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BIBLICAL YOUNG WOMANHOOD
Pillars in Our Father's House
July 1999
Many of us, the older daughters of the conservative homeschool movement, have arrived at a crossroads. As we enter young womanhood we are thinking about what we are going to do with our lives. We must choose between the well-trod, broad, easy path, or the less-walked, narrow road that we know pleases God. We must search the Scriptures and ask the Lord to show us His way.
We commonly hear: "When you graduate from high school you need to strike out alone and become your own woman." So you turned eighteen... In God's eyes, does that mean that you are no longer supposed to stay with your family under your parents' protection, like you did when you were seventeen? The Scripture reveals that God placed people into families, for it was not good for us to be alone. ("It was not good for Adam to be alone." Gen. 2:18) Why do we feel we should become an independent individual?
When a woman gets married, her identity transfers from her father's family to her husband's family. When a father walks down the aisle with his daughter on her wedding day, he gives her away to her husband. That is supposed to mean that her father is no longer responsible to provide for her financially or spiritually. He is not her "covering" anymore. The daughter then leaves her father and cleaves to her groom. No longer does she daily support her father, submit to him, and work to please him, bless him and honor him, like she had before. Though he is still very dear to her, she will leave her father and transfer this devotion to her husband.
Today, fathers walking their daughters down the aisle may simply be following tradition, unaware of the true meaning in the action. In reality, a father has usually given his daughter up years before, when she went away to school, to a job outside the home, or to a mission field. Instead of continuing to be a vital member and participant in her family, she became an individual, or "her own woman," with her own life. Many women getting married today aren't leaving their father's family. They left them years before. Instead, they are trying to leave their independence behind and cleave and submit to their newly wed husbands, but sadly many of those independent ways and attitudes carry over into marriage.
The church has been slowly saturated with feminist beliefs. It isn't just the world that we have to stand up against anymore. Strong opposition comes from church friends when a young woman decides to stay at home. Many Christians understand it is right for mothers to be keepers at home, but single young women? Accusations are common. "Are you going to waste your youth doing dishes and laundry?" "Your family already has a mother. They don't need you to take care of them!" "Single women are supposed to serve the Lord. Aren't you going to do something for God during your youth?" "What if you never get married? Are you just going to stay at home for the rest of your life?" "Are you afraid to find your own way in the world?" "Tied to your mother's apron strings, eh?" Though these comments aren't always said in such a blunt manner, the little disapproving statements, shakes of the head, and the disappointed looks clearly communicate the message.
Sadly, many Christian girls do seek out an independent life apart from their families. At age 18, it is just assumed that this is the way it is, the way it should be and the way it always will be. They never even question if this is the way God wants it to be. Edith Schaeffer, in her book _What is a Family_, wrote: "Confusion exists among many girls today because of some of the things put forth by the women's liberation movement. There are girls today who fear that they are giving in to a weakness if they show longing or interest in being mothers and homemakers."
Karl Marx, in _The Communist Manifesto_, said, "Do away with the status of women as mere instruments of production." Women (young women included!), according to communism, feminism, and worldly wisdom, should exert their personal identity and strive to be more than mere homemakers, servants to their families, or "instruments of production," as Marx said with scorn. What values and what truth are we basing our life decisions upon? Let us be that which the communist and the feminist (and dare I say, the feminist in us?) despise the most, "instruments of production." We are servants of the King!
Girls, are we trying to "Christianize" the feminist movement? Instead of going to a secular school, we go to a Bible school. Instead of finding a job in the secular work place, we find a job with a Christian employer, and call it ministry. We are still leaving our homes and the fathers God has placed over us as our covering. Notice that the single young women in the Bible, who were noted for their ministry, were still submitted to their coverings. The four prophetesses in the New Testament that Paul talked about were called "Philip's daughters." They gave honor to their father's name. They were not independent individuals. They were not under some other ministry, led by another man. They were still at home, under their father's covering as were Rebekah, Mary, Rachel, and Leah. Miriam led the Israelite women in worship, and since she did not have a father, she was submitted to her brothers, Moses and Aaron. So where is a single woman's place? What is she to do? She can't count on getting married, so what should she do with her life?
Psalms 144:12 says, "...That our daughters might be as pillars, sculptured in palace style." What a special place for us to fill, to be such a support to our families that we are like a pillar! How blessed our families would be to have daughters who are devoted to serving them, as unto the Lord--daughters who see what needs to be done and do it quietly without being asked, daughters who daily pray for their family and pour out their lives, not just physically, but also spiritually. Our families all need daughters who are content being keepers at home.
Many young women have never even heard of the concept of living with their parents for the rest of their lives, if they were never to marry. Once a girl asked me: "I mean, if you were forty, wouldn't you want a little space of your own? At least a little trailer on your parents' land?" I love living in my parents' home! I can't imagine ever moving out for the purpose of declaring my independence or of having my own space. Mary and Martha did not each get their own apartment; they lived together with their brother, Lazarus.
I know God placed me in my family and I belong at home. This is where He wants me to minister both spiritually and practically. Even if I never get married, I would live with my family, and help my parents in their old age. I would also serve my adult brothers and their wives and children.
As we are faithful at home, the Lord will provide opportunities to serve the other believers in our lives and the people of our communities. Christian young women who are committed to prayer and Christ-like servanthood will make a difference.
Corrie ten Boom, as a young woman, prayed for the families on her street, that they would come to know Jesus as their personal Savior. Years later, she sat with 19 girls at some sort of camp, and those 19 girls could all trace family members who had been saved, to one of the families from the same street where Corrie lived as a young woman!
There are so many ways in which we can be a blessing. How about writing notes of encouragement to elderly shut-ins, to someone who is sick, or to a missionary family? There are a lot of elderly folks and moms who would appreciate help doing things like ironing or baking. How about delivering a hot meal complete with dessert? A mom recently shared with me what a blessing a friend's daughter in her church was to her. She would just offer, "I'd like to cut out some clothes for your little girls, to help you get started on your sewing." God will work through women who are ready to serve.
I like to think about Rebekah going about her daily tasks. At a moment's notice she took on the big job of drawing water for ten thirsty camels. I doubt it was on just that one occasion, when Rebekah was moved by God through Eliezer's prayer, that she offered to help. I think she was in the practice of looking for opportunities to lend a helping hand.
Let's ask God to open our eyes to biblical young womanhood. With Jesus' help let's be the women God created us to be. Let us find our identity, not in ourselves or in being our own women, but rather in fulfilling our God-given place in our father's, or husband's, household. Let's start with what God has given us and be faithful, serving with a song of praise on our lips and a joyful heart. Let's be willing to let God work in our lives and sculpt us into beautiful pillars like those in a palace, daughters of the King!
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