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After a party one evening, Doug and Grace were going home. Doug had a few drinks and did not want Grace to drive. About one mile down the road, Doug was pulled over by the police. Doug tells Grace, "Don't say one word. I'll do all the talking." The officer walks up to the car and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "Why no," says Doug. "It seems your registration is not current. Where you aware of this?" inquires the officer. "No I had no idea." replies Doug. Grace speaks up and says, "Yes you did, I have been telling you to take care of that for two months now." "SHUT UP, DAMN YOU!" Doug says. "Well, sir, that's not the only reason I pulled you over. Did you know that you have a tail-light out as well?" askes the officer. Doug with the best innocent face he could muster says, "Why no, officer. I had no idea." Grace then says, " Doug, please, you just got a ticket on that last week. You knew." "SHUT UP, DUMD B____CH!" Doug says with a growl. The officer then leans in the window and says," Excuse me, does he always talk to you like that?" Grace then informs him, "No, only when he is drunk."
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a patron stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The guy then fell onto the front seat, pulled himself up, and continued to fumble around with his keys for several more minutes. Everyone else had left the bar and driven off before he finally started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "I'm the designated decoy."
One day a man is speeding on the interstate and a police officer falls in behind him and turns on the blue lights.
The man thinks, "I can get away from this COP..." He commenses to increase his speed and escape from this officer.
After a minute or so, he realizes that he's not going to escape, so he pulls over.
The Police Officer steps up to the window of his vehicle and tells the man, "I was on my way home and have had a very long day. If you can give me a good enough excuse, I'll let you go with a warning."
The man thinks for a second and says to the officer, "About two weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. I honestly thought that you were him trying to give her back to me..."
