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'Bullet Proof' vests might be.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.
The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you've been a cop.
Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.
High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.
Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
Flash suppressors don't really.
If you have `cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.
If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).
If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on `Eyewitness News'.
Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksman, Vice cops, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.
When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.
If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.
You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.
Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.
From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can.
On any call, there will always be more `bad guys' than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be.
The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.
Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer".
The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.
If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed-up" in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will send the entire S.W.A.T. Team.
Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.
You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.
Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
To error is human, to forgive is against department policy.
You will find a "police discount" one day before payday.
Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.
The oldest squad car won't be retired, it will be assigned to you.
Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.
Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.
You mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.
You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only three positions.
If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.
Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.
Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.
Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a ticket.
NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.
The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.
Your bulletproof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder.
You receive a subpoena for a major felony case for the first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.
Do unto others, but do it first.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.
Waterproof boots aren't.
Freebees will only arrive at the station on your days off.
You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.
To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible.
The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiator is to negotiate with the crisis committee.
You idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.
If your patrol car's air is out, the suspect will small worse than a wet dog.
