...You find yourself tilting your head when you smile.
...Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill.
...When laughing, you find yourself saying "LOL" outloud.
...You get more e-mail than snail mail.
...When introducing yourself to anyone, you use your screen name.
...You are no longer afraid of a mouse.
...You're awake for a lot of sunrises.
...You are a male and see a female in the "real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.
...You are a female and see a male in the "real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he would IM you.
...You don't understand the humor in the above-mentioned item, since the "real" world is not at your fingertips.
...When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they would be on AOL so you wouldn't have to meet them in person.
...You go up to people you are attracted to and ask for their GIF. ...Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people that are hitting on your cyber-love.
...You don't even know what your cyber-love looks like.
...The only way that your child can get your attention is by:
a) Standing in front of your screen
b) IM'ing you
c) telling you that Steve Case is calling you on the phone
...When your spouse is mad at you, they threaten to erase your e-mail, and you humbly, earnestly, and quickly beg for forgiveness.
...When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the letter "i" should be capitalized.
...When going on a job interview and asked if you have any questions about the company, your first response is to ask if they are on AOL.
...When looking at signs, you wonder why they're always yelling at you.
...When leaving to go to the bathroom, you find yourself saying, "BRB."
...When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have none, you ask for an age\sex\location check.
...Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.
...You dream in text.
...Tech support calls YOU for help!
...You watch TV with the sound off and the close-captioning on.
...You double-click your remote.
...You beg your friends to go online so you can "hang out".
...You've gotten on a plane to meet someone face to face
...You've met over a 100 AOLers.
...You have over 100 people on your buddy list.
...You sign on and immediately get ten IMs from people that have you on their buddy lists.
...You meet people face to face, and you don't know their real names.
...You've known people for years, and you don't know their real names.
...You've typed, "Drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone."
...You have a vanity tag with your screenname on it.
...You no longer use capital letter, proper punctuation, or complete sentences.
...You type over 70 WPM.
...You type faster than you think
...Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
...When someone asks, "What did you say?" You respond, "Scroll up!"
...You have an identity crisis when someone uses a screenname similar to yours.
...You change screennames so much that you have to check your profile to figure out who you are.
...You've invited ten or more strangers to your house only because they were cool online.
...You have a second line just for your computer.
...You type messages to people while speaking with them on the phone at the same time.
...You smile sideways.
...You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone before signing off.
...You bring a bag lunch to your computer.
...You go through AOL withdrawal during dinner.
...You wake up and your first instinct is to go online before having a cup of coffee.
...You use AOL lingo in your "real" life (if you still have one)
...You stop using whole words like BRB, TTYL, dunno, gotta, etc...
...You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL and are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of his/her office.
...When you die, you want your computer buried with you -- or vice versa.
...Being called a "Newbie" is a MAJOR insult.
...There's absolutely no interesting chat in any room and you are really bored -- yet you don't want to leave in case you miss something.
...You *enjoy* being called an AOL addict.
...You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed them yourself.
july 19- some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. i dont see why. hes just trying to cheat me. how dumb does he think i am?
july 20- i bought the modem. i couldnt figure out where it goes. it wouldnt fit in the moniter or the printer. im confused.
july 21- i finally got the modem in and hooked up. that three year old next door did it for me.
july 22- that three year old kid next door hooked me up to america online for me. hes so smart.
july 23- whats the internet? i thought i was on america online, not this internet thingy. im confused.
july 24- the three year old kid next door showed me how to use this america online stuff. he must be a genius, at least compared to me.
july 25- i tried to use chat today. i tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. maybe i need to buy a microphone.
july 26- i found this thingy called usenet. i got out of it because im connected to america online, not usenet. i went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. he says that since i connected to america online, my brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size. july 27- these people in this usenet thingy keep using capital letters. how do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
july 28- i found this thingy called the usenet oracle. it says that it can answer any questions i ask it. i asked it 44 seperate questions about the internet. i hope it responds soon.
july 29- i found a group called rec.humor. i decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. to get to the other side! ha ha! i wasn't sure if i posted it right so i posted it 56 more times.
july 30- i keep hearing about the world wide web. i didnt know spiders grew that large.
july 31- the oracle responded to my questions today. geez, it was rude. i was so angry that i posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. i wasn't sure if it posted right so i posted it 22 more times.
august 1- someone told me to read the faq. geez, they didn't have to use profanity.
august 2- i just read this post called make money fast. im so exited,im going to make lots of money. i followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup i could find.
august 3- i just made my signature file. its only 6 pages long, so i will have to work on it some more.
august 4- i just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. i read a few posts and i really believe that aol should be wiped off the face ofthe earth. i wonder what an "aol" is, however.
august 5- i was asking where to find some information about something.some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. ive looked and looked, but i cant find that group.
august 6- some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. i told him i don't have an account at his bank. hes so dumb.
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