The pickles nodded to one another with consent. It was time to make their move. The bologna was about to open the jar and the pickles let out a burst of screams! Startled by the screaming pickles, the bologna threw the jar into his fish tank and ran into the wall, knocking himself unconscious.

"Ve are free!" the commander pickle shouted to his followers, "Vollow me, my loyal subjects! Zis kitchen vill be ours!"

All the pickles let out a burp of agreement as they followed their leader into the kitchen.

"All right, you bananas, your evil reign of tyranny es ovicially over!" the commander pickle yelled at the bananas on the counter who were torturing a defenseless alligator.

"Look, Philip," the banana called to his partner in a deep, squishy voice, "those cucumbers got out of their prison! Sound the alarm!"

Philip rushed over to the tea kettle and forced the tea kettle to screech aloud and the banana’s army of peanuts gathered around front of them to protect them.

"Zis kitchen es not chores!" the commander of the pickles howled, "Zis kitchen vas vounded by my vour Garlic-vathers! It rightfully belongs to us pickles!"

"True, this kitchen was founded by your four Garlic-fathers, but we banana’s run the show now, green man!" said the racist banana, Joe.

"Yellow has no place in our kitchen! Prepare to meet doom, peel-y!" the commander pickle yelled as he told his men to charge upon the bananas and peanuts.

Just as war began to break out, the bologna regained consciousness and witnessed the whole scene. The bologna became interested in the war, when suddenly the alligator swallowed all the bananas, peanuts and pickles whole. The bologna, who’s name was Troth, decided his alligator needed a long walk after that filling meal.

So Troth put the alligator’s leash on and took him for a small jaunt across town. While walking the 2-tailed alligator, Troth ran into a llama…no, he literally ran into the llama and once again knocked himself unconscious. As the alligator patiently awaited for his master to regain consciousness, he spotted some flowers cursing one another.

"This soil isn’t big enough for both of our bulbs!" raged the tulip.

"This soil was founded by my four Green-fathers!" snapped the daisy.

Just as the flowers began to rip roots, the alligator swallowed them all whole. By this time, Troth had regained his consciousness once again, and he continued on his walk. As Troth and his 2-tailed, 4-eyed alligator passed the zoo, Troth tripped over a loaf of bread and fell into a state of unconsciousness, again. His alligator sat by his side faithfully as he noticed two purple zebras fighting aloud. One group of zebras was spotted while the other group was striped.

"You and your spotted zebras can hit the bricks bud!" the zebra nayed.

"This cage was founded by my four Gorilla-fathers! It belongs to us spotted zebras! Not to you and your group, stripy!" the spotted zebra retorted.

As the zebras began to charge one another, the alligator opened his mouth and ate them all whole. Troth was back up on two feet and once again walking his 8-legged, 2-tailed, 4-eyed alligator.

Troth escorted his alligator passed a football stadium where two rival teams were engaged in an intense football game. The score of the game was tied, 400,000,000 to 400,000,000. A tree jumped and fell on Troth, knocking Troth unconscious. The alligator waited again, but noticed the two teams arguing.

"This field is ours, hunch back!" shouted a member of the away team.

"This field was founded by my four Grandfathers! We never lose our own home games!" a member of the home team yelled back.

The usual numbers were called, and the quarter back shouted "Hike!" and the turkey was hiked! Just as the quarter back was about to throw the turkey down mid-field, the teams charged one another and the alligator opened his mouth very, very widely and…

Sorry to interrupt the story everyone, but I’ve decided something. *True American music cues up in the background as Shane begins his moving speech and puts his glasses on … his foot.* This book may not make sense, this book may not have a point, but this is MY book! And I’m not going to let some stinky house take away my pride and joy! That’s right, you heard me! This book is my pride and joy! Yes, it’s stupid! Yes, it has no point! Yes, I’m wearing lady’s high heels! Yes, I hate this book! But, regardless of all of that, this is still MY book! And I will fight off anyone who tries to take it away from me! I’m a patriot of this book and will die fighting for it if necessary! Ask not what this book can do for you, but what you can do for this book! This is one small step for literature, and one giant leap for literature-kind! I have a dream, that one day, this book will be read world wide by everyone! We can build that bridge into the next century for books everywhere! Wong shaw ag, naw ban coosh! I am not a crook! Turtle Power! Ice, Ice baby! Backstreet’s back, all right! *Shane continues to go ballistic and spatter out speeches and lyrics as the American music dies off in the background and Shane just shouts loudly in the silence at his stuffed-animal audience in the solitary confinement of his own cellar*