trooper Harris of the State Police Central City outpost.  According to him, Waldron hasn't passed through any of their checkpoints.  He's also been in touch with the Tehachapi and the Chickasaw outposts.  Same thing."

 

"And that means ... ?"  Rosco asked.

 

Nick shook his head slowly.  < I don't believe anyone can be this dumb. >  "It means that the chances are great that Waldron is still in Hazzard County.  I think I'll go and see if I can find any sign of him."

 

"But it's dark.  Wouldn't it be better if we wait until morning?"

 

"By morning, he could be anywhere in a three state area."

 

"I'll round up a posse and we'll cover the entire county."

 

< Posse?  This isn't the old west. >  "No.  Don't do that.  It might alert him that we're after him.  Besides, I can make better time if I go alone.  < Particularly if I fly. >

 

"Deputy Knight."  Rosco called to the departing detective.  He held up the post-it note.  "You forgot your badge."

 

**********

 

Twenty minutes later, Nick, Clarissa, and Jeb were flying in ever widening circles from Hazzard.  Bo and Luke in the General, and Daisy and Ellie in 'Dixie' were tracking them from the ground.  Toni manned the van with Eli as co pilot.

 

"Any sign of anything Red Ryder?  Barmaid?"  Nick asked into his portable CB radio.

 

"No sign of our party, Knightmare, but I spotted several stands of deer that I want to scout tomorrow for the Red Deer stock." Jeb said.

 

"Red Ryder."  Clarissa said into her CB.  "Keep your mind on the task at hand.  We can hunt later."

 

"I am, Barmaid.  I'm just making a note of it for future reference.  Wait a minute.  I think I spotted some lights on over at the Pyres farm on Logan's Hill.  If I remember correct, it's been abandoned since Old Man Pyres died over ten years ago."

 

"Red Ryder.  Don't do anything.  Set down about a mile from it and wait until we get there."  Nick cautioned.  "Lost Sheep.  Bo Peep.  You copy that?"

 

"Copy you loud and clear, Knightmare."  Bo said.  "We'll be there in about ten minutes."

 

"Bo Peep will be right on your tail."

 

"Quick Draw is heading there too."  Toni said as she headed the van for Logan's Hill

 

**********

 

Hugh Waldron put the deeds and titles into a steel covered carry case.  " ...  Yeah, honey.  I got them right here."  He said into a cell phone. "Those poor fools thought I gave them the real things.  Those were phonies that I copied with Hughie's scanner and laptop.  Once they try to do anything with them, they'll be caught ... They'll take the blame for the fraud ... and for Hughie's murder.  Once the heat is off, we'll just register these papers at the State Courthouse in Atlanta.  Then, when the automobile factory moves to Hazzard, we'll see who's the richest man around.  ...  I know ...  I'll be leaving here at first light.  I should be in Atlanta in about three hours from then ... Yeah.  That's right. ....  Meet you at the Underground at noon ... Yeah, honey ... I love you too, sweetheart."  He blew several kisses into the phone and clicked it off.  <If that little bimbo thinks I'm gonna share with her, she's dumber than my so called partners. >

 

 He picked up the suitcase and turned off the portable lamp.  It was a good thing he had thought to bring it.  There was no electricity in this ramshackle dump.  He opened the door and stepped out into the night.  With a little bit of luck, he could be in Atlanta in two hours.  Promptly at eight o'clock, he would be at the courthouse.  By ten thirty, he could be on his way to Florida and a departing cruise ship to the Cayman Islands with the new deeds in his new name. He patted his pocket.  He had bought the tickets over the internet with Hughie's laptop from Budgetickets using the name George Revere. Now, with a phony passport, courtesy of Hughie's graphics program, he was all set.

 

**********

 

"Somebody just left the house."  Jeb radioed.  "He's heading toward the interstate on State Route 26.  Driving a late model.  Tan or maybe yellow, if I see right.  Looks like a Honda sports coupe."

 

"I see him, Red Ryder."  Luke said as he pulled the General about fifty feet behind the car. 

 

"Lost sheep, this is Bo Peep."  Daisy said.  "Quick Draw and me will try to cut him off at the Wilson Road junction.

 

"The rest of us will keep aerial reconnaissance."   Nick said as he and Clarissa joined Jeb above the fleeing car.  

 

Waldron suddenly spotted the General following him.  He found a little used road and made a quick left turn onto it.  The Dukes, not to be thwarted that easily, also turned onto the road.  

The road, an abandoned logging trail, was convoluted with twists and turns.

 

"We got him now."  Bo said into the mike.  "This road, if that's what you want to call it, is bad enough in the daytime.  At night, it's impossible.  Especially if you don't know it all that well."  He swerved to avoid a fallen tree.

 

Just then, Waldron turned onto another branch road and made a 180 degree turn.  The Dukes had to veer onto the grass to avoid colliding with the Honda.  Pulling hard, Luke pulled the General into a skid and took off after the car just in time to see the tail lights disappear onto Leopolds turnoff.

 

"If we cut across the flats, we can catch him at Wilson's Road."  Bo said into the mike.

 

"Gotcha Lost Sheep."  Daisy returned.  "We're waiting at the junction. Between all of us, we ought to be able to corral him good."

 

"No such luck."  Jeb said.  "He just turned onto County Road 156.  That'll take him into Chickasaw County in about ten miles.  No way you can catch him from where you are.  Once he's in Chickasaw, there's umpteen thousand roads he can take."

 

"There's a collapsed overpass off Old Miller's Creek Road that used to go over County Road 156.  If we do it just right ... " Bo suggested.

 

"What are we hanging around here for?"  Luke said as he headed across the meadow toward Miller's Creek Road.

 

Two minutes later, the orange car was on Miller's Creek Road. 

 

"There."  Bo said pointing to a barely visible road.  "That's the old road."

 

Luke swung the car onto the path.  Seconds later, they stopped at the edge of the small cliff.  Luke cut the General's headlights.  At the bottom lay County Road 156.  In the distance, they could see twin beams of an approaching car.

 

"Lost sheep. This is Knightmare."  Came over the CB.  "Target approaching your position."

 

"Copy that Knightmare."  Bo replied.  "We see him, too."  He replaced the mike in its holder.  "If we back up about twenty feet and hit the rise at thirty eight miles, we should land practically on top of him."

 

"Forty one and we'll be right where we want to be."  Luke answered as he backed the General away from the edge.

 

"Five ... Four ... Three ... Two ... One."  Bo counted down.  Luke turned on the headlights and gunned the engine.  The General took off in a cloud of red dust for the approach to the non existent bridge.  The General hit the edge of the embankment at exactly forty one miles per hour.  The car soared over the edge and fell at a precise twenty three degree pitch to the asphalt below.

 

"Y - E - E - H - A - H !"  Two voices called out as the car seemed to float through the air.

 

"I've seen vampires fly."  Nick said to Jeb as they paced Waldron from the air.  "I've seen planes fly.  I've seen birds fly.  But I swear this is the first time I've ever seen a car fly."

 

"Shoot, Nick.  Bo and Luke do that all the time."  Jeb answered with a grin.  "It's almost like their trade mark."

 

The General landed with a bone jarring thump about twenty feet in front of the Honda.  Waldron pulled his car hard to the right to avoid the car, but as he did, his front tire left the road and dropped into the culvert that paralleled it.   Before he could bring it under control, the car careened down the ditch and overturned several times.  Within seconds, Jeb, Nick and the Dukes were at the scene.  Nick yanked the door off as Jeb and Bo pulled Hugh from the car.  Licks of flame danced around the rear of the car.

 

"The case ... "  Hugh moaned as they carried him back to the road.  " ... Get the case."

 

Nick ran back to the car and several seconds later, he reappeared carrying the metal case.  Almost at the same time, the car was engulfed in a fireball as the flames reached the gas tank.

 

"Give it to me!"  Hugh yelled.  "It's mine!"

 

"I don't think so."  Nick said as he pulled the lids apart.  The deeds and titles spilled over the roadway.  "Mr. Hugh Waldron. You are under arrest for the murder of Hughie Hogg.  For Robbery.  And for attempted Robbery.  You have the right to ... "

 

"Cut the legal crap, hick."  Hugh said.  "I want a lawyer.  You ain't got nothing on me."

 

**********

 

Hugh Waldron sat in the cell next to his companions.  Dr. 'Lamb' had treated him for a multitude of cuts and bruises and had set and casted his broken ankle.  "I'll be out of here in an hour."  He said to Rosco defiantly.  "All you have is circumstantial evidence.  Those papers are phonies.  And at the time you claim Hughie Hogg was murdered, I was in Methane Springs having my car washed.  I have a receipt from the gas station."  He pulled out a doctored receipt from the week before.

 

"That won't wash.  If you'll excuse the pun."  Dr. 'Lamb' said.  She had just come from the improvised lab that had been set up at O'Dell's Funeral Home.  "I've analyzed the DNA remnants that were in the fingerprints that Detective Knight removed from the suitcase.  They match perfectly with the unidentified DNA that was found all over Hughie Hogg's car.  The blood and tissue samples match those that were under Hughie's fingernails, too.  You were there when Hughie was murdered.  You beat him and then you killed him."

 

"Also, the deeds and titles that you gave to Barker and Potter were the copies."  Enos said.  "Good copies, but copies none the less.  Yours are the originals.  We had Emmett from the County Clerk's office check them over."

 

"And as far as getting out of here in an hour, at least that part is true.  Lieutenant Majors from the State Police will be here with a squad of Troopers to take all of you to the State Capital for trial on charges of Armed Robbery."  Rosco chuckled.

 

**********

1978

 

They had retired to the opulent library of the mansion after dinner. Clarissa was dressed for dinner in an elegant three quarter length baby blue chiffon gown.  The men were in black tuxedo pants, black tie and cummerbunds, and white dinner jackets.  Although Jeb and Clarissa did not 'eat', Bo, Luke and Mishka dined on exquisite dinner of Caesar Salad, lobster, porterhouse steak, cheese baked potatoes, and Vegetables Alfredo.

 

"I know y'all think you're doin' what you think is right for me."  Jeb said to Clarissa.  "But Pa ain't gonna believe that I just decided to take off with you.  For one thing, I'm only nineteen.  That ain't a legal age ... at least not in these parts it ain't.  Pa will be here in a split minute if he thinks I'm about to run away.  He needs me to help out with the farm and things like that."

 

"I can handle you father."  Clarissa said.

 

"If you think you can hypnotize Pa, think again.  A performer at the carnival at the State Fair tried it a coupla years ago and it didn't even phase him.  Besides, I don't wanna leave Havens Corners.  At least not just yet.  Maybe in a few years, But not now."

 

"I have an idea."  Luke suggested.  "Since everybody thinks that some kind of an animal has been doing these killings, why don't we tell everybody that the ... animal escaped from a laboratory, maybe from some research company or a hospital lab in North Carolina or Alabama.  We can tell everybody that Jeb was attacked by it and that he was infected with a disease that left him allergic to sunlight and almost all kinds of foods."

 

"Yeah."  Bo continued.  "Then you can say that he has got to go to a special nursing home to be treated for this disease.  That it will take a long time for him to recover enough so that he can come home.  That will cover the time he needs to learn what he needs to know to survive as a vampire."

 

"And you could say that the disease is highly communicable, and he has to be quarantined.  That way nobody would think it strange that they can't come and visit him."  Luke added.

 

"It'll also give us a good excuse to stay here for a while too."  Luke finished.  "We can say that it's so that everybody is sure that we don't come down with it, too."  

 

"Maybe it's a good thing I agreed to let you two look after him." Clarissa said.  "You have an excellent idea there.  That's what we'll do."

 

"Now all we need is something that we can show to the good people of Hazzard as the animal that did all of this."  Luke said.

 

"That will be easy to take care of."  Mishka indicated.  "Since this ... animal was obviously contaminated and undoubtedly treacherous, we had to kill it and burn the carcass so that all traces of the so called disease were destroyed.  Then we buried the ashes just to be doubly sure that there would be no threat to anyone else."

 

"Then that's the story we'll tell."  Clarissa lifted her glass of 'wine'.  Jeb did likewise.  Mishka toasted with a glass of Chardonnay while the Dukes saluted with a bottle of PBR each.

 

**********

Present

 

Nick and the others watched as the convoy of police cars and paddy wagons carried the prisoners from the Hazzard jail.  The Lieutenant said that indictments against them had already been handed down for the robbery.  They would go to trial within months. 

 

As for Waldron, he would be indicted and tried for the murder of Hughie Hogg as well.  Rosco and the others involved would be subpoenaed to Atlanta to testify.  As for Detective Knight, Officer Strate, and Dr. 'Lamb', their testimony would be given by closed circuit teleconferencing from Los Angeles.  One of the Troopers remembered that there was no Dr. Lamb at the Atlanta Medical Examiner's office.  Natalie told the officers that she was a former Coroner who now had a private practice in LA and that she just 'happened' to be visiting an unnamed 'friend' when the call came for a Coroner in Hazzard.  Since they were short handed, she 'volunteered' to go.  For some strange reason, they believed her. 

 

"So, Deputy Knight."  Rosco said as the last of the cars disappeared around the corner onto Main Street.  "I guess there ain't no way I can get you to stay on here as a full time deputy, is there?  I'll even get you a real honest to goodness badge."

 

"I'm afraid not."   Nick said as he peeled the post-it note from his shirt.  "My home is in Los Angeles.  My family is there and so are all of my friends.  If I ever come this way again, though, I promise I will make it a point to visit.   Maybe the next time I'll bring the whole family."  He handed the piece of paper to Rosco.

 

"Naw.  You keep it."  Rosco said, handing the note back.  "Just in case you do come this way again. That way I won't have to deputize you all over again."

 

 Nick saluted the Sheriff.  "Thank you, Sheriff Coltrane."

 

 Rosco returned the salute.  "No.  Thank you, Deputy Knight."

 

**********

 

The party at the Boars Nest was well underway.  It was decided that it would be a combination victory party for the Shine racers, a celebration of the return of the deeds and titles that had been stolen by Hughie and Waldron, and a farewell party for Jeb, the Knights, and Clarissa.

 

"Attention! Attention!"  Rosco yelled as he stood on the stage and pounded on a metal bar tray with a large serving spoon.  "May I have your attention!  I have an important announcement to make."  There was almost immediate silence.  "We have just finished totaling up the profits from the Shine Race.  If the figures stand, we have made a profit of ..."  He took a sheet of paper out of his pocket and made a production of unfolding it.  " ... Over three hundred fifty thou ... thousand dollars.  That, and the reward from the Armored Car Company for the capture of the robbers, puts Hazzard County in the black once again.  In fact, we even have a good sized surplus.  Therefore, as County Commissioner, I am going to ... going to ... " 

 

Lulu Hogg poked him in the ribs.  Hard. 

 

" ... I am going to ... " He turned to his sister.  "Do I have to do this?"  He whispered. 

 

Lulu nodded and poked him again.

 

" ... I am going to declare that the taxes for the rest of the year are going to be ... Ha ... ha ...  halfofwhattheywerelastyear."  He stammered.

 

The cheer that went up from the crowd was deafening.

 

"And the next round of drinks are on Sheriff Coltrane."  Lulu shouted over the noise.

 

< Forgive me, Little Fat Buddy ... >  Rosco thought.  < I had to do it.  Otherwise Lulu would have skinned me alive. >   In the back of his mind, he could have sworn he heard J.D. Hogg laughing.

 

Jeb smiled broadly as he heard the news.  It would mean that the farm had a better than even chance of ending the year in the black.  That is, if the weather cooperated and they had a good harvest.  "You know, Luke."  He said.  "Maybe there's a chance that Rosco is starting to mellow out in his old age."

 

"Don't count on it."  The older Duke said.  "He and Cletus still chase us all over the County at least twice a week trying to get something on us.  We've gotten more tickets this year alone than the Movie House over in Tehachapi sells on a Saturday night."  He laughed.

 

Nick escorted Toni onto the tiny dance floor.  The band had finally played something that he could identify.  Not that he wasn't a fan of country music, He liked anything that was good music.  It was just that that most of the tunes were not exactly conducive to 'good belly rubbin', as Eli Puckett called it.  This one was definitely 'belly rubbin' music.  And there was no one that he'd rather rub bellies with than Toni. 

 

< Eli Puckett was right. > He thought.  < Most of the men here are dragging their eyeballs on the floor at the sight of the ladies in the group. >  He had to admit they were stunning.  Several times he had to remind one or more of the men that Toni was very married ... To him.

 

"Sorry you came to Hazzard?"  Toni whispered.

 

"Me?  Never.  It was a great pleasure to meet Jeb's family.  I even grew to like Sheriff Coltrane.  Sort of.  He may be a bumpkin, but he does have a good heart.  I will say this though, it will be good to get back to LA."   He buried his face in her hair and let the soulful music wash over him as he glided her as best he could across the miniscule floor.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Luke Duke could have sworn he saw the images of Jesse Duke and J.D. Hogg standing in a corner with their arms around each other, grinning like the two rascals they were.  When he turned to look, there was nothing there.

 

**********

 

"So, Jeb."  Toni asked as they settled into their seats.  They had managed to get a direct red eye flight back to Los Angeles. Because of the time difference and the direction of the flight, they were able to take off and land in the dark.  The first class compartment was only partially filled, and most of the passengers were asleep even before the plane reached its cruising altitude. "How did the others find out about you being a vampire."

 

"Well, Hazzard and Haven's Corners ain't very big places.  It's hard to keep a secret, especially from family.

 

**********

1978

 

"What the ... "  Eli Puckett said as he heard a loud thump from the driveway.  Jeb had been gone for nearly three months, and he had returned to the farm only a few days earlier. Eli thought it was strange that his son had chosen to sleep in the root cellar during the daytime and only fed on the contents of the green bottles he had brought with him.  Clarissa La Pont had explained that these were some of the after effects of the bite from that lab animal.  She also explained that it was very likely that these effects would be permanent.

 

He went outside to see what was wrong.  There, sprawled across the hood of his truck, lay Jeb.  His left arm lay at an awkward angle and his right ankle pointed the wrong way.  The windshield was shattered and blood poured from multiple gashes on his head where he had penetrated the glass.  Eli touched his son.  He was cold.  He felt for a pulse.  There was none.  He wasn't breathing either.  "Jethro!"  He called to his other son.  "Come out here quick.  Something's happened to Jeb.  We got to get him over to the hospital right now."  He immediately started CPR that he had learned in the First Aid course that the Grange had given. 

 

Carefully, the two men slid Jeb off the truck onto a door that Jethro had brought from the barn.  They covered him with a blanket and started to slide him into the back of the truck.  Eli kept up the compressions on his son's chest.  Suddenly, the injured Puckett sat up and began sputtering.  Eli watched in awe and horror.  His eyes were gold and there were ... fangs ... protruding from his upper lip.

 

"Get away from here."  Jeb growled at his father and brother.  "Get away from here NOW!"

 

"Jeb!  What's wrong!"  Eli said as he stepped back from the truck. 

 

"What can we do to help?"  Jethro gasped.

 

"Get me one of them bottles from the cellar."  Jeb growled in reply.

 

Slowly, never taking his eyes off his older brother, Jethro headed for the root cellar that was Jeb's home since he had returned from the plantation.  Several minutes later, he returned with a bottle.

 

Jeb grabbed it with his good arm and downed it in two swallows.  Eli and Jethro watched as his arm slowly returned to its customary place and his foot rotated to the normal position.  The gashes in his head closed and healed before their eyes.

 

"Jebediah!"  Eli's face showing abject horror.  He made the sign of the cross.  Jeb winced and shrank back from his father.  "What is going on here?  And you had better have a dang good explanation!"

 

"Well, I was trying to land and I ... kinda missed my mark and I ... sorta flew into your truck, Pa.  I'm powerful sorry."  Jeb said, hanging his head in shame.

 

"What are you?"  Jethro whispered.

 

"I think we had better go inside. We got a lot to talk out."  Jeb said as he slid off the door.

 

**********

 

Eli, Jethro and Ellie Puckett sat on one side of the kitchen table.  Jeb sat on the other.

 

"What we saw out there has something to do with your being bitten by that lab animal, doesn't it, son?"  Eli asked.

 

No, Pa."  Jeb said softly.  "It has everything to do with my being bitten.  And it wasn't an animal what bit me.  It was a monster.  It was a vampire."

 

"Jeb, quit your joshin'.  You know there ain't no such things as vampires."  Ellie tried to make it sound like a joke, but there was definite fear on her face.

 

"I ain't joshin', Sis."  Jeb's face was serious.  He recounted the night in Jenson's Swamp three months earlier.

 

" ... And you really are a vampire?"  Ellie said.

 

Jeb nodded.

 

"And you go around drinking people's blood?"  Jethro asked.  "Can you fly?  Don't you have to sleep in a coffin?  Can you turn into a bat?"

 

Jeb shook his head.  "We don't have to drink people's blood no more.  What with the Red Cross giving outdated blood and blood from different kinds of animals, nobody has to kill anymore.  And as for flying, I got the flyin' part down pretty good, but as you saw, it's the landings I'm still shaky on.  I can't turn into a bat or anythin' else, and according to Miss Clarissa, vampires haven't slept in coffins for over two hundred years."

 

"Clarissa La Pont?  You mean she's a vampire, too?"  Jethro's eye became like saucers.  "But she took care of you all these months.  She's been bringing you back to health."

 

"No.  Not exactly.  She's been teaching me the things I need to know to survive in the vampire community."

 

"You mean there are other ... you know ... "  Eli asked

 

"The word is vampires, Pa."  Jeb corrected.  "And I know there are more of 'em, but I don't exactly know how many."

 

"Well, whatever you claim to be, you are still my son, and I love you.  None of us will ever betray your secret.  No matter what."  Eli said.  "Just promise me one thing."

 

"Anything, Pa."

 

"Promise me that you'll never take no blood from no living human being.  Ever.  Or I'll stake you myself. You got me, boy?"

 

"I promise, Pa."

 

**********

Present

 

" ... And since Ellie knew, and her cousins knew, it was only natural that Daisy Duke would find out sooner or later.  And if you ever thought you could keep a secret from Uncle Jesse, you got another think coming.  Everybody swore by all that they held holy that they would never tell, and so far, nobody has."

 

"But what about the Enforcers?"

 

"You got to admit.  Havens Corners and Hazzard ain't exactly on the beaten path.  I guess the Enforcers figured that with only one honest to goodness vampire there, it wasn't really worth the effort to keep that close an eye on things.  They ain't never bothered us, and we ain't never bothered them."

 

**********

Los Angeles

 

" ... And as we came on the ninety mile point, I knew that the Duke boys and me had the race in our pockets."  Jeb said to the small throng that had crowded around him at the After Sunset.  His second place trophy stood on a shelf behind him.  "I knew that one of us would win.  The others were so far behind us that even if we had gone another hundred miles, they never would have caught up with us.

 

And did I tell you about the chase we gave the murderer?  It was just before sunrise and we ... "

 

Clarissa went to the dining room where Toni and Nick were finishing their dinner.  "It's amazing.  Every time he tells that story, it gets better and his part in it gets bigger.  If I didn't have such a perfect memory, I'd swear that he was talking about some other experience than the one that we went through in Hazzard."

 

Nick smiled.  "He may be a vampire, but at heart, he's still a good old country boy.  I think exaggeration is a way of life for them.  I've come to the conclusion that it's bred into them."

 

"Like you didn't embellish the truth when you told it at the precinct.  Mike told me how you made it sound like you single handedly solved the murder, captured the entire gang, and forced a confession out of each and every one of them."  Toni reminded him.

 

"Well, I was the guiding force in the investigation."  Nick said with an inordinate amount of pride.  "If it wasn't for me, Sheriff Coltrane would not have realized that Hughie had even been murdered.  He was ready to chalk it up as an accident.  And you must admit. I did get Jackson, or rather Potter, to confess what really happened with the deeds and titles.  Of course, that led me to Waldron.  If it weren't for my unique abilities, he would have escaped."

 

Toni and Clarissa both rolled their eyes.

 

"Wait a minute, isn't that Larry Wade, the writer for the LA Times?  I think I'll tell the story to him.  Maybe he can use it in one of his articles."  Nick got up and went after the unsuspecting journalist.

 

"Maybe it has something to do with the 'Y' chromosome."  Clarissa said with a twinkle in her eye.  She lifted her glass of 'wine' in a toast.

 

"You may just be right."  Toni said, lifting her glass to Clarissa's.

 

**********

The End?

Not as long as Jeb and Nick keep

telling the story.