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new poems by nnnn s. disclaimer: i'm aware that this stuff is very amateur and probably rips off a bunch of people i read in high school. as odd as it sounds, i think this is mostly fictional. blah. 3.27.03 Posting some stuff already written in abridged version. oh man, watch the cheezy-ness on these ones. i think this is a funny representation of me cause i only post a small fraction of all my scribblings. it's like you're missing 3/4 of a looping track. this boils down to another disclaimer and advisement that these scribblings shouldn't be ascribed to me, as a person. rather to me, as a robot.
written 3.21.03 "I never want everything ever" I never want everything, ever (what precipitates is so emotional)
Your loveliness is teasing and if you know I still love you why do we make this wonderful charade I love it. because to be with you but not be your burden to touch you never hurts you I never injure you -- There is nothing closer to heaven.
some day bursts with a hard bounce I'll be like 'banded' until then -- this.
written 2.24.03 you cradle me into sleep detaching me from you you from me (sex is fury and buries us in its wake.) when was the last time we wrote each other stories?
3.17.03 What's with writing love poems in these times? I think I must write in my stapling fliering emailing angering phone calls to mr. wazoo. and during all that, i have these wilco dreams that i keep silent. so this is the vent. frivolity - is that a word? i can only be self-mocking. at least in the last "stanza"
"Once you held my hand w/o meaning to" A vulnerability wincing a tenderness smarting at its own instant reflection
throw away -- discard -- the most beautiful thing I have ever felt
(yes) I hate for dreaming I love with cutting corners So that in some pocket there remains my sweetest being my most acute mostsuffering mostbending mostnumbing mostcringing mostboring(!) anxiety of loveliness
sigh in your sneeze and pulse your blinking so that you may be true & blue vibrant and growing loving and loving.
2.24.03
posted 3.7.03. written 2.24.03: struggle to talk to people literally, so i take to writing poetry. am fairly sure that i'm not really writing to anyone real. take this is fiction, might as well be. all poems in this section untitled. you rendered yourself inaccessible to me (As I was to you?) Now I only hear in bits pieces - from people who were strangers until I- began to dream of you and your world entered mine - that you are affected by a disappearance that did not strike me but dulled me did not haunt me but called me with all the possibilities make-believe all the futures lapsed.
No more quizzical glances Almost, if chances If you mourn something that never was is it because you are fixed on morbidity?
posted 3.7.03. written 2.24.03: same as above I don't hate myself for not loving (this is a new characteristic of me) But retracing steps Hedging old bets I would have done things differently. * I don't even know why I'm writing you I don't know why I'm writing you I don't know why I'm writing you Because this world is a cold, dying place And sojourns are brief fleeing. posted 3.7.03. written 2.24.03: same as above How can I hand you poetry I only ever see pain in your eyes otherwise. - not a surprise - I see nothing you're gone gone with a quick quick suggestion of magnificence I can't help but remember you've always seemed this way.
posted 3.7.03. written 2.24.03: same as above Will you hate me If I Tell You I'm writing you a letter With a love-song header About everything I'll never believe You make me wish I was somehow different.
It's your beauty that startles me into awake And I can't help but want to pick apart the mistakes clawing at my life.
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