You'd never forget to put on your seatbelt, or turn off the stove before leaving the house,or leave your wallet somewhere. Similar to the recorded celebrity voices in New York cabs that remind you to put on your seatbelt, Giuliani would put reminders everywhere, and since he was God, they would be designed just for you, in the celebrity voice of your choice. (Just think, you could have Shawn Connery reminding you to clean the litterbox.)

Your neighbor would be issued a divine ticket for $100 every time he started his lawnmower below your window at 7 am on a Saturday morning.

The slummiest, most drug-ridden section of your town would magically turn into a giant Disney store, just like 42nd Street.

You'll never have to be a prostitute, because Giuliani wouldn't allow it and he would create a Prostitute Relocation Program that provided job training and placement for former trick-turners.

Inspired by his appearance on Saturday Night Live, Giuliani will host his own TV show (on NBC, of course). Cokie Roberts will be his co-host and it will be titled "God and Cokie."

When you pray, your prayers will be answered only if you are concise and witty, because he won't have the patience to listen to people who aren't.

Giuliani will, with a click of his divine remote, erase all really bad television. Baywatch, Sunset Beach, Wheel of Fortune and the entire TNT network, among others, will disappear forever (Baywatch will, however, remain on-air in Germany.) Conan O'Brien will rule; Judge Judy will be given her own channel called the "Don't Take No Crap Channel."

Giuliani, an occasional cross-dresser, will make Rupaul the official Saint of Transsexuality and punish discrimination and hate crimes against gays and transsexuals with eternal trash pickup in five inch heels. (Hey I never said Giuliani would be a MERCIFUL God.)

You could drink all you want, it won't be a sin, as long as you take a cab home. If you drink and drive only once, Giuliani will punish you by granting you an $80,000 BMW, then turning it into a Geo Metro the next time you get in it drunk. With an irremovable bumper sticker that says "Go Grandma Go." Ouch.

If you're good, you'll go to Heaven. If you're bad, you'll go to New Jersey.

If you want to know more about Giuliani, go to www.ci.nyc.ny.usand you can read about the mayor, his press releases, hear and see the mayor through sound and video files, and EMAIL him so you too can support "GIULIANI FOR GOD!"

Email the "GIULIANI FOR GOD" Campaign