The Rules

By Derek Petersen, Isaac Marotte, Tom Legg, Lori Boesen and associates

1.) It's not cool unless you're going to hell
2.) The only reason to ever do anything is because you can. The only reason not to is because you don't have to.
3.) Dudes are dudes and chicks are chicks. Don't even try to claim otherwise.
4.) Never use public restrooms. It's ok to use a friend's bathroom, but you can't under any circumstances shit in any bathroom but your own.
5.) Do not, in any shape way or form, disturb the Derek.
6.) Cause that's the way it is.
7.) Because is a perfectly acceptable and understandable answer when coming from a dude. Chicks need more of an explanation.
8.) Never, ever, pass a school bus on a two way road, something bad will happen to you. If you happen to be on a multi-lane road you can pass but at least four people will then consider you an A-hole. At least two of which shall be on said school bus. Other busses hold no such power but the old people might give you dirty looks.
9.) I am never wrong. This rule may be used to supercede any and all other rules except #53.
10.) Tim has no friends (McSwatt).
11.) If you have questions about rule #10, refer to rules #6 and #9.
12.) No! No bailar.
13.) Bratts will always be better than hotdogs. Some moron from Idaho may try to say otherwise (Mike), but she's just stupid. Refer to rule #14 in this case.
14.) Stupidity should be painful, so the next time you see someone doing something stupid, hit them on the head.
15.1) If a chick has a pierced tongue, she'll probably suck your cack.
15.2) If a dude has a pierced tongue, HE'LL probably suck your cack (except Adam, he don't swing that way, so quit tryin McSwatt).
15.3) You must now read rule #19 for a complete listing of the many words for cack.
15.4) Dudes should never pierce tongues, except for McSwatt, who has been diagnosed as irreparably homosexual.
16.) IT IS NEVER OK TO TYPE ALL IN CAPS.
17.) Grandma's balls.
18.) Never, ever ever ever, say anything about McSwatt's mom. It's just plain wrong. You'd agree with me if you saw her.
19.) And now, by popular demand, A Complete Listing Of The Many Words For Cack. (A work in progress)
Cack, dick, cock, penis, unit, junk, stuff, me guys, McSwatt's missing parts, equipment, package, wedding tackle, kit 'n caboodle, mommy daddy button, tallywacker, pecker, Johnson, schlong, Wang, woody, one eyed monster, purple headed yogurt slinger, fireman, the dolphin, monkey, dog, baby prod, jimmy, peter, male genitalia, balls, nuggets, trouser snake, man's motivation for life, dipstick, spelunker, jackhammer, dowsing rod, rod, shaft, member, wombagonga, whopper (not to be confused with the stupid whopper or the burger), the whole enchilada, me buddy, one eyed trouser snake, pony, horse, the unmentionables, chicken, nuts, mushroom tip, Russell the one eyed wonder muscle, heat seeking moisture missle, trouser titan, stump, pork & beans, hot man chicken and my enormous gyrating penis, not to mention purple bulldog cheeks, third leg, jung, beef bus, salami, dirty member, bishop, swamp logger, Jolly rancher, little teapot, short and stout, handle, spout, magic stick, bald headed china man, Willy, dork, dingaling, ding dong, extra leg, buttox piston, fudge packer, junior, Mr. Hankypanky, kickstand, Mr. Bigglesworth, hose, beef stick, dang wong, dang, wong, penile process, 24" floppy snuffaluppagus, donkey dick, the royal cubit, dink
20.) It is always acceptable and even necessary to read Angie Kruchten's paper as she types it. Be sure to point out mistakes, if there are none, make some up. It just bothers her.
21.) Orf
22.) One should never, for any reason, stick anything into the orifice of a dead body (cadaver).
23.) You can't argue with a confident man.
24.) Tact fuck rag. Learn it before you feel the wrath of the mighty stupid whopper.
25.) I've got new socks on.
26.) It's the principle of it really.
27.) ***Penalty Rule*** If a person ever says something incredibly stupid or innapropriate you can and should take away their speaking privilages.
28.) Vanilla. Don't even ask.
29.) Isaac shall one day be god.
30.) There is no rule #30.
31.) Don't be a spaz.
32.) Don't be a bitch.
33.) Don't be a spazzy bitch.
34.) Refer to rule #33. (I'd like to credit Garret and his associates for rules #31-34 as they were blatantly stolen from these fine young men)
35.) If all else fails, and even before that, as this is usually a first resort, LEARN IT.
36.) No matter how much of an A-hole you are, or how good you may be at it, you must always keep at least an ounce of respect. You never know when you're going to need it.
37.) You'd be surprised how long I went without ever adding a rule #37 without anyone noticing. Unless you're reading this, you still havn't noticed.
38.) If some mother loving son of a bitch tries to attack you at a gas station, deal unto him a swift kick to the cack.
39.) Whenever you see the word cack, or any other word from rule #19, feel free to replce it with any other choice selection from said rule.
40.) First impressions are very important. If someone blows a first impression with you, proceed to be a complete A-hole to them for the duration of your mutual knowledge of eachother's existence. Unless they do something deserving of actual friendship.
41.) If you haven't noticed, I'm talking completely out of my ass, however, due to rule #9, everything I say must be adhered to whether you like it or not. If you try to argue you shall be dealt with appropriately. Most often by complete humiliation and eventual stupid whopping.
42.) The title of Dead Sexy must be earned, one cannot claim to be Dead Sexy. See rule #43 for a complete listing of Dead Sexy people.
43.) Those who have earned the status of Dead Sexy (a work in progress):

Tom Legg
Derek Petersen
Matt Wahlstrand
Lori Boesen
Lindsay Kamakahi
Jan Fiedler
Nathan Meeks
Clint Primley (Clinty)
Drew Klaphake
Cynthia Kraft
Emily Grider
Mindy Nicoski
Kevin Koop (Koopie)
John Scott
Adam Carstens
Sara Konsbruck
Katie Lindquist
Mitch Johnson

44.) In the interest of not being sexist, I now present you with A Complete Listing Of The Many Words For Snatch (a work in progress [also note, I have chosen snatch to be the title word as it is the most oddly offensive one I have as yet found])
Snatch, pussy, cunt, vagina, beaver, crevice, holiest of holies, goal, cavern, cave, female genitals, man's motivation for life, hole, carpet, clit, socket, insert here spot, The spot, g-spot, area, prize, treasure, hike, the rose, box, vaginal orifice, cum guzzler, spunky whistle, rainforest, P. Flaps, tuna town, cat, spicy tuna handroll, inzone, internal plumbing, brownie, warm fuzzy, where it smells funny, P. Flapporial Process
45.) I am ashamed to note that I had an easier time coming up with words for cack than words for snatch. I blame society, we need more pussy jokes damnit. Just to let you all know, even though I knew more cack words, I am firmly heterosexual. Firm enough even, that I could admit to knowing more cack words than snatch words.
46.) It's not ok to be gay. Tim, we're looking in your direction...
47.) Whenever you see snatch, or any other word from rule #44 feel free to replace it with any other word from said rule. Refer to rule #44 to find out more.
48.) Coffee is disgusting. This being true, we still need to maintain the dominance of coffee flavored coffee over those bastard ass flavored ones. It's in the sake of tradition, besides, flavor treads upon cappuccino's domain.
49.) A-hole and asshole are two completely different things. A-hole refers to someone acting like an asshole but is still either cool enough or you happen to be nice enough to refer to them as A-hole. Asshole is just what the traditional term means.
50.) This rule is halfway to one hundred. If you needed this rule to know this, prepare to be stupid whopped.
51.) Once someone is placed under rule #43, don't even try to say they aren't Dead Sexy. Only those on the Dead Sexy Committee can decide who is and who isn't. If you're confused about who is and isn't Dead Sexy, refer to rule #43.
52.) It's fun to tell people to refer to other sources. For proof, refer to the rules #51, #47, #43, #34, #15.3, #13, #11, and finally, simply because I enjoy making you read it, #9.
53.) Tom is always right.
54.) Refer back to rule #52 and notice I listed all references in reverse numerical order. Some may say this was wrong. Well, to you stupid few, I say refer to rule #9 then #14 and prepare for thine whopping.
55.) Any other listing of The Rules is simply a falsehood and a mockery of the true Rules. If you happen upon such an outright blasphemy, proceed to burn it and all other copies of it, then find the adress of the fiend that created this abomination and inform me of his whereabouts so that this villain may be dealt with swiftly and justly.
56.) Never attempt a stupid whop unless you know what you're doing. So listen up oh unenlightened one cause this is your only lesson on the subject. Find any hard yet relatively low permanent damage potentialled object (if none can be found swiftly, simply use hand) and give a firm bludgeon to the top of offender's head.
57.) These rules kick Chicken Soup's ass. Chicken Soup, heart warming though it may be, sucks.
58.) If you'll notice in rule #57, I make two references to Chicken Soup. I was not referring to the actual soup itself, which should be it's own food group (see rule #60). No, I was referring to those goddamn Chicken Soup For The Soul books, in all their horrifying variations. Those things are just sickening examples of why some people should never have their ideas see the light of day.
59.) Next time you see a mime, punch him in the stomach, but do it in a respectful manner. Mimes may have friends, and besides, beware the mime mafia.
60.) Chicken soup should be it's own food group.
61.) Never piss into the wind.
62.) Never spit into the wind.
63.) Rain is good for you. At least, it used to be, before all this pollution and acid rain bullshit.
64.) Fish, and various other aquatic creatures, live in water. To discover the significance of this rule, refer to rule #71.
65.) If you haven't noticed, you are adrift amidst the sea of liquid rules.
66.) Liquid Salamander Pudding does not really contain puppies, no matter what a few sick individuals may try to claim.
67.) Beer is good for you.
68.) Actually, beer tastes like donkey piss only less refined, but it provides for so much fun.
69.) Never flush a condom, it will come back.
70.) This marks the end of the sea of liquid rules.
71.) Fish contain zinc. Zinc makes you mean. Enjoy in moderation.
72.) The two Billys, those being Billy Idol and Billy Joel of course, are to be revered as musical masterminds and great people too.
73.) The old Mentos commercials, annoying though they were, are still much better than the new ones.
74.) Karma truly does exist, so watch your ass A-hole.
75.) You should always carry yourself with dignity, but never take yourself seriously.
76.) Exactly.
77.) Stupidity should never be mistaken with pointing out the obvious. If one should find need of further explanation, prepare for thine whopping.
78.) Deal with it!
79.) Yessss! HA HA HA that is correct sir! Hiooo!
80.) If there are any who doubt rule #79, see Rule #9.
81.) For the love of Isaac.
82.) I want my damn cookies.
83.) "Stop inbreeding, ban country music" is as true today as it was when it was typed (earlier today), and should be followed accordingly. Insubordination in this matter will lead to deportation to either Oregon or Canada, depending on the severity of the charges.
84.) No matter how famous McSwatt thinks he is, Tim still has no friends. God has spoken.
85.) Fizzix kicks major donkey style wrestling ass!
86.) 17, 21, 78
87.) Rengal is flaming gay. We don't ask, he don't tell, #6.
88.) What we have here is a failure to communicate. and that leads to stupidity, stupidity makes my hand hurt, not because of that pervert...
89.) Never scratch yourself while standing below a black bubble in a store, they jump to the "molester" title.
90.) Hoowa!
91.) See rule #90
92.) See Rule #91
93.) See rule #92
94.) See rule #93
95.) See rule #94
96.) See rule #95
97.) See rule #96
98.) See rule #97
99.) See rule #98
100.) For those who don't like rules #90-99, see #78.
101.) April Fools, I'm not a prostitute, I'm your sister!
102.) After Tim reads rule #101, he shouts, "Yeah, free sex with my sister!" No Tim, no.
103.) As God, Isaac is exempt from rule #6, #9 is a matter of debate (see rule #151).
106.) Funnist is a word.
107.) Funnest isn't a word.
108.) Funner is right out.
109.) No, you can't have your chair, stop asking A-hole.
110.) For a good time, call Tim (he's the one with no friends).
111.) If you know Tim's phone number for any reason, prepare for a whopping and possible castration.
4.) Ahhh, princess.
113.) Some might argue that 4 does not precede 113, these same people would also mention the fact that there are two 4's. To those people I say, "Tim's gay." Hey that rhymes.
114.) There is no movie in existence that would not be improved by a lesbian sex scene, except the crying game, cause that dude was a chick, and that is not for us to contemplate.
115.) Dudes DO NOT, under any circumstances, pretend to be a chick under penalty of a stupid beating! i.e. Tim
116.) A Complete Listing Of The Many Words For Ejaculatory Fluid (a work in progress):
Jizz, man juice, cum, schmack, spunk, salty throat clogger, little army, men with a mission, sperminators, boys with a purpose, milk, protien explosion, excited throw up, professional swimmers, trouble makers, penile leakage, lizard spit, scuz, wad, seamen, marines, load, ejaculatory fluid, fighting sea weasels, hot man chowder, cream filling
117.) Be nice to your goat, if you do not own a goat you should be whopped. You can find out more information about goats at you local library, or call [number withheld for legal purposes].
118.) Some things just go without saying.
119.) See rule #30.
120.) No, I don't have these rules memorized. But I will.
121.) Damn you Lemure King!
121.) That is a common mistake amongst people who masturbate frequently...
122.) Those who point out that there are two 121's can refer to rules #4 and #121.
123.) Don't pee on the toilet seat. Hee hee hee, he said pee. Tim...
124.) The rumor about the old maid's cirlce says that Tom has a great beaver joke. If you wish to hear it, and you should, refer to Tom, except McSwatt, he has no friends.
125.) Having heard the Beaver Joke, there shall be no complaining about how inconcievably sick that joke is.
.) I am obviously the smartest man alive.
104.) I got confused.
105.) Where are we #104?
104.) Quiet you. We're in the ghetto; one wrong word could get us killed.
126.) Derek Petersen has executive privilage over any and all rules. It is only he who may in any way alter, add, or remove rules.
127.) God is not to be disputed.
128.) Fuck you monkey boy nuts (i.e. McSwatt)
129.) I forgot what we were doing Kramit.
130.) No matter what some may say, the chicken came before the egg.
131.) That's what you get for fucking with me.
132.) Yes, I am refering to you, Amanda.
133.) If you walk into a room with an echo and state with great conviction, "I am god" you will believe it. Works best in an auditorium where you can stand on stage and do it.
134.) Despite what you may believe, Iowa is great, except for all those damn Iowans.
135.) You have much yet to learn, grasshopper.
136.) Yoda is funny cause he's a muppet.
137.) I like dinosaurs.
138.) Abba Zabba, sometimes I think you're my only friend.
139.) Girlscouts are neither the creators of nor the main ingredient in girlscout cookies.
140.) The pope wears a funny hat.
141.) Ow, you shot me you A-hole.
142.) You just shot me in the face!
143.) Have you seen Timo?
104.) Just follow me I know where we're going.
105.) I knew we should've grabbed a map.
144.) Page Break











































145.) Lindsay is a pedophile.
146.) It's not ok to be a pedophile.
147.) This is not to be mistaken with the Lindsay who happens to be Cultress of Tape and Queen of the Little People. She's just cool.
148.) Beware the Little People, though small of size, they got some sort of mystic power that has to be respected.
149.) A schooner is a sailboat.
150.) You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage.
151.) Only Tom and Derek are allowed to discuss the dogmatic ramifications of The Rules. Anyone who believes they have found fault with, or a loophole in any of The Rules must go through one of these two to get the matter cleared up.
152.) For those whiny bastards who continue to say, "Your rules are wrong," or some such nonsense, I say, "Fuck you, A-hole. It's not my fault you're such a social and mental leper that you can't follow these simple rules."
153.) And oh yes, these rules must be followed or you will have conducted a serious karmic blunder, in which case I refer you to rule #74.
154.) You want a piece of me?!?!
155.) It is always ok and even necessary to rub Derek's head. It's terribly relaxing. Some of you may be saying, "I never felt relaxed while rubbing his head." To you I say, "I didn't mean it was relaxing for you, moron."
156.) Sleep is the greatest invention known to man. It takes precedence over all other activities.
157.) Generosity is a virtue to be respected in all its forms.
158.) Lindsay Nicole howeveryouspellit Kamakahi wanted a rule about her, so to her I say, refer to rule #147 and watch for future rules which might mention you. Satisfied?
159.) Anyone else who ever demands a rule about themselves without good reason shall be whopped like no other. So don't even bother A-holes.
160.) Derek is never truly sorry, but he can fake it. Most other guys aren't truly sorry either, but Derek is the only one who, when faking it, it would be appropriate to say, "Shut up. You're not sorry, you liar."
161.) Fish is brainfood. It also improves the memory.
162.) One should try to wear something completely inappropriate whenever it's appropriate.
163.) Kilts are cool.
164.) GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!! That being said, let us continue...
165.) Saturday is the greatest day of the week.
166.) If music is supposed to be the universal language, how come I still can't understand what they say when they sing in another language?
167.) There are no songs of note with Neveda in the title, but there is a song whose entire title is Nebraska. Bruce Springsteen sings it.
168.) Red tape is a funny term for such a bastard ass topic.
169.) Glock! Glock! Zebra II bitch.
170.) 90% of all people on the Internet are fucking morons.
171.) I'm sure Sri Lanka is a great place with nice people, but due to the actions of a bastardly few, from hence forth, whenever you come across someone from Sri Lanka, punch them in the stomach.
172.) Way to go A-hole, you just cursed your entire nationality. They hate you too Sri Lanka boy.
173.) To discover the meaning of life, refer to rule #30.
174.) Yea well, whatta ya gonna do?
175.) Refer back to rule #75 to see how far we were last week.
104.) Oh shit, now I know we haven't been here before.
105.) Why don't we just ask for directions?
104.) Here? Are you nuts? You'll be eaten alive in a place like this, let's just keep moving.
176.) Sometimes you just gotta prioritize.
177.) Fish is not considered meat by most major religions forbidding the consumption of meat. See? They know what's up. Everyone should eat fish.
178.) Thank you Lindsay. Yea you know what I mean.
179.) You should never mix juice with dark liquor. Oh good god is that ever wrong.
180.) Never forget to save changes, whatever they may be.
181.) Chocolate is a mild aphrodisiac.
182.) Sometimes it's best to just shut up and jump through people's hoops.
183.) Kung Fu movies kick ass.
184.) The world would come to a grinding halt for a period of about four days if everyone lost their belts at the same time.
185.) Cranberries are good for bladder infections.
186.) From now on, all ideas for rules must be written down, otherwise I forget them before I have a chance to type them.
187.) Life is a game; don't be a pawn.
188.) Gimme a dollar.
189.) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
190.) Buckshot LaFunk.
191.) I've found that when people speak very little they actually have a lot to say, but when people speak a lot they actually have very little to say.
192.) Rule # 192 was removed for the sake of decency. Refer to rules #15.1, #15.2, #17, #18, #19, #22, #44, #46, #69, #83, #87, #89, #101, #102, #110, #115, #116, #121, #124, #128, #146, #181, and #189 for an idea of what it involved, but good god, never mention this rule again. It's just not decent! Oh for the love of god, what were they thinking?!?!
193.) Don't fuck around with the model CH-3.
194.) Don't interrupt the victory dance.
195.) Anything in relation to, or pertaining to Zubas is evil. Stay away my friends, stay way.
196.) If you like someone, I mean really like someone, but you think they only think of you as a friend so you don't tell them how you feel in fear of making your friendship all weird and shit, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. If they are a true friend they won't get all weird on you and 9 times out of 10 they'll think the same way about you. So quit fucking around A-hole and go talk to the person.
197.) What the fuck are you doing still reading these? You've got someone to be talking to, now get going buddy.
198.) Many people will tell you many ways to achieve happiness, but the best way is, without a doubt, your own way.
199.) Jan knows everything. See rule #229.
200.) Thou shalt not speak Shakespearian in amounts profuse.
201.) I was going to make all the rules in the 200's be in Shakespearian, but that would be an excercise in stupidity, and we simply cannot have that.
202.) ***Penalty Rule*** When someone is too close, tap them on the nose while saying, "Back up, you're too close."
203.) In fact, you should tap people on the nose whenever appropriate, such as anytime a stupid whop is called for but it would be funnier to give them a tap, or for no reason at all, as long as it's funny.
204.) When Lori Boesen is a big board, she DOES have the authority to say that, but we needn't listen.
205.) If you're wondering what it is she has the authority to say, simply ask her and prepare for a tap on the nose.
206.) This much is true.
207.) It's very easy to be a little bit funny everyday, but being completely funny all day can only be kept up for a few days before some of the more "down" emotions set in.
208.) I'm sure you've all been wondering where this was so here you go: A Complete Listing Of the Many Words For Tits (a work in progress)
Tits, jugs, jumblies, thingies, knockers, honkers, wowsers, man's motivation for life, thangs, breasts, breastusus, hooters, bust, bongos, massive mammaries, big floppy slappadappahose, fun bags, boobs, ta-tas
209.) Wow, we have very few different words for tits.
210.) Keep in mind that that wasn't the last list. Watch for the rest.
211.) Amanda is in charge of pointing out the obvious.
212.) The meanest thing you can do to someone is to make them feel stupid. Especially when you make them feel stupid about something they used to feel good about.
213.) The root of many of the problems people face is that they simply aren't taking the right attitude toward things.
214.) No matter how much you may regret the effects of alcohol later, you must always approach drinking with wild abandon.
215.) You've got to be meaner than yourself to get the better of yourself.
216.) Never mix liquor with flat Wild Mountain pop. It's nastier than licking a wet wrinkle.
104.) Damn, we ain't even in our own area code now.
105.) This is the last time I follow your lead. If we'd have listened to me, we'd be there by now.
104.) I don't need this kind of shit right now. I'm trying to get us home so quit your bitching.
217.) Next time you're drinkin, swish the liquor around in your mouth for a while before swallowing. Some will evaporate in your mouth and go straight to your head. Just something to try, works especially well with vodka or tequila.
218.) If you want better shit you gotta pay for it. So unless you're happy with mediocre shit, quit your bitching and cough up the dough.
219.) My cat's breath smells like cat food.
220.) To those of you out there who don't condone my actions, I say this, " I don't persecute you, so don't persecute me."
221.) To those of you out there who's actions I do persecute, I say this, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
222.) Damn it's tough to type when you need to.
223.) Listen up. I'll tell you what you need is a fatty boombatty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seein a sailboat and an ocean, and maybe some of them big tittied mermaids doin some of that lesbian shit. Look at me; look at me you sloppy bitch!
224.) Action, adventure, a Jedi craves not these things.
225.) Come, son of Jorel, kneel before Zod!
226.) Snootchy bootchy noochies.
227.) I told you to watch fot these. Your diligence is rewarded with A Complete Listing Of The Many Words For Sex (a work in progress)
Sex, fucking, mattress mambo, horizontal macarena, screwing, banging, boinking, getting some, shooting one past the goalie, scoring, bjiorking, playing tag with the one eyed trouser snake, making love, doing it, having carnal knowledge, knowing, pulling it in for a landing, exploring the cavern, spelunking, checking if she's ticklish from the inside out, doing the nasty, making woopy, making it, sexual congress, sexual relations, debauchery, sleeping with, going to bed with, pulling an all nighter, humping, love-like the kind you have to clean up with a mop and bucket, boning, banking, sporking, schnorking, going all the way, hitting a homerun, getting in the inzone, having your way with, hitting it, getting it on, popping, getting your ham bone boiled, sexual intercourse, spreding the P. Flaps and giving it to her hardcore, shagging, sticking, nailing, the horizontal hoky poky
228.) I'd like to thank our dear friend Webster for his input in the last rule. You'd be surprised what you can find when looking in the right thesaurus.
229.) She just doesnt' always remember it all at the right times...
230.) If a person bullshits long enough, an occasional nugget of truth will inevitably slip out. Refer to every rule written thus far for an example of this.
231.) Everything is legal with a diclaimer.
232.) For proof, refer to homepage.
233.) Potassium is K cause it's in bananas.
234.) And Funnions!!
235.) Refer to rule #234 (I'd like to credit Jessica and Emily for this rule as it was blatantly stolen from these fine young women).
236.) I don't know how it took us this long to come up with this but...A Complete Listing Of the Many words For Ass (a work in progress)
Ass, booty, butt, rear end, buttholio, back door, double bubble, pin cushion, black hole, the bum, pooper, buttox, bottom, behind, ghetto booty, some- BUT NOT ALL- men's motivation for living
237.) Blame Canada.
238.) They're big at camp.
239.) Chicks should less hit dudes a lot.
240.) Get out of my way, A-hole!
241.) Focaccia is not as good as advertised.
242.) Strap ons should never be used, especially by women named Terissa.
243.) They're not underwear, they're panties.
244.) the difference between dykes and lesbians is; Lesbians are hot, dykes are not.
245.) Never pet a burning dog.
246.) Never turn off the "Phantom Power," even though nothing will happen to you if you do.
247.) There is no limit to the number of people you can fit into a Suburban.
248.) The same holds true for port-a-potties.
249.) Mountain Dew is the lord of all soda.
250.) Yes, I just said soda.
251.) It does not matter if you call it soda or pop because the actual name of this tasty beverage is soda pop.
252.) That's all I have to say about that, so don't argue about it.
253.) You must say, "Uptown Art Gallery" each and every time you pass the Uptown Art Gallery, just because.
254.) Paul Fletcher must learn to read faster.
255.) I am a big board.
256.) Washington D.C. is not in Washington state.
257.) Anyone who thought Washington D.C. was in Washington state should prepare to be repeatedly stupid whopped.
258.) When the ground is wet, it has usually been raining.
259.) Everyone must learn to take a joke. Most often times, jokes are made to make everyone smile and laugh and to brighten everyone's day. Jokes are not to be cruel or hurtful, they're just for fun. So when a joke is made about you, smile, laugh, enjoy the moment, and then quickly say, "Oh yea? Well, your mom!"
260.) This has been my three cents.
261.) Yes, I don't give two cents, I give three.
262.) That's because I'm worth more than average.
263.) It's ok to be silly.
264.) Lori Boesen and Cynthia Kraft are the masters of cackeling.
265.) Rules #247-264 were created by Lori Boesen. She has just earned status higher than an associate, her name is officialy added to the author list.
266.) Thank you Amanda. Yea you know what I mean.
267.) This pen sucks.
268.) This shall hereby be the rule to be referred to anytime you forget what you were about to say. simply spout the number of this rule and your conversational partner(s) must immediately pretend to understand your point.
269.) The mention of rule #268 must be immediately followed by saying, "Diabolical!" while clenching your fist.
270.) One must learn to respect all the colors of the rainbow. Even the ones Crayola made up.
271.) I was a butterfly once. It was nice. Then a grasshopper tried to eat my head. So I dropped a rock on him. That cocknugget.
272.) Few people recocnize the true strength of butterflies.
273.) The enter key is a lost concept in the basic editor wizard of angelfire. Come on guys, work with me here! It's my first time and your making me look like crap.

The following are links not rules

The rest of the rules (they didn't all fit on this page, damnit).

So you wanna be Dead Sexy too?