Meagan Duty
Most guys out there can probably relate to this story. As for the girls, don’t be offended, just don’t be crazy. I do have to warn you though, this story may get a little graphic. With that said, I’ll begin. Back in high school I had my regular group of friends that I hung out with. There were always others, of course, but the main group consisted of Nick, Dave, Myself, and whoever we were dating at the time. As friendship goes, you couldn’t be much closer than we were. We always used to say that nothing would come between us. We even set up ground rules to insure it.
Eventually, though, something did come between us. And, as is often the case with high school guys, it was a woman. The ground rules couldn’t even touch this one. The girl was Meagan, Nicks girlfriend. I don’t know what it was but the second they met she had him wrapped around her finger. She wasn’t terribly pretty, nor did she have an attractive attitude to make up for it. What she did have was a strong game. She would threaten to leave him, suicide, whatever it took to make sure she got her way. And she always got her way. Nick was to be with her at all times. I swear, the kid used to take a bathroom break during every class just so he could walk past her class. It was psychotic.
Nick was our friend though, so we didn’t judge. We just missed our friend. We always invited them to our parties and they always came. Meagan had this serious weed up her ass. She would come to the party, stake out a spot on the couch, and just bitch. All night long, she was there, bitching away, making our parties as dull and un - fun as she possibly could.
It seemed that there was no hope. We were ready to just say goodbye to our friend for good, when finally there was a break through. I don’t remember who figured it out, or how, but what I do know, was that when you got that girl drunk she was actually fun! There was a fly in the ointment though. She hated the taste of alcohol and she refused to even look at beer. Thus, to insure the visitation rights of our friend, an to fulfill our desires to actually have fun at a party, we invented Meagan duty.
Each time we were having a party we would gather together five or six of us and draw straws. Short straw got Meagan duty, everyone else chipped in on the bottle. People always complained about it but I thought it was a great deal. So you have to baby-sit an annoying, psychotic bitch for one night, at least you got a free bottle out of it right? Besides, you get her drunk quick, and then you’ve got the rest of the night, and the rest of the bottle. That’s what I thought, until I drew the short straw.
The guys gave me a big old bottle of Absolut Vodka, my favorite. The only thing Dave’s parents had to mix it with was orange juice but that was ok, I like screwdrivers. Meagan came in, and found her usual ass groove on the couch. “Vodka, I don’t like Vodka.” I knew already that this was going to be a long night but I had no idea how long.
In order to get Meagan to drink the vodka I made her a deal. I took two wine glasses. I filled the first glass with vodka, and just a tiny little splash of orange juice. I filled the second glass with orange juice, and just a tiny little splash of vodka. I told her that with every two vodka drinks I slammed she would have to slam one orange juice drink. She agreed, and within a half hour the bottle was gone. Meagan had loosened up, but I was smashed.
Dave came over and informed me that my mom was on the phone. We liked to play little pranks on each other when we were fucked up so that’s what I assumed this was. I was wrong. I remember my mom saying something about wanting me to come home and I just said “yea, yea, whatever. Who is this?” With three little words out of my mom’s mouth I was sober. “Are you high?”
“Uh, no. No, don’t be ridiculous mom.” I never was a good liar. She countered with an ultimatum, if I didn’t come home right now she was going to call the police and have the party busted. I couldn’t have that on my head so I agreed to come home. By this point I couldn’t even walk much less drive. Mark’s brother,who had stopped in for a bit to drop off Mark, was just heading out and he agreed to swing me home. For some reason I had assumed that he was sober when in reality he was nearly as bad as I was. The whole way home he stopped at every green light and ran every red one.
Somehow I had escaped death long enough to get home, but the night was far from over. When we pulled into the driveway I saw my mom peaking out the window so I knew that at least the party was safe. When I was a kid my dad had built me a treefort out back and over the years I had convinced my parents that I slept out there when I was to pissed to deal with them. In reality, I hated sleeping out there, the only reason I ever did it was because I was way to fucked up to try and socialize.
It took a while but I managed to drag myself up there. It was there that I learned a valuable lesson. Never drink and then get into a hammock. At first you’re just swaying back and forth slightly. Then faster. Faster still. Before you know it you’re spinning around and around and around again. Yes I got sick. That’s an understatement. I actually had filled the entire floor of the treefort. The alcohol was really starting to kick in at this point. I couldn’t lay in the hammock anymore so I decided to lay on the floor of the tree fort. Before you say gross, let me tell you my plan. I would just open the door and let all the puke drain out. Maybe I had a bit too much to drink.
This continued all night. When I couldn’t puke anymore I dry - heaved for a few more hours. When I finally stopped I wanted nothing else in the world than my bed. I climbed down and went into the garage. I figured my parents would probably still be asleep. I couldn’t very well go in looking the way I did so I came up with yet another brilliant plan. I took off all my clothes and hid them in the garage. When I opened up the door there were my parents, having their morning coffee. I walked right past them, naked, and covered in puke. I thought I was so smooth. They didn’t know a thing. They actually let me get as far as my room before coming up and torturing me.
That was the first and last Meagan duty I ever participated in. I am happy to report that I survived, I may have lost a few brain cells, but nothing I can’t live without. I haven’t seen any of those people in years. Sometimes I am glad for that, but still others...