*Belch*…
*Scratch, scratch*…
*sniff*…
*sigh*…
Oh, that’s right! Mr. Invincible doesn’t fight Dr. Non-Diable Guy until the end of this chapter. Sorry folks, but I have to stick to the "save the best for last" rule. But don’t be disappointed, since Mr. Invincible is just sitting around in his apartment watching TV, I’ll let you listen in on a nearby infomercial about a new product, called "This."
"Oh no! Look at that horrible grape juice stain. It’ll never come out! But wait, what’s this? A new product specially designed to do whatever it is you want it to do? Introducing "This." That’s right, "This." From the makers of everything, comes "This." Watch as it incredibly does whatever it is you want it to do! Amazing! No more doing the dishes! Just rub "This" all over those dirty dishes and watch "This" go to work! No more headaches! All you have to do is smear "This" all over your forehead and your headache is gone is seconds! And no more walking the dog! Slab on a little "This" on your dog and the dog will magically walk itself! How much do you think an extraordinary product like this costs? 200 dollars? No! 100 dollars? No! Incredibly, "This" only costs four low payments of $99.95! And if you act now, we’ll throw in another bottle of "This" plus this handy dandy donkey cleaning kit absolutely FREE! It cleans all those untidy mules you have laying around the house! That’s right, you get two bottles of "This" and a free donkey cleaning kit as our FREE gift to you! All for four easy payments of $99.95!" To order your "This" and free donkey cleaning kit, call the number at the bottom of your screen. Or send check or money order to…
Wait! Sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Invincible has left his apartment! Apparently he’s heading for…the grocery store! Yes, it has been confirmed. Mr. Invincible has gone into the grocery store! And he is purchasing…a can of soup! A can of soup! He’s now heading back to his apartment…he is currently opening the can of soup! He is cooking the soup!…He is now sitting in front of the television eating his soup! That’s right, he is …(I try to make it exciting…)
Folks, I apologize. I thought a tough super hero like Mr. Invincible would be a little more exciting to follow around, but I guess it just shows to go ya how television is influencing today’s American society. It’s sort of like that show with all those enforcers of the law. Sure, it looks exciting on TV, but in real life, police men and women don’t chase down criminals. Why do you think we have janitors? In actuality, the police are just people who bake cookies and pies for bakery sales. And I guess super heroes are the same way. They look good and heroic on television, but once you really get to know one, it’s a different story. Not only that but…hold on one cotton picking minute!
They’re fighting right now!
I take back everything bad I just said about television! Here we go!…
"Take that you bad person you!" said Mr. Invincible.
"Eat laser, spandex boy" yelled Dr. Non-Diable Guy.
"Ha, ha! You missed! Now take that!" Mr. Invincible laughed.
"That was close, but not close enough!" Dr. Non-Diable Guy shouted.
They’re running wildly around the apartment after each other! Get him Mr. Invincible, get him!
"Who said that?" Mr. Invincible asked out loud," Time out."
Time out?
"What is it?" asked Dr. Non-Diable Guy.
"Someone was cheering for me," said Mr. Invincible.
"Look! Over there. It’s the narrator! Let’s get him!" Dr. Non-Diable Guy yelled.
No!
(Mr. Invincible and Dr. Non-Diable Guy both raise there guns at Shane and fire! Shane covers himself with his hands, defenseless, without any weapons to protect himself)
"Oh. Stop, stop," Dr. Non-Diable Guy said," Look. He has no belt."
Belt?
"Yeah. You can’t play laser tag with out a belt," Mr. Invincible said, "It’s only logical."
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on here. Let me get this straight. You two aren’t enemies?
"Ha, ha. Of course not!"
And you’re just playing laser tag? You’re not fighting?
"Yup"
Well all right then. You two go play your little game. I have to sum up this humiliating chapter and apologize to my reader again.
"Okay"
Oh boy. Well I’ve already apologized three times in this chapter alone, so I don’t suppose it will do me much good to do it again. So, I take back all the things I said about TV, again, and they are true. As for those two (Shane points to Mr. Invincible and Dr. Non-Diable Guy who are rolling around like a couple of eight year old school girls) ah, I don’t even want to comment. Let’s just go to Chapter four, shall we?
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