The Least Dangerous Game--Chapter Two

With exquisite timing, the wall exploded inwards. A woman stepped through the smoking hold wearing a black jumpsuit that left little to the imagination and carrying a gun that would have caused psychologists everywhere to sign on with Freud's 'penis envy' theory. She looked around the room and grinned ferally as she spotted Benny. "Time to die," she said as she levelled the weapon.

 George stepped into the path of the weapon. "I think not, dark damsel!" he cried out boldly.

 "Um, George," Arthur said, in a tone of utter panic, "this isn't one of ours."

 ---
The Bernice Summerfield Internet Adventures
BIA#2: 'The Least Dangerous Game'
Chapter Two: "In which things become much clearer*"
by Bruce Greenwood
*This is a lie
---

 There was a moment of silence, which ended with George saying

 "eeep"

 and fainting.

 The underdressed assassin merely grunted, and shifted her gun back towards Bernice.

 Who had, by this time, buggered off.

 

Bernice staggered through the hallways, taking corners at random, partly as an attempt to throw off pursuit, and partly as an effort to throw off nausea. Eventually finding herself in a darkened corner, she sat against the wall and tried to take stock of current events as best she could.

 One: She didn't know where she was, although she could at least hope it was still Dellah.

 Two: She didn't know who the lunatics who had kidnapped her were, although they seemed to have her best interests at heart, which was not all that reassuring.

 Three: She didn't know who the lunatic with the gun was, either.

 Four.: There was someone sneaking up on her.

 It took only a second for point four to really register with Bernice, but by then it was too late.

 

George sank into his chair, looking defensive. "Well, it helped her get away, didn't it?"

 Arthur shook his head sadly. "Some hero you turned out to be. First sign of danger, and what do you do? Faint. Fold like a deck of cards."

 Robin snorted. "I didn't exactly see you jumping to Bernice's defence, Arthur. 'Oh dear, she's not one of ours!' What must the poor lady think of us now?" He stamped around the room before sitting down in a funk.

 Arthur shook his head again. "What she thinks doesn't matter. What we have to do now is take decisive action! We've got a real heroine in real danger, so now's our chance to be real heroes!"

 The others looked at him as if he were mad. "Arthur," said Robin in that irritatingly patient tone of his, "We're not real heroes. That's why we kidnapped Bernice and sent assassins after her. So we could be the good guys and rescue her, so we could get some *practice*. I say we just forget about the poor girl and go and find ourselves a new one."

 Arthur looked shocked at this. "Find a new one? Find a *new* one? You just want to go and abandon Bernice to her fate, after I went to all that trouble to go and find her? Talk about gratitude. No. No, I say! We got her so that we could be heroes, and by golly gosh we shall be heroes!"

 George, inspired by this speech, tossed aside his blanky and leaped to his feet. "Real heroes!" He looked at Robin, appeal in his eyes. "Maybe we *have* been going about this the wrong way, Robbers. Maybe we should stop practicing and get out and do the real thing! Fight this evil..." He waved his hands around, searching for the right word. "Thing. Woman, I mean," he finished lamely.

 Robin threw his hands up in the air. "Fine. Whatever. Just don't blame me if we all end up dead, that's all I say." He glared at George. "And kindly don't call me Robbers!"

 

Bernice struggled with her assailant for a short period, but it was obvious that he was quite a bit stronger than she was in her current state. Eventually giving up from exhaustion more than anything else, she waited for a chance to subvert the inevitable. She was rather surprised when he let her go.

 Warily, she turned to look at him. It was the man she'd stabbed with her salad fork back at the Hungry Mind, however long ago that had been. He still looked rather sinister, although his face had more of a resignedly patient look on it than she would have expected.

 "You are Benny Summerfield, right?" He held up a hand, holding off her (rather silly, she admitted to herself) attempt at denial. "Benny. I have a message to deliver, that's all. It has to do with - "

 Again, perfect timing announced the arrival of the rather scantily dressed woman with her weapon of choice. The loud shot missed the man in grey by millimetres and, with a muffled curse, he leaped out of the way. Thinking as quickly as possible, Bernice jumped in the other direction, which by happy chance was through a doorway. Ducking out of sight, she remained as still as possible, hoping that whoever-she-was would go after whoever-he-was. She tried to give herself as good a view as was safe of the battle.

 "Fiera!" Yelled the grey man. "Long time no see!" He'd obviously pulled out a gun of his own, and the two of them seemed content to pop off shots at each other while ignoring Benny for a little while.

 "That you, Gordy? Ain't nobody killed you yet, you old bastard?"

 "And miss out a chance of taking you out? Hell, no!" Gordy, as the old man seemed to be called, sent a stun grenade hurtling in Fiera's direction. The large woman blasted it in mid-air. "Nice one. So what brings you to this miserable little backwater, still trapped into doing errands for the Kastor group?"

 The Kastor group? The name almost rang a bell. She doubted it was the name of one of her fan clubs.

 "If I had shot you when I wanted to, I'd be out by now. Why don't you just stick your head out so I can improve your looks some, gramps?"

 "I'm not senile yet, scrubber. How'd you like some plastique surgery?"

 Leaving the two to trade insults and injuries, Bernice turned to duck off and find herself a safer hiding place. She was more than a tad startled to see Robin standing behind her, once again trying to look impressive while also looking nervously at the battle raging on in the hall.

 "Come with me if you want to live," He said again. For a second, Bernice thought about thumping him again, then thought better of it. Irritating git he was, he'd probably have a better idea of how to get out of here than she did.

 She sighed. "I'm going to regret this, but okay. Let's go." She took hold of his arm, and followed him into the depths of the house.

 To be continued...

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