# 19 "Bad Advice" If you want some advice then listen to me kids. First, put down those books, life is way too short to study, and you don't need to know anything to be able to party. Go down to yourlocal liquor store and wait for some cool person to buy for you, and maybe they'll know of some cool party. Check with the guys milling around down by the tracks, they usually know where the fun is. School night, who cares? What are you gonna do, your homework you little dweeby nerd. So what if our national test scores are among the lowest of the industrialized nations. Get out there and party. Find a member of the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter and enjoy sexual intercourse with them, if you want to have vigorous anal sex with a complete stranger I think you should go ahead and do it. Teen sex is some of the best sex you'll ever have. Indulge, my friends, and remember safe sex is boring sex. Besides, you fellas will come twice as fast without one of those things on, and you do realize that the chicks get really insulted if you take too long to come. Don't be prudes, enjoy your teenage years and don't listen to your parents. They don't know anything. They can'tunderstand you or your generation. Just sneak out of the house, steal their car and score some drugs, and once you're high go get lay'd. You all must smoke more pot. For some reason people are of the opinion that pot is uncool. That it leads to the hard stuff and that only unmotivated, lazy bastards smokepot. That people who smoke it actually become stupid. That's crazy, I've heard some pretty profound theories about outer space and a utopian hemp world from pot smokers that sounded okay to me. This whole driving under the influence thing is ridiculous. Everyone on the road is driving while under the influence of something. For instance, if a drag queen is driving down the highway, is a cop going to pull him over for driving under the influence of Judy Garland? I think not. Party on america, you have a reputation to uphold. And if you're graduating this year, don't be sad, especially if you're going to college. This is where your parents actually give you money to party with. You get a room with a couple of friends,all of whom are there to get wasted, listen to a couple of albums, get lay'd or jerk off when nobody's looking. Besides, you get that monthly check from mom and dad, get out the yellow pages,find the local beer distributor, and order the kegs. Yourdrunkiness is virtually sanctioned at this point in your life. You'll find super cool people in college who do nothing but sell drugs right down the hall from you in your dorm. It's fantastic! The best part about college, is that sex time is all the time. This date rape thing is so overblown it's ridiculous, no college administration takes those allegations seriously anymore. It's a well known feminist lesbian conspiracy, lesbians want all the hot chicks for themselves leaving all the dogs for you guys out there. Fu*k that shi*t, if they don't want to give it up, it's your right to take it. Go git it Tiger! your friend sean
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