|
|
Cris' Spin On Things
Top 20 List...just because.
by Cris Lockridge
Okay, so you can see that the Message On Faith isn't here...sorry it isn't. I thought that a little humor was in order (there is a new button being made of poop). There are two lists of 10 items apiece--sorry, Dave Letterman--thus, the "Top 20" title. Check out both of them; you will be quite disappointed afterwards.
Top 10 Signs Your Schizophrenic Buddy is Using Ephedra:
10. Never did anything before; now he still does nothing, only faster.
9. Swears he is eating less with this new diet pill. Truth is, the food is just gone more quickly.
8. Talks like Boomhoewer (let's pretend that is spelled correctly) from "King of the Hill."
7. Applies for 15 different Social Security cards on his lunch hour.
6. Isn't at all tired after both cheering and heckling two football teams simultaneously for three-and-a-half hours.
5. Knows all the words to "Thriller."
4. Never gets sick of telling himself the same joke.
3. Is named Cris Lockridge.
2. Dances a jig while singing, "I'm a yak, I'm a yak, I'm a yak, yak, yak."
And the number one sign that your schizo buddy is taking a supplement with ephedra:
1. Claims to have lost 20 personalities in only 30 days.
Top 10 Most (Least?) Shocking Things to Say:
10. "How do you like the Rocky Mountain oysters?"
9. "I hope YOU know where we are headed, because I sure don't."
8. "Go Bengals!"
7. "Well, hot darn. Shoot fire. Heavens to Betsy."
6. "I have dance fever! Yow! Dance for...I mean, WITH me! Do it!"
5. "We are having a sleepover at Michael's house. Wanna join?"
4. "I feel...a burning."
3. "Remember the time we woke up together in a bath tub?"
2. "My mental state is completely sterile."
And the number one most (least?) shocking thing to say:
1. "You've had an accident. You're going to be okay, BUT I brought a priest just in case."
SPECIAL BONUS SECTION:
My Spin on Things
by Cris Lockridge
1. Mmmmm, dry skin.
2. If you get too caught up on specifics, you WILL miss the point.
3. Has anyone seen Dustin around anywhere? 'Cause I am gettin' worried.
4. OKAY...what you wanna do is take a right turn off the Highway to Hell and go three miles, then you'll jump on the Stairway to Heaven, then take a left off of that...EXACTLY WHERE ARE YOU GOING, AGAIN?!
5. So I was sleeping one day and...never mind.
6. See, I know where Shawn is because...well, let's just say that I know where he is, but I don't know where J. is.
7. I rock!
8. Why am I even talking? It really does me no good.
9. What IS your purpose?
10. Hey look! I'm on "COPS " again!
11. "More pics coming soon, I promise!" LIES, ALL LIES!
12. Hey look! It's me...look how pathetic I am...someone please, take pity on me.
13. Not For Sale...but we do anything for money!
14. My eyes really do burn.
15. We are so lame...I group everyone with me because I get cold when I am alone.
16. Sorry, but we did all see that episode of "COPS," and we have come to the agreement that it WAS you.
17. Does anyone know how to tell if you have an eye infection...'cause I think I might have one.
18. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
19. I know what you are thinking..."What kind of music does Cris listen to?"...GOOD QUESTION. Michelle Branch, Amy Lee, Jewel and Alanis, just to name a few...NO, SERIOUSLY.
20. Gosh, that was stupid. Sad thing is, you don't know what.
21. MY EYES! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, SOMEONE GET ME SOME SALINE!
22. Hey there, beautiful (yes, I do mean YOU).
23. Be ever mindful of the rule of three...except when it comes to money, 'cause that don't come back.
24. That is called "KARMA," ladies and gentlemen. "What is he talking about," you might ask. Well, if you had written these little statements, you would know.
25. ROCK ON...ROCK ON...rock on...rock on...COME ON NOW! Can I quit yet?!..."It still sounds kinda off, Cris."
26. Sorry.
27. The presence surrounds us. It is in the earth and in the skies. In the air, fire, and water, making the Divine literally a breath away.
28. WOW, did I surprise you with a serious comment yet?
29. Steps in the dark and I can't hear a thing...
30. What's in a name? Does the Divine only answer to one name? If you get too caught up on names, you WILL miss the point.
31. Oooh, slipped another serious one in...heh. (Still have no clue, do ya?)
32. OUCH...STOP THAT!
33. When you put you foot in your mouth, it (your foot) gets spit on it.
34. Hey, check out my journal! Actually, don't. It is just ten minutes of your life that you will never get back.
35. When your contacts get milky, I guess it means that you should take them out or something.
36. When you assume, you make a butt out of you and me.
37. I just don't see how "cranberry juice" got turned into "CRANBERRY JUICE!"
38. Dustin, where are you? It is quite a Dusty Day...
39. Aaahhh! The poison ivy! It itches! It hurts...
40. Can you hear the voices?!
41. New stuff to look at and listen to...that sure would be nice.
42. Mariah, Mariah, pork in the morning...
43. Aw, come on, people! You are making D-Day cry.
44. WHOA! I can sound just like that dude singing!
45. I swear to my time.
46. Heck, I like it, and I have never liked any of the music that I am a part of.
47. Please help me. You must help me! I have unexpectedly soiled myself.
48. I also play for some jazz concerts every great once in a while.
49. I want to know who did it, and I want to know...NOW!
50. Blessings be to all.
Proud Member of The AGCS Network.
DISCLAIMER: Contents of this website are © 1998-2038 Loserville City Limits (LCL) and The AGCS Network unless otherwise expressly stated. This webpage and related pages are in no way affiliated with any other organization. All names, logos and trademarks are property of their respective owners.
Disclaimer: The AGCSWF is purely a work of fiction. All storylines, situations and characters depicted herein are fabricated. Any resemblance to actual individuals living or dead is entirely coincidental.
|
|
