Hello to all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. My name is Andrea and I have a testimony that I would love to share with you.
I am very blessed to have made it to the age of 33. Without Christ, I suspect that my former life style would have prohibited me from doing so.
I grew up as the youngest of four children in a loving family who taught me about Christ. I was very secure in the fact that I was loved and my heart was very full for them as well. The only problem was, loving myself.
Somewhere along the way I got the idea that a person’s worth was based solely on their outward appearance. And although I had a “pretty face” I had a weight problem. This problem affected the way I acted, the way I felt and, most unfortunately, the image I had of myself.
I had many friends growing up, but there were those who were very cruel and unaccepting. It was those very people that I wanted to look and be like and would do anything to impress.
So, when all the “cool” kids got into drugs and alcohol so did I. This behavior carried over into my high school years and into adulthood.
I was the cool party chick who could out-drink all the guys. I had a great job and always had money in my pocket to buy a case of beer and a bag of weed and always had plenty to share. But still, After all the parting was done and everyone went home to their girlfriends and wives, once again, I was all-alone. All I wanted was for someone to love and to love me. And all I got was a bunch of 'guy' friends who wanted to know where the party was.
Sure, there were a couple of loser boyfriends here and there, who I let use me, and use me they did, for money, for drugs, for sex; but Love me? No. And looking back, how could they? I didn’t love myself. I had a few girlfriends, mostly from work. I was a hair-stylist. But I mostly hung out with guys because everytime I went out with the girls, they would get the men and I would end up jealous, mad and feeling sorry for myself.
There was one friend from work whom I was especially fond of. Most people never knew the way I felt about myself. Because I never told them, but I told her. She was shocked. “I don’t understand, you are so beautiful!”, she told me.
We became very close. I taught her about God and we would talk about Him for hours. She would build me up and make me feel like I was worth something. I didn’t feel self-conscious around her. I had no reason to. She loved me, extra pounds and all. She was the only True Friend I ever had.
For her 21st birthday, I took her to my favorite place to celebrate. For the first time ever, I wasn’t there to find a man. I was there to spend time with my Friend! And, for the first time, I did not go home feeling sorry for myself.
Then one day the world, as I knew it, ended. I got a phone call that my Friend had a massive heart attack (at the age of 21) and that she had collapsed and died at the salon. She had a congenital heart disease that was never detected. But whatever the reason, she was gone.
This is when things got really bad for me. I began to drink even heavier, getting drunk at least 4 times a week and all weekend long. I was up to five joints a day, even getting high at work. But it didn’t stop there. A so-called “friend” introduced me to cocaine. And this was the beginning of the end.
If it weren’t for the fact that I needed money for the booze and drugs, I wouldn’t have gone back to work at all. It was like she was still there. Her things, the station where she had worked, she was everywhere, but no where to be found.
I was so utterly filled with grief that it became my constant shadow. So I did my work, got my pay, bought my drugs and hung out with my buddies. This lasted for at least a year until “That Night!”
I went to a bar to see a friend of mine and his band. After the gig, he had invited me back to his place to party. For once, I didn’t have to buy the drugs, he had taken care of everything.
I couldn’t wait to get that first "line". Little did I know it would be my last "line".
It burned all the way down my throat and into my stomach. My sinuses felt like they were on fire. I had never experienced that before. “Good stuff!”, I thought. Yeah, great stuff. My heart was racing wildly. About an hour later I asked this so-called friend to please take me home. I wasn’t feeling good.
I lay in my bed terrified. Trying to concentrate on my breathing, not being able to breathe. I needed to use the bathroom but I was afraid to move because when I did, my heart would beat even faster.
So I lay there until I heard my Mom in the hallway. I called to her to come into my room. I had to look her in the eyes and tell her, ”I did cocaine tonight and I think I am having a heart-attack. Please take me to the hospital.” I don’t know what hurt worse, my chest or seeing the look of total disappointment in her eyes. It’s a look I’ll never forget.
So, once again I was lying in a bed, but not my own. I was in the hospital, waiting for the emergency room doctor to come in. I had EKG wires all over me and I was wearing an oxygen mask. I just stared at the white ceiling, tears running down my face. It seemed I had been crying forever.
Suddenly, I hear this voice. “Andrea!” “What?”, I said looking around, but seeing no one. Then my eyes were opened and I knew, without a doubt, who was talking to me. “Andrea, make your choice.” “What choice Lord?”, I asked.
“This or ME! Choose this life and you will die, choose Me and you will live. What’s it going to be?” I felt the presence of the Lord so strongly, and dispite what many un-believers might say, I know, He was in the hospital, with me, that night. It was His voice that I heard and It was HIS love that saved me!
Well, I think you know what I chose. I chose LIFE! I have never since set eyes on drugs. No cravings, no temptation, nothing. All Gone! Gone because the "Blood of The Lamb" had washed me clean!
He washed me clean of cocaine, pot, alcohol, and a two pack a day cigarette habit. I didn’t need rehab or a nicotine patch. All I needed was to say, with an open heart, “I choose You Lord, I choose YOU!”
I have been clean for 6 years now, and I know that I will stay clean. I know that I am a beautiful person, inside and out and my husband tells me so everyday. Yes, I found the love of a man, but only after I had accepted The Lord’s love and started to love myself "as He loves me".
Drugs were a twisted, deadly deception. They gave me false courage, made me feel good and numbed the pain. But that way isn’t real! The Lord is real!
And, you know, the really ironic part of it all is this: I did all those things in an attempt to find love, when the Love was there all along. All I had to do was ask, and He has shown me "a love that surpasses all understanding".
And as for my Friend, well, I will always miss and love her, but I know I will see her again.
In Christ’s love! Bless you all Copyright©