Me (This means I was talking): "How does it make you feel when you see these salmon fish flying in toward land?"
C.C. (This means the caviar chaser was talking): "Oh, it’s so beautiful. It gives you a total adrenaline rush! They have such wonderful rhythmic flow with one another and when they start releasing their eggs, *sniff* it makes you want to cry. It’s *sniff* so beautiful."
Me: "Do you *sniff* become angered after the salmon have left and your house is full of fish eggs?"
C.C.: "Oh, no. Most definitely not! It’s just so beautiful."
Me: "I’ve heard numerous complaints from other bolognas saying that some bolognas are actually poaching the fish and selling them for two gold teeth a fish, how does that make you feel?"
It: "It totally (makes me angry) off! I’d like to take a shotgun and blow their (stupid shoes) in half! I’d laugh deviously as their (toenail polish) came gushing out of their (bottles)! Ha, ha, ha, (laugh), ha, ha!
Moo: "Really? Wow. That’s great. And you’re insane"
C.C. : "I, it’s so beautiful, think, it’s so beautiful, others, it’s so beautiful, should try, it’s so pretty, caviar chasing. Because it’s so beautiful!"
Ok, now that I’ve taught you a few things about Shopping-Cartsville (at least I tried) I can start into my story. We’ll be hanging out with Henry (pronounced "Jerry") and yes, he is a caviar chaser, but unfortunately, it’s not fall. It’s spring so there will be no salmon invasion (yet). Let’s go see what Henry (Jerry) is doing right.............NOW..............
Henry’s eyes carefully studied the Sunday funnies like a jar of pickles in the back seat of a station wagon on it’s way to Montana. His pupils swept across the word bubbles with perfect momentum. He lifted his "made in China" spoon to his jagged mouth. He chewed his Froot Loops slowly and swallowed the clumps of cereal down his tight throat. He then set the newspaper down on his kitchen table and stood up. He went outside and stood on his front porch steps and stared at a nearby passing ant. He then began to scream like an old lady and sent himself running around his house. He proceed into doing about eight laps around his house when he then came to an abrupt stop back in front of his house where he had started. He eventually quit screaming and went back into his kitchen and sat down. He picked up his newspaper only to read the same comic strip again. The clock said, no, no, it literally said "9:37 a.m." Henry finished his cereal and went upstairs to ready himself for the day. He put on his usual business attire - a squirrel hat, banana shoes, a 100% genuine plastic pair of pants, a triangle shirt with a steel tie, of course, and off he darted toward his garage. Once there, he mounted his llama and commanded, "Markachocalata" and the llama raced off down the road with Henry.
Once he finally arrived at work - the gas station - he noticed something awful! Something so terrible he nearly could have made 3 cakes, 11 cookies, and 7 banana bread loaves! Something so horrid, he almost mugged a sheep, kicked a hippo, and ran away with a donkey! Something so outrageous he could have (actually he did) licked a skunk! The gas station (which demands to remain anonymous) was completely out of N&N’s! That’s right, N&N’s! Henry fell to his knees, balling his huge, overgrown, bloated eyes out! Gus, who worked with Henry, came in from the repair shop next door. Gus put his arms around Henry and lead him over to a chair to sit him down. Gus then gave Henry some water, 9 radishes, a noodle, a couple of rocks, 6 N&N’s, and some horse hair and asked "What’s wrong Henry?"
"We’re out of N&N’s!" Henry managed through his tears as he ate his N&N‘s.
Gus walked outside and looked up into the sky.
"I knew this day would come," Gus said. He then launched himself into the air and flew away. Henry wiped away his tears and watched Gus fly away.
"There goes a brave man," Henry stated aloud.
The town sirens sounded and Henry went to look at the Beufordson’s house. It was time for the 9 o’clock tornado to touch down and rip apart the Beufordson’s home. The same tornado comes down everyday at the same time, in the same place; the Beufordson’s household. The twister hurls downward, destroys only the Beufordson’s house, and then dissipates.
A customer visited the gas station and purchased a package of oil and a can of pizza. After they had left, Henry went back outside to watch as Berry Beufordson, the father of the household, came home to his pile of house and start crying and screaming "My house! Whoever did this is a big meanie head, bucked toothed old mummy, with bony hamster arms, and smell like an elephants backside! I shall reek havoc upon you as soon as I find out who you are!" Then he went inside to do his laundry. See, Berry is the only person in Shopping-Cartsville who doesn’t know his house gets struck by a tornado everyday, and no one plans on telling him. Berry sometimes runs around town and accuses just about anyone of terrorizing his home and chases them around. All the bolognas know that if Berry accuses you of wrecking his home, you don’t try to reason with him, you just run!
Well, to make this story short with an inverted W, Henry called 1-800-order more N&N’s and he ordered more N&N’s. After a few decades, a flying turtle finally dropped off Henry’s order (right on top of Berry’s house I might add), Berry still accusing people of destroying his house, and 1-800-order more N&N’s went out of business.
THE TOTAL AND COMPLETE END OF CHAPTER ONE. YOU WILL NO LONGER SEE THIS CHAPTER, I promise!
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