Harriet started for the house right after he finished feeding the tyrannosaurs rex his daily dose of laundry detergent. He made it to his door and went inside his kitchen only to find his blender was not on. Harriet screamed his lungs out! Then he continued to walk and sit down at the kitchen table. He released a deep sigh of relaxation. A waitress walked over to Harriet and asked what he’d like to eat.
"I’ll have the gerbil giblets with a side of old tennis shoes," Harriet ordered.
"Anything to drink," asked the waitress kindly.
"Did I ask for something to drink?" Harriet replied, seriously forgetting his order.
"I’ll be back with your order in 4,000 years," said the waitress.
Harriet’s son came into the kitchen and sat down on the ceiling.
"So, Son, how many donkeys did you kick today?" Harriet asked his son.
"26," Son replied proudly.
"But we only have 13!" Harriet barked, "Bark. Don’t tell me you started kicking the neighbor’s donkeys!"
"Oh, heavens no!" Son said, "I just kicked some of them more than once."
"You know they’re not supposed to be kicked more than once a day!" Harriet snapped.
"They ate my shoes!" Son argued.
"If your friends ate your shoes, would you kick them twice in one day?" Harriet pointed out.
"Well, no," Son looked ashamed of his actions.
As the argument continued, a fish named Wendell rushed into Harriet and Son’s kitchen and snatched their blender. Harriet caught a glimpse of the fish out of the corner of his nose and dashed after him. Wendell hopped into a nearby well placed motor boat and he raced off on highway 30.
Harriet whistled and his 12 foot pet hamster answered the call, with his cape waving bravely in the breeze. Harriet mounted his hamster and shouted the usual command of "Markachocalata" as his hamster began to trot after the fish named Wendell.
Later down the road, Wendell’s boat emptied it’s self of fuel, forcing the fish to get out and run with the blender. And being a fish as Wendell was, this proved to be a problem. Going at the pace Wendell was going, Harriet soon caught up to him and said, "Give me my blender back. Pretty please with a triple fudge layer and a cherry on top."
"No!" said Wendell, the fish, boldly.
"Why not?" Harriet asked, puzzled.
"Because...um...ah, just a second here, ah...hmm...because ah...
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
INTERMISSION
"Ah, ha!" Wendell said excitedly while snapping his fins together, "Because....."
But before Wendell could finish his sentence, Harriet had had enough and ripped the blender out of Wendell’s fins and Harriet left on his monstrous hamster. Wendell suddenly gasped for oxygen for he had not realized how long he had been out of the water.
After Harriet finished hugging his hamster (which took about 45 minutes or so) he went inside and he put the blender away in his bedroom medicine cabinet. Harriet proceeded down to his kitchen to find his son sleeping in the stove with his teddy bear. Son awoke and smiled.
"Where have you been for the past 4,000 years dad?" Son asked while giving Harriet a hug.
"Well, time flies when you’re chasing down a fish that stole your blender," Harriet chuckled and they had a good laugh about it.
Just then, the waitress walked into the kitchen and asked, "Would you ike fries with that?"
"So what have you done for the past 4,000 years I was gone?" Harriet asked, ignoring the waitress.
"Well, we now own about 200 donkeys, and I kick them everyday, just like you taught me," Son replied.
"Did you herd the sheep like I asked?" asked Harriet.
"No," Son replied casually.
"All right, that’s it. Go down to the old abandoned barn and wait for me to come and punish you the way my grandmother punished me!" Harriet demanded.
"It’s not abandoned anymore though," said Son.
"What!?!" Harriet became enraged at this.
"The dogs are in there now," Son told him.
"I leave you alone for 4,000 years, and this is how you act?" Harriet scolded, "Why did you put them in the abandoned barn anyway, it’s haunted ya know!"
"The dogs asked me to put them in there," Son informed his father.
"Wait a minute! The dogs can talk now?!? How did this transpire?" Harriet said confused.
"I don’t know!" Son yelled, "Ask the magical elephant!"
"Here’s your order sir," came a soft voice, unwilling to get involved.
"I’ve heard about enough," Harriet said, "Now go down to the old abandoned barn and wait for me to come and punish you the way my grandmother punished me!"
"It’s not abandoned anymore," asdi ons.
"hatW!!!" dgear rrietH
"eTh odgs rea ni erthe," ons lotd imh.
We’re sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties. Try reading this chapter over again and maybe we’ll have it fixed by the time you reach this poitn. iganA, ew rea yorsr, ew rea cingneiperex technicla difficltueis...
Anyway, I forgot to tell you three things before you started this chapter-
1. Harriet and Son live on the east side of Shopping-Cartsville
2. Harriet and Son are farmers
3. My pants are plotting to take over Africa
(This space reserved for a giant walrus named Leonard)
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