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ANOTHER WAY TO MAKE MORE VISITORS COME TO YOUR SITE
The most popular item they sell are shrunken heads that resemble Bill Clinton or Ross Perot. These are handmade by Bazar Mauhatti out of ivory or plastic. Your choice. They come in two different sizes. Small is hand sized, and costs $5 in plastic and $45 dollars in ivory. Large is about the size of a child's head, and costs $15 in plastic and $100 in ivory. These are often praised for their accuracy, and make a wonderful decoration.
Another less popular item that they sell is Finger Straightener. This improves your finger's strength and posture. It comes in different materials that cost different amounts depending on the strength and worth. It should be taken off while writing, typing, playing a musical instrument that requires the fingers, or eating. It should improve all of those operation after you have used it for a while. Bazar Mauhatti will create one right before your eyes. All you have to do is tell him the material you want, and let him take some brief measurements of your finger. Aluminum costs $2.50, zinc costs $3, iron costs $4.50, brass costs $5, steel costs $6.50, bronze costs $7, silver costs $10, gold costs $3 per carat, platinum costs $30 and titanium costs $50. To get Finger Straightener2000 pay 25% extra. This improves all finger required operations 10% more than plain old Finger Straightener, and it also reduces the risk of tetnis by 10%, loss of circulation by 50%, and it can be worn while doing the operations that Finger Straightener can't be worn during. It is more flexible and therefore more comfortable. A month after buying a woman told us that she liked Finger Straightener2000 so much that she would help Bazar and Muhammed make a commercial for it! They took a camera and shot her saying, "After only one month of Finger Straightener2000 usage my finger's posture and strength increased dramatically, and my handwriting, which was never boastable by any means, is now admirable! Thank you Finger Straightener2000!" We are working on a Finger Straightener3000, and will post the outcome of that once Bazar Mauhatti makes it. To add accesories (an extra paper clip that makes it look more high-tech)pay half again the price of the original Finger Straightener2000. Accessories aren't available for boring old Finger Straighteners.
One of Bazar Mauhatti's most profitable inventions is for taxi drivers only. It is an annual contest in the NYC taxi department to see which taxi driver can increase the meter the most. In Bazar's last 12 years of transporting oddball New Yorkers from point A to point B, he has sweeped the contest every single year. No exceptions. He attributes his success to his unpatented (for obvious reasons)Speedymeter. It has 10 settings. Its key is: base meter X setting = price shown on meter. This is a finger sized tool to be attached to the meter. Its ridiculously low price is $50.
In Bazar Mauhatti's spare time, he will either work on this website, play pokemon, or make nerve gas. To buy this nerve gas, go to their place in Times Square, and say "That chipmunk has a lot of nerves!" and he will show you the merchandise. The price is $500 per package. The size of that package is enough to dose a small apartment effectively.
Muhammed Achmed Ali didn't want to pierce his ear, but he wanted an earing. What he did was take what looked like an earing off of a cheap compass, and clipped it on to his ear. He started collecting them, and now he wants to sell them. They are only $5 per earing. Note: Bazar Mauhatti and Muhammed Achmed Ali aren't responsible for any damage done to the ear because of these rusty fake earings.
Muhammed Achmed Ali smuggled 1,000 illegal laser pointers from Germany 3 years ago, and now wants to piss them away. They are only $30 dollars each and come in different styles such as Super Retina Burning, different colors such as Tie Dye, and different designs like Swiss Cheese or Heimlich Maneuver.
Muhammed learned to shoot with BB guns. He shot at Iraqis that didn't like Saddam Hussein. He wants you to have the same experience he did, and sell you a BB gun for $45 dollars each. He will sell a condom full of extra BB's for $1 each. NOTE: THESE ARE NOT USED CONDOMS!!!
Muhammed collected rare Beanie Babies at one time, but decided that they costed too much. His solution was to buy fake Beanie Babies for half the price. They look new and do not look fake at all. They look 100% authentic. Now he wants to sell them for $2.99 each. Don't get the wrong idea about Muhammed, he has now gotten beyond Beanie Babies. For Pete's sake he's a marine!!!
Bobbin has an extreme distaste for Celine Dion, and makes recordings all to put a spoof on her. He has his very own CD entitled SHUT UP!!! for its appropriate reasons. On it he made a spoof of every single Celine Dion song to be popular, (not that any should've) and sung them in the worst voice possible. This sells for $11.99 and can only be purchased at Bazar Mauhatti and Muhammed Achmed Ali's store because the record companies didn't appreciate it.
Another thing to put on your finger is called an Eddie. In a science class many years ago Bazar Mauhatti was stripping wires. He stripped the wire all the way, curled it up into a ball, put it on his finger, and called it Eddie. Eddie has spells that you can activate by saying "daaaaaaah" or "Dawumba" and Eddie is also a good friend. He can help you through depression for only $19.95, no interest and no payments til the year 2000.
We like to sell People Named Bob. We manufacture people named Bob at our sweatshop on 79th and Broadway. We steal the heads from a Columbian black market, the necks from Ethiopia, the feet from Australia, the legs from Georgia, the bodies from Pakistan, and the hands from The Netherlands. People Named Bob are very stupid and feminine and therefore are not a threat to your intelligence or mascuilinity. They are a perfect friend, perhaps even better than Eddies. They cost $11,999.99 plus tax.
Bazar Mauhatti sells Air Fresheners. He collected them when he drove the taxi, and won awards for Sweetest Smelling Cab. He has every single flavor you can think of, because after he collected all of the existing flavors he made his own. He has more than 2,000 different flavors. You can buy one of these for $2.50. If you are a taxi driver and don't have one, get one immediately. It is something every taxi driver must have. It is perhaps even more important to being a true taxi driver than the Speedymeter.
In order to make his own Air Fresheners, Bazar Mauhatti had to hack into the company's computers and steal the secret formula. Then he went to the only place where it was available, which is Fiji. He mined a ton of it, and brought it back with him to America. Only the scent of the "formula" must be extracted, and he did so. But then he saw that the formula was useless, so he decided to do something with it. He kept some of the scent un-extracted, and started bottling the formula. He sniffed it, and liked it. He administered it directly beneath his nose, and didn't like it. It stung horribly. He got angry at it, and threw it behind his cabinet. Now, 15 years later, he found it while cleaning, and wants to sell it at $1.50 per package. It is like an Air Freshener but for personal use, and not to be touched to skin.
Next in the line of Finger Straighteners, there are Strength Enhancer2000s. These are made out of duct tape and are meant to be put around your knuckles. These help take the pain off of your knuckles when you hit people, and so it is a very useful invention to Muhammed. They do not actually enhance your strength, but when we first made them we thought they did and the name stuck. You can buy one for $4.50.
To make yourself look intimidating, we have an invention for you. It is called the Torture Band. It was not invented by Muhammed Ali... it was invented by Christopher Farot, an American ex-con working for the Iraqis and personal friend of Muhammed's. They are not friends anymore, however, because Muhammed ruthlessly stole the patent. Torture Bands are really a band of tape with pushpins stuck into it, and if you are a tetnis fearing human being, you will wear them carefully. They make you look very scary, though, and only cost $5.
Say you are in a dark alley and somebody attacks you. Well, an average person would be screwed. But a person who has been training with Hit Accuracy Detector553 will wipe the floor with them. This is how it works: You put on a blindfold, and hang HIt Accuracy Detector553 on the wall. Turn on a buzzer, and put on the Aluminum Fist553 that isn't sold seperately, unlike the other mediocre products on this market. YOu take a swing at the Hit Accuracy Detector. If you hit in a pressure point, a green light turns on. If you hit the body a white light appears. If you miss the buzzer stays on. The buzzer is a Celine Dion record, so you will be hitting those pressure points in no time flat. NOTE: Batteries not included.