College Physics

College physics, in case you've succeeded in forgetting what it was like:

I must premise this story by saying that physics is a nightmare course, and that when considering the liklihood of actually passing this course, it necessary to skew your perception slightly. Those who cannot do this must drop the course after the first test and immediately change there major to either philosophy or enlish (suicide is also an option, but none of these are terribly practical).

Test day I went to the library around 8am. I didn't have to worry about my avit class because the prof has agreed to excuse prof Pinnicks students on test days due to the fact that we refuse to show up anyway. Anyway, when I got to the library I was not surprised to see what was probably all 150 or so students in the class hammering down coffee and blankly staring at their textbooks. This happens every test day. Groups of 4 - 6 form at tables across all three floors of the library. Since it is very common for all six people in a group to be stumped on a particular problem, we have formed a simple exchange student program. One or more students will go to another table, tap another student on the shoulder, and switch places with them for 20 minutes or so. In fact, this happens so often that I believe I now know all 150 students by both first and last names.

The test is divided into different section times. A third of the class takes it at 10am-noon, and then 1-3pm, and finally my class from 3-5pm. When the 10am class got out, one of the guys came over to the library. His girlfriend is in my class, so he wrote a page about what he could remember of what was on the test. Unfortunately he didn't know any of the answers to these questions so it wasn't exactly like cheating, we'll just call it an advanced study aid. One of the girls in the class got a hold of the paper, made copies, and distributed it across the library.

I went to the test actually believing I was prepared. I am so ignorant that way. I sat down, stared at the first question for a minute, and then let out a long sigh as I prepared to fail yet another test. I should mention that while I received a C on the first test, I have recieved progressively worse grades on each test since. Why should this one be any different, right?

It wasn't that the guy gave us the wrong questions, or that the questions had changed any, but that the questions are written in such a way that they have very specific answers. The book takes a much simpler approach and is absolutely useless when faced with the typical Pinnick question.

I glanced around hoping to spot the same dispair on the faces of my classmates. What I saw, however, was much more amusing. At least 5 different people opened up their calculators to reveal a cheat sheet taped to the inside covers. Kicking myself for not having thought of this, I pressed on. One guy walked up and asked the prof a question. When he returned to his seat the guy next to him asked "what did you ask him?"

The student told him what he had asked. "What did he answer?"

Again the student told him, without the slightest hint of the prof looking up. "Does that somehow help you in any way?"

The student chuckled and said "well, it helped me to just skip this question and go onto the next one."

I saw a number of students working together but unfortunately the girl that sat next to me is in my study group and I know first hand that working with her would only waste valuable time. As usual I was fucked and just had to except that.

Today we got our tests back. I was the first one there, and upon seeing the 55/100 circled in red pen I felt the need to say "fuck" despite the fact that I wasn't terribly disappointed to see it. I have to at least appear to be discouraged when the guy who's going to be grading my final is leaning over me, you understand. He told me not to worry about it too much but wouldn't tell me what that meant. When he left the room I took the opportunity to dig through the rest of the classes test scores. The lowest score I found was a 12. That however, was not the astonishing thing. I had the highest score in my section.

As the other students began to show up, and dig out their own tests, a mini revolt began. Prof Pinnick, I think in part fearing for his own safety, announced that the average score was in the 20-30 percent range. He did unfortunately say that someone in one of the other sections did get an 81. I don't even need to ask who it was. This little bitch who sits behind me in the regular class. She's like 15 and way to smart for her own good. She alway bitches about how hard Pinnicks tests are but consistantly breaks the curve for the rest of us. That's not totally true, she did fail one test. I am proud to say that I laughed when she showed it to me.

On the way out I ran into one of the girls in my study group. She refused to tell me what score she got, so it must have been worse than mine. The first word out of her mouth when I told her I got a 55 was "congratulations." Only in Pinnicks class can you get a sincere congratulations for failing a test. I have a bet going with a couple other guys in the class. Whoever gets the lowest score gets a beer from the rest of us. The idea is that if you fail worse than everyone else, at least you can get drunk and forget about it. I haven't lost this bet yet, but as bets go, it's not a bad one to lose.