Depression is an illness as any other, with the difference that it effects the brain. It keeps you from seeing reality for what it really is. It stops the light from shining through and leaves you in total darkness, as if in a deep tunnel. Like looking at Medusa, it can freeze you in place, unable to turn your head and see other options.

Words of comfort from others will not reach your soul, they are merely words. The despair is so deep, so consuming, that we cannot see that there is help available. We feel as though no one cares, no one will miss us when we are gone, no-one loves us. The tunnel is so narrow, that we cannot turn around and see the help that is right there, and we cannot see the hand that reaches out to us, trying to pull us back into the light.

When we are depressed we feel worthless and the pain is physical. It takes our breath away, punches us in the stomach, leaves us unable to move. A paralyzing fear takes control, not a fear of death, but of life. Death is welcoming us with open arms, it offers us peace of mind.

Death holds us hypnotized in its gaze. It is just so easy to take this one last step towards peace. No more pain! Never again feeling the pain of rejection, of prayers being unanswered, of not being able to express our thoughts and feelings. Never again will we be misunderstood. Never again will we feel unloved, death loves us. It is our only friend.

We do not think of the pain our death may cause others, often we even convince ourselves that we are doing the world, and our loved ones, a favor by leaving them behind. Little do we know in our despair that we are causing this incredible pain for our loved ones. I did not know that there could be such a disabling pain of grief.