Dough Times Newsletter

Dough Times Newspaper

week of 4-2 to 4-8 1999

Doughboy Assaults Baker

April 1, 1999

On April 1, 1999, a radio message went to sergeant Ima Great and her partner John Doe that reported an assault and robbery by a strange white Italian boy at the "Rolls, rolls, and more rolls" bakery shop. When police arrived at the crime scene, the assailant was still armed and dangerous.

The motive:The so called "Poppin' Fresh" was part of a gang called the dough boys and turned into an violent criminal. He has a history of assault and battery after he was poked by everyone. He then quit his job at Pillsbury and decided to have revenge against all the people who had tortured him all nis life.

The police told him to drop his machine gun, but instead he cursed and stuck up his middle finger(I didn't know he had one) and started firing his machine gun randomly and violently. The police opened fire but the bullets went straight through him, he looked like swiss cheez. He then giggled and conformed back to his original state. Then a daring officer snuck up behind him and pushed P-Fresh into the oven that was behind him. The officer turned the oven up to 500 degrees. Poppin' Fresh started to scream and puff up. After he wuz dead, the police took him out of the oven. He had swelled up twice his original size. The police put him onto one of those trays and carried him into the ambulance. After all that commotion, the horrible reign of Poppin' Fresh was finnaly over. Seargent Ima great commented, "he was one tough cookie but we still took him out. Unfortunately, Poppin' Fresh couldn't be reached for comment.


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