Zac looked out the window.
He had not expected time to fly by nearly so fast. But it had, and regardless, he was now watching
soft white flakes of snow drift to the ground.
He sat quietly, thinking.
They had started school three months ago. Three months! Their fame had grown, they had not become the screaming sensation their friends were,
but then again, they attracted a different crowd.
Dorin had yet to find a girlfriend he liked. He had tried dating a girl at their school, but he hadn't found her to be a click with him.
As far as Zac could tell, Mercy and Taylor were going nowhere. They should be3 for crying out loud! Mercy was 16 in 14 days, and taylor would be 17 soon too.
Time flew.
Jeremy had moved out. Already flown the nest, and it had been quite obvious that the stress that had been laid on Dorin had hurt him greatly.
Jeremy knew Dorin didn't like Nikki, and yet, for some reason, Jeremy didn't care. Nikki was a nice girl. Nothing like Eric had been, and Dorin liked that much of her,
but she had this problem. A drinking problem, a drug problem. Jeremy so far had managed to keep that away from himself, let her do it. But Dorin and the rest of his family understood that
the chances of him keeping away from it were not good.
"Hey Zac, whatcha doin'?"
Mercy walked from the kitchen, a chocolate chip cookie in hand.
"Nothing."
"Oh. Snow is pretty huh."
Outside the swirls of white held zac's attention. They fell to the ground so softly, no trouble.
"Yeah."
"Zac?"
He turned to her.
"You okay?"
He looked down at his hands.
Everything piled on top of everything else. It made him panick sometimes. Right now, he could tell Mercy was about to explode. She wasn't really dating Taylor, but she wasn't really not dating him.
On top of that, Dorin moped around the house while Isaac stayed at Angie's, and Jeremy, well, Zac was having a hard time keeping that one a secret.
Jeremy had come to him, worridly, almost panicked, telling zac how he and nikki had problems, and that she may be pregnant.
Zac had almost punched his brother. 17....a father. Hell no. Not now.
It was the least of his problems however.
Christmas was supposed to be a happy time. A time where your friends and family got into spirit, baked, talked, sat around doing nothing.
Play in the snow, build snowmen.
Zac couldn't.
Either could Zac hanson.
Zac Hanson couldn't because of screaming girls. They were always around his house, he went outside when he thought it was safe.
But Zac couldn't do it because of a different reason.
People made him paranoid these days.
He couldn't figure out why, couldn't tell himself to stop.
They scared him, made him nervous to talk, made him shrink to them.
It shouldn't be that way, but it was turning bad. Sour. He was going back to some younger stage, where no one talked to him and he was glad.
He didn't want to, but then again, he didn't want to then either.
"Where your bud?"
"Dunno."
"wanna call him?"
"Sure."
Zac stood up, walked to the phone and dialed.
"Would ya ask if Tay could come over? Pleaseeee? For your sis?"
Zac looked at his friend.
"Han! Shut up!"
"Just giving you pointers!"
"Well don't."
Zac snapped.
Turning back to his music, he put on his headphones, humming lightly to himself.
Zac hanson turned to Mercy.
"Mey? Why is he in such a bad mood?"
She shrugged.
"Sorry dude."
Zac hanson sighed.
"Okay, can we try it once from the top, then we'll work on needed areas."
Zac stood in front of one Mike, staring vacantly out at his sister.
"Stop staring."
Raising her hands in defiance, Mercy spun around, walking out the door.
Over the past couple months, they had worked on various sounds, other small songs they had written but not produced on their first album.
"Good one Zac."
"Who are you to talk?"
"Who am I to talk? Who are you to talk? You seem to have gone down hill or somethin'. You aren't the same!"
"What the hell would you know?"
"I know enough to say that you are indeed my friend, and you have been since last summer."
"So?!"
"So I know you aren't acting like normal."
"What the hell! How would you know what's normal?"
"ZAC! I know!"
"Oh please...."
"Fine Zac, think what you want. You're not the same. You don't think the same. You've been mean and stuck up lately. I hope all this isn't getting to your head."
Wrong.
Zac walked home.
After his best friend left, there had really been no choice, mercy had already taken her car, and Dorin and Jeremy would not come for a while. He didn't feel like staying for much longer.
Bundling up in his sweatshirt and light jacket, Zac stepped from the studio building and stood in the cold.
The snow had seemed to push down further, harder. It bit into his face now.
Their house wasn't far from the studio, so Zac didn't bother to call anyone.
Stepping through the now layering snow, he started home. His hair growing with the white flakes and clinging to his eyelashes.
"Oh GEE! Do you two know what the hell a BEDROOM is for!"
Zac threw up his arms, walking past his sister, storming to his room.
"What's his problem?"
"Good question."
She watched her brother momentarily, then turning back to taylor.
He started up, looking as though he was going after Zac."
"Hello buddie boy! Hello! Other things we were doing first!"
Dorin mimicked taylor in placing his finger to his lips.
Mercy was quietly sleeping, her head in taylor's lap, taylor quietly reading some book.
"Where's Zac?"
"Upstairs, you might want to go talk to him."
Dorin heard about the whole ordeal when he arrived at the studio to find...no one.
Zac had yelled at mercy, who had stormed out, and he had then been yelled at by his best friend, the hanson, who had then walked out, then, zac too.
Walking up the padded stairs, and looking at the pictures on the walls.
He paused.
The pictures on the wall in the stair well were special. They were all from photo shoots, but ones of covers of magazines, ones for television shows, ones that people but special edition tv guides for, all of them hung there, on the wall.
He sighed.
They looked like a family. Looked like brothers and sisters would, at least in public.
Dorin actually thought about how good they had it.
No one was getting drugged up, no one was in trouble, they were fairly well off. No problems.
How could he possibly say that they had problems?
He couldn't.
What now he thought.
"Zac? You awake?"
Zac shut his eyes tighter, at this moment, he didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not Dorin.
"Zac, you up?"
Go away please just walk out of the room.
Dorin walked to the bed, sitting down as softly as he could.
"If your awake, then your going to hear this, and if you aren't, then you aren't. I'm telling you all this in confidence though."
Zac listened more intently.
"I see, from everything that's happened to us, how much we've improved our lives, some people think that everything we do, everything we say is a lie, like we don't know what our lives were like. That's not a problem to me you know. I don't have a problem with that.
People don't understand us and they only see the things they want to see. Since the begining of this year, I thought there was no hope for us. You were like, impossible to deal with, you made me so mad sometimes. Mey, well hell, she's older now. It makes me laugh when I see her
and taylor. Who'da thought right? Jeremy, I think he's headed for a rough road zac, and I'm worried about him. Then it comes back to you. We spent all that time on you, and you thought we didn't care. Do you remember that? You thought that we didn't care one ounce about you, and nothing we
did involved you. It did though. And over these few months I was really happy, proud you could say that you were actually opening up, instead of being all to yourself."
Dorin paused.
"What happened today? Mercy said you just sort of ignored anything and everything that was going on. Zac said the same thing. Are you just not caring anymore? I would hate to see you go back to something that non of us like. And I see it. I don't think Mercy or Zac sees it. I don't think anyone really understands
you that well. I could understand if all the wheels in your head kept turning and turning and never stopped. You can't be that confused about life can you? You just don't seem like you could be. I think I'm the only person right now that is going to care about your mood changes. Zac doesn't understand everything else Zac, he only knows what he
sees. Not what he could have seen."
Dorin stood from the bed.
Walking to the door he sighed.
"I hope you don't go back to the way you used to be. I won't be mad, because that's just the way you are, but I would appreciate you taking into consideration the fact that I like the new you too."
The door closed behind him.
For crying out loud! It's not like I'm like I was before! I talk! I converse with people! He has no right!!
Zac sat up, thinking about what his brother had said.
Dorin worked hard for this family. Worked for everything they had. It wasn't just his life though! It was Zac's too. It had to do with
Zac, and whoever liked or didn't like it, he was a big part of it.
"I'll act the way I feel damnit."
Zac stared at the door.
Who was Dorin to tell him what he could and couldn't do now? He had his own life, and
he was going to live it.
Yes he would.
"That doesn't sound right."
Depressing bullshit. That's all it was. This was life. He could deal. No problem.
Zac stepped into the door.
"Sssshhh!"
The door to Zac's room opened quietly.
