Life Quotes

• I always wanted to be someone, but I should have been more specific. -- Lily Tomlin
• Words are seductive and dangerous material to be used with caution.-- Barbara Tuchman
• Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue. -- Andre Gide
• I want you, the american people, to know that you still have 2 of the 3 branches of the government working for you...And that ain't bad! --President from Mars Attacks!

SOME DEEP THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

• 1.   It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
• 2.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky  tire.
• 3.   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I  may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the hell alone.
• 4.   Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• 5.   Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• 6.   No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• 7.   Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• 8.   Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• 9.   It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
• 10.  It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
• 11.  If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• 12.  Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• 13.  If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• 14.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. t.
• 15.  If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• 16.  Don't squat with your spurs on.
• 17.  If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• 18.  If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
• 19.  Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
• 20.  Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
• 21.  Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• 22.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
• 23.  Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• 24.  A closed mouth gathers no foot.

• 25.  Duct tape is like the force;  it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
• 26.  There are two theories to arguing with women.  Neither one works.
• 27.  Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
• 28.  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• 29.  Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• 30.  We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.