#24 "Jewel" Thanks to all of you Spin readers who sent in your ballots to vote me either in or out for the upcoming twelve months. You overwhelmingly voted me out. Unfortunately for you though, the response to the column was the most mail spin ever gotso by sheer volume alone, I'm proud to say that Spin has decided to re-sign me for another year. Better luck next time suckers. So now that I'll be around unti May of 1999, I think I should stop whining about my job here and start entertaining you. I would like to write about Jewel, but all I really have to say about her is that I'm terrifically frustrated that I can't find naked pictures of her on the internet. Gerri Spice is a different story. It's dfficult to not find pictures of her naked on the internet and she delivers the goods with a spectacular pair of breasts. Well done Gerri Spice. America's new female rock superstars are way too prudish about getting naked in front of the camera. It's not like they will lose integrity by getting naked, not in my opinion anyway. How can I make this perfectly clear to you women of rock, you become pop goddesses when you show yourselves naked. Both Madonna and Courtney Love have done it and they are household names across this great land- if not for you then do it for us beleagured losers out here, we have very little else to live for I assure you. The anonymous women of porn magazines just don't cut it. Howerver, to see Alanis, Fiona or the coveted Jewel naked would be like seeing the girl next door naked. You can't just accuse me of being a pig because all female rockstars have made videos or posed for promotional photos in which they are portrayed in the most sexual manner. Don't tell me it was innocent, you knew what you were doing. So now that you have our attention, I think I can speak for the non-soft males of America and say, Let's see it. Come on, sex sells and we're buying. All I'm asking is to sell us what we "Really really want". The spice girls do and that's why we tolerate their horrible music. We are tolerating your horrible music with the hope that one day you'll deliver the damn goods. Do you actually think Save your Soul would have been such a huge hit if Jewel didn't look like Jewel? Hell no! I watch Jewel's snagle-tooth smile,her sweet eyes and ample busom. I stare at her past my engorged truncheon in the bed during the middle of the night on MTV and think to myself: man-o-live, I'd like to, oh baby if I could just get my, oh Jesus! Jesus H. Christ!!! Sadly, the only way I'll ever have her is if I write to her in Spin so here I am doing it. Why I portray myself as a pig obsessed with Jewel is a mystery even to me because I am not in the least. I want to be saved america, Jewel, anybody help me. Somebody save my soul. Hmmm save your soul mmmm... that jewel is hot! Man I'dlike to... your friend sean
Genius Lessons
Main Page
All About Me
Poems
Music
Email: nikihaswings@hotmail.com