Break In at the Jam Spot
Break In at the Jam Spot: Spry Blames Break-In on the Election of Norm Coleman
This past week, according to Aaron Stoehr and Jeff Siegfried, Spry members and custodians of the Spry jam spot, a break-in occured in their Camden area house.
"I woke up in the morning and noticed something unusual," said Jeff Siegfried to our little, tiny reporters on his shoulder. "Something was different about our basement. I dismissed it until later that day when I realized what was bothering me about the way the basement looked on that cold, cold morning."
Aaron Stoehr, Spry's trombone player concurred, "There was an unusual presence near my Hammond organ. At first I was afraid, but then felt an overwhelming and very warming sensation. I had felt this feeling before. Yes, there was something comforting and familiar about what I saw."
Jeff explained what he had noticed in the basement that fateful morning. "Something was there that hadn't been before. A tiny amplifier. My God, it was sitting right in front of Aaron's Hammond. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed right away. I figured Aaron had it in his closet or something and had brought it down. But I recognized what was hooked up to it: it was his guitar."
Aaron gave his version of his realization: "I saw an amp I had never seen before. It was beautiful. Just a little cheap amp. Wow, what a thrill. My guitar was hooked up to it. I assumed it was Jeff's. I mean, let's face it, Jeff has had his problems in the past. You can tell just by looking at the guy. Depression, anxiety, paranoia: I mean, his guitar amp is sucky at best. His guitar is even worse than that. That kind of thing, when left untreated, can kill you over time. I figured he had found a cheap amp and bought it. I was happy for the guy."
But neither of the two musicians was right. There had been a break-in that morning. A strange and bizzaar break-in. A break-in in which the offender had actually left something: a small, shitty guitar amp. The suspect deviously plugged it in, hooked up Aaron's guitar to it in a most cowardly and sick fashion, and even smoked a few cigarettes and drank a beer in that spot.
Eric Bequeaith, long-time friend of Aaron and Jeff, and trumpet player for Spry, gave us his predictions: "It won't be long and these guys will find a bed stashed down here. I've seen this kind of thing before. Jeff or Aaron will walk downstairs one day and will hear a voice saying, 'Would it kill you to whip up a short stack of pancakes with a side of bacon.' It happened to me at my old house. Actually, it was me. Jay Lesmeister sure did make a mean short stack."
As for who did such a devilish act, Pete Miller, bass player for Spry, came foreward: "Actually the amp is my buddy Mick's," said Miller Wednesday. "I brought it down here and was playing it."
Peter Miller remains in custody until his penalty can be assessed. Officials may go so far as to make him remove the amp from the premise.
Jeff Siegfried said this on Wednesday: "I think what we're seeing is the result of Gary Coleman being elected. Norm? Really? When did he change his name? He made Different Strokes great, but I'm sure his election into the senate has something to do with the recent crime spree we're seeing here in the Camden area. Too bad for the little guy, huh? And by little guy, I mean people like me, not Gary, er, Norm Coleman. Now we've got to take care of this shitty amp and we're left with a sense of not knowing. And the not knowing is what hurts so much. So very, very much."
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