Jokes about Religion
A walk in the Woods
As an atheist walked through the forest, he smiled at the beauty that
was all around him and said, "What natural wonders the powers of
evolution have created."
Just then he heard a rustling near the river. He went to investigate and
a 7-foot-tall grizzly bear was tearing down the path towards him. The
man took off like a shot, and when he got up the courage to look back, he
saw
the bear was catching up fast.
He tried with all his strength to pick up the pace, but he tripped and
crashed to the ground. As he tried to get up, the bear jumped on his
chest and picked up one paw to whack him. The atheist screamed, "Oh my
God!!!" Time stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the
river
stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice boomed from
the
heavens, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I
don't
exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of
me
to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could
you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran again, and the sounds of the forest
resumed. And then the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws
together, bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful"
Church
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the
minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling
asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing.
What should I do?" "I
have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin
with you. I will be able
to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific
times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in
the leg."In church the
following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his
plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?" he said,
nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!",
Mr. Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the
leg with the hat pin. "Yes, you are right, Mr.
Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Mr.Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister
noticed. "Who is your
redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning
towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!"
Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the
hatpin. "Right, again,"
said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.Jones
again winked off. However,
this time the minister did not notice that as he
picked up the tempo of his
sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones
mistook as signals to bayonet
her husband with the hatpin again. The minister
asked, "And what did Eve say
to Adam after she bore him his 99th son? Mrs. Jones
poked her husband, who yelled,
"You stick that d*mned thing in me one more
time and I'll break it
in half and shove it up your a**!" "Amen!" replied
the congregation.
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