"Some people come into our lives quickly and then go. some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same." ~unknown~

"A part of you has grown in me, together forever we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart" ~unknown~

"It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story" ~native american saying~

"you never loose by loving, you onl loose by holding back"

"It's alright letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back

"Don't sweat the petty things and pet the sweaty things."

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

" Atheism is a non-prophet organization."

" If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?"

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?"

"Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?"

"Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?"

"If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?"

" And whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?"

"I can please only one person per day. Today s not your day. Tomorrow isnt looking good either."

"I dont have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem."

"Last night in bed looking up in the stars in the sky, and i thought to my self, "where the hell is the ceiling?"

"Minds are like parachutes, they work best when open."

"Just because you are smart, dosent mean the other guy is stupid."

"If nothing sticks to teflon, how does it stick to the pan?"

"We have a strange and wonderful relationship, your strange and I am wonderful."

"If at first you dont suceed, the heck with it."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can javoid all together."

"If swimming is so good for you, how do you explain whales?"

"Not one shred of evdence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."

"The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets."

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who havent got enough courage to bite people themselves."

"My reality check bounced."

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it a hostage situation?"

"should vegatarians eat animal crackers?"