Crow: Yeah, and so then it turned out that Moira MacTaggert had experimented on Magneto back when Alpha, The Ultimate Mutant had turned him into an infant, and...
Mike: Oh, hi, everybody, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. We've gotten word that today's fanfiction is about comic books--
Tom: They're _graphic_ _novels_, Mike.
Mike: Whatever. And so Tom and Crow are explaining X-Men history to me, since I have a life.
Crow: Hey! Anyways, so the X-Men got brainwashed into fighting for Magneto's cause, but the reserve team flew up to Asteroid M and--
Mike: Now, wait...how did they brainwash Superman?
Tom: They didn't brainwash Superman, Mike. He's in a totally different continuity, like Batman and Robin, or Green Lantern, or any of the other superheroes you've mentioned!
Mike: Well, then what about the Wonder Twins?
Tom: AARGH!
[Tom's head explodes. A yellow light begins to flash on the console.]
Magic Voice: Commercial sign in five seconds. Is Tom alright?
Crow: Oh, way to go, you've just detonated Servo, and now we've got commercial sign!
Mike: Oh, that's OK, we can [leans over and whispers in Crow's, um, ear-thingy.]
Crow: Ooooh...
Magic Voice: Commercial sign now.
[ Man needs to cross busy street in heavy traffic. He pops a Mentos, darts out into the street, and is crushed by a semi. The Mentos rolls into a gutter, and a narrator goes, "Mentos. The flesh-taker." ]
[Back in SOL, Tom and Mike are missing, Crow is looking at something off-screen to his right.]
Crow: Almost done?
Mike (off-screen): I think so. Now explain again the differences between Professor X and Lex Luthor?
[A red light flashes on the console.]
Crow: No time, Starsky and Hutch are calling. [Hits button.]
Dr. Forrester: Greetings, flatscans, and welcome to this week's Invention Exchange! We'll let your pathetic effort go first, Michael J. Fox.
[Back on SOL. Mike is supporting Tom, who now has a fishbowl where his old head was.]
Mike: Well, sirs, what with Tom's head exploding all the time, I thought that he could use an upgrade. So we replaced his old tiny head with this new SuperHead!
Tom: Fascinating, Mike, all the para-cosmological mysteries of the enigmatic universe are mine to comprehend. I understand everything: The Unified Field Theory, the Single Bullet Theory, the Theory of Evolution, how to get the cap off of child-proof bottles, how to get cable without paying for it...
Crow: Do you understand why Costner's still popular after "Waterworld" and "Wyatt Earp"?
Tom: Well, geez, Crow, I'm only omniscient.
Mike: Well, what do you think, sirs? [He lets go of Tom, who keels over backwards and falls off of the bridge due to the weight of his new head. A loud crash of shattered glass can be heard.]
Dr. F: Sounds like it's back to the drawing board, Tom Swift. Now put away your Amazing Broken Robot and watch my brilliance! My invention this week is inspired by the ranks of no-name losers who die on a weekly basis in the "Star Trek" TV series. It's called the Redshirt. All you need is someone eminently expendable...oh, Frank!
[Frank enters.] Yeah, Steve?
Dr. F: Here. [Holds up a large red shirt, like the top half of a pair of pajamas.] Put this on.
Frank: Sure thing, Cap'n. [Puts shirt on over normal outfit.] Hey-- [wanders off-screen, but voice can still be heard] I think I found something over here! [Suddenly, a horrendous scream comes from his last location. Frank races across the screen, pursued madly by a wild-eyed, fanged monstrosity of some sort.]
Dr. F: As you can see, the Redshirt induces instant bad karma! [Frank runs across the screen in the other direction, this time with lightning bolts cracking down behind him as he goes.] So, now that that's taken care of-- [a huge explosion sound is heard from Frank's last location] it's time to send you today's fanfiction, a little piece of self-published vapidity called "2000-X". Enjoy...if you dare. Push the button, Frank.
[Frank runs on screen, smouldering slightly. He just manages to push the button before a tentacle lashes out and drags him off screen again.]
Mike: Oh, no, we've got _FANFIC SIGN!_
[Flashing lights, sirens, buzzers, door sequence, etc.]
[Mike walks into the theatre, tightening another one of Tom's spare heads into place as he does so.]
Mike: How's that?
Tom: A little to the left...perfect!
Crow: Shh, guys, the fanfic's starting!
> **All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis
> Base
Tom: Atlanis Morrisette Base? Agent action figure with money-grubbing action and kung-fu grip sold seperately! Some assembly required, enthusiasm not included.
> belaong to Marvel Comics. Everything that doesn't belong to
> Marvel Comics belongs to Adam McPartlin.
Mike: Oh my God, that means everything in existence except for the Marvel
comics characters belong to this guy!
Tom: Does that mean he owns us?
Crow: Can he cancel our show?
Tom: I am not going to stand for this! I will not be pushed, stamped,
filed, debriefed or numbered!
> All characters and
> stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be distributed/used
Tom: As kindling.
> freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL
Crow: And the location of the mental asylum you're in
>at mavr@awod.com
>
> 2000-X
> Introduction
>
> On December 18, 1999, the mutant children collectively known
> as Generation X graduated. In the time since Xavier's School for
> Gifted Youngsters was transferred from Greymalkin Lane to Snow
> Valley.
Crow: Yeah? What happened in that time?
Tom: I dunno...
Crow: No, I was asking the author.
> Dr.'s Henry McCoy and Moira Cassidy
Tom: Are Banshee and Moira married?
Crow: I don't think so...hey, maybe she married Siryn!
Tom: Shut up, Crow.
> had found a cure for the mutant plague called the Legacy Virus. All
> the members of the United Nations signed the Mutant Liberation
> Act. Giving mutants the same rights as all humans, legally.
Tom: Does what? Is what?
Mike: I think this author uses the period as an extended comma, Tom.
> With the revelation that Professor Charles Xavier was a mutant,
> Operation: Zero Tolerance attacked Xavier's School for Higher
> Learning and forced the X- Men to transfer to Magneto's hidden
> Atlantis Base.
Crow: Wait, I thought mutants had rights now!
Mike: Sure, the right to be beaten savagely and assaulted by military
organizations...the same rights as everyone else.
>Sean Cassidy had been replaced by Dr. Robert Drake
Mike: In a hostile takeover.
Tom: Hey, wait a second...what did Iceman get a doctorate in?
Crow: Belching?
Tom: Drinking?
Mike: I know! Staying cool...because, you know, the whole "ice" thing,
kinda...heh, heh.........
Tom: Shut up, Mike.
> as headmaster of the Massachusetts Academy. On January 10,
> 2000, the new generation began classes at Xavier's. Here is 2000-
> X
Crow: Is that a toilet bowl cleaner?
Mike: No, it's the new Mazda 2000-X! It looks like a fish, moves like
a fish, steers like a cow.
>
>
> Anubis
>
> Real Name- Alec Mac Lennon
Crow: What kind of a middle name is "Mac"?
Tom: You know, it's a sort of Scottish, Russian, Egyptian thing.
Crow: Oh, so he'd be played by Sean Connery in the movie version.
Mike: Don't give him any ideas, Crow.
> Age- 15
> Height- Variable
> Weight- Variable
> I.Q.- 200+(as a telepath unmeasurable)
Tom: Negative 200+? So does this mean he sucks the intelligence out
of people around him?
Crow: Well, he certainly seems to have sucked the intelligence out
of this story.
Mike: Didn't take long, though.
> Place of Birth- Lennon Isle (Dimensionally displaced)
Mike: Boy, I knew John and Yoko were smoking stuff, but...
> Powers- Alec has a wide variety of mutant powers as a
> fourth generation mutant. His powers include the ability to drain
> any life form of it's life force. He has the ability to resurrect
the
> recently dead under his control. He also uses the life force energy
> to sustain biological functions.
Tom: Boy, imagine him in a belching contest!
Crow: Boy, imagine him on a date! With those powers, he could--
Mike: That's enough, Crow.
> He has near absolute control of organic matter as long as it doesn't
> contain life energy. He is a class 7 (Professor X was a class 7)
> telepath. A teleporter with a maximum known range of 100 miles.
Mike: Is available for only sixteen easy payments of $19.99! Call now, supplies are limited!
> Because he feeds off external
> life energy he cannot die as long as one life form remains on Earth.
> He can control his own matter despite his life force.
Mike: Don't even think about it, Crow.
> History- Alec's great- grandfather had the mutant ability to
> create dimensions and control them.
Tom: Yeah, like height, length, width...
Crow: Is that why he's variable?
> He teleported over a hundred people to a dimension he called
> Lennon Isle.
Crow: With Gilligan, and Ringo too...the millionaire...and his wife...
> A hundred and fifty years later Alec was born to a mutant who had
> the same powers he did except he couldn't drain life forces.
Crow: He was born to a guy?!?!?
Tom: Well, you know, with modern technology...
> When Alec's power's manifested he unwittingly completely drained
> his mother into true death.
Crow: Unlike the normal six-issue X-Men death.
> As punishment his father banished Alec to Earth until he could
> completely control his powers.
Mike: Bad boy! Bad! Next time you kill your mother, I'm taking away
your dessert! Now go to earth, and think about what you've done.
Crow: Oh, great, he's got a power that causes him to slaughter innocent
beings by the hundreds, so what do they do? Send him to a major population
center!
> Alec started classes on September 19, 1999.
Mike: But I thought classes started on January 10, 2000.
Tom: Maybe he pre-registered.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Falcon
>
> Real Name- Andrea Manson
> Age- 14
> Height- 5'4"
> Weight- 112
> I.Q.- 222
> Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts
>
> Powers- Creates balls of pure force
Mike: Not another word, Crow.
> that glows a blinding white light called "star bolts."
Tom: Wait, the light is called "star bolts"?
Mike: No, the force is called "star bolts".
Crow: No, the balls are--[Mike grabs Crow's beak.] Mmph!
Mike: I warned you, Crow.
> Psionic hypnosis. Specific metamorphosis into a falcon.
Crow: I never metamorphosis I didn't like.
> Can regenerate the life force of any life form as well as heal it's
> body.
>
> History- The Manson Twins
Tom: You know, Helter and Skelter.
> were born into one of the richest "old money" families in New
> England. When the twins were ten their parents were murdered in
> a mugging while on a business trip to Boston.
Mike: Is this where he becomes Batman?
Tom: I won't dignify that with a response, Mike.
> They were placed under the guardianship of an old friend of the
> family named Professor Charles Xavier.
Crow: His first name was Professor?
Mike: Yeah, you know, like the Professor on Gilligan's Island.
> They lived in the Atlantis base until their powers manifested on
> their fourteenth birthday.
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Megamorph
>
> Real Name- James Stanton
> Age- 16
> Height- Variable
> Weight- Variable
Crow: Wait, is he related to Sean Connery's character?
> I.Q.- 160
> Place of Birth- Sydney, Australia
>
> Powers- Perpetual/genetic metamorphosis.
Crow: I still haven't metamorphosis I didn't like.
Tom: That's about to change, Crow.
Mike: Wait a second, does perpetual metamorphosis mean he's _always_
changing?
> Can morph into anyone/thing.
Crow: He can change into Thing? From The Addams Family?
> Takes on the powers of the people he morphs into.
>
> History- James' parents were killed in a plane wreck when
> he was two. He grew up in foster homes all over southeastern
> Australia.
Tom: Note how no-one ever said he survived.
Mike: Yes, bits of him were spread over half of the continent.
> When he was twelve he started living on the streets.
Tom: After a few days of dodging traffic, he decided to live on the sidewalks.
> His powers soon surfaced in a fight with some older boys when he
> transformed into a ball of spikes and killed his attackers. Soon
he
> began stealing to survive. He only gave up this life style when he
> was contacted by the X- Men
Mike: How'd they get ahold of him?
Tom: Cell phone.
Mike: But I thought he was only stealing to survive.
Tom: Well, he really _needed_ that cell phone...
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Pendragon
>
> Real Name- Arthur de Pendragon?
Crow: Geez, what's with the weird middle names?
> (this was King Arthur's name)
All: It was?
Tom: Oh, now he's just making stuff up.
Mike: It could be worse; this could all be true.
> Age- 17?
> Height- 6'0"
> Weight- 190
> I.Q.- 200+
> Place of Birth- Aberdeen, Scotland?
Crow: Boy, this guy seems remarkably ill-informed about his own life.
> Powers- Full range elemental(weather, volcanism, earth,
> water, etc.). Telepathy class 5. telekinesis.
Tom: Are you sure those are his powers? Are you really sure?
> History- Pendragon appeared on Muir Isle one night.
Tom: Then he went to do Vegas.
Crow: Ladies and gentlement, appearing on Muir Island, for one night
only...
> He apparently has completely repressed his persona
Tom: After reading this story, I'd be repressed too.
Mike: No, that's depressed, Tom.
> and replaced it with King Arthur's. Began classes at the
> Massachusetts October 11, 1998.
Crow: Boy, he must have _really_ pre-registered.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Psyber
>
> Real Name- Charles Ramesy
> Age- 13
> Height- 5'3"
> Weight- 126
> I.Q.- 200+
> Place of Birth- Long Island, New York
>
> Powers- Telepathy, magnetic manipulation,
> cyberpathy(controls all forms of electronics with a form of
> psionics)
> History- Charles is the younger brother of Douglas Ramesy
> from the New Mutants that went through an age accelerator to
> become twelve years older.
Tom: Now, wait, Douglas went through the age accelerator?
Crow: No, I think Charles went through the age accelerator.
Mike: Xavier?
Crow: No, Ramsey.
Mike: So he became 12 years older, right?
Crow: Yep.
Mike: But I thought he was 13 now...so that means he must have been
a year old when they put him in.
Tom: Great, he's the only member of the team that's not potty-trained.
Crow: Well..........
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -----------------
> Raven
>
> Real Name- Andrew Manson
> Age- 14
> Height- 5'6"
> Weight- 155
> I.Q.- 222
> Place of Birth: Salem, Massachusetts
>
> Powers- Generates balls of pure force
Crow: Mmmmmph!
Mike: I keep telling you, Crow...
> that absorb light called "dark bolts."
Tom: The light's called "dark bolts"?
Mike: No, the force is called "dark bolts".
Crow: No, the--mmmmmph!
Mike: *sighs exasperatedly*
> Psionic hypnosis. Specific transformation into a raven. Able
to
> regenerate the life force of any living being as well as heal their
wounds.
>
> History- (see Falcon)
Tom: I'd rather not.
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
Tom: Boy, am I glad the author picked this way to introduce everyone.
I feel like I'm really getting to know these characters!
Crow: Really?
Tom : No.
> Venus
Crow: Yeah, you know, no arms, nice rack...
Mike and Tom: Crow!
> Real Name- Monique de Arke
Crow: Gee, I didn't think 'de' was that common of a middle name.
Tom: In this story, 'duh' is a common name.
> Age- 18
> Height- 5'6"
> Weight- 117
> I.Q.- 1000+
Tom: OK, now this is just getting silly.
> (Forge level intelligence(unless he's written by whoever writes X-
> Factor))
Mike: Or by Adam McPartlin.
> Place of Birth- Monte Carlo, Monaco.
>
> Powers- Class 7 telepathy.
Crow: Gee, I thought Professor X was supposed to be the best telepath
in the world.
Tom: Or at least above average.
> Low range telekintic field(always on, results are invurnability
Tom (in German accent): Ach, ja, she iss invurnable, and her cigar is not just a cigar, nein?
> , super strength and flight).
> Planetary teleportation.
Mike: Does this mean she can teleport to planets?
Crow: No, she can teleport on planets.
Tom: No, she can teleport planets.
Crow: But--
Tom: Well, she _is_ Venus...
> Enhanced pheremones.
Crow: NIIIIIIIICE pheremones....
> History- Born to a Moroccan nobleman
Crow: She was born to a man, too?
Tom: Well, what with modern technology...
> , Monique has lived in the greatest luxury money can buy. However
> she has never had any friends.
Tom: Wait, I thought she had enhanced pheremones!
Crow: Yeah, she'd have boys crawling all over her!
Mike: Crow...
> As an only child, Monique lived her life in solitude. As a result
,
> Monique is very withdrawn. She rarely participates with anyone
> else.
Tom: Well, that's a new word for it...
Mike: Now don't you start!
> Monique entered Xavier's school January 6, 1997.
Crow: OK, this pre-registration thing is just getting way out of hand.
Tom: Yeah, what did they do, sit around in a vacant lot until they
built the school?
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Warrior
Tom and Crow: GUY GARDNER?
Mike: Green Lantern, right?
> Real Name- Michael Kaern
> Age- 15
> Height- 6'11"
> Weight- 302
> I.Q.- 144
Tom: Oh, he's just a regular genius.
> Place of Birth- Los Angeles, California
>
> Powers- can redirect or stop any application of kinetic
> energy. He uses this to make himself invunable
Crow (in Indian accent): Oh he is invunable oh my good golly gosh yes. I am standing here beside myself.
> and super strong in normal cases.
Mike: Yeah, but take him out of the case, and he breaks in about five
mintues.
Crow: I bet he doesn't even have kung-fu grip.
> History- As a black teenager in South Central, Los Angeles,
> Michael joined a gang at the young age of seven for protection. He
> was arrested several times. Once his mutant powers manifested
> he quickly began a war against different gangs throughout the LA
> area. Once the X- Men showed up to recruit him he jumped at the
> chance
All: Boingy, boingy, boingy!
> to escape the crime ridden streets of LA
Tom (in husky voice): Call me Snake.
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------
> Waverider
Tom: You know, this guy's skirting copyright problems with DC
in a big way.
Mike: How can he have copyright problems when he owns everything?
> Real Name- Tihna Nagoya
> Age- 15
> Height- 5'0"
> Weight- 95
> I.Q.- 159
> Place of Birth- Tokyo, Japan
>
> Powers- Has the ability to transform into H(2)0 and in that
> form she can control it.
>
> History- Tihna was a mediocre student in Japan's public
> schools
Mike: Wait, she has an IQ of 159 and she's still only a mediocre student?
> so her parents jumped at the chance
All: Boingy, boingy, boingy!
> for her to attend a internationally acclaimed school. Even if it was in America.
[long pause]
Mike: C'mon, guys, looks like it'll be a little bit before the next
segment.
Tom: Yeah, and this gave me an idea!
[Mike picks up Tom, and they leave the theater. Door sequence plays in reverse, and...]
[SOL bridge. Mike is standing out front, in a mugshot position.]
Tom (off-screen): Mike T. Nelson. Real Name- Gee, figure it out, doofus. Age-I dunno, he's in his thirties, isn't he? Height- Um, about 6', I think. Weight-Way too much, after all those twinkies he's been scarfing down. [There is much snickering off-screen. Mike looks fairly irritated.] I.Q.- 45. [much, much more snickering.] Place of Birth- Somewhere in Wisconsin or something. Powers- Can bore the heck out of anyone with his long-winded high-school stories. [Mike turns and glares off-screen, and there's much more snickering.] History- After his parents kicked him out of his house at age thirteen after the shameful incident in the ladies' locker room, Mike--
Mike: That's it! [reaches off-screen, grabs Tom and hauls him out.] It's my turn to do this. [steps off-screen] Tom Servo. Real Name-The Human Torso.
Tom: Hey!
Mike(off-screen): Oh, you can dish it out, but you can't take it. Age-5. Height-2'4". Weight-Enough that he needs a hoverskirt to move from place to place. [Crow is heard snickering off-screen.] I.Q.- Let's just say you could double it, and it'd still be a single digit number.
Tom: That's just not fair!
Mike(off-screen): Deal with it, torso-boy. Place of Birth- The Satellite of Love. Powers-Able to...well, he can...gee, um...
Crow(off-screen): He looks great in a candy striper's outfit! [snickers]
Mike(off-screen): Well, that's a lot more than I ever wanted to know, thanks. Where was I?
Gypsy(off-screen): History.
Mike(off-screen): Thanks, Gypsy. History-Wait, he hasn't done anything worth talking about!
Tom: Oh, sure, have your little laugh...mock me openly in front of everyone...spew your bile all over me--
[Crow steps on screen.] Thanks, we will, Tom. [Shoves Tom off-screen, despite having non-functional arms.] Now, it's my turn. OK... Crow. Real Name- Crow T. Robot.
Mike(off-screen): Hey! You can't do your own!
Crow: Who says! Anyways... Age-5. Height- 4'8", 9'3" with legs at full extension.
Tom(off-screen): Yeah, whatever, doofus.
Crow: Oh, bite me. Weight- A lean, mean, 200 pounds of pure muscle.
Mike(off-screen): You're a robot, Crow; you don't have muscles.
Crow: Well, hydraulics, then. I.Q.-947. [much snickering from off-screen] Shut up! Place of Birth-The Satellite of Love. Powers-Able to decide who lives and who dies. History-After saving the universe from the evil threat of the Zondarg invasion fleets, I--
[Mike comes on-screen.] You're starting to sound like Marissa, Crow. Now shoo, it's time to do Gypsy. [Gypsy goes on-screen.]
Crow: OK, Gypsy! Real Name: The--[Mike grabs Crow's beak, shutting him up.]
Mike: I'll do this one, Crow. Gypsy. Real Name-Gypsy Rose. Age- 5. Height- About fifty-odd miles, once the Umbilicus is in place.
Tom(off-screen): The what?
Mike: Nothing, just being metatextual. Weight-Um...[looks at Gypsy] We'll just skip that one. I.Q.-10500, but all but 87 of it is taken up with running the higher functions of the Satellite of Love. Place of Birth- The Satellite of Love. Powers- Runs all the higher functions of the Satellite of Love. History- Was created by Joel to run the higher--guys, this is getting repetitive.
Crow: And redundant.
Tom(moving on-screen): And it just says the same thing over and over.
Mike: Uh, yeah...let's just move on to Magic Voice, OK? Well...Powers--tells when there's commercial sign, and also
[lights and buzzers begin to go off]
FANFIC SIGN!
[much hullabaloo]
[Mike and the bots enter the theatre]
> **All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis
> Base belong to Marvel Comics.
Crow: Does that mean that Marvel Comics bought out Massachusetts?
> Everything that doesn't belong to Marvel Comics belongs to Adam
> McPartlin.
Tom: You know, I think that's a really broad reading of the copyright laws.
> All characters and stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be
> distributed/used
Mike: As birdcage liners.
> freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL at
> mavr@awod.com
>
> 2000-X
> Chapter 1
>
> With a light blanket of freshly fallen snow, the children calling
> themselves 2000-X
Mike: You mean they all called themselves 2000-X? Didn't that
get confusing?
Crow: No, it's all in the way you say it. You know, there's 2000-X,
and 2000-x, and--
Tom: We get the idea.
> were enjoying the time they had before classes began.
Crow: Well, they sure had plenty of time...they registered two years early!
> "Alec," said Charles Ramesy to the leader of 2000-X, "Let's
> see if the king of all England can dodge a snowball."
Crow: Wait, how'd he become team leader?
Mike: How'd he become King of England for that matter?
Tom: Well, you see, there was this sword, and, you know, the rock,
and--never mind.
> As Charles released the snowball,
Mike: It fell on his foot.
Tom: You know, he really should know enough to _throw_ it.
Crow: Well, he is only one year old.
> it suddenly stopped in midair and returned to it's sender.
>
> "I dunna think tha the snow was meant ta be used as a
> weapon."
Mike: OK, guys, let's play GUESS THAT ACCENT!
Tom: I say Scottish!
Crow: I say Irish!
Mike: I say Southern.
Crow: Can I change my guess to Jamaican?
> replied Pendragon, the mysterious young man that believes himself
> to be King Arthur.
Tom: And changes tenses randomly, it appears.
> "Pendragon, ye canna be so serious all the time, lad. Loosen
> up some. Ye're not the king anymore," said Alec.
Crow: Yeah, Elvis is the King now!
> As a two birds fell from the sky
Crow: And splattered to the ground with a wet thud and a sickening
crack.
Mike: Crow!
> they transformed into Andrea Manson and James Stanton.
> "Would you stop following me?" said Andrea. "I can't stop
> following a girl as luvely as you, mate," was the reply of the
> obviously overconfidentyoung
Crow: Overconfidentyoung? Is that anything like Youngsexycool?
> Australian. "Fine then," as Andrea activated her mutant power to
> place hypnotic suggestions, "leave me alone!" As if a miracle had
> happened
Tom: the story ended.
> James left Andrea for no apparent reason.
Crow: Wait, I thought he left because she placed a hypnotic suggestion
to make him leave.
Mike: I thought he left because she said, "Leave me alone!"
Tom: I thought he left because the story was lousy.
Mike: No, that's why _we_ want to leave.
> After a few more minutes of fun,
Mike: They call this fun?
> the headmaster Robert Drake, also called the indomitable Iceman,
> makes his appearance signaling that it was time for classes to
> start. For most of the students this first class was Calculus with
> Dr. Drake. Tihna, James and Michael had biology with Ms. Frost.
Crow: Oh, yeah....
Mike: Crow!
> The students in Calculus were having their first test. "I dunna
> understand these mathematics.
Tom: Yeah, he's only got an IQ of 200.
> Merlin only taught the arithmetics. I believe that I will transfer
to
> another class."
>
> As it turned out Pendragon was the only student not
> to pass the test. In fact he was the only one not to make an A on
> it.
>
Crow: Not only did he not pass it, he didn't make an A on it!
Mike: If he didn't make an A on it, how did he spell his name? Rthur?
> "Arthur, could I speak to you after class?" said Dr. Drake.
>
> "I think we should move you to the normal level classes
> with Tihna, James and Michael."
Crow(as Arthur): You mean I get to be in Biology with Ms. Frost?
Mike: What exactly are normal classes for these kids? Quantum physics?
> "I agree with yuir. I canna handle these mathematics."
>
> As the day progressed it came time for training in the
> biosphere.
Tom: They were taking target practice at Pauly Shore.
> Today it was Venus' first king of the mountain tournament.
Mike: Crow!
Crow: I didn't say anything!
Mike: I know, I was making a pre-emptive strike.
> She knew that she probably couldn't win. Between
> the energy wielders and the telepaths there was no way she could
> beat them. That didn't mean she wasn't going to let them win
> without a fight. As soon as Ms. Frost blew the whistle 2000-X
> went into action.
>
> It started with Falcon, Raven, and Psyber hitting Venus with
> their energy blasts. This was completely ineffective against her
> shields. Soon she noticed that the air around her was changing
> temperatures. Quickly she moved to avoid getting caught in the
> tornado Pendragon was forming. Then she felt Anubis draining the
> life force of the trees.
Tom: How did she do that?
Crow: I think she's a powerful telepath.
Tom: In this story, who isn't?
> She tried to maneuver but the animated tree limbs were too fast
> and she was captured.
Crow: She was stopped by a cartoon?
> Anubis, Pendragon, and Psyber hit her psionically, while Warrior
> negated her force field
Mike: He can do that because he's Green Lantern, right?
Tom and Crow (dully): Yes, Mike.
> and Raven and Falcon hit her with their bolts. Miraculously, Venus
> was still conscious.
Tom: Unfortunately, the audience had passed out hours ago.
Mike: What's so unfortunate about that?
> She hit Warrior with a psibolt to regain her shields. Then she
> activated her pheremones to take all the men out of the game.
Crow: Wouldn't that put them _into_ the game?
Tom: Um, maybe they're all off in the corner--
Mike: Crow, look what you did to him!
> However, since Anubis doesn't breathe
All: HUH?
> and the women aren't affected by female pheremones
Tom: Except for the new team members, kd lang and Martina Navratilova.
> she still had to content with them.
Mike: Spelling flame, guys?
Tom: Nah, we'll let this one pass.
> Waverider turned into water and stretched up to Venus to
> try and knock her out with pure force.
Mike: Wouldn't she be trying to knock her out with a few hundred gallons
of water?
Tom: No, she's trying to knock her out with those light star dark bolt
things.
Crow: No, they're ba--Mmmmmmph!
Mike: Maybe I should just weld your mouth shut, Crow.
Crow: Mmph!
> Falcon timed her star bolt to hit Venus at the same time Waverider
> did. Right before Waverider hit Venus, Anubis drained off enough
> of Venus' life force to control her mind to some extent. Venus was
> so intent at closing her mind her concentration slipped and she was
> knocked unconscious by the girls.
>
> "Very good children," said Ms. Frost, "I believe that soon
> you will be ready for team tourements." "I think Ms. Frost is
> pushing the team topurnamen a little bit, but you were all
> magnificent," said Dr. Drake,
Tom: But your spelling is horrendous.
Crow: Yeah, he's almost as bad as--
Tom & Mike: Don't say it!!!!!!!
Crow: What, why shouldn't I say Ratliff?
Tom: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Mike: That's why. Even our screams get spelled wrong at the mention
of--the Evil One.
> "I think dinner should be about ready. Let's eat."
Crow: Great, Iceman's cooking again. What do you think it'll be, frozen
waffles?
Tom: If they weren't before, they will be now.
> That night the team was watching a French film (it was
> Monique's turn to choose the movie). "If you do not enjoy French
> films than I suggest that you leave. I will not be pressured into
> altering my decision."
>
> "Monique, these words, I don't know." said Tihna.
Crow: Will you still respect me in the morning?
> > "That is because it is French and I have turned off the
> subtitles. If you do not understand that
Tom: Oh, come on, how hard can it be? It...is...in...French! Got
it?
Mike: No, I think she was referring to the fact that she'd turned off
the subtitles.
> I suggest you have Charles or Alec psilink with you. They both are
> fluent in French." replied Monique.
>
> "Howabout I just turn on the subtitles."said Michael.
>
> "Turn them on and I will put you in more pain than you
> could possibly imagine."
Crow: I thought she was supposed to be withdrawn.
Mike: Yeah, she's withdrawn to the point of psychosis, Crow.
>
> It was at that moment that Dr. Drake entered the room.
> "Now, Monique, that is no way to speak to your fellow students, is
> it?" asked Dr. Drake. "No, sir." said Monique.
>
> "Now children, it's time that you all got to bed." said Dr.
> Drake.
Crow: Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!
> The next morning everyone woke up early.
Tom: Iceman snores!
> When they got to breakfast they noticed that James wasn't there.
Tom: This morning, we've secretly replaced your mutant with Folger's Crystals!
> "I'll go check on him." said Andew.
Mike: Andew?
Tom: I think he has a cold.
Mike: Colds don't usually affect your typing.
Crow: Maybe it's an after effect of that Ratliff--
Mike and Tom: NUUUUUUUUUUUU!
> When Andrew got to James' room he knew immediatly that
> something was wrong.
Tom (as Andrew): You know, I remembered James as being in fewer pieces than that...
> James always kept a very clean room. But when Andrew got there
Crow: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the computer!
> "James is gone." Mike: Drake, you put their arms on backwards!
> "Cerebro has located Megamorph on a small
Crow: Oh, great training mission. Send them up against a being of unknown,
potentially godlike power!
> As soon as 2000-X was briefed, Monique teleportd the
[long pause]
[SOL Bridge. Crow's head has been opened up, and Mike is sticking a
screwdriver into the cavity. Tom walks on-stage.]
Tom: Hi, Mike. Whatcha doing to Crow?
Mike: Well, he seemed a little bit too suggestive during that last segment;
so I figured I'd do a little reprogramming of his personality matrix to
keep us suitable for family viewing.
Tom: But Mike...you're not exactly Mister Goodwrench when it comes to
robot repair, you know.
Mike: What, are you saying that I'm not up to the task of altering a
single element of the millions of delicate components that make up Crow's
personality matrix without making a single error--an error that could cause
critical personality instabilities?
Crow: CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE!
CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE! CABBAGE!
Tom(with heavy sarcasm): Oh, no, not at all. Keep up the good work,
there, Mike.
Mike: Um, er, hold on...[reverses screwdriver, raps Crow's head sharply
with it]
Crow(in Shatner voice): What...are...you doing to me? Why...do...I feel...so
strange? Spock! Spock!
Tom: I am _not_ going to work with him if he stays like that.
Mike: OK, wait a second. [hits Crow again with screwdriver] There.
Crow: THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? [Shakes head back and forth
rapidly] Whew, what the heck just happened to me?
Mike(rapidly hiding screwdriver behind back): Oh, nothing...say, how
do you feel?
Crow: Just fine and dandy, Mike! Gee golly, I feel like I'm on top of
the world!
Mike: Great, Crow. So, Tom...what are those "star bolt" thingies again?
Crow: They're...[his eyes roll up into the back of his head]...they're,
um...[smoke begins to pour from his beak]...I know! They're ba--[Mike grabs
his beak quickly.]
Mike: Phooey. Well, if at first you don't succeed--
[Flashing red lights, sirens, bells, etc.]
Tom: No time, Mike! We got movie sign!
[All run into theater amidst chaos and confusion.]
> Newsgroups: alt.comics.fan-fiction
Mike: Who does this man think he is, Donald Trump?
> All characters and
Tom: As compost.
> freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL at
Mike: Do we really need to go over this again?
>
Tom & Crow: Mah weep grana weep minibong!
> "Pendragon,
Tom: Inform everyone of what we're about to do, despite the fact
that nine out of ten of us are telepaths!
> take this fight head to head since I'm immortal and you two are
Mike: I think this guy's becoming the Swedish Chef.
> > Psyber used his electrokinesis
Crow: When did he get electrokinesis?
> to knock several people
Tom: Unfortunately, this didn't include the audience.
> while Anubis was simulainiously absorbing the life
Crow: Oooh! Oooh! Me next!
> It was at that moment that Pendragon's powers began to
Tom: For no apparent reason.
> As the shields, failed Psyber began using his powers in a
Mike: Yes, beating the crap out of ordinary humans is a cinch for this
team!
> "Welcome to my island, children."
Crow: It's Ricardo Montelban!
> The team immediately recognized this man. He was the
Crow: Stinky!
> Emplate. "I see you had no problems finding my little abode.
Tom: You're not housetrained.
> you won't be around long enough to enjoy
Crow: What happens if he teams up with Anubis?
> Then came Vincente,
Crow: What kind of a name is that for a supervillain? "Vincente"?
> who could alter his molecular density to
Tom: Well, that makes sense, because--HUH?
> Finally the mutant named D.O.A. stepped forward.
Tom: Yes, D.O.A. Lad! The next member of the Legion of Super-Heroes!
> the attack by infecting Anubis with his
All: YAAAAAAY!
> It took only a few minutes
Mike: Boot to the head.
> and he healed himself. While this was
Mike: In a Triple-X comic available to adults only.
> and the two were matching each other punch
Crow: Don't you mean blow for blow?
> Psyber, Falcon and Raven were fighting Murmur, but
Crow: Why would he want to get to his own team-mates?
> while Waverider was fighting
Crow: Oooh, yeah, the most powerful member of the team is recovered!
Now we're going to see some real ass-kicking!
> "2000-X, pull back, NOW!"
Mike: Oh, yeah, he just opened up a _can_ o whupass, didn't he?
>
Tom: You mean every time he says those words, he absorbs the life force
of the Hellions? Boy, that must make things inconvenient some times. Crow:
What happens when he says, "2000-X, push forwards"?
> When Falcon and Raven tried to restore the
Mike: Yet none of the team members seem to care about Anubis' slaughter
of about a half-dozen people.
> However, the added life forces of the Hellions had an
Tom: Well, yeah, we were kinda hoping...
> > With that Emplate vanished into his dimension.
Crow: He has his own dimension?
> But this
Mike: Yeah, he was travelling coach. And the in-flight movie? Forget
it.
> The souls of those he killed have become
Mike: They've undergone a Quality Initiative Program and become empowered
deceased!
> Slowly the mob destroyed the body of
Crow: De plane, boss! De plane!
> but I am not
Crow (as Homer Simpson): Mmmmm....all-you-can-eat seafood buffet...ahhhhhhhh...
> To be Continued...
Mike: And you know what that means...we have a break.
[SOL Bridge. Tom is dressed as Onslaught, making inventive use of papier-mache
fins and Christmas tree lights for eyes, while Crow has used fake fur and
butter knives to make himself look like Wolverine.]
Tom(in deep--well, sort of deep voice): Pitiful fools! Now that I, Megamorph,
have taken on the powers of Onslaught, you are all doomed! Doomed, I tell
you, doomed! Muahahahaha!
Crow(in growly, scratchy voice): Not a chance, bub. See, I'm the best
at what I do. And what I do is the thing that I'm the best at. (Drops into
his normal voice.) So it works out pretty well, actually, you know, because
I'm doing what I like to do.
Tom(whispering): Crow, you're breaking character.
Crow: Oh, yeah. Right. (Starts talking all growly again) This time you're
going down. As soon as my team-mate arrives...[glances off-stage]...I said,
as soon as my team-mate arrives...[clears throat, speaks much louder]...I
said, as soon as my team-mate arrives...
Mike(off-stage): Forget it, I'm not coming out there.
Tom: You said you would!
Mike: That was before I knew who I was going to be!
Crow: Aw, come on, you look great!
Mike: No!
Crow: Pleeeeeeeeease....we'll say 'Please' ten thousand times....
Mike: Oh, fine. [steps out on stage hesitantly, wearing Psylocke outfit]
I will never--NEVER forgive you for this, Tom. And this thing's creeping
up my butt, too.
[Both of the bots are too busy snickering to say anything.]
Mike: Forget it. [Walks back off-stage. A few moments later, Gypsy walks
on with the Psylocke outfit draped strategically around her, um, tube.]
Gypsy: Mike told me to wear this. Are you guys doing a skit?
Tom: Um, yeah...hold on, where were we?
Crow: We were at--
[lights, buzzers, sirens, etc.]
ALL: FANFIC SIGN!
[door sequence, all walk into theatre, Mike is just zipping up his jumpsuit
again]
Mike: You guys will pay for this, you know.
> Newsgroups: alt.comics.fan-fiction
Crow: You mean there could be more?
>
Crow: Any new jokes, guys?
> All characters and
Crow: To wrap fish in.
> freely. If archived on the 'net, please inform me of the URL at
Tom: Of the author?
> If you
Crow: Does this mean we can stop now?
>
Mike: To the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet! Just three easy payments of $19.99!
> Megamorph had used his incredible power to transform into
Tom: Of course, all of their team-mates were dead, as the island was
annihilated by the force of the blast...
> In fact, in the adopted bodyform of Megamorph
Crow: How do you refract water? Or balls of force?
> Megamorph then transformed his arm into long spikes. As he
Crow: Oh, that one's just too easy.
> Megamorph was hit with a blast of
Mike: Was Mercury.
> Anubis and
Crow: Who then launched into a 'Blue Suede Shoes' rendition.
> Megamorph sent a blast of magnetic energy at 2000-X.
Mike: So was the audience, for that matter.
> The god-like mutant playfully
Mike(as Magneto): That's my job!
>
Crow(as Magneto):Yeah, so? *squish*
>
Crow(as Anubis): I'd like to allow you to hurt people, but my
dad says I can't do that anymore.
> It was moments before Anubis was able
Mike: Wonder what he locked it in?
>
Tom: Oh, yes, she's using her mutant power of plot contrivance again.
> "Then ye can take us back now." was the reply of the
All: Awwww...
>
Crow: Whoa, that was one heck of a frat party.
>
Mike: But obviously not the team comedian.
> Then came the greatest shock. As Waverider found the
Crow: Why didn't he just use his time-travel powers to--oh, wait, wrong
one.
> "Who would do this to such a sweet little boy?" asked
Tom: The entire reading audience of X-Factor?
> as Anubis, Raven and Falcon attempted to revive his life
Mike: See, Artie didn't have medical insurance, so there were some pretty
hefty fees.
> In this case many of the injuries inflicted were far too
Tom: I think the author's recieved extensive brain damage.
> "We must get the bairn to Atlantis station." said
Crow: Wait, isn't Anubis the most powerful of the group?
> "Arthur is right. Venus, take Artie and Megamorph to the
Mike: His physical mind?
> At the same time, all X-Men
Tom: So, basically Beast, then.
> worked to repair the damage to the
Mike: Then they remembered they were supposed to be trying to save him.
> This was one of the worst events ever to happen to the X-
Crow: I dunno, the X-Men/Star Trek crossover was pretty bad...
> It was one thing when a team member died in the field of
Mike: That was fun.
> but when a small child gets caught in the crossfire, it strikes
Crow: It what?
> Even the normally cold X-Man called Monet St. Croix
Mike: Isn't Iceman the normally cold X-Man?
> broke down in tears at the tragic loss. All of the X-Men vowed
Mike: Y'know, McPartlin, I'd be watching your back from now on.
> little did they know the
Crow: Chapter Four!
[Mike picks up Tom, and both leave the theatre screaming. Crow follows,
chortling madly. Door sequence plays in reverse, and...]
[SOL Bridge. Mike and bots are sitting around.]
Tom: Well, we've read some bad stuff in our time, guys.
Crow: Yep, that's for sure. 'Shadow Stalker"...
Mike: "Double Vision"...
Tom: "Treklander"...
Crow: And don't forget all the stuff by Ratliff...
Mike: Dom't eveen mantshun that wurd, Crriow.
Tom: Yeah. But my point is, this was really on the low end of the scale
of bad. I mean, the fact that all the characters were each more powerful
than all the X-Men put together...
Mike: Yeah, I think the writer's overcompensating just a little bit
for his own personal inadequacies, don't you?
[Crow snickers.] And then there's the badly done fight sequences.
Tom: And the sudden appearance of Magneto for no apparent reason.
Mike: And--oh, forget it, guys. We would work for hours and still not
get to everything. Let's just say, "What do you think, sirs?"
[Cut to Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is being forced to kneel down before
Frank, whose eyes are glowing in that cheesy 60's sci-fi style.]
Dr. F: Um, yes, it's quite nice, Mike...excuse, me, I'll have to get
back to you. I'm getting some 'Gary Mitchell' feedback from the Redshirt,
here.
Frank: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! Now _you_ push the button, toad-boy!
[Dr. Forrester walks jerkily over to the console, like a badly-controlled
marionette. His hand slams down on the button.]
Pwoosh!
Theme music, credits, filmed in shadowramma, keep circulating the tapes.
This story was Misted by the Starbase Omega Crew: John "Omega" Seavey,
Jeff "Bob" Mariano, Tony "Pickle-Bear" Botz, Joe "Kimsaidaun" Mashuga,
and Paul "I Don't Have a Cutesy Nickname" Hagenbusch. Host segments written
by John "Omega" Seavey, with much input from the rest of the Crew. Deep
13, the SOL, MST3K, Mike Nelson (the character, not the person), the bots,
and all associated stuff are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. We wouldn't
write this if we didn't think they were cool enough to understand. The
story in this MiSTing belongs to Adam McPartlin, to whom we mean no actual
hatred or physical violence. If he doesn't like this treatment of his story,
he should write a better one.
A Note for the Webpage version Only: The brackets surrounding 'Onslaught'
when he spoke in his psi-voice were changed for this version, due to the
fact that in HTML format, it read them as an instruction to italicize the
rest of the story.
> At that moment the potentially omnipotent young mutant
> ther room had been torn up and James was gone. "Computer: notify
> Ms. Frost and Dr. Drake that Megamorph is missing."
>
>
>
> ::All students report to the ready room immediatly:: said Dr.
> Drake's voice over the intercom.
>
> Within five minutes 2000-X were assembled in full uniform
> at the ready room.
>
Tom: Don't touch them! The glue's still drying!
> island in the Pacific. It would be a good training exercise for you
> children to rescue him. Remember, whoever kidnapped
> Megamorph is able to handle any of his alternate forms."
Tom: Well, maybe it's a headcount reduction thing.
> team to the island.
>
> The first thing they noticed were over a hundred soldiers
> with laser rifles pointed at them. "I think we're in trouble, don't
> ye?" said Anubis.
>
> To Be Continued...
Mike: Alright...I think we need to do something before the next part
begins. Come here, Crow. [grabs Crow's "ears" and drags him off-stage,
carrying Tom with his other arm.]
> Subject: Repost: 2000-X ch.2
>
> **All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis
> Base belong to Marvel Comics. Everything that doesn't belong to
> Marvel Comics belongs to Adam McPartlin.
> stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be distributed/used
> mavr@awod.com
> 2000-X
> Chapter 2
>
> The first thing the members of 2000-X noticed were
> around a hundred and fifty soldiers armed with laser rifles.
Mike: Huh?
> raise a telekinetic field around us. Psyber and Venus, you and I
will
> invurnable." Anubis said.
Tom: Great, they're spontaneously mutating now.
> unconscious,
> forces of the soldiers and attacking them with the organic debris
in
> the sand. Meanwhile Venus was using a more "hands on" approach.
Mike: I wanna be captured next! I wnna be captured next!
Tom: No, me next!
> give out.
Crow: Yeah, real powerful superhero. How long did his powers last?
Thirty seconds?
> way only Magneto had accomplished successfully. He disrupted
> the ambient magnetic energy around the island, causing a loss of
> power to all electronic equipment. It took only moments for
> 2000-X to defeat the soldiers now that they didn't have energy
> armor of laser rifles.
Crow: When did they get energy armor?
Tom: The same time that guy got electrokinesis.
Mike: Where's Tattoo?
> greatest enemy of 2000-X's predecessors, Generation X. He is
> called
> I would invite you in but
Crow: Yeah, and take off your shoes before you come in!
All: SHOES!
> it. Hellions, attack."
>
> As the small band of mutants called the Hellions approached,
> the team members ran the dossiers through their minds. First, their
> was Bulwark, a mutant who could increase his size on command.
Mike: And then there's his sidekick, "Bob".
> change his state of matter. Next was Murmur, a mutant who
> opened teleportals.
Crow: Teleporters...why do they always have to have teleporters?
> With the ability to cause a fatal disease in all he touches, D.O.A.
is
> one of the most dangerous of the Hellions.
>
> First, D.O.A. lad
> disease. Anubis was dead immediately.
Crow: One down, eight to go!
> for his immortality kicked in
> happening the rest of 2000-X were fighting off the Hellions. Venus
> was fighting Bulwark
> for punch.
[Mike pulls out the screwdriver. Tom looks over at Mike and giggles.
Crow looks over at Mike, who promptly hides the screwdriver behind his
back.]
> every time one of them fired a shot Murmur vanished and hit them
> from behind.
>
> Warrior and Pendragon were busy keeping D.O.A. from
> getting to any of his teammates,
Mike: Yeah, why doesn't he go after someone who deserves death, like
Adam McPartlin?
> Vincente. None of 2000-X were making very much headway until
> Anubis fully recovered.
> With those words Anubis completely absorbed the life
> forces of the Hellions.
Mike: Don't ask, Crow.
> life forces enough so their enemies would live, they found that there
> was no energy left to restore. Even Anubis couldn't transfer the
> essence into the villains.
> advantage. It supercharged Anubis' powers. He could put enough
> of the energy into the inorganic matter around him that he could
> put it in the "zombie" state that usually follows his life absorption.
> He used the ground beneath Emplate's feet to trap him.
> > "Did you truly think that this physical cage could trap me."
Mike: Yeah, it's McCartney Island.
Crow: What about Ringo?
Tom: That's where Onslaught went.
Mike: And Yoko Ono?
Tom: We only wish she had her own dimension.
> journey was different.
> empowered a thousand fold.
Tom: No, no, no...it's 'living impaired'.
> their murderer. Then he realized that Anubis was using his power
> over the dead to give them their powers back. He quickly shunted
> back into our dimension.
>
> "You may be able to keep me in this plane,
Mike: Oh, there's Tattoo.
> defenseless. Megamorph, attack."
>
> At that moment the potentially omnipotent young mutant
> called Megamorph and teammate of 2000-X stepped into the battle.
> "Please help.......... YOURSELVES!"
Crow: And we need it. Hey, I know, let's play super-heroes!
Tom: OK, let's go...
Crow: Oh, come on, you looked cute in a bikini.
> Subject: 2000-X ch.3/?
Tom: Don't say it, don't say it...
> **All characters and places except 2000-X students and Atlanis
> Base belong to Marvel Comics. Everything that doesn't belong to
> Marvel Comics belongs to Adam McPartlin.
Mike: No, I think we went over this already.
> stories belonging to Adam McPartlin may be distributed/used
> mavr@awod.com
>
> ***This chapter contains graphic accounts of violent death.
Mike: We should be so lucky.
> do not enjoy reading this material, please do not read on.
Tom: I don't think so.
Mike: And if you do enjoy reading this material, please seek professional
help.
> 2000-X
> Chapter 3
>
> At that moment the potentially omnipotent young mutant
> called Megamorph and teammate of 2000-X stepped into the battle.
> "Please help.......... YOURSELVES!"
> pure diamond. Falcon, Raven, Waverider and Psyber hit him with
> everything they had. Even though the energy wielded by the four
> far overpasses that of a nuclear blast, there was no effect on the
> diamond entity.
> was designed so that the energy was refracted toward it's senders.
> went to attack Venus,
> telekinetic energy. Immediately following Venus,
> Psyber psilinked and attacked Megamorph.
>
> By this time Megamorph transformed into Onslaught. Their
> psiblast had absolutely no effect on the Onslaught impersonator.
Tom: No, that's an Elvis impersonator.
>
> However, Onslaught was unprepared for the presence of
> Magneto, Master of Magnetism.
Tom: No, Venus has spontaneously mutated the power of plot contrivance.
> stopped the magnetic wave and returned it to it's source.
>
> "Villain, how dare you attack these children," shouted
> Magneto.
> As Magneto prepared to send the finishing blast toward
> Onslaught, Anubis sent,
> {{I MAY NOT BE ONSLAUGHT BUT I DO HAVE HIS
> POWER.}} said Megamorph in the psi voice of Onslaught.
>
> {No longer.} said Anubis as he activated his power to
> absorb life force energy. {As much as I hate to do this, I cannot
> allow ye to hurt anyone.}
> to absorb enough of the ambient energy to control Megamorph's
> mind. He forced Megamorph into his natural form, and then locked
> away his consciousness.
Tom: Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Mike: No. No, it's definitely not bigger than a breadbox.
> "Anubis, we must return to the academy. I sense
> that something is happening." said Venus.
>
> distraught leader of 2000-X
>
>
> As the energy pattern that was is visual manesfestation of Venus'
> transpatial powers appeared on the premises of the Massachusetts
> Academy, 2000-X was left in a state of awe.
> The entire campus had been completely destroyed. All of
> the instructional facilities and offices had been burned to the
> ground. The Boisphere had nothing but a few ashes left of it.
> "What happened here? Did Dr. McCoy accidentaly detonate
> a nuclear bomb" said Warrior, the team's muscle man
> dead body of Artie Maddicks. The young psionic mutant in the
> care of the Academy.
> Psyber
> force.
>
> As the energy from Anubis increased it's flow into the
> deformed body of young Artie, his vital signs came back into
> existence. However, such a recovery doesn't come without a cost.
> massive for Raven and Falcon to heal, and the psi's of the group
> could tell immediately that the child had rreceivedextensive brain
> damage.
> Pendragon, possibly the most powerful of the group.
Tom: Yeah, this guy can't keep his powers going for more than thirty
seconds at a time.
Mike: But they can still cuddle, right?
> station. The rest of you split up and find Ms. Frost, Dr. Drake and
> Leach."
>
>
> In a few moments, Venus' transpatial energy patterns
> coalesced on the X-Men's Atlantis Base. As soon as the trio
> arrived
> the X-Men were put into action.
>
> The first duty was to stabilize Artie's vital signs. All of the
> Psi's on the base worked with him to try and repair the damage to
> both his physical mind and his psyche.
Tom: Wait a second, which of the X-Men are supposed to be qualified
to do brain surgery?
Crow: Wolverine?
> with any medical knowledge
> body of the boy. After eight hours of grueling work, Artie
> Maddicks died of massive Cerebral Hemorrhaging.
Tom(as Cyclops): Wolverine, get your claws out of the kid's head!
> Men.
> battle,
> a hole deep into the spirit of the X-Men.
Tom: Geez, I don't see why they're all so depressed. I mean, it was
probably just his cyborg clone from an alternate future that went into
a death-like state only to be resurrected by Mister Sinister to destroy
the X-Men, once and for--
Mike: Um, Tom? Could we get on with the fanfic, please? It's almost
over...
Tom: Oh, OK.
Crow: In her outfit, Psylocke is probably the cold X-Man.
> vengeance on whoever caused this tragedy.
> worst was yet to come.
> called Megamorph and teammate of 2000-X stepped into the battle.
> "Please help.......... YOURSELVES!"